Falling Out Of Love @ MindSay 
As I spoke, you barely listened, avoiding my stare. Your eyes don't spark or even glisten anymore. You're stuck in a loop of a constant search for a completeness you'll never feel. I'm sorry I couldn't break your heart. I failed to let you down again but that should have been enough for you.
Now it feels like time stands still. In these long days I've shrunken to half hearted smiles revealing me wholeheartedly broken. I can't remember every word spoken. It's all a blur from the first glance down to the last. You're sweetest lies will forever be my deepest wounds. But my every thought is a pick at the scabs. I'll never let it heal. I'm still waiting, for my next chance.
Note : If you want to hear the song I wrote, inspired by this blog, It's on my myspace page here. Click on 'Seeing Through You'
First, let me explain the title of this entry. After I finished my grueling final (I'll blog about that later) I decided to go to the University Center for a bite to eat. They have a television in the lounge that is always on the mtvU channel. However, they always seem to have the television on mute! Why?
Anyway, I saw this interesting video, but I didn't catch the title of the song. Meanwhile, I was on the phone with Environgirl giving her a play by play of the video. I kept saying, "You have to see it. When they flash the name of the video, I'll tell you so you can look for it online." Of course I was insisting that she do it RIGHT AWAY! When the video ended, they didn't flash the title and artist on the screen. I was pissed!
As you can guess, Environgirl found this quite funny and it made her day. She actually said, "That was FANTASTIC! That was possibly one of the greatest things that could EVER happen to you! Then the smug harlot, erupted into bales of laughter!
Well who's laughing now E-girl? Huh? Yeah...that's how I do it -- just like dis herre! How do ya like them apples? You do like em? DO YA? Them eat 'em!!!! Owls rule and bears droooooool! :P (end taunting here)
Cupid's Chokehold
by Gym Class Heroes
I remember some of my relationships and how quickly they seemed to start.
Dan the engineer from Sydney, for example. I met him at a party in Melbourne and the chemistry clicked immediately. We saw each other the next day and the day after and away we went. He returned to Sydney after a week and I was in Sydney 3 week-ends later to see him. Then 2 weeks later he was back in Melbourne for a week-end. And so it went on for several months.
I wish they had all finished as quickly, rather than the crumbling drawn-out sagas that I was put through with some of them.
In case you're a little behind Quacks = Derek, Corky = Me (Don't call me that though.)
I'm sure he just uses it because he has all his contacts on there, he's had it as his e-mail address for like a year and a half, ect. But it still bothers me. He even created a new Yahoo name, but he never uses that one. Just quacksluvscorky.
Well guess what?
Quacks doesn't love Corky anymore. (or "luv" for that matter)
And Courtney doesn't love Derek. Not like that, anyway. Not in a proud way that I want to flaunt around on the internet. I love him in a quite, secret part of my heart that I keep tucked away. I have old love for him, leftover love. It's not like the love I have for John, so vibrant and new, a love I radiate out for everyone to see. No, my love for Derek is just this Gladware full of leftovers that I know I'll never eat but for some reason can't throw out. It's just sitting in my refrigerator/heart, and it's starting to mold.
You know, I asked this question a few weeks ago: How can you go from being in love, and so completely sure of it that you'd risk your life on it, to not even believing what you knew to be truer than the air you breathe?
I'm so confused. Have I been pushing this from day one? Have I honestly been that blind? Last night, I truly thought about it, and now I feel more violated than loved. A LOT more violated than loved. I mean, I've let him...he had me...and then...*shudder* Last night, for the first time in five years, I slept with my teddy bear. I felt so alone, so stupid, so helpless...so young...
Why didn't someone slap me so I'd come to my senses? WHY?!?!?
Ugh. I'm actually sick to my stomach. He had me fooled! I was practically eating out of his hand...so willing to forgive everything...
You know, he made me cry on my birthday. He did. And I just pretended like nothing was wrong...like my feelings didn't count, and he loved me, so it didn't matter because he'd ALWAYS love me...
I look at his picture now, and I feel sick to my stomach. I see his name on the caller ID, and I debate on whether or not to just let it ring. I look at the ring on my finger, and want to take it off, but I don't want to hurt him.
Or do I?
I don't know what I want anymore. God...just when I thought the hole couldn't get any deeper...
Someone...
please...
save me...
*~Slinky~*