Excerpt @ MindSay 
writing
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
Lurlene McDaniel Don’t Die, My Love
Dr. Portage sat and steepled his fingers together. “I’ve checked Luke over, listened to his symptoms, and done some preliminary blood work. As I told you on the phone, I’ve concerned about his elevated white blood count.”
Lurlene McDaniel Don’t Die, My Love
Julie felt her heart pounding and reached for Luke’s hand. “Luke, he’s scaring me.”
Luke looked away. His hand felt cold as ice.
Lurlene McDaniel Don’t Die, My Love
“I don’t mean to alarm any of you,” Dr. Portage said. “But I don’t like what I’m seeing. I suspect Luke has some kind of infection. According to his records, he’s been treated with antibiotics, but he hasn’t responded as he should have.”
Lurlene McDaniel Don’t Die, My Love
“Are you saying you’ll have to run more tests?” Nancy asked.
“Yes. And he needs to be in the hospital in order to run them. I’ve got a call in to St. Paul’s Hospital in Chicago.”
“Why Chicago? What’s wrong with Waterton General?”
“They don’t have the equipment and staff I want for Luke.”
Lurlene McDaniel Don’t Die, My Love
Julie and Luke exchanged glances. His dark eyes bored into her, making her even more afraid. “What do you mean?” Julie asked. Her voice quivered.
Dr. Portage looked directly at Luke. “I want you to go home, pack a bag, and drive straight to St. Paul’s.”
Lurlene McDaniel Don’t Die, My Love
I'm personally not a big fan of fart jokes. However, the following excerpt from POPPY Shakespeare by Clare Allan made me laugh. I'm going to skip some small blocks of text (represented by . . .) because I don't want to spoil some of the little, intricately written phrases that are pivotal to the story itself. I haven't even gotten through one quarter of the book, so I can't say much about the book as a whole.
"The lobby weren't big, maybe twenty foot long with double sliding-doors either end. The only place to sit was this black leather sofa. . . It weren't the sort of sofa you sat on easy. With it's smooth leather cushions and it's soft leather arms,. . .but there weren't nowhere else so in the end I just gone ahead and done it.
Well as I sat down it done this fart, ain't no nicer way I can say it. . . And it didn't stop there, do you know what I'm saying, 'cause every time I moved it done another. And I sat still and weren't even breathing, but each time the sliding-doors slid open, I just couldn't help it, it give me a jump, and each time I jumped, it let off a thumping stunker. . .
I don't know when the sofa stopped farting, but I reckon it must of been saving them up for half an hour at least. 'Cause now as I jumped up, it let rip a stunker. The loudest, smelliest, most in-ignorable stunker you heard in your life!" from POPPY SHAKESPEARE: a novel by Clare Allan
LB
I adore mindsay. . .though I sometimes get myself into a little trouble here. . .
This is a conversation I recently had on my blog. I know it's probably in bad character to be posting it here, but I was shocked and confused that it got to this point. I personally shouldn't have kept the argument going (I wasn't getting anywhere anyway) but the obnoxious side of my personality was actually enjoying the stupid little debate. I have deleted the original replies on my post, because I don't think the person involved need be mentioned.
The conversation begins with a reply to one of my recent blog posts:
Intentionally Masking the bona-fide eponym of the correspondents identity to lessen embarrassment. Let’s just cal her I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E for short
Re: Put your money where your heart is
For those who don't know... The World Wildlife Fund ... was created by "A HUNTING GROUP" who's primary interest is in "saving the animals, so that they will still be around during their "HUNTING " season, so that "THEY" can "KILL" them. Yes, it's the one with that cute little Kowala Bear on their envelope! This was exposed by several Animal Rights Groups, and I never heard of the "other two this adoring fan has just mentioned. Be careful, and wait for Terry, his wife to tell you what orgs. are legit!
