Esteem @ MindSay

I am having one of those bad days again. You women out there know what I am talking about, the kind of day where you are tired and your pants are fitting a little to tight, everything seems to be getting on your nerves??!! I mean, I have seriously had one of those days all day. I am feeling pretty down on myself. It seems like I have been having these days more often than not lately. I have been trying to lose weight that has seemed to stay glued to me since childbirth and it has not been going very well. I have not lost a single pound.

This is my pitty party. I get on the scale, look in the mirror or just put on a pair of pants and I feel so blah... blob...

I really need a support system. My husband is great man, but he does not see a need for me to worry about it. I know that is really sweet of him. I don't know what, but I need something different, like maybe, come on Honey you can do it just stick to it, you will lose it it takes time... Something. I feel like I am stuck in whirl pool of bad self esteem!

I love God with all of my heart and I have been praying about it. Maybe I am being to vain, maybe it is not His time for me to lose it... I don't know. But I am ready for a change. Have you heard that song by Run Kid Run called freedom? Man, it is my song!!! It describes me completely! I need FREEDOM!

I was thinking recently about how I sometimes do stuff to feel better about myself - as if my mind was affecting what I did.

My self esteem isn't too bad because I have a lot of safeguards to protect it, and i try to spread them, but I kind of realised - I need to do more self-convincing when my self-esteem is low, but when I feel good about myself, I don't need to. I try to make people feel better, though I want to reinforce their self esteem rather than make them rely on outside opinion. Perhaps developing self esteem is what 'loving yourself' really is, and also the very key to confidence, it is what makes the difference between happiness and depression. Do not panic if your self-esteem is low, it just highlights what you need to overcome, and once you have, I belive there's no going back :) There may be several issues, but that's fine, just take them one at a time. Hard times make people understanding too!

I need to keep myself in check so I don't blindly assume my own glory, but I think I'll try to default to feeling good - I'll still deal with problems as they arise, but rather than constantly struggle to earn my own respect I will already have it!
One thing bothers me though about this... In order to be more understanding, it sometimes takes a little bit of hell. I try to find other ways and I believe I can to some degree on some things. I think both understanding and esteem are goals of life - though they arise under different conditions.
What should I fight for - self esteem or understanding? - or better, both perhaps, as need arises

http://feedvalidator.org/check.cgi?url=http%3A//odeo.com/channel/123342/rss     

 

Seven Symptoms That You Are Getting Into A Depression

There are lots of reasons for a person to get depressed but you can easily identify the symptoms of depression and help the person to overcome it. Few symptoms are easily identifiable .The symptoms like Over weight or loss of weight, insomnia or excessive sleep can be the symptoms of depression. Read through.This article cover

• What is depression?
• What makes someone clinically depressed?
• Manic depression symptoms and other types

Feeling sad or "down" for a few days is not the same as exhibiting symptoms of depression. A clinical case of depression symptoms as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) is a disorder with both physical and mental characteristics that negatively disrupts an individual's ability to function day to day in social and work environments. According to the DSM, real depression is a condition of this nature that lasts for more than two weeks.

It is estimated that at any one time, some 16% of the population of the United States is clinically depressed. The condition is actually the leading cause of disability in this nation. By 2020, statistics gathered by the World Health Organization suggest that depression will be the second major cause of disability in the world.

What Makes Someone Clinically Depressed?

The DSM lays out a stepped approach to diagnosing and evaluating clinical depression. First one of two clinical depression symptoms must be present, either a depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure. If either of those major depression symptoms is present, the patient must also exhibit four of the following symptoms.

People who are depressed are often overwhelmed by sadness or fear and at times feel incapable of experiencing emotion. Another major symptom is loss of interest or pleasure in an activity or pastime that was previously a source of considerable engagement.

Marked weight gain or loss is an indicator as is a change in sleep patterns to either extreme - insomnia or excessive sleep. Restlessness, slowed movements, and mental or physical fatigue may also indicate depression.

