Freak @ MindSay

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Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

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Blog #58

Writing Returned?

My appointment with Dianne was reasonable.

It was everything we spoke about that gave me some sort of inspiration for something I later did...

I spent the day with Ash and Shelly - as I do.

We ate in town - I never got any cress on my sandwich, they were all out.

Last night, I went to ASDA and spent £4.80 on four tins of golden syrup, a bottle of red food colouring, a bottle of blue food colouring and a 1.5kg bag of flour. Good value, it seems. 

With this, I made around 3 litres of fake blood. :)

In Photography, I took it along with me.

Paul put my photos up on the projection board, I stood on a tarpaulin and covered my hands in blood.

These were practice shots for my exam next week.

This was the wrong time to do it though - it was in the classroom, everyone kept turning around and giving me dodgy looks. I'm well aware of the fact I'm a freak, but I don't like to be reminded.

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I thought about my inspiration all the way home on the bus.

When I got home, I knew I had to write.

It took me about three hours to actually write anything - and a lot of tears.

I don't know if I like what I've done.

It's 4 pages long, size ten.

It's basically all of my thoughts, written in the form of a stream of conciousness.

It's called Regenbogen-Streifen - which translates to 'Rainbow Stripes'.

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It is within my bed where torment begins when I am unable to fight it.

A state of helplessness is rendered by my sleep – I cannot shake away invading thoughts that enter my brain during my state of almost-unconsciousness.

It is in my dreams where my desires are presented to me in full-colour – the entire regenbogen streifen unfolds before me. Accompanied by flavours, scents and sounds, it is the worst possible torment that haunts me forever afterwards.

It is here where I witness that which I long for so much.

I see the whitener displayed in front of me – all of her glorious skin on show.

In my dreams, I am not troubled by paranoia, I am not troubled by fears, I am not troubled by prejudice or critical ideas…

It is in my dreams where all occurs exactly as I would want it.

Whereas in reality, my attention is unwanted; the whitener accepts any and all that is given to her in this filthy fantasy. Chocolate that I indulge in frequently is held within her hands. She gratifies herself, pushing it slowly into her backside. Such a combination… Such temptation.

I lower myself to her delicate behind and slurp the sweet nectar that drips from her delicious anus.

I awake from my fantasy world and return to the place I detest more than life itself.

I'm now up to my 89th video on Youtube.

The title of this one is "Beautiful freak" and it comes off the album of the same name which was put out in 1996 by the band "The Eels". It's one of my all time favourite albums. At the time their music was cutting edge and I was a big fan of their lyrics. I've got my eye on covering another one of the songs off the album. The music is very much the same except I only used Piano, Bass, Cello and Strings. This is the result of my efforts:

Now the tenth installment of my father's story.

My dad part 10.

When I finally caught up with my dad, he was involved in a relationship with a lady called Sheila, who was the mother of two children called Sima and Kashif. She originally came from Tiger bay in Wales, although she certainly had asian roots. The two children absolutely adored my father. From my perspective it seemed like a strange relationship, but then maybe it was just me. There was some criticism of the relationship from family, but as far as I was concerned, if it made him happy then everything was ok. I have always believed that people have a right to live their life the way they want to, and make friends with people that they like themselves. Sheila and her children lived in a Town called Southall on the outskirts of london with their scatty dog Ruffles. For those who don't already know. The population in southall is mostly Asian. From being at the house many times, my father appeared a little bigoted, with negative comments about those from an Asian background. Yet he was romantically involved with an Asian. I can only think that the comments were drawn from the people he mixed with in the past, because he obviously wasn't a racist. He walked proudly with them among the streets of southall, as did I.

It is more likely that his disdain for the Asians in Southall was more to do with the walks he took with the family he lived with, because of several occasions that he told me about the insults and dirty looks he received from Asians whilst walking with Sheila and her children in town. That wasn't exclusive to him. I experienced a bit of that too, because I also walked with them. So if any racism existed in this vicious arena then it wasn't coming from my father's side. It was actually coming from the Asians who were horrified to see a white person walking with Asians as a family. How narrow minded. My father was human just like them. Only they were blessed with a good natural tan. :)

To be continued......

I've been a Myspace member for a few years now, and I've finally decided to start doing something with it. Giving it some link love :) So here's the URL if you want to add me:

Jeff Edwards Myspace page

Also I'm going to try and do something with my Facebook page. When I first joined up, it was a very quiet place. Not like now :) This is my Facebook page if you fancy adding me:

Jeff Edwards Facebook page

Now some more Youtube numbers.

There's been a healthy increase in my Subscribers to 1,061.

The total viewings for my Youtube channel stand at 24,867 and the overall viewing figures for all my videos are 442,298.

Coming up next. I'm not really sure. I've got that other Eels song in my mind at the moment, but I have a habit of changing my mind :)

This may in fact be the geekiest day of the year. Today is not only "Towel Day", in honor of the late Douglas Adams. Without whom the world would be infinitely less weird, and in fact make even less sense.

Today is also "Universal Day of the Jedi", celebrating the 30th anniversary of Star Wars. The saga that in many ways changed science fiction and moviemaking, giving birth to a whole new level of imagination and geekdom.

Appropriately enough,today we also celebrate "Dia del Orgullo Friki"- or, "Freak Pride Day." The manifesto translates as "Because there's a Father's Day, a Mother's Day, a Labour Day, a Women Worker's day, Gay Pride... we've begun a national campaign on behalf of freaks (for we are many) so that people take us seriously and don't define us as "big kids".

Because we have the right to queue up for hours to see a film. Because we can go to toy shops, and buy any Star Wars figure in El Corte Inglés or McFarlein Toys, because we don't want them to stare at us in the metro just because we're reading a Spider-Man comic book..."

So wrap your towel round your head to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal  (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you. Very stupid but very, very ravenous.)

Wave your lightsaber in the air as you pledge to fight the dark side.

Embrace your inner freaky geek.

And if all of this just leaves you a bit bewildered and confused- just hug a geek today.

Rassilon knows, They We need it.