Ex-girlfriend @ MindSay

I am in desperate need of some advice right now. I can't really go to my best friend or my sister with this right now because they're both really busy but I need some advice.

My boyfriend of over 2 and a half years recently wrote some sketchy e-mails to an ex girlfriend and when I found out about it and confronted him he said that they were just joking with each other.  Please Please Please read these e-mails and let me know what you think.  (I changed the names for them. they actually signed their own names but I figure I only want advice on what I should think....I don't want to be a bitch about it.)

E-mail 1

hey,
 
How are you doing today my dear? I hope i didn't get you into too much trouble. It was great seeing you again. It just felt like old times us laughing and smiling and just goofing off. I miss that. Not that i forgot or anything but I thought i may have gotten some defense up against those eyes and smile of yours. But i don't. lol. I am weak. Hey at least we behaved for once. lol. I don't think i would have had you take me to the train station. We would of pulled over at a rest stop on the way and just made out.  Until my train left then i would have had to call in. I'm being good i will keep this email rated pg-13. lol. Its unfair you got to feel my butt and i didn't get to feel yours. From what i saw it looks and moves perfectly. I loved everything about you. You are just so georgous. Anyways, i should get back to work. I will chat with you later.
 
take care,

boyfriend

E-mail 2

hey there
   I'm doing alright today. Just woke up it's around 10am, and it feels nice sleeping in!! Lol. I fell asleep so early last night - Nate went down to do the dishes and came back up and i was asleep. lol. oh well - i had 4 hours of sleep the previous night! No, you didn't get me into any trouble. I just don't want him to get jealous if he knows i'm texting you for hours. It's not like it's interrupting anything - every night is the same. he's on the computer in the room, and i'm watching tv. routin, yet boring. lol. anyway, i hope you don't think i'm like "hiding" you or anything. lol. and feel free to text me whenever, just can't have whole conversations. does that make any sense?? Idk... i'm just being silly. lol.
    It was definately GREAT to see you again. It felt so good to laugh and have fun doing nothing but walking around with a great guy. I haven't laughed so much in a while. lol...my stomach had butterflys pretty much the whole time. And, just so you know, it's nice to know your still weak for my eyes and smile. Makes a woman feel good. Lol. Just so you know, you said you changed "in the mid section" - just wanted to tell you i didn't even notice. You look like the same old Thomas to me! :) hehe....god, i really have missed having you in my life!! It's sooo weird. Like I said the other day. We only dated for like 3months, but somehow you're the one guy that I feel I let get away. Shortest relationship though. lol. I think it's because we were friends for so long before, we had more than just bf/gf, u know? I really considered you my best friend for a while, and i just think that makes such a difference. Does that make sense?? You're a one of a kind guy, Tom, and I am so happy to hopefully have you back in my life. It's prolly expensive but I hope you come home again sometime soon. You better make time for me! lol jk
          So, what else were you going to say in your email? If you DIDNT keep it PG-13! lol. So, we would've pulled over and made out, huh? Lol...my you think highly of yourself. lol... jk jk I just wish I had gotten to take you to the train so we would've had more time to talk. I wish that I had come over sooner. I feel like the time just flew by! I'm glad you were obviously watching the time b/c I wasn't! lol. I just wish we had more time to talk talk. About more things. I was nervous and dind't know what to say some of the time. Im glad you think my butt moves and looks perfect. maybe next time you'll get a chance to "bump" into it. lol. I love the fact that you think i'm Gorgeous. lol. It makes me feel good.
          Alright, i guess i'll let you go. I'll write more later or just wait for you to write back. Hope to hear from you soon!! :)

Missing you tons

Ex-gf 

E-mails 3 and 4, the subject line read  "hey, beautiful"

3

Hey,
 
how are you doing? I did get the chance to email you as promised. I love this new job so far. I am learning new things and everyone is great. I can't stop thinking of saturday when i got to see you. I miss you so much and just wished we had more time together. I know i wouldn't have been able to resist your eyes and that smile much longer though. Everytime i looked at you I just wanted to kiss you. In my mind i was picturing us going over the field behind us to a secluded area and just make out. maybe a little more with me making you feel so good that you can't help but smile. Although that kind of good usually comes with a price, your legs will be weak. I have to tell you those pants you were wearing really shape your ass perfectly. I watched you walk time to time and just couldn't help but want to grab it and let you know that i think your perfect. Your hair cut was awesome, i really did love it. It brought out so much of your facial features. I know i am not suppose to have these naughty thoughts but hey if i can have you at least i can dream about you. anyways, got to get going. I will talk with you later.
 
love,
boyfriend

4

hey there you
  
this is the other email i said i'd write in the AM. Hey how come Rita is mad at you? I hope it's not because of me. :( i'd feel really bad. I won't text you anymore unless you tell me when it's ok to.

