I wish someone would explain to me why i ended up this way, why i was amongst the curse of bad luck for years now, why i continue to sit alone, smile fake smiles at people, so they wont look through me and see the real me. who can i blame for this, its really not a who, its life!!
Growing up wasnt the best of times, especially when my dad died, he was my bestfriend, my true and only friend. who do i have to talk to now, myself, do i look crazy? who cares.
my bills have calculated throughout the walls, friends, i dont know who they are, family- dsyfunctional, boyfriend, i havent had one since he broke my heart, he ripped it out and fed it to the dogs, apperantly i wasnt good enough. im done pretending that everything is ok, im sick, im sick because he is a fucking retard, im not a dormat that you sleep on and than throw in the garbage, you wanna know the funny thing, ive had sex only one time, and i got pregnant, did i have the baby, NO because when he broke my heart, i stressed, when i stressed, i lost it, but does he care, NO..
I guess i shouldnt be surprised, all men are idiots. i look at myself in the mirror and wonder, is this really how it was suppose to be for me, the girl i used to be has disappeared, she doesnt exist, the girl that was happy, dressed in girl clothes, the girl that wore makeup.. that girl is dead, i hear people talk, they ask what happened to me, why am i so different, do i have an answer, do i have a reason, i could care less what they say to me, i am me; so fuck off.
do you know how it feels to feel pain, well the difference of feeling pain and causing it, is the same, both feel good, who knows why, i dont but i know i hate you, i hate me, i hate life, i hate being here, i hate waking up and being alive. why do i have bad luck, i thought GOD loved me, but the bad is over-weighing the good..
how do i cope?
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