Another Mindsayer on September 7, 2006 at 8:54 AM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E, I think I'll wait and listen to someone who knows how to spell "koala".
littleblue, thanks for idea to donate to a charity in his memory. I think I'll do just that when I get home.
littleblue on September 7, 2006 at 12:54 PM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
Thank you for understanding the simple goodwill I was posting about.
Thank you for not taking it out of context.
Thank you for making me smile after I was saddened.
L
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E on September 7, 2006 at 4:09 PM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
For your information, all of the writers use "spellsheck," and mine has gone on vacation! Anyway, I am glad that you careabout the Animals!
This mornings news telecast clearly stated that Irwin's own Wildlife Warriors was the "only" organization to send the contributions to for Steve. It was on Channel 2, here in Calif. I think thatis CBS.
If you have the address, please post it!
Thank you,
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E
littleblue on September 7, 2006 at 12:50 PM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
Now stop for a moment and think about what you are saying. . .I don’t believe the WWF was ever a Hunting organization. However, even if you were correct, is it not a good thing that an organisation who started life in such a terrible way would choose to mend it's ways? They are NOT in the business of killing koalas.
Now a simple example. . . Just because Australia used to be a "jail", do people choose not to visit us because of our past? There were some horrible human rights violations here, too may to mention, shall we boycott my country because of it's sordid past.
I gave the link to Irwin's own Wildlife warriors as well as the Australian conservation foundation. You have a choice as in "informed" consumer to ignore any links that make you uneasy.
Now I hope you don't have a mobile phone (many parts in mobiles and other consumer electricals are produced by companies who currently make land mines).
Please don't use my blog as a place to sell your wares. This was a good hearted post, not an advert for the WWF, it was meant as a way for people to use their grief for good.
Thank you
L
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E on September 7, 2006 at 3:57 PM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
Dear littleblue, I financially support over a "DOZEN" Animal Rights/Welfare Organizations! So I "DO INDEED" put my money where my heart is! No one should belong to that many, because it is to much to handle EMOTIONALLY! Three is a good number, but it just kept progressing, because in the very beginning, I did not know to "ASK THEM NOT TO SELL MY NAME!
This morning on the T.V. news channel, they said that Irwin's own Wildlife Warriors was the "ONLY" ligitimate organizatin to send contributions to. I think that is a "GREAT" idea!
Perhaps the WWF has mended it's ways. I certainly hope so!
Thank you for caring, littleblue!
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E on September 7, 2006 at 4:12 PM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
Please post the address, where to send the money to.
littleblue on September 8, 2006 at 1:02 AM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
Again I’d like to point out that this was a good will blog entry. I wanted to divert some of the sadness into something productive. I feel that you have taken it out of context and used it for your own rant.
I'm glad to hear that you support various charities, but that really is not of my concern.
Please remember that you can not believe everything you hear in the media. Each charity is a business after all, and they obviously want to promote their own cause. This is the precise reason I gave multiple links. I have nothing to gain I just wanted to change the mood.
You can get the address from the link in the original blog entry.
Enough Now.
L
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E on September 8, 2006 at 6:29 AM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
That is "Not quite enough! HOW ho you know that the World Wildlife Fund, has stopped HUNTING for sport ... are you a member, and if so, of course you would say that!
They "don't" kill Koalas.... Well does that make it "Just fine" if they go about shooting to kill every other animal that they see? (I do not know that they are still doing this, but the last sentence pertains to IF THEY ARE!)
"It is nice that I support the many Animal Rights/Welfare Orgs; but that is not of your CONCERN! If you really cared about animals, I "think that you would be elated, rather than take such an attitude.
I think that you "ARE" a member of the WWF, so get the!!!! off of my web page, and go spew your propaganda to the devil, when you meet him down the road!
littleblue on September 8, 2006 at 2:06 PM
Re: Put your money where your heart is
First of all, I would like to set some facts straight.
- I am not a member of the WWF and have never been. That is not of your concern. I never intended to be a voice for them but you leave me little choice.
