Freaked @ MindSay

I wrote my new and improved résumé.

I freaked out for the hundredth time about the job interview I have on Thursday.

I worried about how I'm going to pay rent this fortnight AND have enough money to survive another fortnight.

I wondered what my friends were doing.

I stressed about TAFE work.

I got excited about how cool it would be if I got this job.

I day dreamed about what it will be like when I got o my first Bartending competition.

I pondered the Meaning of Life and the basics of Metaphysics.

I wished I had a car and some more money.

I also wished I had something to eat.

I went onto Explorer Country.com to look for local knowledge about Orange and found nothing.

I freaked out some more about my increasing pile of TAFE work with due days looming.

I got freaked out again by the prospective job.

I stressed heaps about all little random things that I don't even remember.

Overall Mood:

Surprisingly Good. Feel a little down, a little tired, but I also feel rather contwent with what I've achieved today. As stressed and nervous and anxious and freaked out I am about all the things I've mentioned, I am also really really excited. Kinda scared though. And i think that's what been holding me back all this time. So really I should take my own advice and get rid of that fear. It's just a fear of people, a fear of judgement, a fear of the unknown, a fear of failure... A big fear actually. But I need o conquer in order to succeed. Clearly. So yeah.

Wish me luck!

I'm gunna bum around on the net for another hour before I go up and see my teacher and ask his opinion on my résumé. Woople.

Toodles Doodles!   (( sneh sneh sneh ))

Matty D.

I got my oldest a new ID ... typical for her to lose or damage it. But she's a kid & learning responsible for it. Then I had to get the mail from the PO box, & pick up my two youngest. Then take her to school. That's went it turned into an interesting day. I picked up my check, got different 2nd checking account (the bank we have I don't really care for) ... which freaked my husband, it wasn't intentional but once that was taken care of & he was a soothed (to put it nicely). I had to take our boys to eat while I got to text him why I did it ... bottom line, I am not leaving him! (He's nuts if he ever would think that.) After I explained it all, he seems a bit ok, I guess they were in the down time out there. 

Then I was able to get more pants for my middle boys. Then off to another store for new dressers (they tear them up). I don't know which they go throw quicker, pants or dressers! Shoes I can understand ... but this is getting a bit old & tiring ...

Getting the dressers is the bad part. I got them ... but ran into someone who claims to be "a great friend" of mine who just blew me off. I guess even after all this time there is still "ouch" when it happens! I just wanted to say just how can dare you ... instead, with my sons there I just turned & walked off. Basically biting my tongue ... I hate doing that.

I got the dressers, basketballs, the basketball hoop ... & off to Home Depo to get the sand to fill it! While putting the sand bags in the truck a man helped us. So even in days that start off good, turn a bit sour ... they still end pretty good. Seeing it was 240 lb of sand! (I have to have enough for their new basketball hoop & the punching bag they already had.)

I must say, it was actually nice to have the assistance of someone just because he thought we needed it.

5 Positive Things (Aside from my Kids & my Husband):

I got a bank account

Found the dressers I wanted

Controlled my temper

Found my holiday Socks

I got a good deal cleaned around my house

OMG! Eee gads, I just about flipped out of my skin not 12 min. ago! Okay, sry, so u want the story first. Shame on me for jumping ahead of myself.

So, I went running tonight, for the first time in, grrr, forever. At least a month and a half, and before that nil for another month and a half, maybe longer, because of a knee injury (long story). And by tonight, I mean like, I left my driveway at like, 11:03 pm. So anyway, by 11:16 I was already on my third trip around the block (I think it's a quarter of a mile long? A bit more maybe, but not quite half a mile altogether), and there's this nice straightaway for a couple hundred yards, but of course there are two bright street lights (my parents don't know I run at night and I'm trying my hardest to keep it that way, they'd be so pissed, so I don't want anyone seeing me) so it's quite possible it's the best and worst place to run, though it is great for sprints (my specialty. *beam*). And so I'm running, about to hit the straightaway, when I see this car drive down the road in front of me. My heart stops in my throat and I fall flat to the ground behind some bushes in the nearest neighbors yards, praying they don't see me. I know, silly right? But I freaked. Well, thank goodness they pass, turn into a drive a little further up the street, then park and go inside. So I start running again, a little shaken up but okay, and then all of the sudden these two huge dogs start barking and charge straight for the road. Still being in a bit of shock from the car incident, I was so surprised I think I literally stood still for like, 2 or 3 whole secs (which I know doesn't seem that long but when put in "threatening" situations the normal reaction time is closer to 3/4 of a sec), and then my fight-or-flight mechanism hit and my legs kicked into gear. I was 300 yards down the pathway before you could yell "RUN!", no joke. I plopped down in the back of a large pile of dirt on the side of the road once I was in total darkness and about succumbed to a strange panic. I waited there for about a minute or two, then composed myself as best I could and started heading back the way I'd come so I could go home. When I get closer to the house with the dogs, I slow down and stay in the dark, trying to be really quiet and hope they don't see me and start barking again. Well, I'm about 10 ft from being parallel with their mailbox and then I hear this voice say, "Come here!" My head whips over to the side and I realize the dogs' barking made their owner come back inside! There's nowhere to hide and I know she's probably already seen me, so I stare at my feet and put my best sprint into action until I'm facing my driveway again. I pray to God she didn't recognize me, or pay much attention to me. I was wearing a green shirt and orange shorts/shoes, so I don't know how she'd miss me, but God, if she figures out who I am and tells my parents... I'm dead. After climbing in my window (and it's NOT a window close to the ground either. It's about 6 1/2 ft high or so. I'm talking it's like a pull-up to get myself in there and I am 5'9". I used to not be able to climb back in at all, that used to be a huge problem [nah, duh?! lol]) and doing 100 sit-ups, and typing this, my breathing is still ragged, my chest feels like I'm having a heart attack, my skin is all sweaty yet cold and clammy, and my hands are shaking. How whacked is that? The only other times I remember being jerked into my flight-or-fight crap so suddenly was when my bro came charging at me with a knife in his hand and hate in his eyes, or when there's thunder (brontophobia - phobia of thunder). So yeah, that's my adventure for today. Any comments? byez

sorry i havent been writing much . but now i acutally have sumthing to write about!! i had a few great days , its always fun to hang out with friends!! but i guess sumthing that you do are kinda stupid and yet i dont regret stuff !! omfg i was walking around my home town today and these three drunk guyz (really ugly) pulled over and asked me and casey if we were looking to party , i was totally freaked out , they got outta the car and one had a bottle of wine , and the one was like you smell good thats how close he got to me it was so gross , i freaked out and they kept asking me and casey if we knew where to get weed and i was like no !! and finally the one guy said they had to go but then the other guy started pissin on the tree in the middle of montour , i freaked out and ran!! i was funny but scary !!  finally they left and casey and i started walking it was crazy ! they next thing ik , here they come again !! only one of the guyz gets out now , and ask us again and then tells us that they have 5000$$$ in the car! i was like w/e and he was like we are goin to ithca to get weed so we will come back !! i ended up calling the state troopers and reporting it so i am not as scared now!! on top of all this  i havent seen my man in like two or three days , it totally sucks!!! but i suppose time to sleep cuz im sick and tierd!!! so ill be back sumtime!!