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Enough, already....
I woke up this morning in ANOTHER blue mood.  I got up, took the dogs out, woke up the boys to get them going, had some tea, sent the boys off to school, and then crawled back into bed.  I was supposed to be getting ready for work, but it's the first week back to work and I have my own schedule the first week when I go to my various schools to set up times with my students, meet teachers, and find work space.  It was so much easier to just go to bed and pull the covers up over my head.  I had "Good Morning, America" on and I was kind of listening to it and dozing.  The sound of bells in the wind woke me up.  It was a segment about a young woman in Grand Rapids, MI (where I was born and raised) who has a disease that causes tumors to grow all over her body and that need to be removed.  One was growing on her brain stem and it needed to be removed.  The consequence was that she would lose all hearing....for life.  She had 30 days from the time of diagnosis to surgery.  Thirty days to hear everything on this earth that she loves so much...her mom, her dad, her siblings, her dog, the ocean, the wind, everything.  I cried through the entire segment.  In the end, it showed her and her entire family learning sign language and this young woman learning to live a new, and successful life, traveling the path that God had given her.  It was at that point that I realized I am so lucky.  Yeah, I lost my marriage and the person who has been the focal point of my life for so long.  But I have my health, my children are doing well and living lives that make them happy.  We have a home and food, lights, heat and air conditioning.  My parents are both alive and well, as are my sisters, and we are going to have a new addition soon to our family.  How can I keep on feeling sorry for myself?  If this young woman can lose an entire physical sense, persevere, and be successful; what gives me the right to wake up everyday feeling sorry for myself?  I don't have that right.  It's ok to be angry, it's ok to cry sometimes, but it's sure as hell not ok for me to keep on wallowing in self pity.  That's not who I am.  I don't want to be this person anymore.  It's ugly.  So, I am going to check out a divorce support group in our area.  I need to stop being alone in this.  I need to meet other people who know what I am going through, who can help me stay strong and become the person that I know that I am.  I want to have fun.  I want to be a mom that my kids can be proud of.  I want them to see that I can go through a very difficult time and come out on top.  I want to be the independent person that I used to be, before it was lost in trying to make others happy.  Hopefully, someday, I will find a person who loves me for who I am.  Someone who I can share my life with, who will respect me, honor me, and not lie to me or cheat.  If he's not out there, I'll be ok.  But I will not live another day wallowing in this damn self pity.  It's time to stop.
 
 
   
 

There has to be an up someday
Does this fucking crying ever stop?  I am so damn sick and tired of feeling like I have been punched in the gut.  I find myself in my room, in bed, with the covers pulled over my head.  I'm safe there and no one can hear me cry.  When my husband is here, he breaks my heart all over again just being in the same room.  How could someone I gave EVERYTHING to for almost 23 years, break my heart without a thought.  Sometimes, I wish I could just be a cold hearted bitch and write him off as a bad experience.  But he isn't, he is a man with some pretty significant issues of his own.  And I'm not a cold hearted bitch.  I am now realizing that I haven't been in love with him for a long time, but I will always care deeply.  In some ways, I am so ready to move forward, but am also scared to death about doing that.  I have had a very comfortable existance for many years.  I was safe and, I thought, loved.  I really don't know where to go from here.  If there was only a magic answer.  There isn't, but I can wish.  The best I can do is take each day as it comes and do my best for myself and my children.  It is time to go back to what I used to do during another very difficult time....I will look for at least one positive thing in my life everyday.  That will help me know that I am going forward.  I am not going to let the negative kick my ass.
 
 
 

   
."Whether or not it is located in Leviticus or Deuteronomy is irrelevant!"
.Thanks, Granfather. You're right. Muslims are trying to take over the world.

.That was a very informative email you sent me--warning me about the evil Muslims. You're so right! My ignoring their evil is just like the common German under the Nazi party or the common Russian under the communists. It's exactly the same.

.No, no, after this one email I've decided to put away all of my convictions and beliefs about religious rights, tolerance and acceptance and agree that Islam is obviously not a religion of Peace and the "fanatics" and "zealots" are in total control.

.And all of the muslims in North America must be in on it as well! Can you believe that? Right here under our American noses?

.I will choose to forward that email, Grandfather. I will do my best to make sure everyone in the world sees this email and "thinks about it."

.Finally, I can believe everything Fox News tells me.
 
 
   
 

."The oxen are a-feeding on the curds and whey."
.A family member in whom I hold a large amount of respect just sent me one of the most offensive forwarded emails I've ever seen. Maybe I'm so angry because I hate forwarded emails, but I think you'll agree that's not all of it when you see this:

 

American Suicide..................Very sobering
(and true â¤"  checked it out at:  http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/lamm..asp  
 
Wherever you stand, please take the time to read this; it ought to scare the beejeebers out of you!
 
