Failing @ MindSay 
school
Drinking: Water
Listening to: iTunes on shuffle
Talking to: Well, I WAS talking to Taylor...
Excited for: YOUMACON!! <3 and NaNoWriMo
Depressed about: Failing my calculus test this morning
Doing: Packing for Youmacon~
This morning suuuuuuucked. I failed my calculus exam. ;3; I just couldn't do most of it. I really think I need some help in it. ^^; I'd go to the student advisor for the class, but he's only around in the morning before class, and there's just no way I can get there that early. I just don't want to. So I'll have to go to the ASC and find a tutor, I guess...
So.... recap! Sunday, my friend Andi and I went to a haunted house--the Realm of Darkness out in Pontiac. It was a lot of fun~ I didn't really get scared that often, but that was probably mostly because Andi was clinging to my arm and she went first through everything. XD I only got scared twice or so, once when they blew air at us after we walked into a completely pitch black room, and another time when Andi screamed. XD And maybe once when someone jumped out at us, I dunno.
We failed at all the riddles and trivia, though, so we didn't get to meet the Wizard and collect prizes. :( We'll have to do a better job next year~
Apparently one of our forumers at ALoP has the Swine Flu. D8 Chiharu claims she has had it for the past three days... I'm sure she'll be fine, but that would be the first person I know who has contracted it. Since I'm going to be around fifty-bazillion people in a closed space during the con this weekend, my aunt insisted she buy me a bottle of hand sanitizer, and I try out those medicines that are supposed to prevent you from getting sick. I forgot to buy them, though. XD;; I still hope I don't get sick with anything, that would suck. Last year I lucked out, but this year I'm staying at the hotel so I have a higher chance of having prolonged contact with potentially sick people... ewww con funk. D:
Yesterday I had my midterm in Short-Stories and Novels. I dunno how I did... I don't think I did extremely well, because I had a hard time with the essay questions, but I hope I did at least decently. It won't do to fail two classes this semester (the other one likely being Calculus). :(
YOUMACON STARTS TOMORROW!!! <333 Today I have a bunch of stuff I need to do (one important thing I still have not done yet...) and then I'll finish up those things and go pick up Andi.
Today I had to:
Clean out my car
Start packing my suitcase--still have to do that
Buy drinks and snacks
Start packing the cooler
Begin packing the car
and charge my DS/rearrange my game case for games I might actually PLAY.
Tomorrow I have to:
Make sandwiches
Finish packing cooler
Finish packing suitcase
Finish packing the car
Organize online things
And then a little before 2 I have to pick up Andi from her class at school. We'll then be coming back to my house, watching Silent Hill (yay Pyramidhead~), and then we'll head off for EPIC FUN TIEMS in Dearborn!
I'm so fucking excited. 8DDDDDDD <33333
I have a big huge list of individual things I have to remember--like my medicine and the batteries for my camera, which I am 60% likely to forget on my own--so hopefully I won't forget anything. XD
NaNoWriMo also starts Sunday~ I'm not so sure I'm going to be doing Precious Wingbeats anymore. It kinda lost the NEW SHINY STORY spark, and I've realized there's a shitload of plotholes and things that don't quite make sense. So I dunno what I'm going to do... I might do Lifeless, but that already has the first chapter written and finished... I could just continue and not count the first chapter in my count, though. I really really should get that story done, I have the whole thing plotted out with lots of scenes to do, so I know I could easily get 50K out of it, and it has been sitting around since March-ish. Might as well use NaNo for a crash-course in getting the story out, yes? :3
I don't know. We'll see. I'll have to decide soon, though, I'm already going to get a bad start because of Youmacon.
I've got to start packing and then go to class, so this is all I can say for now. Goodnight, digital abyss~
...And so now it's time for me to blog!
How is it half way through September already? I guess when one daydreams like me time gets away from you...
Schools been...well...school. I've gotten back into my old ways of procrastination and I've already fucked up a couple quizzes and am probably at least a week behind. Good fucking job, Kristal...
But I guess its better to have my "wake up call" now than a month or so from now. If I really kick my ass into gear I can get things done. I talked to my counselor about my laziness at school (among another things…I will get into that later in the blog) and she gave me some great advice. She said to stop thinking in the past and live "here and now" and that thought has been swimming around in my head since yesterday when she said it. It's so very true...I daydream and worry a ridiculous amount, and it really does prevent me from doing my schoolwork, because I end up thinking my daydreams and reflecting on the past for hours on end is more important than work. I literally make up scenarios in my head about things I have done/may do in the future and think about what my friends and family will do if they find out, and I do that several hours a day everyday. Its fun to do but its becoming a real interference with my priorities.
