Fishing @ MindSay 
pictures
Back in January we got a 2 month old puppy, Bella. She's an Australian shepherd/border collie mix with blue eyes. Weighed 6 pounds when we got her, now weighs 60+ pounds. She's still a big baby. :)
Justin went back to work at the university a month or so later, for the spring semester. During the summer, he had off work so we spent every day together.. all day. Overall, it was a good summer (I say was 'cause he's back to work now.. another thing I'm upset about. More on that later.) but there are some things I'm rather angry about.
First the good stuff. We went fishing A LOT. One day, caught 70 pounds worth of channel catfish. We gave those to Dave for his dad, who loves catfish. ...Eek. I only catch 'em. The only fish I'll eat is tuna. How weird. Anyway. Then, the first week of July, my mum flew Justin and I up to Massachusetts. We had a great week... went to Plum Island to fish and caught nothing but a sunburn. (o_0) Went to New Hampshire for Justin to experience tax-free shopping, Lawl. Showed him my old house in Ipswich, and went to pick strawberries at the orchard. We really didn't do a whole lot, it was mostly showing him where I grew up and junk. It sucks so bad 'cause I just miss home even more since we came back to Ohio... I hate it 'cause everything here is Justin's... I feel like I'm living in his life.. all I see when I look around the apartment is his stuff... his past... all the shit he shared with his cunt of an ex. Nothing here is mine except a box and a few bags of stuff I brought with me.. I don't feel like this is our stuff, our life.. It's his.
All the shit he brought from their old place.. the boxes still have HER name on them... what makes it worse.. he doesn't understand. "Technically it's ours" ...sorry baby, but.. shut up. Not at all. Not to mention that everything around here makes me think of his past shit... all the things he's done with other people. I have no memories from this state except the ones that I created by moving here. I don't think he understands how much of a fucking sacrifice I made to be with him. And he does NOTHING to make me feel better about it.. Example.. I have a really hard time trusting people... Justin included. and he's been giving me more and more reasons to not trust him.. For one, I found out that he has pictures of his ex (amongst other girls that aren't me) in his wallet... I call him on it.. he says it doesn't matter.. it's the past.. all that cliche shit. I tell him there's no fucking reason for it... if it doesn't matter, fuckin' get rid of them. He knows for a god damned fact that it upsets me and he does nothing about it. And also, I stumble across new profiles of his on various dating sites that he created 5 months after we started dating. ...I call him on that one too. He says bullshit about "I'm a guy" ...and that he was "curious" ......... Are you fucking kidding me!? How many guys do I know that wouldn't do that shit if they have a girlfriend that they truly love? If you're as happy as you say you are with me.. there is no fucking reason to be curious about what else is out there. Are you planning something in case we break up? A fucking back up slut? I asked him a thousand questions.. Am I missing something? Not tall enough? Blonde enough? skinny enough? Not slutty enough? Not a bitch? Don't look like a fucking transvestite? (All his so called favorites on the sites.. looked like fucking dudes. I said that, too. He replied: "Maybe to you!") Wow.
I didn't know he could be such an asshole. Either way, I made him feel like total and complete shit. But did he do anything about it? Take a guess. Nope. I'm wondering... where was I when he made these profiles? How honestly happy is he with me... does he love me as much as he claims? Does he deserve my trust? What the fuck else is he gonna do/has he done?
He's made so many promises to me.. and hasn't kept most them... Most of the shit he told me.. has proved false. He's not nearly as attentive and affectionate as he claimed. "I can't wait to cuddle with you every night.." <-- yeah, uh huh. Only after sex. For a very minimal time, actually.
I've been here almost a year, and he still hasn't helped me in finding a job.. and gets all "I'm sorry, I'm an asshole." make me feel guilty dramatic shit whenever I fucking say that.
Now, he's back to work... promised we'd go out Thursday and look for a job... then goes and tells his boss yes, I'll work Thursday when he was only scheduled yesterday and today. God, I'm so angry.