- They were never a hunting organisation if you'd like to read their history please go to the following link WWF and EPA History . That is if you know how to read, you seem to have a problem understanding simple sentences. Maybe you could use some tutoring.
- The symbol for the WWF is not a Koala as you suggested. (Oh my apologies you called it a kowala) it is a panda. Go to the following site if you'd like some information on why the WWF use the panda as their symbol. WWF Panda
- I noticed you had some trouble following links when you wanted to get the address for the Wildlife Warriors. It's quite easy, just wave your curser over the underlined words, click and BAM! you'll be transported to the other site. amazing isn't it?
- I'm having a little trouble understanding the third paragraph in your reply. Who are you quoting? I think you are trying to tell me how proud you are of yourself. I'm not quite sure.
- And finally I AM NOT ON YOUR PAGE. YOU ARE ON MINE. So I will use a word I think you were afraid to in your reply. . . GET THE FUCK OFF MY PAGE!
- How did you know the devil was my friend? I told him not to tell anyone.
Please form an educated opinion and don’t get into little fights that were never meant to be fought. You my dear have taken something simple and beautiful and turned it ugly. I am also to blame because I continued to fuel the fire.
I ask that you not reply to my page again.
Little Baffled Blue
Here's an excerpt of my story, what do ya think?
Chapter six
The Wox
Loud cries were around us. Animals ran away from the loudest part. We both ran to the source. Strange lights were shooting from the ground and strange creatures were staring up through a hole and started to crawl out.
“Save us!” They yelled. Something hindered me to save them, though they were clinging on for dear life.
“Gregory help them!” Levi yelled. I just stared though. The weird creature looked at me and then suddenly the one holding slipped. I lunged forward and thrust my paw out he quickly bit down. I cringed and slowly started to pull upwards. His teeth were ripping down my paw as he bit harder. Grinding my teeth as I started to be pulled forward but then I saw Levi come to my side and reach his paw down. The strange looking creature smiled through blood red teeth at him and put out his paw towards him. As Levi and I trudged backwards, inch-by-inch the creatures hanging on for dear life came upwards.
There was a large yelp of excitement that came from in the hole. We pulled them out quickly, we heard whimpering coming from down in the bottom. I couldn’t stand it, hearing small creatures being hurt was not able for me to bare at all. I jumped to the bottom of the hole and there was an evil wolf. It looked as if it just had its lunch the ground being littered wit bones. “Would you like the rest of this mole?” I stared in horror.
“I may eat bird meat and mouse meat! But I do not eat moles.”
“No fox nor wolf that I have met does not eat moles especially Levi and his friends.” Suddenly impulses went through my brain. Levi was up there alone with the moles. I jumped up and low and behold only one remained and Levi was chasing it. Drool dripping down his lips.
“You won’t eat one more mole Levi!” I yelled and jumped at him. He was shocked to see me on top of him teeth bared and snarling. Suddenly the other wolf jumped up out of the hole, he landed gracefully like diving to the earth except landing on your paws.
“Run mole, run!” He ran all right but he didn’t get far, the other wolf pursued him till he met his death. I ran after the wolf.
“Wolfbane, look out!” Levi yelled to him. I snapped thin air, he was lucky and jumped at the exact time I would of bit him.
“Don’t try me fox.” Wolfbane snarled. His teeth glimmered white and with equal amount of ferocity I snarled back at him. Levi ran beside Wolfbane hair raised and teeth bared. It was an all out snarl fest. We all had our ears pricked up and were all ready to lunge.
“You made a fatal mistake hurting other creatures!”
“It’s the food chain the strong eat the week!” I growled loudly and distinctively when Wolfbane said that. Levi and Wolfbane started to force me backwards, both snarling and menacing. Suddenly I bumped into something, I was cornered, at my sides stood large walls of rocks.
“You’ve got two choices fox, first stay there and get killed, second come and fight and get killed.”
