KitsunenoTora

Doing: Working on the kiriban picture for Rayquaza Gal - I fail at graffitti
Drinking: Water
Craving: Something chocolate
Health: Catching a cold - I've had a headache all day, my throat hurts and my nose is starting to stuff up
Playing: Should've been playing TWEWY, but I've stopped for a couple days
Should have: Voted on the contest for The Village Square, but I forgot
Procrastinating doing: My homework
Wondering about: Dixie, if my glucose test came out okay

KitsunenoTora is feeling: Sick, lazy, bored


Ugh. I think I've caught a cold. Probably the same one Pat has had - I have all the same symptoms. Stupid guy, I'm hardly ever around him yet I catch his cold. Mom was complaining that she was getting sick, too. I've had a terrible headache ever since I got up too, and it's only gotten worse.

Just great. I start my new hours at work on Monday, from 9 am to 3 pm. I don't want to miss the money, but I don't want to go if I'm going to be miserable, and I don't want to get Mary sick. Plus I'm meeting with Andi to finally play some Kingdom Hearts, and I don't want to go and possibly spread it to other people. And I doubt I'll be very functional when it comes to figuring things out.

Shit, I just had to run to my room and grab my pills. I totally forgot to take them at 10:00, I was busy talking to Shadow, Raven and Taylor. >.>;; Oops. They're my new pills - my doctor decided that we need to forcibly start my periods, since I haven't been getting any. My body is apparently not producing enough estrogen, so that's the reason for my abnormally greasy complexion, dark hair, weird hair patterns, and me not having periods. Makes sense. I hope it works - if it doesn't, that means there is something seriously wrong with me. After taking these pills for a week (I'll be done on Wednesday), it can take anywhere from a couple days to another two weeks before my periods start. On the first day I'll go on birth control to regulate it and stuff. She decided to forcibly start them because the lack of estrogen is doing weird things to me, and it can cause cysts on my ovaries and premature osteoporosis. Do not want.

I'm kinda worried though. One of the symptoms for my condition (fuck if I can remember the term) is not being able to digest sugars properly. Basically, it means I could be pre-diabetic, which I'm already at risk for because of my weight. Plus, when my dad was my age they thought he might be hypoglycemic, which doesn't help any. I took the test on Thursday. The test was awful - I don't mind needles, but the last two times they had to draw blood it hurt. And it was annoying, because I spent half the day STARVING. DX

I suppose the kinda good thing about it is that recently my mom has been practically fawning over me- she hasn't bothered me about shit I don't want to talk about the past few days, nor bitched at me for sleeping in. She'll get over it and go back soon, which I'm not looking forward to.

Rofl, something interesting has happened in the past few days. Taylor has finally discovered the glory that is Yahoo Messenger and Instant Messaging. XDD I finally got her to download it so we could talk more reasonably - the forums are kinda slow. I like talking to her, she's very hyper so there's hardly any awkward silences, like there is when I talk to Dai or Silent Rice. I haven't talked to Silent in a LONG time though - I'd been avoiding being logged in and available because I didn't want Dixie to see me. I feel bad, but.. it's kinda awkward. I don't want to upset her - I kinda abandoned her back in October. There was a reason, and I do want to start talking to her again, but from what I've been secretly reading from her blog she seems to be doing a bit better with everything. I don't want to upset her. But I have her on WLM, so I figured there wasn't any harm in deleting her from my YM list so I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally coming online while she is. Anyway, there were a few bumps in the road because she was using an old type of messenger and couldn't join group chats, but we eventually fixed it. Now Shadow, Taylor and I all talk together. Raven joined us today, too. I like doing it, even if it dramatically reduces the posts in ALoP and it Died. We're still all on there - but it's hard to multitask. ^^; It's mostly Mima, Dai and Usagi who end up talking on there the most. But I think we might end up getting Mima on YM, so she might just end up joining us. It's going to be chaos. XD;;;

It's kinda funny. Ever since I've started coming back on YM, Silent has been talking to me a lot. I seem to attract people who want someone to listen to the crap that goes on in their lives - I've kinda been his far away confidant about the drama that has been going on in his life with his friends and crush. I don't mind a whole lot, because it's minor stuff that I saw a lot in high school, but I don't have much to go on advice-wise - I've always been kinda a hermit when it comes to relationships with other people. So while I've seen all of it... I don't know how to DEAL with it myself. So all I can do is just listen to what he has to say and tell him it will get better. Which pains me, because it's so useless. It's the same problem I went through with Dixie - all I could do was comfort her and say cliche philosophical things and try and make it seem like good advice. It pained me, because I didn't feel like I was doing anything.