Well, needless to say, I've been very unhappy... every time I try to talk to him, it makes things worse, so I've been keeping everything to myself. And I will continue to do so until I explode in a fit of rage. Good times, right?
Who knows, every little thing is adding up fairly quickly now and I've been crying on and off since last night.. Maybe I'll force myself to get through the exploding tonight. I need to see change happen... I'm slowly getting more and more homesick because of his fucking shenanigans. I don't love him any less, I just don't trust him for shit. If I didn't love him as much as I do.. I've be calling my mum and telling her to get me home. But because I do.. I believe we're going to be together a long time... if not forever.. I feel like it's worth fixing. I need to tell him all of this (some of it again, some for the first time.) but either way, he needs to know exactly how I feel... and how strongly I feel it. 'cause if I simply tell him, it won't help.. he needs to feel what I feel.
Let me now get back to the good stuff, 'cause I'm feeling more determined, less pissed off. :)
For Dave's birthday, we made him a catfish cake since he loves catching them so much. It came out great! We actually make a double layer sheet cake, and carved the catfish out of that. Frosted it, covered it in fondant(sugar paste) and added the details; whiskers, tail, fins, lips. We even got the type of bobber he uses, and attached it to a circle hook, and attached the whole thing to the cake. The inspiration for this being one day when we were fishing, Dave's bobber disappeared and the next thing we saw was it "swimming" away. The fish pulled it through a fallen tree and it snapped the line. So, somewhere in the lake is a huge cat with a bobber attached to it. Heh, heh. Anyway, he LOVED the cake. Justin and I are going to open a bakery one day. Sooner than later hopefully.
Other stuff that happened this summer: ->I took a part-part time job taking care of a couple's animals on the weekends. They have two dogs and three cats. Justin comes with me and we bring Bella.. the dogs have a great time together and we have fun watching them do so. :D Good pay for two days, too. :) I still need a during the week job, though.
->Justin and I have decided that we're going to write/make a movie. Doing plenty of research and planning for that.
->Opening a bakery.
->Finding a new place in November.
->What I love about when Justin and I talk.. he talks about the future.. like the house he wants and he always says "we" like he secretly (:P) wants me to be in his life for that. That's how I know he is just a big dummy who doesn't quite realize what he's doing. I just need to really get it through his skull that it's not okay and he needs to give me more reason to trust him.. we'll make it work.
->Seen a bunch of movies
->enjoyed the weather
->Got bored of writing this. :P
I just sent Justin a long ass text. and I've bored of writing. we've got to go look for a job when he gets outta work today and call the aquarium place today about our fishies.
[Over and out.]
-Jess
Wow has it been a week! Well almost! I spent one night home Sunday night from our Fourth of July Camping Trip before I headed to Ponca for another camping trip! I know some of this is going to be a repeat of an old blog get over it!:P
It looks like I am back for one night. I get one last day to myself (cleaning and doing laundry) before I go pick up my kids from Goodwill Camp. I really could care less if it is a Christian Based Camp. It isn't a Bible Camp and it isn't a full on Church Camp. I am worried about my kids to tell the truth. Okay I am more worried about Coltin then DeLaney but I am still worried about DeLaney! No News is Good News is the theory in our family. Since I haven't heard anything, Randy hasn't heard anything, and my parents havent' heard anything, all is well!
Thursday the 3rd of July was a busy day of packing for camping. Then lets add to that shall we! Coltin and DeLaney were staying out of my hair by playing outside with the dog, the cats, and riding their bikes! I was taking some down time before I had to get real busy by reading emails and on the computer! All of a sudden Coltin comes pounding into the house screaming "MOM! Mamma! Mommy! I fell off my bike! My hand hurts!" DeLaney is in the kitchen getting into something and then follows him upstairs. I run half way down the stairs to meet Coltin.
