Fake Crazy People @ MindSay 
people are crazy
.
I worked a double last night and it never fails, with a full moon comes full moon calls. Have you ever spoken or watched someone that was a little touched, or off the on ramp. I take their calls and as with as people are to label them as crazy I often ask myself what if we are wrong and they can ACTUALLY hear voices. What if they can actually see people that we can't see and we tell them they are crazy, they need to take their meds and be honest about what is going on.
I can count a million different ways I would rather go than to go crazy. Now I don't mean dementia or bipolar, my grandmother has dementia and some days she has a lot of venom and her words can be a little hurtful, but I convince myself her attacks are not personal and I simply need to accept what I don't understand and let her go through it hoping the next day she is back to her normal self. I also don't mean bipolar, I think that there are way too many people that are diagnosed with being bipolar because a doctor doesn't want to deal with the problems instead of the symptoms. No I am talking about the mother that kills her child and said the voices told her to. I am talking about Son of Sam and that stupid dog. What if they really see this stuff and here I am telling them to go past the ghost and open the door for the officer.
Last nights call was one that occurs every couple weeks and I know why I find it hard to look past, the caller sounds and acts like grandmom. Well over 90 this woman calls at least 4 times a month and her concerns can range from someone ringing the door at 2 am and her not being able to see them, to a man on the top of the house trying to come in through the roof instead of the door or window. You can hear the fear in her voice and when she first started calling you could hear the pity as she said you think I am crazy don't you. I try to calm her down until we can get a officer to the house as well as one of her children.
We are not supposed to have relationships with callers that have the appearance of being unprofessional. We are not supposed to pray with callers whether they ask you to or not. We are not supposed to make false promises like "we are going to take care of this.
We are not supposed to do a lot of things that will make them feel better that may cause the situation to worsen, but like I said WHAT IF
Too many times as a rationalist I've assumed that my actions were correct, well thought out, and not emotionally driven. I've been wrong many of those times, including this time. The entire theory of rational-driven thinking process rests on that it leads to a better life for one and all. I've been arrogant enough to wear my love for rational on my sleeve, almost flaunting it as if it were a piece of flair.
Where am I going with this? I'll get right down to it. I still have yet to post my hypothesis as to why this has happened in the first place, but it's not relevant right now, because now, this is about selfish little me for two fucking seconds. I usually try to spell it out for everyone with finesse, but I'm not in the mood right now, so here's a list and related reasons of this "sudden realization" of mine.
What I've realized and why
I've realized, really and truly, that it was you who was at fault in this matter for the most part, and I in the lesser. It was my fault only not to realize, ahead of time, that you would do this.
And now for the accusations.
You weren't ready for a step up in the quality of your life. Perhaps it's true, after all, what people have told me, that you enjoy and thrive in your self-made instability. You've now been given every goddamn opportunity I could give you, stretching and ripping any boundaries that I had before, and, still to my surprise, you denied them. Now what does that mean?
It's means that you've continuously lied to me, most of all. You've deceived everyone around you at some point or another, whether they've realized it or not, and I guess I'm just another pawn in your con-artistry? I worked and worked and worked to make the situation more appealing for both of us, but you don't like to make things easy and just say yes, do you?
I thought you were the realest person I knew. You even proclaimed it, if not just agreed with me. You knew I wasn't a materialistic person, and that all these things I have don't mean anything compared to you. That's only scratching the surface of everything you've fucked over. How many other guys out there would be thinking about things like the grand social-political-economic spectrum of life, or getting health insurance?
No, what you are is a liar, an irrationalist, and a fake. That's right, you're fake. Your facade is larger than your ego, as impossible as that sounds. I would never have done anything like this to you, ever, in my life. But now there's one thing you can't do anymore. You can't expect anything out of me including the vows I conditionally promised you.
Now, just as it's always been, this is about you. You could always talk to me and prove me wrong on these statements. I never delcared that they were true, or false, or anything. You could prove to me you are as real as you once proclaimed, and hopefully when you wake up from your own delusions you'll realize what you've done.
