Fibromyalgia @ MindSay 
pain
The Fun Is Almost Over...
Actually it has to be over soon because this much fun is killing me. My tummy is finally starting to feel what being broke will feel like quite soon. So I'm stepping back to Plan B-287. On Thursday I put in an application at James Avery; that's about the only retail/mall job I can think of that doesn't give me the heebie jeebies and I get that I don't get to have that option when the shit really hits the fan. Monday I'm checking out another temp agency -- one I should have gone to first, I think, but I was trying to stay with the big names thinking they have their shit together. We'll see what happens.
Very odd that today I got a call from a hiring agency handling another job I applied for. On a Sunday. I think I'll get called for a face to face during the next week or so. Though I'm not feeling great about the development job, I still haven't counted that out yet. I have felt like they hated me in interviews before and gotten the job so I'm trying to hold onto a shred of hope. But I'm not going to dwell on it. Or try not to. The good thing is that I am at least getting calls and interviews so it has to be a matter of time, hopefully sooner rather than later. There's a lot of activity around me -- I just need to have it align the right way on me.
Otherwise, today was a bust. Since I've been thinking about my situation a lot more stressfully the last couple of weeks, I jacked up my neck and so last night I took a half of my muscle relaxant pill. That's enough to knock me out! Unfortunately it also leaves me pretty worthless the next day. Not zombie, but no energy. And yesterday I was so good and did yoga. Tomorrow I will try again. But today I didn't clean or do laundry or anything I should have done. Oh well.
The drug study is still iffy to me. I got through my initial visit on Wednesday. It was okay, very interesting. They were very upfront and provided me with as much info as I could think to ask. It's for an already FDA-approved drug called Xyrem. It's used primarily for insomniacs. The drug company is now doing research on Xyrem at a much-reduced dosage for fibromyalgia. I am nervous about this. If a half a muscle relaxant can make me so lethargic what's an insomnia drug gonna do? It's true I could get the placebo, though. The 5-HTP I really believe was starting to help me. I'm willing to give this study the ol' college try, but after a couple of weeks, if I don't see marked improvement I may drop out and go back to the 5-HTP over a pharmaceutical. (They are very clear that I can leave the study any time I want if I'm not happy with how I'm doing.)
AstrologyZone says my July is supposed to be a lot better than the last few months have been so I pray that's true and it's about to happen to my favor. Trying to keep the faith.
Very odd that today I got a call from a hiring agency handling another job I applied for. On a Sunday. I think I'll get called for a face to face during the next week or so. Though I'm not feeling great about the development job, I still haven't counted that out yet. I have felt like they hated me in interviews before and gotten the job so I'm trying to hold onto a shred of hope. But I'm not going to dwell on it. Or try not to. The good thing is that I am at least getting calls and interviews so it has to be a matter of time, hopefully sooner rather than later. There's a lot of activity around me -- I just need to have it align the right way on me.
Otherwise, today was a bust. Since I've been thinking about my situation a lot more stressfully the last couple of weeks, I jacked up my neck and so last night I took a half of my muscle relaxant pill. That's enough to knock me out! Unfortunately it also leaves me pretty worthless the next day. Not zombie, but no energy. And yesterday I was so good and did yoga. Tomorrow I will try again. But today I didn't clean or do laundry or anything I should have done. Oh well.
The drug study is still iffy to me. I got through my initial visit on Wednesday. It was okay, very interesting. They were very upfront and provided me with as much info as I could think to ask. It's for an already FDA-approved drug called Xyrem. It's used primarily for insomniacs. The drug company is now doing research on Xyrem at a much-reduced dosage for fibromyalgia. I am nervous about this. If a half a muscle relaxant can make me so lethargic what's an insomnia drug gonna do? It's true I could get the placebo, though. The 5-HTP I really believe was starting to help me. I'm willing to give this study the ol' college try, but after a couple of weeks, if I don't see marked improvement I may drop out and go back to the 5-HTP over a pharmaceutical. (They are very clear that I can leave the study any time I want if I'm not happy with how I'm doing.)