His left palm is tore up! Bleeding and full of gravel and dirt! Not to mention some wood peices! I grab his hand, a dirty jam jam top of DeLaney's off the steps and place over his hand and lift it over his head and then haul him like a sack of taters down the stairs to the kitchen! I uncover his hand and it is still bleeding but I cleaned up enough with the jam jam top that I can see a good chunk is scraped, cut, and raw. I tell him to take a deep breath and breath in via his nose and out his mouth and shove his hand under luke warm water and wash that hand up with dawn dish soap, hollered to DeLaney to get my saline solution off the sink. I also told him no screaming in my ear! He can cry all he wants but if he jerks his hand from my grasp or screams one bit it is going to be worse then what it actually is! He listened thankfully. DeLaney thankfully had the first aid kit ready for me (that is what she was doing in the kitchen when Coltin ran upstairs). I get his hand cleaned up, the majority of the dirt, gravel and wood out and see that we can see fat at the base of his palm were the chunk is cut out of it! GREAT! The hand's skin is so thin anyway and he cut it deep. A trip to the doctor the day we leave for camping!
I call our doctor and talked to his nurse. Sue (doc's nurse) thankfully said to just bring him in, no point in racking up an ER bill and doc was slow that afternoon. It still took us 2 hours to get out of there. Poor Coltin had to soak his hand in antiseptic solution for a half hour and then the doctor had to come look at it. Doc decieded that it was pretty dirty still and had Sue resoak his hand for another half hour. And you know they take forever coming in and out of the room between things! Doctor wasn't going to put any stitches in just glue the flap of skin over since the other half of the wound was scraped up; until he found out we were going camping and then Coltin was going to Camp for a week when we got back. So Coltin ended up in the Official Stitches and Staples Club of our family at age 8! DeLaney entered into that club at 5 with staples in her head!
Once we got home, Randy pulled in and we got on the road to camping! Then we had issues with the Ford. The fucked over rebuilt dodge or Driver Returns on Foot vechile! I HATE Fords! We ended up turning around and loading up my busted up van and Randy's work truck. After that we had a grand time of camping over the 4th of July! Coltin managed to get to go swimming once that weekend. Having Grandma and Auntie as RNs, Daddy an ex EMT/First Responder, and Mommy and Uncle with First Aid Knowledge the boy's hand was covered and water proof!
Anyway, I dropped the kids off at Goodwill Camp at 7 in the moring on Monday the 7th, ended up having coffee with one of my cousin's (her boy was going to Camp also!) and then I came home and busted ass on laundry from the weekend! I finally got packed up and on the road at 4:30 PM for MY camping trip! I had a blast even though my hubby showed up on Monday and Tuesday nights!:P
The plan was for me to go cold turkey smoking since I would have the week to myself. Wrong! Randy didn't want to be home by himself (but I get to be home by myself all the time when he is gone!) That is okay. Monday we just hung around the camp site because it was too late to go fishing and we were on the Northwest corner of the park in the Reserve only camp ground. Tuesday while Randy was working, I took the Tomahawk class! That was a blast! I so want a tomahawk and Randy to build me a target! He said he will do that for me this fall! We got to learn how to hold it proper and throw it properally. We also were told how to hit the target and what to step if we were to far or back or ifit hit a certain way! Randy and I feasted on Steak, coal baked taters, and chips for our supper and then we went fishing. The area of the Mighty Mo we were on is NOT channeled (part of the National River Rec area), boy we learned real fast fishing there was different then fishing in the river up at the damm where it is channeled! We caught nothing that night but that is okay.
Wensday, I went to the archary class and got hit on by the Park Worker teaching it. So scrawny and so blonde! Randy isn't even that blonde! Not bad looking just not my type! Made me feel good though. Oh by the way, I was about the only adult to take the tomahawk and archary class, but I still had fun. Wensday afternoon, I went kayaking on the back waters of the Mighty Mo! OH MY GODS! I want a kayak! That was soooooooooooooo much fun! We didn't go straight into the river but into the back waters! Calmer, not as deep (you roll out you can stand up in some places!) and the current was pretty much none existant unless you were near one of the sandbars leading out to the river! I told Randy he had to buy me two, two man kayaks now! And 1 one man kayak so I can go with out him and the kids! He laughed his ass off! After kayaking, I went back to camp, let the dog out of the tent, made myself an early dinner, cleaned up some of the tent site, and loading up the van with my fishing gear. The girl teaching our kayaking class showed a few of us some of the newer trails that lead down to the river and back waters for better fishing! I fished from 5 pm till 8 pm! I only caught a White Bass but they were nibbling all evening long! It was great! I released the fish, since Randy wasn't staying that night and I dont' eat fish!
