Exhaustion @ MindSay

LAST.NIGHT.WAS.SO.GOOD.


I don't know if I slept after I got home at 1 (note to all:  NOT a mature decision to stay out until 1, even if you were driving like mad to get home...when you have to get up at 6); I just kept thinking/dozing about having to drive around to get people/places.  Not very restful.  And the WORST Sunday possible to not sleep, as I am about to embark on a 4-day/3-night overnight trip with my 5th grader and the rest of the 5th grade at my school and probably should have been in bed at 10:30.... but SO.GOOD.

They were so on last night.  And I loved every minute.

Pictures of this and hopefully my excursion into nature when I get back.  I 'ope, I 'ope.

<33

I've had so many chances
turned my back and I ran away
I've (not) had so many chances
to. see. you.

Emotional exhaustion, thy name is Emily.

Between the D drama, a field trip today, almost realizing I have 3 half days left as a teacher, not having a job next year yet, the impending visit of an unwanted 'friend' (overshare? oh well), the missing of wanted friends, and the incredibly cute slideshow at the graduation tonight ... I'm DEAD.  There is not a single tear left inside this teacher's body.  Not possible for my eyes to be any heavier.

It was less the slideshow and the fact that my beloved 6th graders are leaving (and believe me, that's hard.  I have come to LOVE that class, and they love me, too.  It was the songs they picked for it int he background.  Vitamin C's graduation song OBVIOUSLY everyone graduates to, and I DID have a camp connection to it, but that was okay.  It was when "Lean on Me" came on that I lost it; that song to me IS Rolling River.  And I miss camp so fucking much right now.  And then some song about 'do I make you proud?', and then OF COURSE, they ended with Good Riddance ... the version where he says 'fuck' after messing up 2x. Oops; they didn't realize he said fuck?  I JUST SAID FUCK.  FUCK. (so tired!)

Thank G-d for Shelley, though.  We went out to dinner after I was a sobbing mess at graduation.  She is a really good friend.  I called Nicole while I was waiting for her, and that always makes me feel better, but talking to Shel in my driveway ... she's so great.  She told me that the way I talk about my kids/job reminds her of working with Karen, the Pre-K teacher.  What an amazing compliment.  She thinks it's unfair that someone like me got cut when someone like Nancy or Cynthia are tenured, but don't really care about teaching.  They're tired and maybe burnt out, but they're still here, and I've got so much to give, and I'm up the creek.

The trip today was good, despite it not being the original plan.  Only E showed up, so we COULD have gone swimming.  Nichole called but it took a turn for the worse; I'm afraid D is back in the hospital because she was on the phone with me 2x this morning and she was in a really bad, stressed-out place.  I need to do something for her; like call one of the restaurants and get a meal for 5-6 ppl sent to her house so it will be one meal accounted for that she doesn't have to pay for because she doesn't get paid enough.  And I wish I knew how to do more for her.

"So, you're crying because the light from the projector got in your eye?" 
"Not even going to pretend that's true".

(Later)

"You pulled it together"
"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! (tears up)

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Why I work with young kids and love every single minute of it:

(talking to Blaze, one of the twins who showed up wearing identical dresses in dif colors)
Me:  I don't wanna spoil your evening, but there's someone else here wearing your dress!
Roxy (her twin):  Really?!?!


As I was leaving, I got giant hugs from Levin and Andrew (of all people!), with Lev even throwing in an, "I'll miss you".

And as I was leaving, I got screamed at from the playground by a group of 6-8 kids.  Who then RAN across the field to come give me 'one more hug', and then AGAIN as I left, they were screaming goodbye to me.  Emma, Laura, Sam...and Bennett.  Why Ben was there I don't know, but it's nice to know I am back in his good graces again :).

I tell you, you could by the very best diet pill, and it will never rival the power of running after children. I think I lost about 3 pounds and gained a few gray hairs this morning alone. Why? Well, he didn't do anything especially out of the ordinary other than being EXTREMELY happy and jumpy today. Trying to keep him reigned in within 3 feet of me in the store was a little bit of a chore and just worrying to death about whether or not he was staying around me so he didn't get abducted was sweating me simple. It's just our normal routine when his dad isn't around and we go to the store. I am just so exhausted from his level of energy and trying to find age appropriate activities for him in the store (i.e. keep the cart still, put the boxes and cans GENTLY into the cart, help mom push when the cart gets so heavy it will barely move...). His energy level is enough to drain me gray.

I'm not going to watch the debates tonight.  Truly, I've just had enough.  I don't recall there ever being an election year that has appeared to drag on this long.  Good grief!

I think I'm just going to rent some movies, buy some cheap wine and enjoy myself.

There is no better fitness equipment available on the market than a child. They say children keep you young...

more like they keep you EXHAUSTED. You don't even have to run around all day, just deal with them mentally and you will see. Some days it's more running and jumping. Other days it's more like psychological warfare. You have to get up earlier than they do just so you can work yourself up to their speed by the time they bounce out of bed...and I mean bounce. I am usually dragging myself out of bed an hour after he has told me he is up. Note how I said "told me", because he has usually been up a few hours before he gets bored enough to let me know about it.

Good thing he isn't a pyromaniac and can entertain himself by non-violent, non-injurious means.