I think I'm going to take her advice and try to plan out my priorities a few days at a time. When I mean, “plan” though, I do not mean "At 6:30 I have to do ____, at 7:00 I have to do ____" because that will just be too structured for me-I like to be spontaneous. What I mean by planning is that "I have to do ___, ___ and ____ today". I think that will work much better for me.
My counselor also gave me some play dough and its really been helping with my trichotillomania. In the past 48 hours I have only pulled out 1 eyelash (No head hair!:D). It keeps my left hand busy and therefore impossible for me to pull. It’s amazing what a difference something so simple can make.
Anyways, I better stop this procrastination and do my lab (hopefully D:). I'll try posting with new trich pics soon... Just a warning though, my bald spots have gotten pretty bad...*sigh*.
-Kristal
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Through The Fire & FAIL
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Summer Accomplishments:
- Completed band career 100% - (GH: Greatest Hits)
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Today's actually been better than I expected. :)
I couldn't get to Ashleigh's because of dad's dodgy shifts, so she came here instead.
Before she came though, mam was in my room on my computer writing AN ANGRY COMPLAINT LETTER.
She bought these red towels from Next - and they're a nice colour and quite soft, they just have a tendancy to cover everywhere in a layer of red fluff. You can't even dry yourself with them without getting covered in random moutled bits.
So she went onto the Next website and started writing out this e-mail to them.
I read it over so I could correct her spelling and grammar errors.
(She just doesn't know how to get a CAPITAL I....)
It was so bloody funny though - she even slagged off Primark by saying summat along the lines of: "OH MURR, IF I'D GOT THEM FROM PRIMARK I'D EXPECT SHODDY QUALITY."
Then she twisted the truth. I AM asthmatic - but when she said: "AND MY ASTHMATIC DAUGHTER CANNOT EVEN USE THE TOWELS" - that's bending it a bit too far. :)
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Ashleigh brought her slider-panel Metallica guitar with her today.
Nice one - we were both using guitars we were comfortable with.
I didn't feel at my strongest, so I played on Hard instead of Expert.
I still did lead though - Ash went on bass.
We managed to complete the entire career - from the end of level 2 (as Shelly and I had done the first few songs on Wednesday) right up to the TTFAF finale on level 8.
And we didn't get a single three star!
It's five stars all the way with the odd four star on the dodgy songs.
Christ, Beast & The Harlot - I almost got 100% on it.
And I only didn't because of a few silly errors.
AND IT'S ON LEVEL SEVEN.
I KNOW I can FC that - I'm gonna give it a go soon. :)
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It's weird - when I'm playing GH WITH someone - I can talk to them.
When someone's watching me - I can't. It puts me off something chronic.
So as we spent these few glorious hours sitting together on my bed, drinking Pepsi, eating Pom-Bears and playing GH: Greatest Hits - we held many-a random conversation. :)
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Ash is so cute. :)
When I was downstairs, making our food - she shouts: "Dixie....!"
I go: "...What Ash?"
She goes: "...Come heeeeeeere...!"
I go up, get to the bathroom and say: "What is it, Ash?"
She mumbles: "I need one of your paaaads..."
I actually didn't laugh at her - I could see she was embarrassed - so I went and got her one. Graciously. :)
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I made us both hot-dogs for our tea.
We sat outside in the back garden on the pub bench.
It was sunny, but we get a lot of shade in our garden because of Wendy's beasty tree in the garden next door.
It was quite soothing - especially since we were sat by the lavender bushes.
Lavender makes me super-relaxed and calm. :)
I had three hot-dogs - two with cheese, one without.
Ash had three hot-dogs, one with cheese, two without, all with ketchup.
Then I offered her one of the RANDOM CHOCOLATE BALLS.
Mam came in the other day and said: "Oh, there's some chocolate cake things in the fridge."
They're like little cups of chocolate sponge cake with chocolate icing, chocolate sauce in the middle and chocolate chips on the top. They're fucking nectar - and Ash agreed. :)
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When we'd eaten, we went back to Guitar Hero.
We went on to Quickplay - as I'd got the urge to go on vocals.
I wanted to prove to Ash how hard it was for me to get 5 stars on Them Bones playing Expert vocals.
Simply because my voice is too high and there's a few lines that I can't sing.
I only went and fucking got FIVE.
Seriously, you try and prove you CAN'T do something, and you CAN...
I also sang Cult Of Personality (on request by Ash, because she likes it) and Play With Me.
