Fighter @ MindSay

i got home a little while ago, back to arcata. mike told me that within the week, cops have been to the apartment multiple times asking for me- UPD, APD (arcata police department), EPD (eureka police department), n even the sharifs. when i deleted that entry for the santa clara police department, weren't they supposed to call UPD n tell them that everything is ok? well apparently mike was also told that several of my "friends" said that i was planning on shooting myself or someone else. the cops i talked to in santa clara had said something about me shooting myself or driving a car off a cliff, n honestly whoever gave them this idea is blatantly lying or a fucking retard. everyone knows i don't have a driver's lisence, let alone a car- who's am i supposedly driving? n all of cyn n albert's friends kno this, as well as cyn n albert, cuz that's why those two were originally going to teach me how to drive. not only that, but the only time i have EVER held a gun was in january because ALBERT took out HIS pistol  his grandpa gave him n was showing it to me. it had no bullets, no gun powder, no gun oil or whatever the fuck is required to make a gun shoot. not only that, but that was only the SECOND time i've ever even SEEN a gun other than the guns i've seen on cops carrying. why the fuck would he ever give me a gun, especially since i don't know how to use it? i don't even kno how to load the damn thing! seeing as how "friends" told them this, there is no way albert could not kno about this n i'm sure that explains why he didn't come by here this whole week. n i know that when i'm tabling tomorrow, he won't come n say hi after his class.

its sad because before i left for spring break, that thursday after i got all of the pictures from cyn, i was actually FEELING OK with the whole thing. i've been trying hard lately not to live with regrets, which is one of the reasons i got together w/ cyn n albert n stuck it out for the first week even tho i had doubts n kept thinking about ending things before they got too serious. n why should i regret what we had? the three of us had a lot of fun n had a lot of great times hanging out or having sex or whatever it was that we did. i mean, i'd always wanted to go down on a guy with another girl n we did that, i'd even just wanted to fool around with a girl n me n cyn did that. i had FUN n i enjoyed the relationship while it lasted. why should i regret something i enjoyed, even if i'm sad its gone? just looking at all the pictures i got from her of when the three of us were still together, it filled me with a sense of nostalgia. its over n that sux, but it was all good then.

then this shit with the cops started happening again. n my boss called me to make sure i was ok. n i'm sure that tomorrow all kinds of professors are gonna want to talk to me n make sure that i'm ok. n i'm sure that police officers will approach me while i'm on campus n want to talk to me. anna put it best when i called her n told her all of this a little bit ago: Be ready for anything. and its even more sad, because again today on the car ride up here with reanna i was feeling ok with things ok. so albert and i can't be romantically involved anymore. if i hold on for a few months i might be able to have him as a friend again. i might be able to trust him n talk to him n maybe we could hang out on the beach over the summer together when we need a moment to get away from bullshit like he used to offer to do, but i'd turn him down because i was nervous because i knew he liked me. it seems like just when i start feeling alright with this whole break up thing again, something else happens. n it sux, because i'm not lying when i say i'm ok. Anna told me that she thinx i'm handling the situation pretty well, which made me feel good. i'm not feeling suicidal or homicidal, but apparently the cops are hearing otherwise.

part of the reason why this hurts so bad is because i'm also wondering where were the cops when I needed them? where were they when i told them about daniel repeatedly raping me? weren't they supposed to go out n catch the bad guy? but oh yeah, that's right, he was under 18 so he couldn't have possibly understood the consequences of his actions against me, n even tho i told him no n even tho we'd sit n talk on AN HONEST TO GOD REGULAR BASIS about how much it hurt me n how i felt when he wouldn't stop, since he was under 18 he couldn't have possibly understood the emotional depth that i was talking about. THEY TOLD ME THIS! but some crazy bitch who's scared her husband is gonna leave her for me n some of their friends get together n say i'm gonna shoot someone n all of a sudden its time to do their fucking jobs. isn't part of ur job investigating how i'd get access to a gun if that was really an issue? do u not realize albert n some cousin who is a cop FOR THE SANTA CLARA POLICE DEPARTMENT that i haven't seen in YEARS (i think his name is carlos, i don't kno) are the only ppl i know who even own guns? n honestly, why the fuck would either of them give them to me seeing as how i don't know how to load, fire, or use them in anyway? but here i go getting upset again. the cops in santa clara wanted to take me to a sanitarium because i was getting upset when they were talking to me. no shit dumbfucks, don't u think this kind of thing would be upsetting to deal w/, too?