“I won’t be the one eating dirt today. I jumped and smashed him in the side. He fell over and I lunged for his neck. Levi was in the way. Using the same trick I did he went for my throat. I cringed as his teeth came near. Suddenly with an urge for life I rolled over. Just in time too, he looked sort of dizzy after that and I was glad he didn’t get me.
Suddenly Wolfbane slashed my shoulder open, I yelped, and then Levi jumped on my back and dug his claws in. I twirled around wildly but he held on grimly. Then Wolfbane smashed me on the side once more. Levi jumped off as I fell on my side. Wolfbane lunged at my neck. I slithered backwards and he bit, just under my throat right in the fold of my skin. “Give up!” Levi yelled at me from my side. I felt Wolfbane shift up at the nod from Levi. Wolfbane was ever near to the life-giving vein in my throat. I lashed out with my hind legs and started to rip away at the skin of Wolfbane’s under belly. He would very well have been gutted if he hadn’t moved his body.
I started to choke. I saw Levi coming up by my head he looked down at me then raised his paw. I couldn’t take it anymore, I slashed out at him and in a daze Levi looked at me then trotted away. Wolfbane made the fatal mistake of looking up and I kicked him off. Standing up I knew that this was a fight to the death. Never had I had to fight so hard, I smashed Levis head against the rock with extreme force he slunk to the ground whimpering and pitifully. I turned around just in time to see Wolfbane jump at me again. This time I was ready. He fell straight to the ground no warning at all.
He breathed heavily, “You wanted to fight, so I’ll give you a fight.” I turned around and saw Levi trying to stand up, but I made sure he would never stand up again.
“Now that it’s fair Wolfbane you can stand up.” Slowly he stood not sure what to think of it. I watched him slowly bend down grabbing something that was attached to his leg by leather something that I hadn’t seen when I first met him. I held out my claws as he jumped towards me and whipped out a small whip. The whip fell apart as it came in contact with the metal claws.
He turned around and saw that it was he who was trapped not me. “I see through your disguise.” I said, “And you are half bred not just wolf but a wox.”
“So you see that I’m no mere wolf, well let me tell you one thing that’s true I’m a scrapper.” With that he lunged at me and held out his claws. I ducked and put up my claws. I listened to him scream in pain. He fell behind me no breath escaped or entered his body. I laid down feeling sick, my head was throbbing never knew that it felt so awful to kill. I spat out blood continually that night and could not find sleep. With each crick from a cricket I became wilder and wilder. I thought I saw huge beams of light but found that it was only my eyes playing tricks on me.
First, I wanted to start including excerpts from some of my books into this blog, so you could get a feel for how I write literature, not just Web journals.
Second, I previously wrote a post about the use of different dialogue techniques like stopping the conversation to describe action and using imagery to describe how a character is feeling. The following excerpt includes many of the techniques I outlined, which is unique to my writing because normally I like the dialogue to zip along at a fast pace without a lot of stoppage, but this passage uses a lot of imagery for a specific reason.
Third, the New York Times just did a story on the relationship between science and faith. The main crux of the story was:
“Prayers offered by strangers had no effect on the recovery of people who were undergoing heart surgery, a large and long-awaited study has found. And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of post-operative complications like abnormal heart rhythms, perhaps because of the expectations the prayers created, the researchers suggested.”
My book Angel of Life is mostly a suspense-thriller with either lots of tension or lots of action forcing the reader to keep turning the page, but the work also deals a lot with organized religion; its perceptions and the truths behind them. Parts of my book create their own reality for religion, like when I describe how fate works and what it is used for. But other parts just pose theories or ask questions. Sometimes, people (either with similar or conflicting beliefs) have conversations as a way to float ideas out there. What they say in these conversations is simply their opinions based on where they are in their lives at that moment. A perfect example of this can be found in last night's episode of The Sopranos in which Tony Soprano has a conversation with a pastor who believes that Earth is only 6,000 years old, and that dinosaurs and humans lived together, a la The Flintstones. Of course, he doesn't bother to explain where the dinosaurs are now, because he doesn't have to, because the Bible doesn't touch on it.