Shelly told me to see if Ash could pass it on Hard lead guitar. She did - she didn't fail that epically. She got about 89%.
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The most amusing moment of today was definatley TTFAF. :)
Ash was complaing about how easy it was on bass when we played it during the career.
So I suggested she play it on guitar while I sing it.
I was singing the chorus with varying voices and octaves - I went from Princess Peach to a random cave ogre, to a bloke with a snotty nose to a lopsided dwarf - then I'd SQUEAL.
Ash was in absolute fits. :)
Not only that - but Ash seemed to be scraping her way through it - so when I had no lyrics to sing, I was making up my own to the tune of the song, regarding Ash's current performances.
And it was SO exact! It was super-spontaneous, but it fitted to the lyrics so well.
Just imagine this to the tune of TTFAF:
I fail at hammer-ons,
I fail at slider notes,
I fail at open strums,
I fail at GENERAL strums,
I fail at orange,
I fail at blu-uuu-ue!
I fail at green-red-YELLOOOOOOOOW!!!
I fail at whammy bar,
I fail at star power,
I fail all the tiiiiiiii-iiime!!
No wonder Ash was failing - she was doubled up laughing half the time. :)
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I got Ash laughing again after this - we went on YouTube and watched some videos in my favourites.
Just like Lewis did, she was pissing herself at Brookers' Harry Potter parody video.
Along with the "Hello DAVE!" video, random CassetteBoy videos and YouTube poops.
I even showed her Give Me Back My Spleen - the video that Ashley Robson and the knobhead boys made in year 11.
I have nothing against Ashley, Garrie, Lamby or Foxon - but the rest of them were absolute dickheads.
Ash was just amused at how bad it was. :)
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And before Ash left - we spent a while discussing DATWBSVOH. :)
She gave me some more ideas, and inspired me of a way to unstick myself.
I'm currently stuck at a section where the two main rivals are arguing and insulting each other - and I wasn't sure on how to end it.
I've decided that Andrew Eagle is going to twist Ashleigh Sparrow's wrist back over on itself, making her cry, almost.
I tested this move on the real Ashleigh - so I could document her reaction to it.
Her voice went proper high. :D
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I've spent a lot of time tonight on MSN, talking to Kyle and Adam.
I really need to talk to Kyle more often.
He's matured a lot - he's not once said something stupid in the past few days.
I've got him interested in the Backloggery, and he's made an account on it.
We spend a lot of time discussing games, mainly.
We were both shocked and amused when Kyle asked me who the most annoying character in video game history was.
We both typed our answer simultaneously - Ashley Graham from Resident Evil 4. :)
With Adam - he's just being Adam.
Getting drunk on Peach schnapps while we both sent each other YouTube links to Countdown bloopers. :D
Drinking: Monster energy drink
Listening to: Spongebob Squarepants playing in the background
Should be doing: Finding a new job, actually taking my medicine, fanfic writing
Should have already done: FAFSA
Kitsune no Tora is feeling: As of Monday: Frustrated, overwelmed, tired
Today: Relieved, freed
The past week and the beginning of this one was just TERRIBLE and STRESSFUL.
I absolutely despise the paper assigned to us by my Humanities paper. It's so out of my element. :/ We had to take some piece of art/architecture from the metropolitan Detroit area and write a research paper.
I wasn't completely clear on what we were supposed to DO, and that's just so broad of a subject that I was just at a loss for what to do. I ended up putting it off, and, the day it was due, I had nothing.
Since the paper was a third of our grade, I had to come up with SOMETHING, no matter how terrible, because otherwise I would fail the class. Which would be a very very bad idea. D: I ended up deciding on Thursday night (it was due that afternoon) to do my school, since the architecture is pretty cool and I figured the information would be simple to get, I did have the library of the same college to root through.
Boy was I wrong. It was IMPOSSIBLE to find anything on the buildings themselves. I couldn't even find the damn architects. DX The only name that came up was Perkins and Will, but when I searched it nothing for the school came up. :/ And there were absolutely no records available to me on campus.
I ended up scrambling and bullshitting my way through the entire paper, and STILL ended up a page short. :/ There wasn't much I could do, though, so hopefully I'll get at least a C on it. Any lower than that and I get a C for the class, which isn't good at all. D:
Trigonometry has also been kicking my ass. I really hope I did decently on my final today, although I'm not confident at all. The entire second section was just one big train wreck. DX Edit: I just got my grade from my teacher. I completely BOMBED it, like I thought I did. I got an F, leaving me with a C in the class. DDDX Damn it, that just totally toasted my grade point average. DX
But, there is ONE good thing about today: I AM FREEEEEEEEE~ <3 Until September, anyway.
