Fake People @ MindSay 
no good friends
Too many times as a rationalist I've assumed that my actions were correct, well thought out, and not emotionally driven. I've been wrong many of those times, including this time. The entire theory of rational-driven thinking process rests on that it leads to a better life for one and all. I've been arrogant enough to wear my love for rational on my sleeve, almost flaunting it as if it were a piece of flair.
Where am I going with this? I'll get right down to it. I still have yet to post my hypothesis as to why this has happened in the first place, but it's not relevant right now, because now, this is about selfish little me for two fucking seconds. I usually try to spell it out for everyone with finesse, but I'm not in the mood right now, so here's a list and related reasons of this "sudden realization" of mine.
What I've realized and why
I've realized, really and truly, that it was you who was at fault in this matter for the most part, and I in the lesser. It was my fault only not to realize, ahead of time, that you would do this.
And now for the accusations.
You weren't ready for a step up in the quality of your life. Perhaps it's true, after all, what people have told me, that you enjoy and thrive in your self-made instability. You've now been given every goddamn opportunity I could give you, stretching and ripping any boundaries that I had before, and, still to my surprise, you denied them. Now what does that mean?
It's means that you've continuously lied to me, most of all. You've deceived everyone around you at some point or another, whether they've realized it or not, and I guess I'm just another pawn in your con-artistry? I worked and worked and worked to make the situation more appealing for both of us, but you don't like to make things easy and just say yes, do you?
I thought you were the realest person I knew. You even proclaimed it, if not just agreed with me. You knew I wasn't a materialistic person, and that all these things I have don't mean anything compared to you. That's only scratching the surface of everything you've fucked over. How many other guys out there would be thinking about things like the grand social-political-economic spectrum of life, or getting health insurance?
No, what you are is a liar, an irrationalist, and a fake. That's right, you're fake. Your facade is larger than your ego, as impossible as that sounds. I would never have done anything like this to you, ever, in my life. But now there's one thing you can't do anymore. You can't expect anything out of me including the vows I conditionally promised you.
Now, just as it's always been, this is about you. You could always talk to me and prove me wrong on these statements. I never delcared that they were true, or false, or anything. You could prove to me you are as real as you once proclaimed, and hopefully when you wake up from your own delusions you'll realize what you've done.
Second song, describing a particular individual in mind:
The Way We Talk by The Maine
She's fresh to death,
She'll be the death of you,
Seduction leads to destruction.
She's fresh to *death*,
She'll be the death of me,
She's fresh, She's fresh but not so clean.
Cute face slim waist,
She's got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think he's going crazy.
When she speaks it makes me grind my teeth,
Yet he still thinks she's amazing.
And she's been playing games,
Ever since 98',
Shallow is as shallow does,ya.
Some people never change.
And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.
Sex sells,
And your sex cells make all the lost boys drool.
Cause you're a dime,
But they'll have to wait in line,
Until one of them makes it *two* of you.
Cute face slim waist,
You still got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think I'm going crazy.
I have a long list of things to say,
But I'll leave it at,
You amaze me.
And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.
Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out, put through a paper shredder, and have pretty much no one even notice because they are so caught up in their wonderful lives?
Do you have any idea how bad it hurts?
Do you know how it feels to have the ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE EVER REALLYY CARED ABOUT be 40/50-ish miles away and know that you may not be able to see them for AT LEAST TWO YEARS?!
Do you know how it feels to have all your dreams shattered with one sentence? Everything you've ever hoped and prayed for taken away from you before you even had a chance.
I'm sure there are a few people out there that know how I feel, but I doubt that anyone I will ever talk to could understand how bad this hurts.
All because of one mistake, one amazing night gone horribly wrong, and an overprotective controlling mother, I most likely won't be able to see the MOST COMPLETELY AMAZING PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD again until I'm AT LEAST 17.
I'm 15. So what? You think that just because I'm 15 I can't possibly ACTUALLY LOVE him??? Well, you're wrong. I know how I feel. I love him and NOTHING ANYONE SAYS IS EVER GOING TO CHANGE THAT.
And ... I'd end up pregnant??? Are you serious? That is so stupid. "Guys that age only want one thing." BULLSHIT! That is definately not true. Ugh I have soooo many ways to argue against that point, but a few of them would end up making me seem slightly slutty, so I'm just gonna leave it at that.
"People shouldn't date until they are at least 17." Okay, I'm sorry, we do not live in the '60s. There are 6th graders, 7th graders, 8th graders with boyfriends/girlfriends. Now, I guess I agree that that is a little young, but 15 and 16 year olds should be old enough and mature enough to handle it. It's just really stupid. My mom treats me like I'm in 6th grade or something.
My mom obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. If she honestly thinks that I don't really love him, she obviously doesn't pay attention at all. But the thing is, I think she does know that I really love him, It just scares her. Typical mother. Just, she is overprotective and very controlling, so since it scares her, she does everything she can to destroy it.
She has even said she would go so far as to call the cops on me if i tried to leave town and go see him. She says that whoever takes me will have the cops called on them for "kidnaping" me. Typical psycho.
So hopefully I'm not the only one that thinks my mom has gone beyond the typical mother being protective and went straight to this horrible i-am-going-to-destroy-everything-good-in-your-life mother. I absolutely HATEE it. I would do ANYTHING to get out of this house. Out of this town. Away from this life I thought i knew. Away from all these people with their fake emotions, their fake personalities, their i-am-always-happy-nothing-bad-has-ever-happened-to-me fake attitudes. It's sickening. People here aren't worth staying for. I hate everything baout this town. And I'm afraid that if I don't get out of here soon, I'll end up being sucked in and stuck here for the rest of my life.
Some girl I thought was my friend, only knew her 2 months, was tellingy lies to my boyfriend about me. She said that I told her, or hinted to her that I only wanted to be friends and that I am not ready to..."do" certain things, and get this, that I wasn't "brave enough" to tell him. I told her nothing of the sort. She also said that "maybe it's time to move on". I was very disappointed that another girl who I was becoming very close with was also in this conversation. She wasn't the main one saying it, but she was still in agreement so it's just as bad. I guess I'm in half denial when it comes to her, because I don't want to think that she would do that to me.
Why do people, girls, intend on trying to break us up? Don't you get that it never works? Apparently she's been saying this crap all week. He admitted that he did believe them at the time, but he came and asked me about it and we cleared everything up. And guess what happened after that? We got even closer, once again. We talked on the phone last night for 2 1/2 hours. All it did was further strengthen something that was already unbreakable.
Why do they insist on trying to fuck up my shit? It does not work. We are like that eternal flame, and when you try to break us up, all you're doing is throwing gas on the fire.
It's not even a matter of trust anymore, because I didn't even tell her anything, she plain made up stuff. One day she said "I didn't know you guys were going out! I never see you guys making out or anything". Next thing I know, she's trying to fill his head with lies.
Shame, shame, shame.
"Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around".
I will never forget my first love, but hopefully next time the love will be mature.
Moving on..
friends are hard to find these days. People calim to be your friend, but never make an effort. I am tired of those kinds of people so they are going to be cut out of my life. I wish I wasn't so weak! I always give in and take people back, but this time I am going to be strong.
If you don't want to be my friend tell me and go on your merry way. Please stop pretending.
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