This idea is a recurring theme in my book. Religious followers believe what they are taught because, "There is no way of knowing what happened, so we must rely on the Bible to tell us." Well, yes, there is no way of knowing, so doesn't that tell us that we should try to find ways of knowing, instead of just blindly believing what we are taught? If you were to write a thesis in graduate school, you would need to cite a lot more than one source. So why does out desire for proof not apply to the Bible? Why should we not seek out more sources to cite?
And when Tony Soprano tells the pastor about a scientist in the other room who might disagree with the 6,000-year-old Earth theory, the Paster informs Tony that this scientist is going to burn in Hell. Not only does he blindly follow what he is told, but he condemns anyone who doesn't do the same.
Despite what might be implied based on what I just wrote, Angel of Life is not about bashing God or His believers. One of the recurring themes, however, involves possible logical reasons for not believing the teachings of an organized religion. For instance, the truth behind the aforementioned study: that prayer actually hurt the heart-surgery patients because it gave them added expectations. This would be a logical conclusion for someone who didn’t believe in God: “Well, obviously prayer can’t help you, since there isn’t really anyone or anything listening to those prayers, so if you tell someone they’ll be cured because of prayer, you give them false hope.”
I didn’t want to start with too extreme an example of what I mean, however, so below is an excerpt of a flashback to a conversation between the main character before he died and went to Hell and a former priest while he was still a man of the cloth. Both are young and naive, with seriously flawed logic, and both are trying to find their true beliefs.
This passage is probably the most derivative, clichéd moment in my typically inventive story, and the majority of the book has a much faster, less descriptive pace, but I'm including this section now because it is a subtle lead-in to the elements I have described, and well, because it's fairly short, and you don't need to have any further knowledge of the plot or characters. If you'd be willing to dish it, I would love your take on how the dialogue flows and how I use action to break up the long speeches, as well as the main character’s thoughts on Catholicism:
We were eating hamburgers when I blurted out, “So I think I’m going to burn in Hell.”
“Why do you say that?” Father Mitchell asked, folding his napkin into a neat triangle and placing it on the table before studying me with bright, inviting blue eyes.
“Well,” I began as straight-faced as I could muster, “my next door neighbor’s wife is really hot, and sometimes I find myself coveting her.”
Father Mitchell lowered his eyelids, causing a dark shadow to pass over his bright eyes.
“Okay, okay,” I said, trying to fight back a chuckle. “But I have a real question for you.”
“And hopefully I have a real answer."
“We’ll see,” I said. I took a deep breath, as if what I was about to say was difficult to talk about. Then, I let it all out. “Yesterday I got into an argument with my mom. A real hardcore screaming match. And then I muttered ‘bitch’ under my breath. Does that mean I’m gonna burn in Hell?” I asked with a sarcastic tone. “Because according to your commandments, I have to honor my mother and father. I certainly didn’t do that last night.”
Father Mitchell smiled as I continued. “But come on, pops. Name me one person in all of history who didn’t yell at their parents. Does that mean 99.9% of the people that ever lived are in Hell, and like .01% actually make it to Heaven?”
Father Mitchell let a slight laugh escape his smile. “They didn’t teach me this in the seminary, but frankly, some people take the Bible too literally. You’ll never hear another priest say this, but the Bible isn’t the word of God. It’s the word of God who passed the word to someone who passed the word to someone else who passed the word to yet another someone who eventually thought to write it down. It was then translated thousands of times and turned into the version you don’t read when you don’t attend church.”
“Oh, low blow,” I informed him, my palms waving in the air in a fake sign of surrender.
