Friends And Family @ MindSay

After, I told them about rematch, I got a weekend off. I and my friends went to King's dominion for get some more rest and feel freshy!!hehehe. I was still worried about my situations. Anyway, I got a chance to rode all kind of rides, those of rides were so cool. I was screaming and releasing and forgot the same damn things at house for a couple days.

There are 3 families who called me. We talked. I would like to get a new family near DC or the old house. I dont want to move. Anyway, God let me knew the family in CA. They are nice and they liked me since we talked for twice times. I didnt give them an answer yet vbcoz I had to make sure about the people who Im gonna live with shouldnt be like that family.So, I took a week for my decisions. I prayed and went to the church to study Bible. And God gave me an answer.

Whew...what a year.

I sit here thinking, "Where in lords name do I start?". I know, you guys are saying "Well duh! At the beginning of the year? Well, sure, yeah that would work but it doesn't quite encompass all of my year. Entirely I would probably have to go back to last summer when I started talking to Aaron over the internet, found out I was screwed in going back to school, all of the fighting I did with my father, and my sever depression over myself and losing Colin. But things worked out at least briefly for that semester. I managed to get back into the dorms in Vegas, I renewed a friendship I thought I had messed up with D, met probably one of my best roommates ever, and came to a shitload of revelations. But we'll fast forward slightly...

So last December, I laid in a stupor. Not only had I had a crappy year so far, things definitely weren't looking up. I found out in some incredible feat of a failure, I had failed everything except for one class. That went over fantastically with my family...*eyeroll*. On top of that, the depression, suicidal thoughts, and drinking problem I had developed and went to seek help for, I was no longer able to get that help. Getting kicked out of school kind of does that. So when 2006 rolled around, I was almost about as low as I could get. Well except for Aaron. I had been fighting/not talking to a lot of my friends at the time and he was one of the few people who kept me even slightly happy.

January was rung in with my mother and a fight with Colin. Soon I made plans with Cristyn and Troy for them to take me in, and for me to fly back the first day of school to get my stuff and leave. Leaving was hard. Not only was it taxing but I had to leave Vegas, a place I had come to view as home. All of my friends there...I still miss them...I still wish I could have stayed. But my things were packed and I couldn't wiggle my way out of it. Cristyn and Troy took me and my stuff all the way back up to Washoe and there...I went into another depression with very few plans to look forward to. But being with Cristyn was great and I still missing living with her. She was always someone I could talk to.

All of this time, I was still with Aaron and I really believed I found something good. Someone good. And with February, brought his family tragity. I cried when I heard the pain in Aaron's voice when he told me his father passed. I had met his father once, but he's seriously a man you could never forget. You could see he loved his children and he was one of the smartest men I've ever met. And that was only after spending a week with him and Aaron. I can't imagine what everyone went through for those who knew him. But I'm glad I got to meet him. So mid-February, I picked up my things yet again and moved to Indiana.

I liked Indiana. I was happy there mostly. Sure I didn't know a lot of people, but I got a job as a waitress and even though my boss sucked (He shorted me by like 200 dollars in the end!), I liked the job and met some cool people. Aaron's friends were awesome, going to Rocky Horror every second Saturday, and just being in Georgetown was very interesting to me. I felt at home there, and I've never really been able to feel that anywhere. Not even in my own home. There were pets, family, little nieces, friends, and a boyfriend there. For awhile, I thought I found everything I had needed there. A future even...

But alas, things do not always work out the way we would like them to. Sometimes, things are just out of our hands. I ended up leaving Aaron because even though my life there was pretty nice, Aaron and I weren't exactly. I was looking for a closeness that just wasn't there. Everyone could see it. The night before I was supposed to fly out, I didn't sleep. I cried mostly. And when the sun rose, I gathered my things and I left the future I had behind.

Back in Washoe with Cristyn and Troy, I fell back into a depression. I blamed Colin for everything (Cause, hello! He's the root of all my problems! *sarcasm*), I felt all sorts of horrible for the things that happened in Indiana, and just general hopelessness. From then on, life did a weird wave thing. I hated men, relationships in general, I hated sex...in fact it scared me for a bit. Everything, I hated. Cristyn gave me comfort but most of my healing I had to do on my own.

So in June I started school. Things between troy and I were already getting rocky as I could tell he didn't like me living there. But he and I made an agreement. I would do good and get through the summer semester. And I did just that. Somewhere in the time frame, I met Crystal's ex though they were on and off again. And despite my man hating ways, I still found myself having a crush on this guy. And even though we tried to be just friends...it didn't seem like life wanted it that way. So my summer session ended and I got good grades, I soon learned that Troy wanted me out and I had to find another place to live. Now, I was getting really sick of moving by this time. But here I was, looking at a studio for me a Moose (whom I love cause he's my big kitty of doom.)

