Felt @ MindSay

Just a simply blog of today, but since i don't really feel like typing all that, I'll simply use the link of my hun  to describe our day as far as s-Cryed goes. I pretty much did nothing after that but help my sister buy art supplies for her new art class in school and a few supplies for myself. ^.^

http://callmeroger.mindsay.com/today_felt_like_a_sunday_labor_day.mws

Cute pic of us!

Well it was different, i am glad i wore the dress, i felt much more compfortable dressing my age and i think Sam appreciated it too. I will say i felt like a sorority mom at first, both room mates are female (that is not always the case you know today) and the apartment was definitely a college apartment.

Sam is interesting, she and both her roommates are bi, they all have boyfriends. Sam told me she wanted to get to know better, to have a physical relationship, she is attracted to me because of my personality and age (looks came in there somewhere i think .... i hope). She is studying education and has a year left.

No we really didn't do anything physically, we not much anyway. She was very complimentary on my outfit. Although i felt over dressed but i didn't let it show. One of the girls was in her pjs, i use the term pj very loosely. But i really am not complaining, she was cute ... lol.

Sam and i got a little time alone and we did kissy face, i let her feel me up some (i couldn't let the no undies go without being appreciated ...lol). she liked what she found and she knew what she was doing. mostly i focused on kissing when we were at the physical point of the evening, she was not shy at all, she kissed me first, and then told me she wanted to do that the first time we met.

anyway it ws fun, it excited me and we are planning some time together, i insisted we go shopping and see where that will take us.

it's late and i have to go finish what she started ... nite

I had a dream last night. It was pretty straight forward; I don't think I want to go into details right now anyway.

I was at school and the gyms were open for some testing and this kid was harassing me and  did something to me, I forgot, I think he broke some of my stuff and or punched me in the face. Well After the testing was over I was outside the gym and saw him and started beating the crap out of him because I felt justified but I ended up killing him. This was to be followed up on the cops showing up a few minutes later because of the schools camera systems. I was on trial and I tried to explain how unhappy I was and how this kid had given me shit for so long and no one would help me but the one day I decided to do something he hits his head in the beating and gets killed. No one would sympathize, not the jury, not the judge, not the media, not the cops. Very few people believed me but those people were in no position to help me. I new I would have been executed but they wanted me to know. I told them to do it now but they felt obligated to tell me just what I had did even though  I was set to be killed. I felt like The Stranger

Well I felt really really bad last night.  It was the first time I had actually cursed at her ever in our relationship.  It pretty much just felt like I was loosing grip.  I do still want to make her happy and not have her feeling like I am just trying to use it to get away from her.  I really want to tell her I love her and get maybe something more than an ok, even a ok with a smile would be nice.  I want to be able to call her beautiful and her not think I am lying to her cause its really true, I really do believe she is beautiful with all my heart and I want to tell her that everyday and not have her feel like I am just saying it to say it.  And I know this is impossible but I dont want to fight, not with her, not anymore.  I love her and I always have and always will no matter if she returns the feelings for me or not.  I really and truely and honestly love her and want her to know that.

we took advantge of jim's inability to sleep through the  night without getting up to pee and went out on the deck to see the moon's eclipse. I had never seen a full one and certainly not from my own rooftop deck with no trees obscuring the overhead view.

 

 

We were able to identify the square in pegasus and find pleides (my personal favorite) and some of the zigzags that make Orian deep in the notheast horizon.

 

today we are going to burning bay (???) for summer whale watching and I have promised Jim to spend less than $5.00 as yesterday I had to resupply myself with embellisher needles and black silk chiffon.  I have a wonderful idea for a mosaic style wall hanging made of small multi colored felt rectangles. I may not even attach them to each other but find a way to mount them on a canvas keeping the three dimensional quality and maybe the shadows in the right light.

 

It is a thrill to have the creative juices flowing again after so many years of feeling false and or dead inside.