Other feelings that may be present include guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, anxiety, fear, and decreased self esteem. People who are depressed have trouble concentrating and find themselves struggling to think clearly. They will also have memory issues. Additionally, individuals suffering from depression entertain thoughts of self-harm in the form of either self-mutilation (cutting for instance) or suicide.

If the patient in question is a child, the symptoms of depression may include recurrent nightmares, a loss of appetite, and problems in school with learning or discipline that were not previously present. Children will also exhibit marked changes in behavior. They may become withdrawn or exhibit uncharacteristic social aggression.

In adults it is not uncommon for people who are depressed to abuse alcohol, drugs (or both), and to engage in excessive behavior, perhaps developing an eating disorder or a sexual addiction. The Beck Depression Inventory, a depression symptoms test, uses twenty-one multiple choice questions to evaluate a potential case of depression and is considered to be an excellent diagnostic tool.

www.preciousbabysite.com/online-tele-health

 

I have recently realised something that I had been vaguely aware of for some time.

 

I am, generally, unattractive to the opposite sex.

 

It is not because of my looks. Sure, Calvin Klein aren't going to ask me to model for them any time soon, but I wouldn't say I'm visually unappealing. These days, I dress fairly well, ensure my hair looks good, and take care of my personal hygiene rigorously.

 

It's more because of my manner. Somebody summed it up perfectly the other day - everything about me is awkward. I project no confidence in any way.... I even walk unconfidentally, apparently.

 

Now, there's an important thing to consider: I'm not, in myself, completely unconfident. Sure, I have the tendency to become downcast when things don't go my way, and I don't have much in the way of self-esteem, but I don't so much lack confidence in my own abilities. It's more that I don't act confident. I sometimes struggle when conversing, because I don't know what to say, or if I do say something it ends up being stupid. I even think my reactions are slow...

 

It's one thing to acknowledge these problems, but I really need to do something about them, and soon. It's kind of a downward spiral - the more I struggle in social situations, or act in a self-concious manner, the less chance I'll have of gaining close connections with other people, and the more down I'll get, which will finally lead to me being even more self-concious and awkward socially, and on it goes.

 

Anyway, these are things I need to combat. What is my ultimate goal, after all? To find love. Not too many girls are going to be interested in me with my current manner and mindset, which is why the chances of anyone actually falling in love with me are so low at the moment. Sure I'd like a girl to love me 'just for who I am', but I've got to actually make them interested in the first place. There has to be a bit of basis in attractiveness there, just as us guys mostly desire some physical attractiveness in girls, they desire a bit of confidence and whatever else in us. If I don't have it, I'll simply continue to be as lonely as I am now.

trieniene, this is in response to your beautiful blog, but it has become a fullblown blog of it's own, so I am going to post it, to keep from taking up your whole page.  I cannot believe you were so knowledgeable and wise at such a young age, except that you told me, and I believe you. In saying I cannot believe it, I mean to say, I am amazed by you, as usual.

 

Thank you so much for sharing another tidbit of your life with us, so we can get to know you even better.  You are the complete opposite of me in most ways. 

 

This is how my life went, compared to yours.  You felt lonely all of your life because you felt superior and that no one was noticing.  I felt lonely all of my life as well, because I did not feel I was good enough.  I went to church camps with other young people, and the bed would be full of clothes that I had just bought but now cast off becuase I felt fat and ugly next to the other beautiful girls who had nice clothes.  In school, I was different because of my religion and could not fit in with their stories because we did not do any of the things they did, such as go to movies, mixbathe (swim with members of the opposite sex) dance or party in the way they spoke about.  Instead I only had stories of another church service or special speaker, which I actually liked, but that they would never understand. 

 

I loved beautiful girls, because I thought I was ugly, and admired their bodies.  This also made me feel alienated and that they would suspect if I got too close.  Yet, everyone around me thought I was beautiful and vivacious, with a bubbly, outgoing personality, and I was never actually overweight until after I had my children. 

 

Women felt threatened by me, because their husbands seemed to flock toward me and stare, especially when I opened my mouth to sing, or laugh. When I sang, I would look one straight in the eye and sing, as tho they were the only one in the room, and I had this effect on men as well, and do until this day.  I have the ability to make one feel as tho he were the only one in my world and that all my interest is in and for him, and let those around us think as they may.   

