Family Roles @ MindSay

OK, I'm doing my dramatic lit paper on Ibsen's, A Doll's House, and the gender roles of Western Culture.  So ... the question of the decade is:

Are there specifically ascribed roles in our society today according to gender?  If so, is this healthy? 

Whatever your thoughts, thanks for participating! 

~ B

Our next defense mechanism is DISPLACEMENT.

Displacement is a defense mechanism in which the mind subconsciously transfers emotions or reactions from  the original, overwhelming source, to a less threatening or more acceptable one.  In English, this means you unknowingly take your aggression out on someone or something less threatening.

Some examples of this are:

1) Coming home after a particularly bad day at work and later snapping at your husband.

2) Punching a hole through the wall after hearing bad news.

3) Slashing the tires of someone you hate,

One really destructive form of displacement is called SCAPEGOATING. Scapegoating is the act of holding a person, group of people, or thing responsible for a multitude of problems. Its most devestating when it occurs in groups.  It can be on a large scale, such as when the Jews were seen as the cause of all of the political and economic downfalls in Europe. Or it can be on a small scale such as when it occurs in families.  That's right Tootboy, the family is considered a group. 

Here is a description of a the scapegoat as it pertains to the DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY: 

Acting out child" - "Scapegoat"

This is the child that the family feels ashamed of - and the most emotionally honest child in the family.  He/she acts out the tension and anger the family ignores.  This child provides distraction from the real issues in the family.  The scapegoat usually has trouble in school because they get attention the only way they know how - which is negatively.  They often become pregnant or addicted as teenagers.

These children are usually the most sensitive and caring which is why they feel such tremendous hurt.  They are romantics who become very cynical and distrustful.  They have a lot of self-hatred and can be very self-destructive.

 

Click here for more information about DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ROLES 

 

 

   Between cramming for finals and helping my host mother debate whether or not to adorn our new stereo with ceramic elephants, (which are gradually taking over the living room,) I have been spending more time in the house over the last couple of weeks.  My recent "intense exposure" coupled with four months of observation (of my own and friends' living situations) have provided me with a deeper understanding of the Chilean family. 

   La madre:  In some respects, the "ideal" Chilean mother resembles June Cleaver (including the pearls.)  She is expected to clean, cook, care for the children, and host frequent family events, all while looking as though she has just stepped out of a Polo ad.  Naturally, this role varies somewhat depending on the family economic situation.  I have observed the mothers of friends who deem it better to leave all domestic duties and child-rearing to the "nana," choosing instead to lounge in bed and watch soap operas and reality TV.  

   In addition, (as in many cultures,) the mother is expected to be completely selfless, devoting all waking hours to the care of the family.  "Time with the girls" and "time at the gym" are possible only for the very wealthy, many of whom go to exclusive workout clubs more "to be seen" rather than improve their physical state. 

   Though Chile certainly has its share of working mothers, I feel that this concept is still not as mainstream as in the States.  (Curiously, the "soccer mom" is also absent, since children here are much less involved in school activities, athletics, etc.) 

   Though the current average age for marriage is probably somewhere in the mid 20`s, Berta, (my 75 year old "mama chilena,") married at age 15 and feels that her 18 year old granddaughter is "running out of time."  (From my experience,) women are expected to be married at some point in their lives.  Widows and those who are "separated" are socially accepted; (divorce, recently legalized and considered "un-Christian," is extremely rare,) "soleteras" who have never been married are not.

    El padre:  The "ideal" Chilean father is either a doctor, lawyer, banker, or business owner, works 9-7, and spends weekends with his extended family.  He has an extensive knowledge of history and culture, (demonstrated by his mastery of "sopaletras"-crossword puzzles,) and numerous theories regarding human nature, politics, and, of course, South American fùtbol.  The father is certainly the head of the family (when not separated,) and fathers of friends have been known to exercise this role by refusing certain types of food when served "too often," etc.  Many fathers, though they enjoy family dinners and cookouts on weekends, spend a few hours every night after work at the bar "unwinding" with friends. 

   Los niños:  Children in Chile (at least in my experience,) "stay younger" much longer than children in the States.  As in many South American countries, it is not uncommon for 30 and 35 year old adults to live with their parents.  (My host sister, who lives at home, is 52.)  While this contributes to a strong sense of family, it also occasionally undermines the independence of the young adult.  (Case in point:  My host mother recently informed me that her daughter does not know how to cook, but maybe she will teach her "someday.")  Children, as I mentioned before, are generally less involved.  When I asked my colegio students if anyone belongs to a sports team or plays a musical instrument, less than 10% of the class raised their hands. 

   I then made the mistake of asking if any of them had an after-school job.  After an awkward silence, one lone boy in the back responded affirmatively.  I have since discovered that, unless the family situation is dire, students here are encouraged to focus completely on their classes and not expected to work part time.  (I am unsure how this lack of committments affects grades; the 18 year old host granddaughter seems to spend most of her time text-messaging friends...) 

   En resùmen:  The family atmosphere in general is more reserved.  Since all family members are not on tight schedules, many families are able to eat and spend evenings together on a daily basis.  Social commitments are also more rare; a Chilean friend commented that going to a movie here is discussed with the same reverence as space travel (maybe someday...)  Family vacations usually consist of a few weeks at a beach house in January, though by attending the "Harvard of Chile" (Universidad Catòlica) I have met children of  wealthier familes who travel internationally.   All in all, observing my family here has made me more appreciative of my family at home and given me better perspective on Chilean culture in general.