I only get like, a half of summer. ;_; I'm never taking summer classes again. D: It was just baaaaaaaad.
Just for the hell of it, I did that rate my life thing.
| This Is My Life, Rated | |
| Life: |  4.9 |
| Mind: |  5.8 |
| Body: | 5 |
| Spirit: | 5.5 |
| Friends/Family: |  3.2 |
| Love: |  0 |
| Finance: | 5.2 |
| Take the Rate My Life Quiz | |
Quite honestly I'm not very surprised.
On another note, I finally get to spend time working on the collab. :3 Raven has already started, and it has been my turn for a while now, but I've just been so busy and stressed that I couldn't get myself to work on it.
But Raven seriously needs some help, though. He really rushed it the first time he wrote his section, it sounded more like a summary than anything else. So I told him to flesh it out, and he explained that he was trying to cut down on unnecessary babble and just get on with the story. I told him that there was a fine line between too much information and not enough, and that he crosssed the line a little bit, and he agreed to work on it.
The problem is, now he's adding unnecessary details. He definitely needed more detail, but not the kind he's adding. :/ It's just BORING. I told him to include what his character sees and experiences, but he's not good at that, apparently.
The only reason I'm really bugging him about it is that I know that there are some of us who use a lot of detail when writing (myself included). We have to be able to shape this into a cohesive style, something we missed out on last time, which caused it to suffer.
Taylor and I have our work cut out for us as betas. ^^;;; We have a lot of new people who are pretty young, and we have no idea on their writing skill. I expect to be rearranging sentences so that it flows better a lot; I've already run into that with Raven. Taylor and I have decided that she would go through it first, fixing minor things like spelling and grammar, and anything awkward that she decides is bad enough to merit changing. Since I have more guts to tear things apart, I'll go through it and fix the flow and try and mesh the style into something more singular.
It will still be their writing, I'm not going to completely tear it apart or anything, I'm just going to FIX it, like I would as anyone else's beta.
So yeah. :3
I came up with a oneshot idea a couple of days back. But I had a little tiny plot hole, so I had been brainstorming ways to fix it. Fortunately, Sunday night as I was going to sleep I figured it out completely. Satisfied, I went to sleep.
I really wish I had thought to WRITE IT DOWN, because I had completely forgotten what I had planned by Monday afternoon, when I finally had time to work on it. :/
That night I sat down and tried to rack my brain for the information, but it didn't come. I managed to piece together another way to fix it, although not as good as the first time, but then the unthinkable happened.
My MS Word subscription ran out. None of my documents in docx format work. I can open them, but they're read only. I can't even copy and paste. WHAT. THE. FUCK. AT LEAST LET ME COPY AND PASTE IT INTO WORDPAD, IT'S MY FREAKING WORK!!
Of course, I still had to finish my Humanities paper that night, so after a few moments of freaking out I decided to try saving it on my flashdrive and work on it on the desktop. Thankfully that worked, so I finished my paper. I didn't want to deal with my oneshot after that, so it has sat locked on my laptop since then.
What a piece of shit. Now I have to download my sister's MS Office so that I can do anything beyond read my documents.
I could technically just retype everything, but there's NO WAY I'm doing that, that would take too long. Of course, by now I have forgotten my new way of fixing my plot hole, so I have to sit and think about it again. I haven't been able to concentrate on it as of late, though. Most of the thunder of the idea is gone. :/
But it's SUMMER, so I should have plenty of time to get back into the idea again. XD
Still on the topic of fanfiction, The Village Square's monthly contest is still plugging along. I haven't entered since January, with my fanfic All I Deserve (the theme was Opposites). But this month (er, last month), I manged to get inspired by the theme Secrets, and wrote a funny little oneshot called Dirty Little Pleasure.
The title is a little misleading, since it's only T in rating because of very mild language, but whatever. XD It fits, I think. Surprisingly, it's a crossdressing fic. I just got so amused by the idea of Jake from Rune Factory 2 (the most angry character in the game) dressed up as a french maid that I couldn't help myself. XDDD I BLAME KINGDOM HEARTS FANFICTION XPPP
Voting started last night at midnight, and I put in my votes a couple hours ago at my grandma's. It was sooooo hard to pick. I managed to narrow it down to 7, but after that it got real painful. DX
I really don't think I'll win, because the contest focuses on Harvest Moon more than Rune Factory, and my fic is something only a select few will like and probably vote for. I think that's the reason why the last time I entered I only got 1 vote - then again, I was probably lucky that I got one, because there were so many entries that some people didn't get any votes at all. There's more votes allowed this time, but I have a feeling that quite a few are going to end up unloved. ^^;
Plus, I think my entry the last time was a lot better than this one. And there's so many other amazing entries, I really don't think I'll win. I will be pleasantly surprised if I even get a vote. XD
This weekend is the 4th of July~ I'm excited. Normally we go to my uncle's house on the lake and watch the fireworks over the water, but I think this time I'm going out with some friends Saturday to watch some somewhere in downtown Detroit. Should be fun; I don't head that way very often, and it has been a long time since I've seen some people.