AstrologyZone says my July is supposed to be a lot better than the last few months have been so I pray that's true and it's about to happen to my favor. Trying to keep the faith.
Ramble
I woke up at 5:17 this morning and knew right away that I was 'up'. This sucks since there is NO reason for me to be awake so early. Around 6:30 I pulled myself out of bed and started the coffee and TV. Ugh. I think I smell kitty poo but I can't find it.
Yesterday, I bit the bullet and decided to spend on a deep-tissue massage. All the work on the laptop and my normal level of physical tension (which is not good) jacked me up pretty good so I had to do it. Still I feel guilty for a 'luxury' expense even though it's really more medical -- but that's how my brain works. As payback, I am in absolute pain this morning (though I don't count this as why I woke up two hours early since I slept well the rest of the night). She really got into my bad areas and for the first time ever I yelled 'Uncle!' during a massage. Usually I can endure quite a bit of pain during deep tissue but this massage therapist hit places none of the others had. Ouch.
Fibromyalgia alert: I'm going into my health stuff now. Yesterday I added a couple of supplements to my already heavy routine. These are not really for my FM but they might make me a bit more comfy in my stomach and my head. After the incident where my brain shut off last week, I decided to start ginkgo biloba which is one herbal I haven't yet tried, surprisingly. An extended conversation with the massage therapist and the supplements person at the store led me to probiotics which is supposed to help the high level of candida I have in my system -- cutting down on yeast and yeast-making foods hasn't helped me. Maybe I won't live in a constant state of gas if this works. Nothing else has.
On Wednesday, I went walking at the track. I hadn't been since late last week, but I haven't been feeling up to it. It was terribly humid and hot already at 9 a.m. and before I got to the track I could feel the pain in my legs, ankles and hips shouting at me. But I went on and walked about a mile and half then came home. It took me all day to get past feeling overheated. That was excessive even for me. Later I felt miserable. Yesterday I worked on my current freelance article, hit my chiro and massage appts and went to the store -- that was it and I was knackered. The summer is only going to get worse; in fact, it's not even summer yet. That's tomorrow.
This all leads me to a quandary. Tomorrow I'm going to visit my sister for the weekend for my birthday. Very low-key, dinner and cake, probably movies at home, just to spend time since I haven't seen her in several months. I think it's time that I had a talk with her but don't know if it's appropriate to do it this weekend since I'm supposed to be there for a nice, relaxing time. However, I don't want to do it on the phone and after this weekend it will be another couple of months before we get together again. The thing is I'm not getting better. In fact, my condition is getting worse. I am not a hypochondriac but the nasty thing about fibromyalgia is that it's insidious and affects so many different areas of the body that nothing feels right and people tend not to believe you can feel bad in your brain, in your joints, in your sinuses, in your stomach, in your stamina. Just taking the stairs up one flight is amazingly tiring for me. I'm 37 (for a couple more days) and I feel like I'm 90 trying to walk up the stairs. Seriously. Sure, depression follows FM but this is beyond all that. I've been crying a lot because there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I have so much to face and figure out. And worse, it's not like I have cancer or MS or some other awful, degenerative disease so there's guilt for feeling so bad with something no one knows much about when other people are actually dying. But it feels that way, and the doctors don't want to help after they've tried their little pills and potions -- if they don't work you're on your own. So I play with my herbals and other supplements. Some things help a little but nothing has given me any remarkable improvement. The heat is already scaring me. I won't be able to go walking anymore until the fall, not even early since it's 80 degrees on waking. By the time you get out there it's approaching 90 and it stays in the high-90s until bedtime. So I'm having to shake my denial of how bad this is and realize it's time to start thinking long-term. If, at my relatively young age, I feel this poorly and the doctors and I can't get me on top of this thing, where will I be in five or ten years? The last five years have been such a downward slide. I realize that my health is a big reason why I couldn't endure the job I left, and the one before that. It put me in a pretty pickle regarding insurance and immediate cash flow but I couldn't stay. I will have to refuse the job for which I interviewed last week if they offer (but that's doubtful) because I simply cannot handle anything grueling or stressful as my past jobs have all been. I know this now but it's awfully hard to accept when my entire professional experience has been based on these jobs. Eventually something will have to come up, it's just that simple. But where do I go from here? In a few years I will have to move to a milder climate, it's not a question. I will have to start looking into disability benefits and how I will pay off my debts. By 45, if the FM continues to progress, I will be in an entirely different place and situation than I'm used to even now. And the one thing I have a hard time acknowledging past a fleeting thought is that no one will ever want me with all this shit on me. I need to talk to someone about this. Unfortunately, my parents are not an option (and let's not talk about the guilt I have for not being able to help them like I should), especially since my mother is very much in denial about my situation and tells me things like I feel bad because I let myself feel bad. My sister has a better understanding (odd, since they're both nurses, you'd think my mom would be more enlightened, but she's not) of my condition but she doesn't see me everyday, she doesn't know how bad it is because I haven't really let her. I need a plan. I need her to help me make a plan. It just feels so unfair to put this on her, she worries so about me (which is why I've been more circumspect that I should have been). But it's time to look all of this in the eye. I'm tired of being alone in this.