I've been thinking about Dixie a lot. I think about her pretty much every day - I always have. But recently it's spiked. I miss her, despite the fact that all we ever talk about is depressing stuff. (Which, incidentally, is what drove me away in the first place - there was too much shit going on in October for me to be able to deal with my own emotional baggage AND hers. It wouldn't be good for either of us - I would just spiral down into depression and I wouldn't be helping her any. I would just end up agreeing with her.) I feel guilty though - I promised her that I would be with her, and help her get better. And I haven't been following through with that. Which I feel REALLY bad about. I've been feeling better now, and I want to talk to her again... but I'm afraid about how she will react. Will she reject me? And what will that do to her progress? I wonder if it's worth it, even though I want it so bad. I want to resolve what happened, and possibly be friends again. I miss her. But if it's going to hurt her for any length of time, then I'll stay away. I love her too much to make her hurt. (In a totally platonic/friendship way, mind you.)

It's been a week ago today that Jasper died. I still haven't seen his grave - which I kinda feel bad about. I'll go see it eventually, but I wonder how long it will take for me to actually follow through. Probably not until the weather becomes more favorable.

My mom wants to get a dog. We spent the majority of the day searching and searching online for animal shelters, so we can adopt one. Surprisingly, they're very hard to find. O.o The only shelter we found was the Detroit Humane Society, which is WAAAY too far away. The rest were just offices and branches that weren't actual shelters. We did end up finding two dogs online though - they're both German Shepard mixes, and really cute. Their names are Winnie and Miss Bear. I'm hoping we get Miss Bear - although we'll probably rename her. I hope we can find a way to get to them - all the site had was an email, which surprisingly I just got an email back from. I only emailed about asking for information about Winnie, but apparently the shelter hasn't gotten their hands on her yet. Oh well.

Sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I might be starting to crush on Raven again. I'm so stupid. Last summer during the time that we were doing the collab, I kinda developed a crush on Raven. But, the thing is, when he posted his picture on the doc so we could all see him like Taylor, Dixie and I were doing... to be quite honest I was repulsed. He's not very ugly, but.... I'm not in any way attracted to him. I like the look of Asians... but not his kind of asian. :/ To be quite honest, seeing that picture KILLED my crush last time. But... he's a really nice guy, and really sweet. And talking to him on YM and starting up another collab... I think I'm falling for him again. I love his personality, but just that isn't enough for me. There has to be some chemistry physically and while I've never met him, I can tell just by seeing his picture that there isn't much. It's not enough for me. But dammit, I know I'm falling for him again anyway.

Maybe I just need a cold shower in the way of looking at his picture again - if it's still up, anyway. I've been to the old picture doc a couple of times over the past few months, and a lot recently, but I haven't seen it. I should do that... but not now, having both Mindsay and the doc is SURE to crash my internet - that doc is just so massive that Firefox can't handle it, apparently.

It doesn't help that I've been talking to Taylor about romantic stuff recently. She hooked up with Shadow last month, and I've been thinking too much about my own failure of a romantic life. But I don't do internet relationships well, so... it could never work out anyway. Another blow to my defenses when it comes to him is the collab fic - his character is the main character, and mine seems to be becoming the leading supporting character. And Shadow and Taylor are fully behind making them a couple eventually, since our characters are going to be around each other the most. FireWaterModShipping, it's consuming me indefinitely. I'm... behind it. I WANT it to happen. I guess it's making the impossible happen in a way. It could never work out between us in reality - so I want it to happen in the fic. Bad. But he's against it, which hurt. A lot, surprisingly. I was crestfallen... I talked to him last night about it - he says he wants his character to remain single, or end up with Flannery, his character's main crush/obsession, and one of the main sources of minor comedy in the fic. Sigh. And I don't know if anyone else besides Shadow, Taylor and I are behind it, or even know of the pairing possibility. It was mostly spurred in the fic by an idea that Raven had come up with - where he meets with his mother and she demands that he get a girlfriend and get married and have grandchildren for her, etc. So he has to find a girl to at least pretend to be his girlfriend to satiate his mother and get her off his back about romantic things. My character was chosen by Shadow and Taylor, and nobody seems to be against it. Then there's the berries that suddenly make everybody interested in everybody romantically (aka the shipping seeds that apparently Alessandra is going to accidentally use in their meal), which was originally created for some Pinchshipping (Taylor/Shadow) and ended up including FireWaterModShipping by, of course, Taylor and Shadow's request. Then there's the dance idea...

Those two are definitely trying to hook us up. I know Taylor is doing it intentionally because she likes doing that kind of thing and knows about my past crush and my current developing one, but I don't know about Shadow. He likes to ship, and would be behind it anyway,  but I don't know and worry if Taylor has told him anything. I hope not, it's kinda embarrassing. I trust her, and she knows that, but I just don't know if their relationship changing has caused her to start talking to him about that kind of stuff. But I didn't blab about her crushing on Shadow before they hooked up, so I doubt she would on my part, but... I JUST DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, and it's going to eat me for forever. But I don't want to ask - I don't want her to think that I don't trust her when I do. Sigh. Why does love have to be such a pain in the ass.

...Reading back on what I've written previously in this entry, my headache is DEFINITELY affecting how I'm typing. Run ons galore. I should probably stop with this, even though there's more I want to talk about. This entry is getting rather long, anyway.

Goodnight, digital abyss.