Excitement @ MindSay

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

 There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again.

 Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Wow, that was lucky figuring out how to add that. Random button choose: Toggle HTML Source. FTW

I saw DISTURBED AND IT WAS FUCKIN' AWESOME!!

Other than that, I'm not feelin' so great.

So much disappointment, I don't even wanna think about it.

So tired lately... x.x

Current frustration: I feel like I'm living to work. What do I do with my money? I pay bills. I buy essentials like gas (got a truck, btw), cigarettes (wanting to quit, btw), and food (needing to eat better, btw). And that's it. My time spent working rarely amounts to anything more exciting than an extra trip to the river or an extra lunch with Nattie. Or an extra pack of cigarettes. Or something small in that vein. All I do is work, occasionally hang out with Nattie (and I'm not complaining abot hanging out with her, but...), come home, stay up late, crash hard, sleep in, wake up and do it all over again. It's not that I'm miserable doing these things. I mean...work's a far cry from what I might call fun, but the rest isn't miserable. I guess I'm feeling a sad lack of excitement in my life right now. I want adventures! I want to take off for a week with no plans other than getting lost and finding something amazing and new. I want to be getting my stuff ready to move to Boston! I'm frustrated with the mundanity of my everyday life. Of course, that's how I'm feeling in the moment.

Then there's days like Friday. I woke up a bit earlier than normal (the crack of 9, rather than the crack of noon), piddled around the house a bit, and then decided--rather randomly--that I was going into Nevada City to take pictures. Grabbed my digital, my Minolta, and my swim suit (for meeting Nattie later in the afternoon), and headed out to the abandoned HEW building. It's a beautiful building. Just...beautifully neglected, overgrown with ivy, and stained at the window ledges from the elements. Usually, I'd prefer inclimate weather for taking pictures here, but the sun had an appealing effect on the place. I think I got some great shots. (Feel free to check them out at my deviantArt page--I even put a few in for prints to sell.)

I suppose that's what I need to do: focus on finding small wonders. Creating adventures in small windows of time. It's so easy to get caught up in how boring life can be at certain points.



Oh--and the semester's out. I pulled all A's except for a B in Abnormal Psych. A little disappointing, but I'm not going to stress over it. B's are better than C's. And I'm still glad I took the class. (Wow...that's a new me. B's were treated the same as F's when I was younger.)

Now my heart and my mind agree:
A supernatural selected me
I see your plan so grandiose
My very own Galapagos

God laid down and he began to trace
An image that he could embrace
Then he smiled down on his plan
And from the dust he made a man

I'm an original species
More enlightened than Nietzche
I'm sure you'd like to meet me
'Cause I am loved
By the Maker oh so clever
I was made to live forever
Though my body turns to sand
My soul is in his hands

A breakthrough theory of origin
A simple truth that always been
Fingerprints have been left behind
To point us to a Master mind

I'm an original species
More enlightened than Nietzche
I'm sure you'd like to meet me
I am loved
By the Maker oh so clever
I was made to live forever
Though my body turns to sand
My soul is in his hands

Stars in the sky
There to please my eye
The cosmos in his command
But he has time to hold my hand

I'm an original species
More enlightened than Nietzche
I'm sure you'd like to meet me
'Cause I am loved
By the Maker oh so clever
I was made to live forever
Though my body turns to sand
My soul is in his hands

I'm an original species
More enlightened than Nietzche
I'm sure you'd like to meet me
'Cause I am loved

I am loved

-Audio Adrenaline

-=-=-=-

I'm caught as though stretched between two poles.

On the one hand, for the first time in a very long time, I've been able to talk to someone about what I think about God. I'm very accustomed to being censored for this - it wasn't any kind of evangelism, it was me making a point about why something matters to me. But I have very few friendships where I can speak openly about God.

It's an interesting thing. One of my best friends is Mormon, and when we were just entering high school, we made some sort of agreement that neither of us would blast our faith at the other. At the time, we needed each other too much as friends to risk the friction. That agreement's stood. I've been generally labeled as either a prude, a religious nut, or something in between by two circles of friends - oddly, that's their variety of respecting what I believe. Even with my few Christian friends, it's as though we're in territory where we feel like we should be comfortable, but we don't know how far the other person believes, and we're terribly afraid of offending. And with my friends from bible study and church, oddly, we know each other as Christians first, and friends second. Which you'd think would be good, but the problem is that there's little foundation of our own making. It's hard to talk about how God's helping you with a particular issue when the person listening doesn't know you well enough to know why this is an issue.

The other pole is a strong fear of what happened last time. My censorship is often self-laid - I found that a particular friend wanted nothing to do with me if I was at all excited about God. As long as I was excited about things he could either enjoy or dismiss, he had no problem with me. He couldn't dismiss God, and believe me, he tried - and he couldn't enjoy a relationship with him, either. I was so eager to be around him and receive attention from him that I accepted the restrictions. They were reinforced by my brother-friend, who loves me dearly but still thinks I'm a religious nut. As he saw it, God was real, but you don't actually have a relationship with him, he's just a force.

So, I'm torn between being completely ecstatic to be close to God again, and afraid that someone's going to be irritated and want me to shut up again. And there's always the force of gravity pulling me down - which is the fear that I'm going to lose this fire again, and be okay with blending back in, keeping my mouth shut and my head down, living as I was before.

Torn between two, and the constant pull of the third. All I can do is count on God to hold me up - clinging neither to my own excitement to last, or caving to my fear, but holding me to him. Pray for us - I don't think God needs any help, but I certainly do.

-A

I'm going on a very short road trip. Leaving tonight... eight hour drive.  Spending tomorrow with my Dad and brothers!  Awesome! super excited believe me!

My roommate is going to meet half my family.  I can't wait! 

Then Monday we're chilling out around Marietta/Atlanta area while my brothers are in school and my Dad is working.  More hanging out in the after noon followed by a  Wingnut Dishwashers Union show at 8pm (only five dollars!) and then we have to head back to Tampa because Jess has a test at 1pm on Tuesday.

I wish our turnaround wasn't so fast... that'll be icky.

I'm going to miss Sal, my kitties, and my bed.

Other than that I'm really really looking forward to this trip!  Ahh... I really ought to pack.  It's only a two day trip though so I don't need much but... I don't have anything ready at all. 

The picture in this post is a necklace I really really want... which Sal says will be my next present (birthday in June probably)  I think it's so cute!