Yesterday, I bit the bullet and decided to spend on a deep-tissue massage. All the work on the laptop and my normal level of physical tension (which is not good) jacked me up pretty good so I had to do it. Still I feel guilty for a 'luxury' expense even though it's really more medical -- but that's how my brain works. As payback, I am in absolute pain this morning (though I don't count this as why I woke up two hours early since I slept well the rest of the night). She really got into my bad areas and for the first time ever I yelled 'Uncle!' during a massage. Usually I can endure quite a bit of pain during deep tissue but this massage therapist hit places none of the others had. Ouch.
Fibromyalgia alert: I'm going into my health stuff now. Yesterday I added a couple of supplements to my already heavy routine. These are not really for my FM but they might make me a bit more comfy in my stomach and my head. After the incident where my brain shut off last week, I decided to start ginkgo biloba which is one herbal I haven't yet tried, surprisingly. An extended conversation with the massage therapist and the supplements person at the store led me to probiotics which is supposed to help the high level of candida I have in my system -- cutting down on yeast and yeast-making foods hasn't helped me. Maybe I won't live in a constant state of gas if this works. Nothing else has.
On Wednesday, I went walking at the track. I hadn't been since late last week, but I haven't been feeling up to it. It was terribly humid and hot already at 9 a.m. and before I got to the track I could feel the pain in my legs, ankles and hips shouting at me. But I went on and walked about a mile and half then came home. It took me all day to get past feeling overheated. That was excessive even for me. Later I felt miserable. Yesterday I worked on my current freelance article, hit my chiro and massage appts and went to the store -- that was it and I was knackered. The summer is only going to get worse; in fact, it's not even summer yet. That's tomorrow.