yeah saturday was awesome. you make me feel so wanted with your email ;). i'm glad you like so much about me. lol. :-P  Yeah i totally wanted to go over to that field and do some making out too but we both know that def wouldn't have been a good idea. kissing always leads somewhere. In our case prolly somewhere it shouldn't. lol....
anyway in the other email i think i wrote something about thinking i may still love you or be in love with you. i'm not sure, but i just have this feeling in my stomache (good one lol) everytime i think about you, which as it turns out is most of my day. so idk, just thought i'd let you know.

alright i'm keeping this one short because the other one yesterday was so long - sorry. Nate was around so i had to keep it PG. lol. we need a codeword or somthing so if someone is around while we're texting and we don't wanna start trouble text the codeword and we stop talking. lol. alright well i'll talk to you later. i miss you love!!

love
ex-gf

I think that was the last of the e-mails (but for all I know they weren't the first...I think he just hadn't deleted these yet)

I don't know what to believe when I read these. I want very badly to believe my boyfriend when he says that that's just how they joke with each other but at the same time that seems like a weird way to joke. 

Please give some advice!!!

he's going to turn shit around. especially after he starts reading this blog from the beginning like he said he wants to, once he gets the chance to be alone. he's gonna read about all the hurt i've experienced, and then he's gonna realize, really realize, how much he's fucked up. he's gonna see what apparently only i can see, how the way cyn has been acting has caused me to react and my reactions to her actions are why i've been acting the way that i have been. he's going to go to her and tell her he can't stand her for all she's done and he's going to leave her. not only that, but he's going to go to matt, jacob, morgan, and everyone else that i once considered friends and he's gonna set the record straight. he's going to tell them the truth, clear my name, and tell them all how much of this was her. he's going to turn them against her the way they've turned them against me. its going to be just like the end of Secretary- he's going to see all the suffering and sacrifice i've put myself thro for him and he's going to turn around and take care of me. and no, shit won't be perfect, (how can she say i have no friends cuz i want ppl to be perfect even anna's not perfect and she's still my best friend why is it so much to ask just to be honest we have such an incredible connection i just wanted to be friends i know he's not perfect but as long as i could trust him it was ok), but we'll love each other and work thro things n maybe it won't last forever, but that's ok, because at least we would have given things a shot, (he'll just go back to her n she'll just take him back), and that's what matters. and once everyone is against her the way they're against me, they'll understand why he left her for me and why he loves me and why i'm worth it. I. AM. WORTH. IT. and they won't tell him it was a mistake because they'll see who she really is and see that she was the one who was manipulative, she was the one who had nothing but empty threats, that she fucked up our friendship and actively tried, not that i tried to fuck up their marriage which was fucked to begin with, they just hid it really well from everyone else but once they let me in they couldn't hide it from me anymore. he'll see that he was wrong, he'll see that she's not the one for him, he'll see how she pushed us both to become what we are now.

yeah right. now i'm gonna drink/cry myself to sleep. reanna got me out of the house for a bit, so that was nice. i'm glad that SOMEBODY believes me...cuz this isn't the first time that i was called a liar for speaking the truth, not the first time i was invalidated at every turn. this really is like getting raped again. its happened again...

I just saw and spoke with Coral (my ex). She was at the same cafe I'm at right now. I noticed her when she was ordering her drink and ignored it.

Then about ten minutes later she came up to me and said hi because she apperantly felt bad because she also had ingnored me. I lied and said that I hand't even noticed her.

she mentioned seeing me earlier this month (see the blog I wrote about it). I said I was cool with it.

I was trying to think of thing to talk about to avoid the awkward silences, I also had trouble making eye contact which  is unusual for me I always try to make eye contact when I talk to people.

We talked about work and school (she's looking for a summer job right now and she graduates next year).

There was alot of avoiding the giant elephant in the room. We just talked about how things are now. How's life? How do I like my apartment? Anything to not talk about the fucked past.

The entire couple minutes was so awkard. I mean the only way it would have gotten any worse is if we were both naked or something. You could have cut up the awkwardness and served it for supper.

Why the fuck couldn't she just have ignored me?

Now, I'm probably going to get an email or text message from her about this how we shouldn't be friends or that she is feeling confused or whatever bullshit she is going to get out of our little chat.

Thanks,

Mark

I got out of work a little while ago. Right now I'm a little perplexed  by something, or rather someone, I just saw on the bus.

If I didn't know better I could swear I just rode the same bus my ex, Coral was riding on. It might have even been her, if it wasn't she could have been her long lost twin sister.

I didn't saying anything and neither did the Coral look a like so I doudt it actually was her. When I got on the bus and noticed her I did a double take and our eyes met for a second. There was no obvious look of recognition on her face.

I'm pretty sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me.  I mean it's Monday, a school day, why would she be in Lansing? Unless Aquinas has a late spring break or something. 

But what if it had been her? Did I just make her feel bad for seemingly ignoring her? What would I/we have said? Did I just do the both of us a favor by avoiding a akward situation?

Fuck it, who cares? It really doesn't matter. Coral has made it very clear many times that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. And I plan to do as she wishes no matter how much it hurts.

Thanks,

Mark