Everything @ MindSay

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I'm the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
Because the wounds never heal.

[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

[Chorus]

When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

[Chorus]

Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel.

------

Everything Changes- Staind

the past year, in short:
-----
you are the cause.
_______________________________________________________________

this bed feels,
so much smaller.
where are you?

_______________________________________________________________

at the risk of sounding
like every word
i've ever written-
your words create
the world i live in.

_______________________________________________________________

um...hello?
is this thing on?

where is the blood that pulses through your veins?

i'm sorry
for digging so deep
...such a hollow hole
i'm reaching in.

// teeth marks on my tongue. another year is done.

am i chasing the uncatchable?
hoping to break you of. . .
anything.

_______________________________________________________________

my heads in 3,000 places
and so are you.
i can feel you in every moment
except in this.


>> i'm trying to read into
your every sigh.

_______________________________________________________________

darling,
you have no idea
the words you say
and the taste
it leaves in my mouth.

_______________________________________________________________

i can feel this burn,
start to scar over.

_______________________________________________________________

my arms are so sore
from pushing you so hard.

_______________________________________________________________

too many words
is it all in my mouth?
spilling out
onto deaf ears.

_______________________________________________________________

reading
these
words
too
closely.

opening
your
eyes
too
slowly.

_______________________________________________________________

a relived memory,
of blonde hair
and moonlight kisses.

_______________________________________________________________

i've promised me.
where's your sacrifice?

_______________________________________________________________

show me some fucking compassion.

say what you mean
cus my fingers hurt
from picking this apart.

_______________________________________________________________

i love you more
more than i've ever anyone.
so why,
do i feel nothing.
these mixed emotions that leave my tongue dry,
cheeks wet. heart empty. only to fill again.
i can feel your head pounding through the couch.
your spines in my eyes again.
and i know where i stand.
...alone.

_______________________________________________________________

i used to be good at this.
i guess its not you,
its me.

_______________________________________________________________

& in this moment,
i am...
a steady hand.


_______________________________________________________________

i want my fingers back.
i miss the taste.
your face.
clouds my brain.
and im conflicted again.

_______________________________________________________________

you are - indifference.
did you even notice
that i've been standing here,
all along?
i am - invisible.
ambivalent.
broken.
but completely put together.

_______________________________________________________________

the truth.
my letter to you.

i wish that i had something in me that burned. that burned me so badly, these pages would fill with love. lust. hate. anything. just letters that bled into one another and made my heart or my brain, my fingers ache, cringe and purge out more. but i have nothing. you have fed me nothing - but maybe, maybe i wasn't hungry for you.
you. my safety. my every reason that it was ok to have a love fail - because you could never let me down. you'd never let me be alone. you would always be there. and now. now we're here. and i've been searching, and looking and hoping that one day - one day you would look at me like you did in the stair wells. that one day, we would be more than a smell of autumn - that we would walk our moonlight path. i'm holding these scissors to my hair in hopes of this. because i've noticed as i look over the edge. my net is gone.
your eyes are not those that i've wanted to stare at. they are no longer those that made me feel complete, completely vunerable. is it we've been chasing broken hearts, trying so hard to finally heal them, sew them up - so we can go on our way? perhaps.
i could say i've never loved anyone the way that i loved you - that nothing or no one could ever put out this fire. and maybe, as you walk away and leave me to my own mind - i'll find this to be true. but, i've felt extinguished. whole heartedly. i want, wanted to be safe - to be yours. and just as i knew you'd never hurt me - you haven't. my heart remains in one piece - my mind calmly processing the last few years. you are my best friend. my life. but i am not your future.
i want nothing more than to break you, to shake you, make you fucking bleed. i want you to feel a pulse in every part of your body and think of me with each beat. i want pages, of pictures, of words, with my name - with your hate for it - love for it - your very reason. i wanted to break your heart.
but you do not love me in this form.
we are passionless passion. a best within a friend.
a you, and a me.

the sutures are out now.
and we have healed.

i love you always,

_______________________________________________________________

you couldn't see the ambivalence i felt
total blindness
to total sight.
im frozen,
but you've melted nice.

_______________________________________________________________

and now i've went,
and gotten my way again. sitting here alone
wondering where my beginning begin and endings end.
or is it all the same? the same circle i'm strapped into?
for someone that doesn't like words
you've got an awful lot of vowels spilling out of your mouth.
it looks similiar to goodbye.

