Fall In Love @ MindSay

Why aren't you capitalists outraged over this?

The Fed stepping in to help out these corporations and financial firms is despicable. They should just let those bastards fall through. And why aren't the uber capitalists in uproar over this? Many would say that capitalism and democracy instructs to let them fall. Well, IMO, I would love to see the bottom fall out from this rotting country.

Apparently we have enough tax-payer dollars to help corporations who exploit the poor but can't spend a dime to help struggling men and women have a better quality of life.

A newly-minted acquaintance texted me that last week, and I agree with her. Walking home from my parents' this evening, the skies are gray, the sun is that shade of deep orange and low in the sky, it's rather cool and dry out, not so much so that you need a jacket, but it's getting close. It seems that summer was switched off exactly on Labor Day this year, and that's fine by me. I love summer, don't get me wrong - my birthday is deep in the heart of summer - but fall makes me yearn for days of my youth, when I didn't have as many responsibilities other than getting good grades and making sure I didn't forget my lunch. I got to see friends that I didn't during the summer, get back into learning all about the world around me. New challenges. Yeah, I was one of those who liked school. Wearing warmup jackets for soccer was pretty nice. It made me feel like I belonged to something.

 

I was at a friend's house over Labor Day, and his kids greeted me warmly. I asked my friend's oldest how she was doing in soccer, and asked her what position did she play? She then asked me how I knew about soccer, and I told her that her dad and I played together in high school. That seemed to amaze her. You could see the 'whoa!' forming on her lips. Kids are fun.

 

Fall usually evokes the feeling of peace within me. Some of the times I remember, where I have been the most contemplative, were in the fall. I like to be able to wear a light sweatshirt and be comfortable no matter what. I always romanticize that someday my girlfriend will want to cozy up to me while I'm in flannels or sweats, saying something like 'Oooh, you're so warm, hold me!' or something equally romantically corny. I remember reading one of those 'Choose Your Own Adventures' in the fall, with a D&D theme. I was playing it with a friend. Cool autumn days playing 'Flashlight tag' or 'Ghost in the Graveyard' on weekends. Kicking my way through thousands of fallen leaves in all their colors. Then having to rake them in the backyard. . We had this large basket with a rotating brush on the front end, obtained from my grandmother. My parents never wanted to use it, but I always did because if you went fast enough, you showered yourself with leaves as they shot them way up in the air. Fall to me, was like new beginnings. Even in college, new classes, new textbooks, choking on the fees that they charged for a small packet of notes! All the other students, backpacks over their shoulders, waiting at the bus stop, light jackets on against the wind, new people, new opportunities!

 

Most of them, squandered. I made friends, even tried to date some, but the dating never worked out. Friends, however, lasted to this day. Never got involved socially like others. Never partied. Never got drunk. Always watched from a distance, while people hooked up, broke up, then hooked up again, to different people. You could sit in the common areas and watch all this take place, like a book reading itself to you. Even in high school, people would break up, get back together, or move onto other people. It was to the point that I knew, in order, my best friends' girlfriends, since I had known them. I had the scorecard, but I was always AAA, waiting to be called up.

 

Yeah, see? Fall gets me contemplating. I'm trying to date now, thought I may have had a winner with someone who was pretty darn cute, and she even contacted me first on eHarmony, but she has yet to respond to my first email now that we're in Open Communication. It's been a week. I'm ready to toss this one onto the rather large pile of rejections that's in the corner of my closet. I went on a date last week with another woman, again from eHarmony. Things seemed to go well! Then why haven't I heard from her since then? More soul searching, more wondering, 'what is wrong with me?'

 

My friends and family say that there's nothing wrong with me. Some even go so far as to say I may be too picky, I should lower my standards, or that I only go for certain types. Yeah, I go for female, single, breathing, shorter than me, preferably younger than me, and in my perspective, at least cute. Maybe I should ditch the 'breathing' requirement?  

 

I coined a phrase today, on that note. I was watching TV with my sister and there was some comment that she had made about a character on the show, either being involved with old ladies or little kids. And I said, it sounds like he's a 'pre-necrophiliac pedophile'. She laughed, because it made sense to her. All of what I say makes sense, you just need to have as warped a sense of humor or logic as I do to see it.

 

So... I move on, like I always do. Wondering when I might find her, wondering if I already did find her, and squandered the opportunity. New beginnings.

someone said to me the equilvalent of this once:

 

"people don't just stay in love forever unconditionally. when you choose someone to spend your whole life with, you will fall in and out of love with that person a million times. but if you can still best freinds during those rough times, then you will always stay together."

 

it's one of the most true statements uttered out of red-wine stained lips.