Second song, describing a particular individual in mind:
The Way We Talk by The Maine
She's fresh to death,
She'll be the death of you,
Seduction leads to destruction.
She's fresh to *death*,
She'll be the death of me,
She's fresh, She's fresh but not so clean.
Cute face slim waist,
She's got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think he's going crazy.
When she speaks it makes me grind my teeth,
Yet he still thinks she's amazing.
And she's been playing games,
Ever since 98',
Shallow is as shallow does,ya.
Some people never change.
And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.
Sex sells,
And your sex cells make all the lost boys drool.
Cause you're a dime,
But they'll have to wait in line,
Until one of them makes it *two* of you.
Cute face slim waist,
You still got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think I'm going crazy.
I have a long list of things to say,
But I'll leave it at,
You amaze me.
And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.
Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out, put through a paper shredder, and have pretty much no one even notice because they are so caught up in their wonderful lives?
Do you have any idea how bad it hurts?
Do you know how it feels to have the ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE EVER REALLYY CARED ABOUT be 40/50-ish miles away and know that you may not be able to see them for AT LEAST TWO YEARS?!
Do you know how it feels to have all your dreams shattered with one sentence? Everything you've ever hoped and prayed for taken away from you before you even had a chance.
I'm sure there are a few people out there that know how I feel, but I doubt that anyone I will ever talk to could understand how bad this hurts.
All because of one mistake, one amazing night gone horribly wrong, and an overprotective controlling mother, I most likely won't be able to see the MOST COMPLETELY AMAZING PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD again until I'm AT LEAST 17.
I'm 15. So what? You think that just because I'm 15 I can't possibly ACTUALLY LOVE him??? Well, you're wrong. I know how I feel. I love him and NOTHING ANYONE SAYS IS EVER GOING TO CHANGE THAT.
And ... I'd end up pregnant??? Are you serious? That is so stupid. "Guys that age only want one thing." BULLSHIT! That is definately not true. Ugh I have soooo many ways to argue against that point, but a few of them would end up making me seem slightly slutty, so I'm just gonna leave it at that.
"People shouldn't date until they are at least 17." Okay, I'm sorry, we do not live in the '60s. There are 6th graders, 7th graders, 8th graders with boyfriends/girlfriends. Now, I guess I agree that that is a little young, but 15 and 16 year olds should be old enough and mature enough to handle it. It's just really stupid. My mom treats me like I'm in 6th grade or something.
My mom obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. If she honestly thinks that I don't really love him, she obviously doesn't pay attention at all. But the thing is, I think she does know that I really love him, It just scares her. Typical mother. Just, she is overprotective and very controlling, so since it scares her, she does everything she can to destroy it.
She has even said she would go so far as to call the cops on me if i tried to leave town and go see him. She says that whoever takes me will have the cops called on them for "kidnaping" me. Typical psycho.
So hopefully I'm not the only one that thinks my mom has gone beyond the typical mother being protective and went straight to this horrible i-am-going-to-destroy-everything-good-in-your-life mother. I absolutely HATEE it. I would do ANYTHING to get out of this house. Out of this town. Away from this life I thought i knew. Away from all these people with their fake emotions, their fake personalities, their i-am-always-happy-nothing-bad-has-ever-happened-to-me fake attitudes. It's sickening. People here aren't worth staying for. I hate everything baout this town. And I'm afraid that if I don't get out of here soon, I'll end up being sucked in and stuck here for the rest of my life.
L Gorgeous eyes
O Best in relationships
L Gorgeous eyes
a Likes to have sex.
A: Likes to have sex.
B: Likes to flirt.
C: Really likes to chill.
D: Has one of the best personalities ever.
E: Loves to cuddle with their lover
F: People adore you.
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Has a very good personality and looks
I: Is always there for true friends.
J: Lives life for fun.
K: Really silly.
L: Gorgeous eyes
M: Makes dating fun
N: Dead sexy.
O: Best in relationships
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite.
R: Freakin crazy
S: Easy to fall in love with
T: A sweetheart.
U: Really wild and crazy.
V: Not judgemental.
W: Very broad minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: One of the best bf/gf anyone could ask for.
Z: Always ready.
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