Fasting @ MindSay

So, today is Yom Kippur, the day we're supposed to be inscribed in the Book of Life according to Jewish tradition.

Today is a day of self-reflection and forgiveness seeking, a chance to purge all the wrong-doings you've committed in the past year.  You ask forgiveness of those you may have wronged, and hopefully receive it.

So that's what this post is.  Incredibly informal and impersonal, I know... but it's just kind of a cover-all.  I do not consider myself to be overly offensive or abrasive on here, but I can't guarantee it.  For this, I want to apologize for any off-color or off-the-cuff remarks I may have made or seem to have made (sarcasm does not translate well on a computer, as I'm sure many of you know) that caused you pain or suffering, or just made you question my character.  I enjoy my time on Mindsay immensely, love getting to read updates from all of you, and only have the best intentions when conversing with you.  If I ever did or said anything that led you to believe the contrary, please let me know so I can work to repair it further.

  February 24th - 11:55 [t + 03h55m]

I'm hungry..

February 25th - 00:45 [t + 16h45m]

Fasting.. not so easy axually. I'm really hungry.

My girlfriend came over.. I told her that I was so stuffed with all those beans and chocolate cake, that I wouldn't have dinner. I even took an anti-acid to make her believe in my story. On top of that, I cooked her dinner.. gosh.. those scrambled eggs with onion and garlic were killing me!

Now.. the anti-acid was a really bad move. It has sugar.. and apparently, it woke up my reward system which is now constantly saying: "you deserve food!" - so now, I'm dying to take a bite on ANY thing.

I'm feeling kind of tired and sleepy and all I want to do is go to bed.

February 25th - 08:00 [t + 01d00h]

The first day is complete. This really isn't easy. I woke up after only 6h of sleep, thinking about food.

The sun was shining trough my window - something unusual in this time of the year - I felt like it wanted to give me some support. I will have a decent cup of milk and some L-Carnitine. I need them.

February 25th - 11:00 [t + 01d03h]

I'm feeling light-headed and very tired. Certainly due to last night's poor sleep. All I want to do is lie in bed, imagining that this starving sensations is my stomach shrinking.

But I can't do that. I have to go shopping.

February 26th - 01:00 [t + 01d17h]

This is really hard. I feel really, REALLY, weak. I can't imagine this process being any more difficult.

I thought that the tiredness could be a result of poor sleep, but I slept the whole afternoon and I'm not feeling any better. I keep thinking that I should give up, but I know that if I don't make it until the 2nd day, I will have accomplished nothing. I keep thinking of hot-dogs, bacon, eggs, even the beans stew that I have on the fridge..

I know that when I start eating again, I will have to eat really small portions or everything will turn into body fat. I'm already thinking about my delicious steam cooked vegetables with vinegar, salt and some laurel. Gosh.. what a dream!

I believe that I may be needing some salt, but my blood pressure is fine. I made some hot tea with milk and a hint of sweetener. It tasted like heaven!

February 26th - 04:00 [t + 01d20h]

Blood pressure: 110/60 mmHg.

I had to have some salt. Just a couple of licks with a large cup of green tea. My electrolytes must be all messed up. Especially sodium, since I have a nasty headache all over my cranium.

I will keep this fast until tomorrow 8h00 just to finish the 2nd day. After that, I'll eat only when I really have to, i.e., in social moments.

I think tomorrow I will give some blood. I haven't done that in quite a while.. lol..

February 26th - 08:00 [t + 02days!]

That's it! Two days! 48 hours without eating anything. Just a pint of skimmed milk, tea and water. Gosh.. this fasting thing is really ****ed up. I don't know how people manage to do it. I'll stop fasting, but I think I'll keep some sort of diet, after all, I want to lose some weight!

I thought that being in control of my food intake would make me feel better but, actually, it doesn't help at all if I can't focus and all I want to do is lie in bed.. that's really not burning any calories..

What I have noticed is that you can't find any males trying to lose weight on the internet. Apparently, women tend to settle for less weight than what's right for them, and men, usually settle for more weight than they should. I kind of feel lonely in this.

Anyway.. I found out that I won't be able to give blood for the next week. I had a flu seven days ago.. so.. no bloodbath for me!

I think I'll go for that bowel of steam cooked vegetables and an egg..

I'm done with this.

I'm going to stop fasting. At least for long periods of time. I can't afford this constant feeling of near faint. I have work to do and I can't spend the whole day thinking about not eating.

Nobody will support my desire to become thinner nor will let me skip any meals. And quite frankly, I think I just proved myself that fasting really isn't the answer for weight control.

I suppose I'll just try to have a maximum of 1500 calories a day. That'll give me room for at least 3 decent meals a day without any side effects.

And I just had one of those meals: steam cooked broccolli and brussels' sprouts, an egg and two spoons of beans with a slice of chorizo. It tasted awesome.

After this really short experience through extreme dieting, I have found out some interesting things including this incredible documentary on a six week extreme diet: Super Skinny Me.

Do I have an eating disorder? Probably. Sometimes I feel disgusted by food. Sometimes I binge eat. Well, but that's a story for a totally different spring break..

And that was my fasting experience.. it didn't bring me any enlightenment nor increased focus as some say. It did, however, help me to value quality instead of quantity. I think.

Anyway, I've had enough fasting for a loooong time..

For months, I have been thinking about doing a fast. I even planed it, only to see my plans ruined by social obligations.

Right now I'm on my own. No school, no work, no dinners. That means that nobody will be there to question why I am not eating.

I should have thought about it earlier. I wouldn't have cooked that pan of chorizo and beans.. or that chocolate cake. Lol. Anyway..

I've decided to do it. One day at a time. It doesn't matter how long it will last. Even if it lasts only one day, it will be great.

I'll be allowed to drink 1 liter of skimmed milk per day, only. That's around 3 to 4 cups. Oh.. and plenty of water. I will be also taking L-Carnitine to avoid the side effects of low-sugar levels.

Why I am doing it? For willpower. Digestive cleanse. And of course.. to shed a couple of pounds.

Wish me self-control.. >_>

i fucked up today, i started my water fasting and made it through the whole day..and then night hit..it really is true, the longer u set in the dark, the hungrier u get...

i ate chips, teddy grams, popcorn, a cupcake and tons of other crap i didn't need...now i must start over and not give in this time..

im such a loser..i can't even stop eating!!!!

Laura