 

sometimes i want to throw something at my husband. we are as different as we could possibly be. i want to dance, sing, shout, scream, twirl, excite, explore. he cautiously waits for me to lead so that he can follow.

 

i will spend my last dime on a bottle of cheap champaign and a pair of hot pink leggings. he saves every penny as if his pennies were cantines full of water and he was heading out on a 3 month hike through the sahara.

 

i want to know everything that's happening in the world around me, i want to save everyone i can, i want to look past thier "labels" to help each person i meet be the best person they can possibly be. he categorizes them in his own mind and leaves it at that.

 

i get so frustrated with him on so many levels that if i were a violent girl i would have puched him out a window a long time ago.

 

and yet, i still fall in love with him.

 

he is loyal to me to a fault. while i notice every beautiful creature that walks by, he could be 5 feet away from a group of victorias secret models and still think i'm the most gorgeous thing in the room. i have absolutely no idea why.

 

he is calm. i flip out about the weather, my client dinner, the presidential election, the possible effects of hurricane gustav, whether or not i'm having an allergic reation to the bread i just ate, while he sits there calmly and listens to my ranting, and then gives me the simplest answer.

 

he is the most amazing father. henry adores him. we are 100% equal in our parenting duties.

 

he encourages me to suceed in my career. he is supportive of my ambitions and never tries to turn me into a "housewife" like so many men expect of thier wives once they have children. he knows i would be miserable without my own goals and income.

 

he is the cutest thing ever. he never even tries and he is still handsome. he says cute things without hinking about them. a few days ago i asked him what it's like to have a child that's the same gender as him. i was all pissy and sad and jealous because everyone i know is having/has had a daughter in the near future or recent past and he just said "i always think he's just like a mini little me." and then i looked at them both, he was holding henry upside down but his ankles and swinging him around, and he was right. henry is a miniature him.

 

i think the person your are supposed to be with forever isn't the person who is exactly like you in every way. i think, rather, it's the person that you can love and accept, and be best friends with for life. i think that it's okay to have little to no similarities in political views, spiritually, spending habits, work goals.

 

as long as you have humility, acceptance, and enough insight to forgive the small things, your love will last, in one form or another, forever.

 

who gives a shit about who pays the water bill anyway?

Okay i got boyfriend trouble. i mean nothing really bad. i really dont even think he noes what he is doing. HECK i dont even think i noe whats wrong! but i feel something in my heart that, well i really dont know how to explain it.

SOMETHINGS WRONG!!!

i dont want to ask him if he still has the same love for me as he did the first month we were dating bcuz then he will think that i am doubting our love for each other.

                                                                I REALLY LOVE HIM!!!

i dont know how to tell him sometimes how much i love him!

                    i dont want to say he is hard to fall in love with bcuz he isnt. he loves hard and it was really easy for me to love him!

                                     HELP!!!!!!!

           i cant break up with him bcuz when i think of being without him i feel sad and my heart hurts (well thats a figure of speech i guess, it doesnt hurt physically, it hurts emotionally) but anyways i cant even think of us not being together.

 i allready love him so much.......but what if he doesnt love me as much as i love him???? what if he hurts me????? what if i cant handle it???????? what if he cheats on me????????

                                                   i have all these questions!!!! but does anyone know the answer??? well i need to know!!!

im afraid to fall anymore in love with him because he might hurt me and i am sooooooooo SCARED of that!!!

                       i guess you could say i have comitment issues. but its not my fault, i have been cheated on b4 and i really dont want that to happen again!!! i have been abused (as my boyfriend says to me when i told him i have been cheated on)

         hopefully he sees that i have been hurt and "abused", and hopefully he wont do it to me............

 

 

P.S.

 and if he does ima kick his *ss!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

 

 

-Heather-

What is supposed to happen when you fall in love with someone? The answer to most is clear. They are supposed to fall in love back with you. Or in the least tell you they don't love you and let you move on. My question is what do you do when you don't know? When you cant figure out the answer to the most simplest of questions. When you ask someone if they love you and get nothing but silence. Do you take it as an answer in its own? Maybe they don't want to hurt you. Maybe they do love you but don't know how to put it into words. Maybe they have other motivations. Maybe they are keeping you on the back burner incase their other options fall thru. Maybe they don't realize how selfish they are being. Maybe they don't realize that the answer to this simplest of questions is the only thing keeping you up at night. The thing making you have dreams and nightmares. Making you not pay attention at work. Making you want to do nothing but sit there and think. Making you check your phone every 5 minutes just in case it rang when you weren't by it. Making you wonder about your own self worth and loveability. When all these things are going thru your head it makes that answer seem so complicated. It all boils down to a yes or no answer. And its driving me insane. :-(