We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado .. In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Last week there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington , DC , filled to capacity by many of America 's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, 'Mexifornia,' explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal was destroying the entire state of California . He said it would march across the country until it destroyed all vestiges of The American Dream.
 
Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and gave a stunning speech on how to destroy America
 
 The audience sat spellbound as he described eight methods for the destruction of the United States . He said, 'If you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America . It is not that hard to do. No nation in history has survived the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations rise and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great nations commit suicide.''
 
Here is how they do it,' Lamm said:
 
'First, to destroy America , turn America into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country. History shows that no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of two or more competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual. The historical scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way: 'The histories of bilingual and bicultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of turmoil, tension, and tragedy.' Canada , Belgium , Malaysia , and Lebanon all face crises of national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if not independence. Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons, Corsicans and Muslims.'
 
Lamm went on:
 
'Second, to destroy America , invent 'multiculturalism' and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an article of belief that all cultures are equal; that there are no cultural differences. Make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are due solely to prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other explanation is out of bounds
 
'Third, we could make the United States a 'Hispanic Quebec ' without much effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: 'The apparent success of our own multi-ethnic and multicultural experiment might have been achieved not by tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once dictated ethnocentriy and what it meant to be an American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism to hold us together.' Lamm said, 'I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own language and culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad bowl metaphor. It is important to ensure that we have various cultural subgroups living in America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing their similarities.'
 
'Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group the least educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated, undereducated, and antagonistic to our population. I would have this second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high school.'
 
'My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all minorities to think that their lack of success was the fault of the majority. I would start a grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority plation..'
 
'My sixth plan for America 's downfall would include dual citizenship, and promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over unity. I would stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people worldwide are mostly engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not killing each other. A diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical precet. People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together. Look at the ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they possessed a common language and literature; and they worshipped the same gods. All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy, Persia , threatened their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to overcome two factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that nurtured political divisions. Greece fell. 'E. Pluribus Unum' -- From many, one. In that historical reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the 'Unum,' we will ' Balkanize ' America as surely as Kosovo. '
 
'Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits. Make it taboo to talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and paralyzed thinking. Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate. Having made America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-cultum, having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I would next make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would develop a mantra: That because immigration has been good for America , it must always be good. I would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them.'
 
In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his brow.. Profound silence followed. Finally he said, 'Lastly, I would censor Victor Hanson Davis's book 'Mexifornia.' His book is dangerous. It exposes the plan to destroy America . If you feel America deserves to be destroyed, don't read that book.'
 
There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an ominous cloud above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that room knew that everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly, darkly, yet pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being suppressed. Over 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational system and national cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female genital mutilation are growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are vanishing into the Third World as corporations create a Third World in America Take note of California and other states. To date, ten million illegal aliens and growing fast. It is reminiscent of George Orwell's book '1984.' In that story, three slogans are engraved in the Ministry of Truth building: 'War is peace,' 'Freedom is slavery,' and 'Ignorance is strength.'
 
Governor Lamm walked back to his seat.. It dawned on everyone at the conference that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply in trouble and worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped within three years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy everything in its path, especially The American Dream.
 
If you care for and love our country as I do, take the time to pass this on just as I did for you.
 
NOTHING is going to happen if you don't!  


___________________________________________________________________

.What the fuck?

.Governor Lame, you are obviously not a very educated person or else you might know that all Americans got here through immigration. And that we're not the original Americans. Funny thing is, our ancestors certainly didn't have to go through the bitch-of-a-system today's immigrants are put through just become citizens. We stole the land from the people who were here first. So maybe Governor Lamm and other conservative fuckasses like him who obviously have never cracked a book should just shut the fuck up.

.On an unrelated note, I walked into the living room today and found the television on Fox News. The newscaster called the tribe they recently found in South America "indians." Haha. What a douchebag. NO ONE EVER CALLED THEM INDIANS, DUMBASS.
 
 
 

   
Holding On
Not all who wander are lost so they say,
But life's too short to wander this way.
I want to be with you, to hold you tight.
But I don't want a mess, the moment's not right.

I have a deep need to be with you there,
But I have to hold on, existing, right here.
I will see you most soon my journal doth show.
Enmeshed do I wander in Love's tight trow.

Dreams of that meeting are held warm in my head,
Dreams that are passioned and dressed with your tread.
I shall hold you and kiss you adored thru night,
But not in your bed can I swiftly alight.

My heart is promised if body is love-fired..
So be not too greedy where bodies be mired.
But when both ready, confess this love hath bloom,
Passionate will flesh stampede to Love's cocoon.



 
 
   
 

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Latest Comment
Re: Another funny blooper reel.... - bahahahhhah matt your soo adorable when you make bloopers ^_____^

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