Fear Factor @ MindSay

well for all of you who like american idol, turn away now. if you do not i do not want to hear your comlaining.

that being said argh i'm so over reality tv shows. i was over them back in like 1998 or 1999 when ever the hell survivor and fear factor began. okay i'll give you fear factor is more of a game show, but american idol , america's next top model, make me desperate for some intelligent conversation. that one with the cloths is okay but real world and all that that is on vh1 is shit. i'm sorry i can't come up with a better word but i just can't its just plan shit! yes there are things that are bringing our society down, sex and violoence is a bit excessive in the media but reality shows....bleck seriously?! seriously!! for once watch something that stimulates your brain, there is really nothing wrong with turning on the history channel every now and then. i know, i know you just might learn something if you do this, and this could very well mean the end of your world because heaven forbid it. but is it really wrong for you to form some intelligent thought?!

*shakes head* i just can't wait to hear all the stimilating conversation about the american idol auditions. my sweet mates have their tv turned up loud enough so that i can hear it through the walls. really doesn't surprise me that they are american idol fans....really, i couldn't imagine them forming a thought that didn't start with "ohh maw gwad!"

Okay, I'm going to tell you all my deepest fear but you must tell me yours if you respond........it's only fair. heh

  My deepest fear is that I will die alone. I'm not talking about physically, I mean without someone to love me...without Someone I can  love. I have friends and I'm never alone but I'm still lonely. I want to meet the right woman in my life and hold her in my arms and kiss her sweet lips, but I do not have that woman....not yet. A lot of co-workers don't get my fear and they ask me Why I am so worried about getting someone in my life. I tell them how I feel and some act like civilized people and drop it others  act like arrogant pricks and keep pushing my buttons. I want to continue my bloodline....for I am the last, and without continuation...without reproduction, I will die and my blood line will cease to be forever. To get there though I need someone to love. I need love before sex (although that part is good too) but I truly want to be in love before I try again. I haven't had love for a while, and I want it to come back to me. I want to be lonely no more...I want to have a partner by my side.....I don't want to die alone......please don't let me die alone....give me all of yourself ....(I speak to my future of course) This downward spiral has to end. First Sarah...then Candace....I can only wonder who will be next. I don't want to die alone.........What is your fear?

I am having a really not good day.

It wasn’t the worst I guess. I definitely have had worse, it’s just that I worked a 13 ½ hour day, and I don’t like it. I worked 6:45 am till 3:15, then I showered, went to talk to my guidance counselor, found out my chemistry book will cost $128, then I went to a cheerleading meeting at 4, then I worked at A&W from 4:30 till 9:30. And we were busy. Okay, maybe we weren’t, but it seemed like it because me and Kasey were the only people doing anything. We close at nine now, and people were coming in AT nine ordering shit when they KNEW we were closed. So all I wanted to do when I got home was cuddle on the couch with Ryan or vent on my mindsay, but my sister was on the computer, and Ryan was at Erky’s. Ryan came over right when my sister got off, and now it’s quarter till eleven. I only have 15 minutes to update everything I want to update before Fear Factor starts. And worstest of all I didn’t quit tonight because I’m scared. I don’t know why I’m scared. It’s stupid.

My sister is such a bitch. Seriously. She turned off the tv that I was watching, then I told her to turn it back on, because I was watching it, and she said, say please..I wanted to deck her. Seriously.

AND, on top of that I think I'm either getting a cold, or getting sick, or something. I can't breathe. I want to go to sleep because I'm exhausted, but Fear Factor is on at 11, and I love that show, plus I'm off at noonthirty tomorrow so I can sleep all afternoon, especially since Ryan has to work, then has football. After that though, I think we're going to The Red Eye. I love Rachel McAdams.

Things that are bad:
My freaking $128 book
I have to work at 7 tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday
I haven't quit yet and I want to 
I need to schedule a tb test, probably before school starts, because diane fucking odenfucker lost the other one.

So, okay. I have 4 days until school starts and I have a SHITLOAD of shit to fucking do.

Or maybe I'm just realizing that my days as a highschooler are almost over. And I dunno about being a teacher..I don't know if I'm going to like working my ass off for nothing, because that's what A&W feels like, but after a while, it really does get to you. But I don't know. I wish I did b/c I don't want to spend all that money on a degree just to not work in that area..I dunno..

I'm soo fucking tired. I can hardly see straight. Seriously. I'm not lying.

Well I'm going to go. Because I have nothing left to vent about.

Love,
Chelsea