This all leads me to a quandary. Tomorrow I'm going to visit my sister for the weekend for my birthday. Very low-key, dinner and cake, probably movies at home, just to spend time since I haven't seen her in several months. I think it's time that I had a talk with her but don't know if it's appropriate to do it this weekend since I'm supposed to be there for a nice, relaxing time. However, I don't want to do it on the phone and after this weekend it will be another couple of months before we get together again. The thing is I'm not getting better. In fact, my condition is getting worse. I am not a hypochondriac but the nasty thing about fibromyalgia is that it's insidious and affects so many different areas of the body that nothing feels right and people tend not to believe you can feel bad in your brain, in your joints, in your sinuses, in your stomach, in your stamina. Just taking the stairs up one flight is amazingly tiring for me. I'm 37 (for a couple more days) and I feel like I'm 90 trying to walk up the stairs. Seriously. Sure, depression follows FM but this is beyond all that. I've been crying a lot because there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I have so much to face and figure out. And worse, it's not like I have cancer or MS or some other awful, degenerative disease so there's guilt for feeling so bad with something no one knows much about when other people are actually dying. But it feels that way, and the doctors don't want to help after they've tried their little pills and potions -- if they don't work you're on your own. So I play with my herbals and other supplements. Some things help a little but nothing has given me any remarkable improvement. The heat is already scaring me. I won't be able to go walking anymore until the fall, not even early since it's 80 degrees on waking. By the time you get out there it's approaching 90 and it stays in the high-90s until bedtime. So I'm having to shake my denial of how bad this is and realize it's time to start thinking long-term. If, at my relatively young age, I feel this poorly and the doctors and I can't get me on top of this thing, where will I be in five or ten years? The last five years have been such a downward slide. I realize that my health is a big reason why I couldn't endure the job I left, and the one before that. It put me in a pretty pickle regarding insurance and immediate cash flow but I couldn't stay. I will have to refuse the job for which I interviewed last week if they offer (but that's doubtful) because I simply cannot handle anything grueling or stressful as my past jobs have all been. I know this now but it's awfully hard to accept when my entire professional experience has been based on these jobs. Eventually something will have to come up, it's just that simple. But where do I go from here? In a few years I will have to move to a milder climate, it's not a question. I will have to start looking into disability benefits and how I will pay off my debts. By 45, if the FM continues to progress, I will be in an entirely different place and situation than I'm used to even now. And the one thing I have a hard time acknowledging past a fleeting thought is that no one will ever want me with all this shit on me. I need to talk to someone about this. Unfortunately, my parents are not an option (and let's not talk about the guilt I have for not being able to help them like I should), especially since my mother is very much in denial about my situation and tells me things like I feel bad because I let myself feel bad. My sister has a better understanding (odd, since they're both nurses, you'd think my mom would be more enlightened, but she's not) of my condition but she doesn't see me everyday, she doesn't know how bad it is because I haven't really let her. I need a plan. I need her to help me make a plan. It just feels so unfair to put this on her, she worries so about me (which is why I've been more circumspect that I should have been). But it's time to look all of this in the eye. I'm tired of being alone in this.
More Fibro Fun!
So my fibromyalgia symptoms seem to be getting worse. I've seen a lot of improvement on the tightness of my neck and shoulders with chiropractic care, but there's still an underlying soreness that isn't going away. Over the last month, the depression is kicking in like an anvil (I'm sure the job situation is contributing to that) and my fatigue and weakness is as bad as it's ever been. What happens in all this is that you start to feel hopeless, worthless, scared, etc. How am I supposed to work if I can't even get up? Stuff like that. Not having benefits right now is an issue because I can't go to the doctor; and God forbid something happen to me right now. The thing is that I took the doctor visits out of the equation when I decided to quit because doctors are extremely useless for this condition -- at least for me they have been. None of the drugs ever helped and so I am currently prescription-free! So I do my own research and hunting and pecking.
Cellfood was really helping my energy for a bit, but now it's not. However, I continue to take it because since I've been on it for the last six months I have not gotten really sick with colds or flu which I used to get 3-4 times per year. When I came home from Chicago I could feel something hitting me and I upped my dosage and it went away. So for immunity, it's good stuff. Last year, I began taking D-Ribose powder and was feeling a little better. Somehow I fell off taking it. I found it in my pantry this weekend and am taking small doses of it. It's interesting, I do feel a bit more clear-headed if not better.
Also, I really did some research this weekend for alternate FM therapies. I came across an article about 5-HTP which is kind of like St. John's Wort in that it's helpful for boosting serotonin and providing a quality sleep which is a big deal for fibromyalgia sufferers.
Lemme tell ya. If anyone is needing a sleep aid, that 5-HTP will do the trick. I'm still not awake yet since I technically woke up at 9 a.m. this morning. I'll keep taking it this week and hopefully adjust to it so I'm not plastered all morning but I do feel less weepy and morose. Whatever that means.
To sum up, I am supplementing with Cellfood, D-Ribose and 5-HTP, in addition to my B and calcium supplements. That's it. I guess it sounds like a lot but I really need to come up with a formula that works for me so that I can be functional. The way I've been the last few weeks is not working at all -- something's gotta give.