 

I had one lady call to me from across a room one time to leave her husband alone, altho we had never met or spoken.  It was he that was looking at me, and that is one thing I did know, appreciate and build on; men have always been attracted to me.  So this is where I built up my self esteem, and who cared if women hated and felt threatened by me? 

 

I lived only for the relationship I was working on at the time.  Therefore, I longed for the companionship of girls, but ended up never having any, unless they, too, were of a sexual nature.  I related everything to my sexuality because that is where I felt fulfilled, so it was nothing unusual to give sex away to friends.

Triniene,  I have also  slept with a few men in my time, altho from the world's standared, it has not been so many; I hope that I have learned a little something from them over the years.  I have learned that some can be cruel and insensitive, while others can be soft and loving.  I have learned that some men are completely selfish, and only grab what they can from life and then discard it.  I have learned that some people only want you around to be the life of the party and make things fun for them.  Yet others want you there just to confide in, to tell them what they need to hear and then to go on your way. 

 

Overall, I have learned a lot, but mostly, I have learned to shrug off the bad, altho my heart seems to break into a thousand pieces sometimes and I am still learning to take it from whom it comes and not to take it personally.

 

However, I never felt wise and that I had a whole lot to offer, until later in life.  I did know I could sing, however, and play the piano well enough to accompany myself, and was in demand everywhere I went, which was in church circles of course.  I sang my heart out, wrote songs, and used my personality to its fullest extent to get the attention I craved, but that was because I was insecure in myself.  I only know now that I have a lot to give and it does not matter what people think in the long run, as long as I am doing what is right for me.

 

Triniene, you say you grew from a timid and scared young woman, into a strong and individualistic grown one, with a lot to give.  And you are so right.  You are one of the most amazing women I have ever encountered and I hope that I can be a fraction as confident in myself as you are.

 

However, I do know some things about myself; the world can put this in their individual pipes and smoke it.  I have an open and honest heart.  It is sometimes too open and vulnerable and I tell too much, and therefore, get hurt more often than not.  But I still believe in honesty in this dishonest world and I have decided to be completely honest with myself and others since coming to mindsay.  There are people who have ridiculed me for it, but so be it.  I have always wanted to tell the world what has been on the inside of me, but always had to suffer in silence, for fear of rejection.  Now, who cares?  If I am rejected by you, you do not matter.  It is myself and God I have to please and there will be those along the way who appreciate me for who and what I am, and others who will accuse, ridicule and even call me a fake, but you may believe as you please, just as I will discard what you say as I do.

 

I still have the ability to be a good listener, to feel out the hearts of others, and to offer a vestige of hope, for having been a sympathetic listener, and understanding them.  This is perhaps because I have looked for love and understanding my whole life and am only starting to experience it for myself now.  I am trying out the serenity prayer's methods.  I am accepting that I am not perfect and that some things cannot change, but am working on that which can. 

 

Triniene, you say you have always been strong, and your strength was in knowing that.  I am learning and evolving into a strong woman from knowing you.  You say that some people bring your loneliness relief, while others cause it to go deeper; well, I hope I have relieved you some, as you have been an inspiration in my life.  Your views on the universe and the creator, of good and evil, and your insight into so many things, have allowed me to open up to myself and my feelings, as a flower opening it's face to the warm glow of the sun.  I see I am part of God, even as he is a  part of me; since he and all he is, is love, then I am a part of his love.  I cannot move that he has not known it before, and I can trust him to turn me to the right path, for I am in His will, and will ultimately come to my fullest potential thru him and his patience with me.  I can grieve and have regrets for the past, but also realize that all things were leading me, as you said your past has led you, to this place in time, teaching me the lessons that I now have to put to good use. 

 

Thank you for your post, my friend and for inspiring me to open up in this manner.  I love you. 

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I have to use it to its fullest potential.  Therefore, Triniene, I will say I love you, my friend, and to all I come in contact with, I hope to add something to the lives I cross paths with, just as my mindsay friends have added volumes to my life in the two months I have been here in your world.