I really want to hang out with Andrea, though, that's pretty much the only reason I'm going - she said I should. XD;
BUT I'M SUPER EXCITED ANYWAY. 8D
This is getting super duper long, so that'll be it for this update.
Goodnight, digital abyss.
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I don't know how the legendary mood I was in all day yesterday could have turned sour so fucking quickly.
I think I know ultimatley what the trigger to my depression was.
I was reading over my prospectus to Teesside University. This week in college is the Stepping Up week - thus, we're having endless talks about unversity, how to apply, how to write personal statements and all that shite.
The course I'm interested in is English Studies & Creative Writing.
To enrol on it, you need 220 UCAS points.
If I end up with three Cs for my three A2s - that will give me 260 points. But I'm still doubting I can even reach that... I don't want C grades - but that's the bare minimum I need. Although, like I said - I'm still doubting if I can even do that.
The other issue is of course -the course is Creative WRITING - the one thing I'm having great difficutly attempting.
I haven't got a clue how I managed to write the introduction to DATWBSVOH yesterday. What's weird is the fact I wrote it on paper... I usually struggle a lot to get things down on paper, as opposed to a word processor. If I do end up writing anything down on paper - it also tends to be of a shitty quality.
I'm still unsure if I like what I've written but...
My writing tends to have a few stages to it, and judging how I feel as I'm writing it and after I've finished, I can tell if I'm going to like it or not.
During the writing process:
1) I'll be writing rapidly, maybe even smiling as I do so.
2) I'll be writing at a moderate speed, getting a rare sentence or paragraph block.
3) I'll be writing slowly, getting frequent blocks.
4) I'll be writing incredibly slowly, struggling to conjure up basic words and phrases.
5) I won't get anything written at all. I may write one or two sentences, but promptly delete them.
After it's complete:
1) I'll shrug, not finding many or any faults with it, but unsure if I like it or not.
2) I may find one or two faults, but I won't feel any dislike for it yet.
3) I'll read it over and truly not have a clue how to judge it because it's equal either way.
4) I'll hate every word of it, refuse to read it again and get upset with myself.
5) I'll delete it before it's even fully finished becuase I hate it THAT much.
DATWBSVOH's introduction ranked #1 for during writing and #2 for after completion.
I'm wanting to know - was it a fluke, or will I be able to continue?
If it's not a fluke and I manage to write something else pretty soon, I'm going to see if I can continue with some old work. I'm thinking of maybe putting some fan fiction on hold, continuing ahead with my original fiction.
It isn't fair - the best thing I've ever written WAS fan fiction.
Goddammned TFATH.
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Either way - I started getting really depressed after thinking things over.
I haven't done what I did for a few months.
I'd even told Dianne that I thought I'd totally stopped.
It seems not.
Now I feel like I've let her down. :(
I'm also afraid of telling Shelly about it. I'd have told her this morning, but she had an exam to worry about - I didn't want to ruin her concentration and motivation streak by making her worry about me.
I washed my jacket last night, so I've had to wear my striped jumper to college.
It's so warm here in the LRC, but I can't even roll my sleeves up...
I tried out the new carving technique I used a while ago and really liked.
First, I'll carve out my word/phrase/intials - then I'll use a small piece of metal to run red food colouring or red ink through the cuts. This stains the skin underneath and makes them stay for longer.
I'll then cut over them again once the ink has dried.
I used food colouring - it works well, but it has a tendancy to stain any non-cut skin a weird orange colour.
Last night's carving was: "FAILURE" - something I've felt like cutting into myself for quite a while.
I have to stain them because I just don't seem to hurt myself as badly as I used to. My old cuts would stay for weeks, possibly months. My newer ones only seem to stay for about a fortnight.
It just doesn't give me the same release any more. I still bleed as much as I used to - but they're nowhere near as deep. I add to the blood effect (which is what I really like to see) with the ink...
I'm really worried about what Shelly's reaction is going to be though...
Ashleigh too - but by the time I see her, they may have healed over a bit... :(
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