Cellfood was really helping my energy for a bit, but now it's not. However, I continue to take it because since I've been on it for the last six months I have not gotten really sick with colds or flu which I used to get 3-4 times per year. When I came home from Chicago I could feel something hitting me and I upped my dosage and it went away. So for immunity, it's good stuff. Last year, I began taking D-Ribose powder and was feeling a little better. Somehow I fell off taking it. I found it in my pantry this weekend and am taking small doses of it. It's interesting, I do feel a bit more clear-headed if not better.
Also, I really did some research this weekend for alternate FM therapies. I came across an article about 5-HTP which is kind of like St. John's Wort in that it's helpful for boosting serotonin and providing a quality sleep which is a big deal for fibromyalgia sufferers.
Lemme tell ya. If anyone is needing a sleep aid, that 5-HTP will do the trick. I'm still not awake yet since I technically woke up at 9 a.m. this morning. I'll keep taking it this week and hopefully adjust to it so I'm not plastered all morning but I do feel less weepy and morose. Whatever that means.
To sum up, I am supplementing with Cellfood, D-Ribose and 5-HTP, in addition to my B and calcium supplements. That's it. I guess it sounds like a lot but I really need to come up with a formula that works for me so that I can be functional. The way I've been the last few weeks is not working at all -- something's gotta give.
How I Worked Through Depression Today
I debated whether to make this a public post or not. I have the feeling that there is someone else who needs to know that others can relate, so I will put it out there in the hope of helping someone else.
Having Fibromyalgia is depressing at times. Today I awoke in pain and it has not receded. I went to take care of the goats with Jeff, and that little bit of work used up my allotment of energy for the day.
Undecided about what I should do about the grey fog that has engulfed my brain today, I prayed for a while and just sat meditating on my Lord. I did some nervous pacing, and tried to take a nap for a while, but I couldn't sleep.
I sat and played piano for a while. I tried to sing, but couldn't find the joy that usually accompanies singing, so I just played. I read a magazine for a while, and did a bit of surfing on the internet.
A while ago I decided to call my daughter and ask her to send my eldest granddaughter to come down to my place. She is washing my dishes for me right now, and I will give her a bit of spending money for the favor. I enjoy her company, but I needed to sit for a moment and write down my thoughts.
Jeff is out for the evening, and I will try to do something constructive so I don't dwell on pain and depression. I know that I can't make myself into anything, but that God can carry the burdens I place on Him. That is what I am doing tonight, and that is how I worked through depression today.
Do you suffer from fibromyalgia?
ATP Pro 5.3 oz. Retail: $65.95 ID: 11007 QTY:
Heart Health ATP-Pro 5.3 oz. | Heartflow | Q-Plus | Vascular Advantage
At the Heart of a Healthy Body Eniva ATP-Pro™ is a powerful dietary supplement which provides your body with a patented form of D-Ribose, the most fundamental source of energy your body can have. D-Ribose is what your body uses to naturally build its energy stores. Taking Eniva ATP-Pro helps your body quickly replace energy levels that have been depleted by hard work, exercise, or health challenges.
* The patent protection and clinical studies cover a broad range or nutritional and pharmaceutical uses for D-Ribose including: * Promotes heart health and supports optimal cardiac function*
* Assists with energy production and enhancement*
* Promotes muscle mass gains and muscle health (support for muscle soreness, stiffness and cramping)*
* Supports use for fibromyalgia*
Supplement Facts Serving Size: 1 Scoop (5 g) Servings Per Bottle: 30 Calories Calories from Fat 20 0 Amount Per Serving % Daily Value Total Fat 0 g 0% Total Carbohydrate 5 g 2% Sugars 5 g - Protein 0 mg 0% Sodium 0 g 0% D-Ribose 0 g - Ingredient: D-Ribose This product contains a clinically tested and patented form of D-Ribose. In university studies it has been shown to improve cardiac function, symptoms of fibromyalgia and promote muscle mass gains.* ATP-Pro provides patented D-Ribose, a cellular regulator of ATP energy production clinically proven to improve muscle and organ function.* ATP-Pro can help promote the quality of life of individuals consuming it on a regular basis.*
Dose: Immediate Need: 2 scoops daily (1 scoop in a.m., 1 scoop in p.m.) Maintenance: 1/2 scoop, 2 times daily (1 scoop in a.m., 1 scoop in p.m.)