_______________________________________________________________

i wanted to love you at your darkest.
but you wouldn't show me inside.
now all these colors are coming out,
and i'm nowhere in sight.
_______________________________________________________________

these empty words remain.

can someone show me some consistency,
some fucking passion? seriously.

i'm SCREAMING into the wind.

i thought i had it all with someone who had it all for me,
til i saw him looking right through me.
now i'm picking up the pieces and screaming out to Jesus
as i place my hopes in someone elses mirror.

& the saga continues.

i'm just curious, as a newfound member of the singles club, why i've already stretched myself thin - hoping, cutting and running so i can be wanted again.
are we all so hateful towards ourselves that we toss away old papers and lovers, haircuts and colors so we can dye ourselves a new copy while searching through new phones, making up new excuses while our exes still use us.

i want romance in the worst way.

_______________________________________________________________

(to be continued, as a continuation of a rant that never goes away)

& you.
will you hold me close when tradewinds blow?

where the FUCK is my head?
i've lost it again.
in this small deck of old photographs.
i've found your letter
and my arms tingle from falling asleep.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

i feel you pulsating in every beat,
but is it you for me?

i wanna bleed, but i'm cutting myself too deep.
she doesn't know you like me.
he doesn't look at me like you do.
did?
would have?

this numbing sensation,
turns these into frantic apologies,
ones that i don't truly fee.

i'm sorry
I'M SORRY for caring
for loving
for sharing
for being so selfish
i can't confess this
this
that could be empty pages
futureless favors
alone like i've made it.

i'm alone like i've made it.

_______________________________________________________________

expecting us,
expecting less.

his mouth speaks of these months,
that have my mname written on them.

_______________________________________________________________

dan,
check under your skin
better yet,
under my finger nails,
i've scratched myself thin.

_______________________________________________________________

hello. here we are again.
me begging to wake up in finding your fingers running down my spine
but the other side of the pillow is always empty. im the one that wanted this right?

my own karma. pushing, you to the side so i can be selfish and continue a search of something more in vain. and now, i'm only wanting you.
in truth, i still want my form of you.
just look at me that way. at the end of the day, that's really what i want. not a promise - just your eyes following me, letting me know that your side of the bed will always be warm.
_______________________________________________________________

this new leaf
better be unlike
any one
i've ever seen.
i want your fall all over me.
_______________________________________________________________

i've ripped myself
into a million pieces
and cover your floor in pure vanity.

i look so good from these angles.

so tell me angel,

whats your next move?
_______________________________________________________________

i break myself apart, away, to breathe, live and let live. you come to me like a familiar smell - a favorite season (and, who's kidding who, that's exactly what you are) and all of a sudden - my leaves are changing.
_______________________________________________________________

it's too fresh, to mend this mess.

"i'm sorry, but i've gotta go"

i may hate every day that i wake up missing you,
but you
you make it so easy, because all you do is go.

i wish i could make you, wake you the fuck up.
i'm screaming, still pulling at my own hair,
begging you to stay there,
JUST LOVE ME, PLEASE.

this is what its come down to
me on my knees,
while you look right past me.

shame on me for giving in so easily,
how quickly you forget how scared youw ere
when you couldn't find me in your picture.

i'm so tired
of stretching myself
to any degree you want me
and you,
just run
when you start to shake.

too scared to hold on to anything
you tell me to let go
of the memories you've embedded in my head.
yet, you forget to give me a new sheet
instead,
you draw pictures of us
all over me.
tattoos of woes
porcelain promises,
thrown into unclear paragraphs,
and im looking all over
for you,
but you
have to go
once again.

...one day i won't be waiting for your return.

am i holding on to anything or just myself?
because you don't seem to notice that i've gone.
or is it because, i'm still holding on.
_______________________________________________________________

i cross my ingers that you wont look at me with disdain.
you're all i've lost.
you're all i've gained.
_______________________________________________________________

my pursed lips
hold in
my purging sin
sitting n the back
of my throat
itching at every word.
___________________________________________________________

letters shaping your face,
your the words to everything.
____________________________________________________________

that smell.
that april fresh,
light blue.
finally your breath on my neck
wanting this to never end
with each touch of your fingertips
my back,
your lips,
your hands,
my hair,
feeling
every
beat
of
your
heart
as your tongue slowdances
around
the seconds
making this
old, first kiss
last forever.
and that smell.
you.
fall in april.
fall in april
fall
in
april.
ifell.
_______________________________________________________________

i tried to write the perfect love song
...how do i put you into verse?
_______________________________________________________________

i could
could probably
probably not
not put into words
wordst hat explain
explain the unexplainable
unexplainable things
things that you do

and i'm biding time
and biting my tongue

this man before me bares your eyes
but these hands are so gentle
_______________________________________________________________

i hesitate to bleed these cliche phrases that are pulsing through my fingers.
you are write the words. (are.)
you
are
the
words.
for the millionth time
the hundreth page,
i see your face
(blahblahshapingblahblah)
W O R D S.

every curve
like the one
down my spine
i feel you in me.
coursing your way
through my veins.
_______________________________________________________________


i wish there were more days
that had you in them.
i wish there was more of you
in me.
_______________________________________________________________

it all sounds so forced
so stale
like nothing
that could compare
to the way you were.

and with that, no truer words
have been spoken.

not a day passes that i dont think of you.
i only hope that i end up
as beautiful as you are.
_______________________________________________bg.________________

just like you,
cut my finger to make sure i'm still bleeding.

