Fake Crazy People @ MindSay

Through the help of a few loving individuals around me and a general keeping myself busy, I've managed to gain some stability in this heinous situation. It came to me this morning as I was hitting the hay at about 6 or so.

Too many times as a rationalist I've assumed that my actions were correct, well thought out, and not emotionally driven. I've been wrong many of those times, including this time. The entire theory of rational-driven thinking process rests on that it leads to a better life for one and all. I've been arrogant enough to wear my love for rational on my sleeve, almost flaunting it as if it were a piece of flair.

Where am I going with this? I'll get right down to it. I still have yet to post my hypothesis as to why this has happened in the first place, but it's not relevant right now, because now, this is about selfish little me for two fucking seconds. I usually try to spell it out for everyone with finesse, but I'm not in the mood right now, so here's a list and related reasons of this "sudden realization" of mine.

What I've realized and why

I've realized, really and truly, that it was you who was at fault in this matter for the most part, and I in the lesser. It was my fault only not to realize, ahead of time, that you would do this.

And now for the accusations.

You weren't ready for a step up in the quality of your life. Perhaps it's true, after all, what people have told me, that you enjoy and thrive in your self-made instability. You've now been given every goddamn opportunity I could give you, stretching and ripping any boundaries that I had before, and, still to my surprise, you denied them. Now what does that mean?

It's means that you've continuously lied to me, most of all. You've deceived everyone around you at some point or another, whether they've realized it or not,  and I guess I'm just another pawn in your con-artistry? I worked and worked and worked to make the situation more appealing for both of us, but you don't like to make things easy and just say yes, do you?

I thought you were the realest person I knew. You even proclaimed it, if not just agreed with me. You knew I wasn't a materialistic person, and that all these things I have don't mean anything compared to you. That's only scratching the surface of everything you've fucked over. How many other guys out there would be thinking about things like the grand social-political-economic spectrum of life, or getting health insurance?

No, what you are is a liar, an irrationalist, and a fake. That's right, you're fake. Your facade is larger than your ego, as impossible as that sounds. I would never have done anything like this to you, ever, in my life. But now there's one thing you can't do anymore. You can't expect anything out of me including the vows I conditionally promised you.

Now, just as it's always been, this is about you. You could always talk to me and prove me wrong on these statements. I never delcared that they were true, or false, or anything. You could prove to me you are as real as you once proclaimed, and hopefully when you wake up from your own delusions you'll realize what you've done.

Second song, describing a particular individual in mind:



The Way We Talk by The Maine

She's fresh to death,
She'll be the death of you,
Seduction leads to destruction.
She's fresh to *death*,
She'll be the death of me,
She's fresh, She's fresh but not so clean.

Cute face slim waist,
She's got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think he's going crazy.
When she speaks it makes me grind my teeth,
Yet he still thinks she's amazing.

And she's been playing games,
Ever since 98',
Shallow is as shallow does,ya.
Some people never change.

And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.

You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.

Sex sells,
And your sex cells make all the lost boys drool.
Cause you're a dime,
But they'll have to wait in line,
Until one of them makes it *two* of you.

Cute face slim waist,
You still got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think I'm going crazy.
I have a long list of things to say,
But I'll leave it at,
You amaze me.

And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.

You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.

Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out, put through a paper shredder, and have pretty much no one even notice because they are so caught up in their wonderful lives?

 

Do you have any idea how bad it hurts?

 

Do you know how it feels to have the ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE EVER REALLYY CARED ABOUT be 40/50-ish miles away and know that you may not be able to see them for AT LEAST TWO YEARS?!

 

Do you know how it feels to have all your dreams shattered with one sentence? Everything you've ever hoped and prayed for taken away from you before you even had a chance.

 

I'm sure there are a few people out there that know how I feel, but I doubt that anyone I will ever talk to could understand how bad this hurts.

 

All because of one mistake, one amazing night gone horribly wrong, and an overprotective controlling mother, I most likely won't be able to see the MOST COMPLETELY AMAZING PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD again until I'm _{AT LEAST} 17.

 

I'm 15. So what? You think that just because I'm 15 I can't possibly ACTUALLY LOVE him??? Well, you're wrong. I know how I feel. I love him and NOTHING ANYONE SAYS IS EVER GOING TO CHANGE THAT.

 

And ... I'd end up pregnant??? Are you serious? That is so stupid. "Guys that age only want one thing." BULLSHIT! That is definately not true. Ugh I have soooo many ways to argue against that point, but a few of them would end up making me seem slightly slutty, so I'm just gonna leave it at that.

 

"People shouldn't date until they are at least 17." Okay, I'm sorry, we do not live in the '60s. There are 6th graders, 7th graders, 8th graders with boyfriends/girlfriends. Now, I guess I agree that that is a little young, but 15 and 16 year olds should be old enough and mature enough to handle it. It's just really stupid. My mom treats me like I'm in 6th grade or something.

 

My mom obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. If she honestly thinks that I don't really love him, she obviously doesn't pay attention at all. But the thing is, I think she does know that I really love him, It just scares her. Typical mother. Just, she is overprotective and very controlling, so since it scares her, she does everything she can to destroy it.

 

She has even said she would go so far as to call the cops on me if i tried to leave town and go see him. She says that whoever takes me will have the cops called on them for "kidnaping" me. Typical psycho.