well cyn can try to fuck up my life all she wants, but after talking to anna n thinking a bit, i realize that i've lived thro worse. for example, the two years of being raped n lied to n treated like a piece of meat, and then the two years of lies, half truths, n information that was conveniently not told to me until the last minute by the santa clara police department, detectives, n even lawyers n parole officers. i talked about all of that shit w/ the law on here while it was happening my senior year of hs n my freshman year of college here at HSU. and i know deep down inside that i am stronger than this. i mean really, they don't feel like they've fucked up my life enough? get me into this relationship, get me to fall in love, dump me, lie to me, n lie to all of the ppl i once called friends to make me look like the bad guy? i seriously became a scapegoat for cyn n albert's relationship- suddently all of their problems were my fault because albert loved me n albert wouldn't stop talking to me, even tho if he really wanted to leave her, he would have done it already n him playing along w/ this shit shows that he doesn't love me. i even told him when i saw him a couple thursdays ago before i left for spring break that it really does not make logical sense for me to say that he doesn't care about me at all. obviously he cares a little or else he would not have seen me, even if it was just because he was only doing it to make me happy. but i don't care how scared he is to lose cyn, i don't kno how u could put anyone u say u love thro this kind of shit. n i know that when cyn or mara or morgan or whoever she's got spying on me reads this, they won't feel empathy, they'll just think i'm dumb n use it to fuel their fire. But i'm stronger than this ladies, n the fact that u feel the need to keep this shit up tells me that u haven't moved on either n ur not half as mature as u think u are. i still hope the rest of ur life is full of long n incredbly painful flare-ups, n i still hope that someday albert realizes he's better than some crazy bitch like u n he moves on to something better, just like he deserves.

By Fred W. Baker III

American Forces Press Service

Jan. 26, 2007 – Turkey signed on for the next phase of the Joint Strike Fighter in a ceremony here yesterday, pledging $175 million toward the aircraft's production.  Turkey also promised to buy 100 of the conventional-take-off-and-landing version of the aircraft, being developed by the Navy, Air Force, Marines and allies.

In a Pentagon E-wing room, flanked by about 30 Turkish and U.S. dignitaries and program officers, U.S. Deputy Defense Secretary Gordon England met with Turkey's National Defense Minister Mehmet Vecdi Gonul and Undersecretary for Defense Industries Murad Bayar for the signing of the memorandum of understanding that will take Turkey into the production, sustainment and follow-on development phase of the Joint Strike Fighter program.

Gonul also met with Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates today at the Pentagon.

Before yesterday's signing, England said he has spent several years cultivating U.S. relations with Turkey and called the Turkish officials present "dear, close friends."

"Our country is privileged to have such a strong and dynamic ally in Turkey," England said. "Together our two nations are standing together in the name of freedom."

By partnering in this program, the two countries are "building a safe and more secure world for our children and grandchildren," England said.

Gonul called the Joint Strike Fighter program "the way forward" for his country and its air force.

"Today is an important day and big milestone for the future of the Turkish air force," Gonul said. "The Turkish government is extremely proud to be a part of the Joint Strike Fighter program."

Bayar said the new F-35 Lightning II will replace Turkey's aging F-16 fighters and will be the "backbone for the Turkish air force."

The deal could cost Turkey more than $10 billion over 20 years, the largest defense project in Turkish history. Turkey has the lowest per capita income of any of the Joint Strike Fighter partners, Gonul said.

The agreement provides a framework for future program efforts in production and beyond and will extend cooperation beyond the current development and demonstration agreement between the United States and the other eight Joint Strike Fighter partner nations -- the United Kingdom, Italy, the Netherlands, Turkey, Canada, Denmark, Norway and Australia. Turkey joined the system development and demonstration phase in 2002.

All but Italy, Norway and Denmark have signed on to the next phase of the production. DoD officials met with officials from those countries this week, and all are on board, just working out the details, said Undersecretary of Defense for Acquisition, Technology and Logistics Kenneth Krieg. Those countries are expected to sign the memorandum by the end of February.

The Joint Strike Fighter is the largest ever DoD acquisition program. The F-35 Lightning II is a supersonic, multi-role, stealth fighter designed to replace a wide range of existing aircraft. Three versions of the aircraft will be built: a conventional-takeoff-and-landing variant, an aircraft-carrier version and a short-takeoff-and-vertical-landing version. Initial plans call for building 2,400 of the aircraft at a cost of about $200 billion.

The F-35 Lightning II is in the flight test mode and has flown two successful test flights, Dec. 15 and Jan. 8, from Lockheed Martin's Fort Worth, Texas, facility.

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