_______________________________________________________________

i hope this isn't just a facade...
that your words
are real
and not just favorite sentences of mine
on repeat.
_______________________________________________________________

& isnt it ironic...

i've always seen my feet
dancing on the top of yours.

>> his hand
on the small of my back
i can feel it all over me.

these words
burn under my tongue
like he does
through my thoughts.
why can't i get you
out of my head.
a burned image
and he doesn't deserve to belong.
just one more time
bite my cheeks,
the blood fills my mouth.
i'm just another shadow
on his wall.
_______________________________________________________________

you fill me with...
everything.

i bite my tongue as i say this
but i want to slap you
with words
all over your face.
red cheeked,
and screaming.
something so passionate
that bleeds
with every hue of feeling
onto papers
staining each others clothes.
i want to rip
your insides out
and see what you're really made of.

_______________________________________________________________

how life is without you here...

an empty stomach, but these lines are filling me up. his smiles not yours, but i can't seem to help staring at those perfect teeth. watching his lips form as he speaks, sentences full of...who am i kididng, i can't hear a word. that mouth is just too captivating.
and the night goes on, with the laughter and drinks and i find myself seated next to him. playfully pushing my hand away, i'm suddenly completely aware of every vein in my body. the warmth of his fingers imprint my arm and lingers for just a moment. i smile, as my head gets dizzy. its time to leave.
i gather my coat, give kisses goodbye and thank my host for having me. he pulls me in, his breath on my neck as he tells me to come back soon.
i climb into my car and the guilt rushes through me. turning my ears off just to watch him talk? how could i want that embrace just last just a second longer? his hands? how could i recognize the warmth? and i realize...
its you. the whole time, i couldn't see his face. small portions of you that i love. his smile, that hold, his touch, was yours. where i want you to be. i need you next to me always. because without you here. its just too cold.

Hello,

My name is Luftherz. I am 20 years old and currently in college pursuing a degree in German B.A. with an English Minor. I am eccentric, crazy, awesome, funny, lively, sometimes evil, morbid, maccabre, never the same twice, interested in new foods/people/cultures. I am unique and friendly. I live in my own world.

I don't think I ever really introduced myself ever in this blog...so I guess that's pretty much all. Anything else you want to know? :)

Artist: Brooks And Dunn
Song: Ain't Nothing 'Bout You
Album: Greatest Hits Collection 2 Buy Brooks And Dunn Sheet Music
Buy Brooks And Dunn CDs

Once I thought that love was something I could never do
Never knew that I could feel this much
But this yearning in the deep part of my heart for you
Is more than a reaction to your touch
It's a perfect passion and I can't get enough

The way you look, the way you laugh,
The way you love with all you have,
There ain't nothing bout you that don't do something for me
The way you kiss, The way you cry,
The way you move when you walk by
There's ain't nothing bout you (there ain't nothing bout you)
That don't do something for me

In my life I've been hammered by some heavy blows
That never knocked me off my feet
All you gotta do is smile at me and down I go
And baby it's no mystery why I surrender
Girl you got everything

The way you look, the way you laugh,
The way you love with all you have,
There ain't nothing bout you that don't do something for me
The way you kiss, The way you cry,
The way you move when you walk by
There's ain't nothing bout you (there ain't nothing bout you)
That don't do something for me

I love your attitude, your rose tattoo, your every thought
Your smile, you lips and girl the list goes on and on and on

The way you look, the way you laugh,
The way you love with all you have,
There ain't nothing bout you that don't do something for me
The way you kiss, The way you cry,
The way you move when you walk by
There's ain't nothing bout you (there ain't nothing bout you)
That don't do something for me

The way you look, the way you laugh,
The way you love with all you have,
Your dance, your drive, You make me feel alive

The way you talk, the way you tease
Right now I think you see
There ain't nothing bout you that don't do something for me

Everything. Because God is love, and love means everything, and what's void of love means nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

I think if I believe in absolutes, I believe in just two: love, and nothing.