 

So hopefully I'm not the only one that thinks my mom has gone beyond the typical mother being protective and went straight to this horrible i-am-going-to-destroy-everything-good-in-your-life mother. I absolutely HATEE it. I would do ANYTHING to get out of this house. Out of this town. Away from this life I thought i knew. Away from all these people with their fake emotions, their fake personalities, their i-am-always-happy-nothing-bad-has-ever-happened-to-me fake attitudes. It's sickening. People here aren't worth staying for. I hate everything baout this town. And I'm afraid that if I don't get out of here soon, I'll end up being sucked in and stuck here for the rest of my life.

your supposed to spell your first name out and then for each letter you have somthing to put next to it

L Gorgeous eyes
O Best in relationships
L Gorgeous eyes
a Likes to have sex.

A: Likes to have sex.
B: Likes to flirt.
C: Really likes to chill.
D: Has one of the best personalities ever.
E: Loves to cuddle with their lover
F: People adore you.
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Has a very good personality and looks
I: Is always there for true friends.
J: Lives life for fun.
K: Really silly.
L: Gorgeous eyes
M: Makes dating fun
N: Dead sexy.
O: Best in relationships
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite.
R: Freakin crazy
S: Easy to fall in love with
T: A sweetheart.
U: Really wild and crazy.
V: Not judgemental.
W: Very broad minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: One of the best bf/gf anyone could ask for.
Z: Always ready.

What does your name mean? Just spell your name, and use the sentence next to the letter of your name.

A: Hard to forget
B: Like people.
C:Is wild and crazy
D: Has one of the best personalities ever!
E: a good kisser
F: People adore you
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Really silly
I: one of the best bf/gf any one could ask for.
J: Lives life for fun.
K: Have a very good personality and looks good.
L: Loved by everyone
M: loves to drink
N: Best at everything
O: dead sexy
P: Popular with all types of people.
Q: A hypocrite.
R: Easy to fall in love with.
S: really crazy
T: Drop Dead Gorgeous
U: Really likes to chill.
V: Not judgemental.
W: Very broad minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: has a big butt
Z: always ready to fite'

 

M- loves to drink

I: one of the best bf/gf any one could ask for

s-really crazy

s-really crazy

Y: has a big butt

 

-Or-

M- loves to drink

E: a good kisser

L: Loved by everyone

I: one of the best bf/gf any one could ask for

s-really crazy

s-really crazy
A: Hard to forget

 

depends on what you call me

so copy and past it into your bloggie and see what it says for your name!!!

I feel as if I should write something, yet I have nothing of value to say. But I must remember it is my blog, and I have over the past put the most random seemingly meaningless things, yet I still go back and laugh at them is I suppose it is all worth it.

 

job situation is settling down, even though I'm still VERY UPSET over the whole Jose thing (which I never blogged about and wont because it'll further anger me) but I'm trying to forgive and forget that 2 of my close co-workers have been backstabbing me. I cant get too upset because it'll affect my job performance and they arent going to change, so I'm just going to try to deal with it.

 

school is boring x_x at least at PBA I met a few people who I was friends with and could hang out with after classes but here there's no one. and part of it is my fault since I've become so anti-social in that I hate giving people a chance because I'm almost certain that they're going to dissappoint me. or some have a beautiful mind but they'd rather play dumb and run with the crowd. and sometimes you just simply dont click with people. but also, there's not as much friendliness here as there is it PBA. but in a way I didnt like that there because half of it was fake Christian crap with that whole feeling like you have to be nice to people. I'm so sick of fake people. where are the real people? do they exist? am I fake in a sense? I don't know x_x

 

and romance, HAH forget it. no one looks at me >_> which I'm kind of ok with because I dont have to obsess over my appearance because I already know to a degree what people think of me.

 

haha my glasses are so emo.

 

there's no one even remotely fun to "people watch" right now. how sad is that? everyone and everything is so boring. this is partially why I must dye my hair again. when a customer sees my hair, their whole faces (typically) light up. It's nice to have a change from the ordinary. even better is that I have pink hair, but I'm not all "gothed out". Its a non-threatening conversation starter.

 

ok so this wasnt quite so random, but I'm really just doing this to take up time.

 

I mean writing my thoughts is certainly better than sitting on myspace for an hour looking at random people who arent even my real friends. it makes me sad that the real ones dont care and that they choose to ignore me when I need help. many times people like to sort of brush online friends as unimportant. like they are worth less simply because you cant hop in your car and see them in person. but being a part of mindsay has been such a wonderful experience for me. I can imagine where I'd be right now without you guys! I mean mindsay is better than any therapy!

 

I have spoken with thefatcouple and causticveracity recently on the phone. Mommy (thefatcouple) was wonderful! she sounded exactly as I had thought she would! she's insanely funny, and very intelligent. I felt bad that I had to hang up since I had to go to work/had to majorly pee xD but I feel like I could tell her anything and she wouldnt judge me. I hope one day I'll have the privelege of seeing her >_< and as for mr. causticveracity he has a nice voice ^_^ which I did get to preview in his ode to godess kring, but it was more enjoyable on the phone. I dont remember much of what I said because I was a mixture of hyper/tired (wierd, I know!) but thats where the whole harem of formerly fat women thing came from.

 

again, boring post, I know, but whatever! haha if I get no comments I wont be sad. at least mindsay is her to relieve bordeom!

 

~Angel