I had a few offers, one of my best was to go live with Tim (which that idea was far better than where I ended up but Colin had to come back from therapy and just screw up all my plans *eyeroll*). But instead, I found a cheap studio and moved yet again while looking for a job and attending school. Oh yeah...you know where this one ended up! Failure again, boys and girls. Well at least where the school went. I ended up having to drop out come end of November because I just couldn't handle all of what was going and I wasn't passing anyhow. But I got a job after a month of searching and Brandon and I quickly started dating.

And after I dropped out, life was finally on the upswing. I had a boyfriend that was practically living with me, money was here there, and I had a roof over my head. Well compared to the last year, my 2006 ended well. After only three months of dating, Brandon and I moved in together (more convenient in so many ways...), I started working non-stop (that's the downside, not the money), and we got another cat, Nala. Christmas was spent with his family, something I was glad about since my own family sucks (Out of everyone in my mom's family, my millionaire aunt was the only one to get me a present. A calender.) But I got wonderful presents from my close family and from my friends. Over all, the last month of the year was the best out of it all.

And when 2006 struck to a close, I said farewell to it with a little bit of regret and a little bit of happiness.

May this one be better.

okay so what's been going on recently i've been listening to techno and r&b and i'm just trying to deal with life... one day at a time... yesterday i met up with tracy (my recruiter) she got me sick! lol but it's okay... i don't mind it that much... it's just a sore throat and a headache... lol but then again i've had this headache for a while now... i'm done with weed... i'm done with a few things that i didn't really want to be done with but whatever... meh it's not like paul and i would've really worked out in the end anyway... i'm sure he's happier without me in his life bugging him all of the time... so i haven't been straightening my hair... i kind of like it down now... lol with a new year comes a new me i guess... i guess it's by choice but then again it's also for the navy... well for my future i guess...what's 8 weeks and then 5 years? its my life right? i guess... but the people i want in it.. don't want me to go.... and tracy helped me realize i can't always do what makes people happy... and if i really wanted to be happy... i'd have to make that sacrafice.... and a few others.... until i'm truely happy... guys come and go... i've come to learn that... but in my family... we have the worst luck with love... lol what if i end up like my mom? two of her boyfriends died.... what if i end up like my grandma her husband cheated on her... they were married for twenty-five years... but the one person i really like right now... i guess he likes me too but iono about that really... he says he likes me ...

i would give anything to be happy right now... to have someone who'll always be there.. it doesn't have to be a boyfriend or whatever... it can just be a friend... and when i did have someone i took them for granted... and i'm sorry... and i know that i can't go back in time and change anything... but if i could i would... i don't regret anything from last year except for like going to the mental hospital... well no.. i can't even say that because i would've never met my friend eli... or anyone really...

well i am officially feeling like shit right now... with body aches and headaches and a bad hip... lol so i'm going to drink some orange juice and then take a shower to cool off, i can't really tell if i have a fever or if it's just my hands because they're cold but like you can tell if you have a fever or not... i hope dustin gets up soon because i really want to go sign up for 24 hour fitness... i need to get out of this house more... and that'll give me the perfect excuse to get out... and then i'll also start doing something i really want to do too... besides joining the navy that is... lol i know it's like impossible to lose more than like 10 pounds in like a month but i'm going to try... but then again muscle also weighs more than fat... so i'll have to be like careful... lol meh... who cares... i just have to remember to workout my core and not my legs or arms lol since that's where i really need to work that out... but then again i've never really had a flat stomach... i was born chubby... lol i'm just sick of it lol after 17 years... wouldn't you be too?

in approximately 20 hours i shall be boarding the plane, the pane that will fly me to Hamilton Island! im so excited!
ive done the packing! i hope i dont buy much, coz my suitcase is pretty full. Well if i do, i can steal room in Brooke's suitcase..lol. haha..well that is if she hasnt used the space already.
but seriously, im so excited! it is rather scary. it will be the furthest ive been away from home without any family around me. i went to melbourne last year, but i was accompanied by mum, my younger sister and family friends. mind you, back in 1997, i did fly to port macquarie with only my cousin who was only a couple of months older then me. but when we were to reach our destination we had family awaiting us. when we arrive at hamilton, there will be no family. that is the scary part! but my excitement overrides the fear - no complaints there.
but what i dont like most about going are the plane flights, but only when disturbing thoughts creep into my head, thoughts about how at any second something can go wrong and before we know it we could be plummeting towards the ocean! the turbulence makes it a whole lot worse, especially in a smaller plane; the domestic planes. you wouldnt be able to feel it as much if you were in a jumbo.
but overall, i like the plane flights. lol.

 

 

"please keep the reporters at bay. this is a matter of life and death, but i deal with things like this everyday. please keep the crowd under control. this is a matter of life and death, and we're not prepared. i just want you to know. please keep the crowd under control. this is the weight of my conscience. this is an all time low."