I got home yesterday afternoon. Before I came home though, I got my rear windshield fixed, hung out with a friend for the day and when I got home I cleaned up my dinning room. Today I am picking up the rest of the house, getting it spot less and running to my new Wally World ..........Dollar General! I pick my kids up at 6 pm tonight and sometime today I find out if I am picking my nephew up today or tomorrow. Regardless I get two nights home before I head out to Western NE to play softball mom for my neice! We will be back Sunday afternoon (depending on how well my neice's team does in what they call state -it is jr olympics).
I'll eventually post pictures and add lil bits of information here and there! But for now my rambling post is done!
This is the site that greeted us as we crested over the Continental Divide, to the west side of the Rockies. Still some snow in the high country. And they had enough this past winter to give the low lands some good runoff to fill the lakes and reservoirs:
"My" baby Aspen has grown!
Next morning, around 6AM (OUCH!), we got to Shadow Mountain Lake and were awed by this beautiful picture (it cleared after about 10 minutes, tho):
The 1st morning I got just one bite, but L brought 4 trout to shore, and had to lament when each of them decided not to stay and swam back to their deeper waters...... He was able to catch one, tho - a 10 1/2" Rainbow. The 2nd morning, I had NO bites, and L had just 1!!!! The weather was ideal with a calm lake, but nothing seemed to be hungry! Same bait, same spot....
So, I decided to catch some feathered friends. The pelicans we love to relax and watch:
(if you look close, you can see one of the many swallows, that feed off bugs on the water, flying above):
And the enjoyable geese:
And for any of you "bug" experts that might be out there, I spotted 2 tiny, blue butterflies/moths:
I've never seen such a creature, and thought it was quite striking, but have no idea what it is, and if it's a native of shorelines? Anyone want to take a guess?
Enjoy as we did!
WATCH THIS:
Think of this guy the next time you're thinking that your life sucks!
He's one hell of a man!
http://www.surkes.citymaker.com/f/claydyer_espn2.wmv
Today I am planting our garden with my dad. I don’t mind gardening, in fact I enjoy it to a certain extent, but I have a tendency to kill plants. Most of my horticultural endeavors have not turned out well. I like the work though: the planting, the weeding, the picking, and the cleaning. It keeps me busy for most of the summer if I am attentive.
We are also going to be planting two cherry trees, two apple trees, and an Asian pear tree soon, too. We planted two peach trees and a cherry tree last year, but the deer destroyed our cherry tree. We also have three full grown apple trees, but one is almost entirely dead and another is starting to die so we need to replace them. One apple tree will be the same as what we already grow (Haralson), which was planted by my grandfather. The other is going to be a dwarf 4-in-1 tree. The only apples I eat fresh are the ones from my backyard so planting these trees is of particular importance to me.
I also need to weed the strawberry patch and transplant a cottonwood today. When I was younger I avoided helping in the garden as much as possible. I hated the bugs and the heat. Now, I think my father is growing tired of my ambitious plans for the yard. I want to start a raspberry patch and plant a hazelnut tree, but those may have to wait another year.
I think part of my love for gardening is I like being at home and being self sufficient to a certain extent. We grind our own flour, bake our own bread, and basically live off our garden during the late summer. I like knowing that my hands helped produce what I eat. Eating is more of a celebration for me when I have watched the plants grow and picked it with my own hands. I have the same feeling towards cooking my own food.
Later tonight I am going fishing. Hopefully I finally catch something (fishing is another thing I don’t have a great record with). If nothing else it will be nice to sit by the water and practice my casting.
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