Emotional @ MindSay

After several days of searching for the unknown, i find myself lying on the bed thingking of what will happen to my life when i get old. Im 18 years old now, and my life sucked not the average teen life of what people used to have. I am in the depths of commitng self exile, behaving like im the only who didn't have any memories that are best to be remembered. Until now  i still dont get anything from my self not knowing what to do with  my life. But after i watched i late night movie, i asked my self if my world  would be like that. Were you have to be somebody to be in the social acceptance on the society. Always wanted to be a somebody, like i said im not the average guy. Loneliness has kept me frozen in time and i want to stay like that, to conjure the pain the happines and memories.

 

The true purpose in life is finding the road to ones self, begin by knowing your inner self. Look at yourself in the mirror and say that " Im here because i want my family to be proud of me, and I wont let them down". Or you can say that " Im here because i want to be doctor someday, so i could help my mother from her sickness and i dont want to leave her". Its starts with "What I want to do with my life", and ends with "I am proud that i have than this and that and I lived my life with no regrets whatsoever and im willing to help people who is in need". Friends are the common things in life that you get in life, some are free some are friends that will be with you just for money. Well life is like that, life is unfair i know but, hear me this " always believe in god and in your self " because god is the only one you have that, even if he is not in your presence " Just pray and he will come to you". Im not saying this because im a christian, Im saying this because he helped me a lot when i needed him the most. He never leaves by your side, you got to talk to him by your heart. And Believe is the one you have in your life, because people started living in this world because we believe that we have a purpose and that one of the most motivational keys in finding yourself. " I believe in my self, and Im willing to take the test and the obstacles that i may tackles through out my life. My suggestion is learn to respect yourself and know your limits, humans are bound to have limits but one thing is out of the line, there is also human instinct that drives you.

 

 

I'll end for now, im tired and didn't get enough sleep all week.. Next time I'll talk about love and courtship.

 

 

If  you want to find out more about me, just PM me and I'll accept any questions about me.. thanks for reading and be what you are always. =3

 

 

Hey

 

Have no idea why I'm creating a blog who probably no one will read or coment or whatever. But it's nice because i've nothing better to do.

 

 

 

So, about me:

-My mother says I'm weird

-My father... I don't even care

-My sister says I'm a nightmare

-My friends say I'm EMO

-EVERYONE says I'm weird

 

 

Whatever^^

 

 

 

From THIS GREAT SITE on Narcissism:

Recognising Narcissism - Observing them at work

Behaviours and attitudes of the narcissist
See if you recognise any of the following:

* When he is good, he is wonderful. When he is bad he is a waking nightmare.

* He is always right and everyone else is always wrong.

* He will not accept criticism of any sort.

* His public image and how he is perceived is extremely important to him. Far more important than genuine interactions and relationships.

* He can get angry in an instant - often for things he has imagined or for no apparent or reasonably valid cause.

* When he is angry for something that he has imagined or misunderstood, you can try to prove the facts to him, drag in a hundred witnesses - he will still not change his mind.

* He twists facts to suit himself and sometimes "rewrites history" to match what he wants to believe.

* He has a natural tendency to believe the worst about people.

* He is an extremist and fickle. He can be absolutely loyal to someone, sing their praises and defend them to the death - then at the slightest disappointment, turn on them completely and in an instant.
* His conversation is often about criticising someone else or running someone else down. When he does this, it is with an air of authority, as if he really knows what is going on inside that person - better even than they do. He knows exactly what their "problem" is, as well as the solutions.

* When not engaged in criticism and gossip, his conversation revolves around himself: his thoughts, his life, his feelings, his attitudes, his woes, his ailments, his achievements, his cleverness. Me, I and My.

* He will ask you how you are, then carry on speaking before you can answer, or cut you short and speak over you.

* If you speak loud enough and he is forced to listen (or because someone else who doesn't know the real him is around), you can see that he is not listening at all. He is distracted, possibly looking around and shuffling, or nodding his head too vigorously to speed you up. Perhaps he has simply gone glassy-eyed. You get the distinct feeling that he just wants you to shut up so that he can speak again.

* When he responds to something you have said, it is often either just a kind of grunt -- or it seems over the top.

* On the few occassions that he does praise you or acknowledge something you have done, it will normally be condescending, grudging, sarcastic or as a back-handed compliment.

* What he says and what he does seem like two opposite worlds.

* When he is with outsiders he is such a charming, friendly man. People tend to like him and admire him and you are amazed at how rational he is with them.

* He is very possibly a pillar of society and looked up to by those who deal with him but are not close. He may be in a position of leadership.

* He goes on at length and with quite some passion about things that he himself does. For example, loudly complaining about men who abusing or cheating on their wives and speaking about what harsh punishments they should be subjected to - then going home and abusing & cheating on his own wife.

* He knows how to do everything better. He could do that job better, run the organization better, run the country better…..

* He knows the answer to all of the worlds biggest problems... if only someone would listen to him/ finance him/ whatever.

* He is a victim of everyone and everything: those in authority over him, his family, his circumstances, his health, his past. He is a victim and a martyr, period. What other people accept as part of life, he takes as a personal affront, if not attack.

there is no pain that cuts deeper than love

he was right you know

who you are is of no concequence

but he was right

i was misguided

more fool him than me though

id love to be a fly on the wall

what is love

love is lust with more of an emotional attachment

they will all realise

one day after the explosion

after the dust settles

they will realise that i was right

i predicted this

actualy i know this

i know it will end badly

ive always known

but when all is said and done

death is the way

death has always been the way

but for me

for me death holds more pain than realese

i have commited horrific crimes

and in death

all your crimes are paid for in some form of pain

i doubt i could cope

i dont know how im coping now

but i am

and i must thank her

she has great tast is music

music for a fucked up life

i will always love her

she believes that unrequited love is pathetic

so do i

so what does that mean for me

such is the curse of my existance

i will always be here to burry the ones i love

and to pick up the peices

but i am never to be happy

as to why

its my punishment

 

I Love you DE and that will never change

but still i cant help feeling like this was just a mind fuck to get back at him

i know we had something

and that will always be there

i hope you realise it b4 it is too late

 

shad

I wish I knew what was going on inside my head. I'm no longer sure how I feel.

When I think about dad, even though I know I'm sad, I don't feel sad. I can't say that I'm happy although I'm not unhappy. I feel as if I'm just going through the days. In a way I guess I feel numb but it's not the same numb as I felt right after dad died.

My thoughts are so jumbled, my emotions churning, yet I can't read my own emotions. All I know is that I feel down and I want to crawl into the arms of my love and be held as I cry.