Expired @ MindSay


 

   
PROTIP
PROTIP: Don't drink expired milk.
 
 
   
 

okay Seriously?
howdy howdy all

I'm having kind of a Diva moment.

Did I really just go to get my eyebrows waxed and come back looking as if I never went? Are you for real? I had to come and RE DO them!!!!!

I may have to wait for Torridgirl to get here and have her FIX this mess!
I did not tip her but I did pay her because she got the unsightly chin hair (ugh dont ask).
Whatever. I gotta find my damn passport because my state ID is expired ( I was supposed to finally go and get a driver license this morning but...(dont ask)). Anyway if you go to the airport with a damn expired ID they crawl up your nethers and camp out (without dinner or a phone call afterwards).

later gators!
Goddess Bless
 
 
 

   
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I asked myself the other day, if I were to die right now, who would come to my funeral? Who wouldn't come to my funeral? What would they say about me? Would they be angry? Would they remember me with love and compassion, or would they curse me for leaving? Would they miss me?

I can't even answer these questions, without really asking myself, why haven't I just killed myself already? I've got nothing to lose, nothing to really regret. Nothing could be worse than the hell I'm already living in. Surely, death would be a sweet release from this prescribed nonsense. But I can't. I've definitely lived past my expiration date. I have no future, no past. Just another human being wasting space. What am I doing here? I can tell you what I'm doing, I'm wasting my life tormented by memories from the past, dulling the pain away with drugs, and sinking further and further into depression and anxiety. My own personal cocktail of emotions. I only wish I had something sweeter to mix it with.
 
 
   
 

Living past my expiration date?
Just when you think life can't get any worse it likes to slap you right in the face, then spit in it, then slap you again...

I am really really pathetic, such a living waste of space, just another useless human being that has outlived it's usefulness...Every day I wake up and think to myself, have I unexpectedly passed my expiration date? What am I living for? I don't see myself as having a future in anything other than wallowing in my own self-hate and misery, becoming homeless or getting institutionalized in a mental ward. And mind you this is as soon as I wake up in the morning. I always sound so pathetic and whiney, like my problems outweigh everyone elses...as if everyone elses problems in the world don't mean shit when compared to mine. Then again I do find refuge in the fact that someone else out there might actually have it worse than I do.

I've lived such a fucked up existence. I can't help but feel that maybe I just wasn't meant to be and as a result of living beyond my death date everything I'm experiencing now is just a glimpse of what my personal hell will be like. Because I can honestly tell you right now, that if there is a hell it would be repeating my life over and over again, without any recollection of me knowing so. It truly would be a living hell.

I've been doing a lot of drugs this week. Pretty much baked myself silly the past few days... getting drunk then popping sleeping pills. Basically sleeping entire days away. It's so hard not to show these things when I'm around other people, but then again I wonder if they know I'm actually depressed, but choose not to acknowledge it, just like everything else wrong with me. I think people push it aside for some reason and still choose to be around me. Perhaps it's because I can put on one hell of a mask. I've always been good at lying.

I want to see a psychiatrist, but monetary-wise I wouldn't be able to afford it any time soon, nor would I be able to conceal it from my parents...so it's basically out of the question for the next two years of my life, assuming I live that much longer. Once I graduate from college and start working for a living/move away I will immediately seek out psychiatric help....I just hope I can make it that long without cracking again.

I'm also crying right now. Don't now why, but I always get a little emotional when I type up this blog. It's rather annoying. Going to sleep now and not wake up until two or three p.m....that's my life.
 
 
 

 
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Re: Schmoo and stuff. - What scares me is what part of old age might it be? Liver or kidney failure? Worse?...

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