Note: This product may cause a short-lived decrease in blood sugar levels. As such, it is recommended to mix this product with your favorite fruit juice and/or take with food. Do not consume on an empty stomach. Directions: Add one level scoop (included) to 8-20 oz. of water or juice. Stir briskly and drink. It can also be sprinkled on cereal, sliced fruit, pudding, or apple sauce.
Caution: Do not consume if tamper resistant seal is broken or missing. KEEP CAP TIGHTLY CLOSED AND OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. Not intended for children under 14 years of age. Not for pregnant or lactating women. First consult your physician before starting this or any new mineral or nutrient supplement program. Isolated minerals or nutrients are best taken as part of a comprehensive supplement program containing a broad spectrum of nutrients. This product is not recommended for use by diabetics. The D-Ribose used in this product is protected by Patent Numbers 6,159,942; 6,159,943; 4,719,201; 4,605,644 and additional issuing Patents.
Buy online from me!
www.enivamembers.com/janwatts
Heart Health ATP-Pro 5.3 oz. | Heartflow | Q-Plus | Vascular Advantage
At the Heart of a Healthy Body Eniva ATP-Pro™ is a powerful dietary supplement which provides your body with a patented form of D-Ribose, the most fundamental source of energy your body can have. D-Ribose is what your body uses to naturally build its energy stores. Taking Eniva ATP-Pro helps your body quickly replace energy levels that have been depleted by hard work, exercise, or health challenges.
* The patent protection and clinical studies cover a broad range or nutritional and pharmaceutical uses for D-Ribose including: * Promotes heart health and supports optimal cardiac function*
* Assists with energy production and enhancement*
* Promotes muscle mass gains and muscle health (support for muscle soreness, stiffness and cramping)*
* Supports use for fibromyalgia*
Supplement Facts Serving Size: 1 Scoop (5 g) Servings Per Bottle: 30 Calories Calories from Fat 20 0 Amount Per Serving % Daily Value Total Fat 0 g 0% Total Carbohydrate 5 g 2% Sugars 5 g - Protein 0 mg 0% Sodium 0 g 0% D-Ribose 0 g - Ingredient: D-Ribose This product contains a clinically tested and patented form of D-Ribose. In university studies it has been shown to improve cardiac function, symptoms of fibromyalgia and promote muscle mass gains.* ATP-Pro provides patented D-Ribose, a cellular regulator of ATP energy production clinically proven to improve muscle and organ function.* ATP-Pro can help promote the quality of life of individuals consuming it on a regular basis.*
Dose: Immediate Need: 2 scoops daily (1 scoop in a.m., 1 scoop in p.m.) Maintenance: 1/2 scoop, 2 times daily (1 scoop in a.m., 1 scoop in p.m.)
Note: This product may cause a short-lived decrease in blood sugar levels. As such, it is recommended to mix this product with your favorite fruit juice and/or take with food. Do not consume on an empty stomach. Directions: Add one level scoop (included) to 8-20 oz. of water or juice. Stir briskly and drink. It can also be sprinkled on cereal, sliced fruit, pudding, or apple sauce.
Caution: Do not consume if tamper resistant seal is broken or missing. KEEP CAP TIGHTLY CLOSED AND OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. Not intended for children under 14 years of age. Not for pregnant or lactating women. First consult your physician before starting this or any new mineral or nutrient supplement program. Isolated minerals or nutrients are best taken as part of a comprehensive supplement program containing a broad spectrum of nutrients. This product is not recommended for use by diabetics. The D-Ribose used in this product is protected by Patent Numbers 6,159,942; 6,159,943; 4,719,201; 4,605,644 and additional issuing Patents.
Buy online from me!
www.enivamembers.com/janwatts
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