“Did you ever play Whisper Down the Lane in school?” Without waiting for an answer, he said, “A phrase may have started out as, ‘Mrs. Kramer went to the Sears Tower when she visited Chicago,’ but by the time it gets to the end of the chain it has become, ‘John F. Kennedy was abducted by little purple aliens and turned into a cyborg that made excellent alien cappuccino.”
He said this as I took a sip of Coke, and his comment caused me to chortle, forcing the soda up into my nose. I choked on the carbonation and sputtered sharp coughs. His mouth straightened and he looked at me expectantly.
“I’m good, I’m good,” I said with huffed speech as I pounded my chest with my fist. “Continue.”
“You sure?”
“Uh huh.”
He paused. As I continued to cough I rolled my hands, one over the other, as if to say, “Come on, get on with it already.”
He shrugged slightly, took a quick intake of breath, and said, “The same Whisper Down the Lane principle occurred with the Bible. Plus, if you’ve ever translated something into another language, you know the transformation of phrases is not always identical. Words and meanings become misconstrued.”
At this, my coughing fit subsided. I leaned in close. “So you’re saying…”
“That the Bible is no longer the true word of God. And regardless, His words were not meant to be taken literally. It is symbolism. The stories are metaphors. They don’t mean God literally went POOF and there was Adam and then POOF, there was Eve.”
“Yeah, that would make us all inbred,” I interjected.
“You’re a little brat, you know that?”
“So I’ve heard.” I popped a French fry into my mouth and as it crunched under the weight of my teeth I said, “but think about it; if we all came from Adam and Eve.” I paused. “Actually, strike that, since everybody but Noah and his wife was supposedly wiped out in the big flood, then if we all come from Noah and his wife, we are all inbred. You,” I pointed at him, “me,” I tapped my chest with my pointer finger,” that crazy dude with the shit in his beard who talks to himself on the corner,” I waved my hand as if referring to something way off in the distance, “we’re all related.”
“You’re going off on a tangent,” Father Mitchell said, slapping his hand on the table as if he thought that would make me subside.
“But it’s a good one.” I pointed a French fry at him to emphasize that point. “Has anyone bothered doing the math?” I shoved the fry in my mouth. “How many people currently live on this planet? Six billion?” I chewed like a cow as I spoke. “What year did the flood happen? 2400 B.C.? I want some mathematician to determine whether it is scientifically possible for six billion people to exist if the entire population started with just Noah and his wife in 2400 B.C.”
“Stop,” Father Mitchell said, his voice calm and collected, yet loud and authoritative. The tone silenced me instantly. I swallowed my French fry and grimaced as it spiraled down my throat.
“My point,” he continued, “is not whether you and I are actually distant relatives or whether math and religion can coexist within your flawed interpretation of a Bible story. My point is that yelling at your mom is not going to land you in Hell. Listen.” He put his palms together and intertwined his fingers. “In the Book of Isaiah, Cyrus, the Persian king, does not know God’s name and does not practice Judaism, but he shows a respect for different religions. Even though he does not follow God’s precise teachings, God embraces him, and even calls him messiah, or, the anointed one. By doing this, God is trying to show a tolerance for people who share His moral vision, no matter their nationality or faith.”
“But you just told me not to take the Bible literally, and I proved to you why that’s probably a good tactic to take.”
The thin lines in Father Mitchell’s faced drooped, displaying their displeasure with me. “Listen to the message.” He said it again for emphasis, “the message. The Book of Isaiah is trying to teach us that strict adherence to the Bible is not necessary to live a fulfilling life. Just try to be a decent person. Try to lead a good life. Donate to charity when you can. Help an old lady cross the street every once in a while. And let a brilliant priest have your last French fry when he’s hungry.”
He snatched a fry off my plate with lightning speed.
I never really believed anything anyone told me, but for some reason I believed what he said. You don’t go to jail for petty crimes, so you shouldn’t go to Hell for petty sins. Yet, there I was. So I had to figure out why I was there. And how I could get out.
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