Those who know me will also know that I hate emo kids with an undying passion. I've never much told anyone why, other than the fact that their poetry sucks. I don't want this to become a rant about these livejournal whiners, but let me just say this.
What do they have to be so depressed about?
I have fought with depression, suicide, humiliation, loneliness, uncontrollable anger. Last year I became a bitter old woman. As Mark Twain once said, "I have been through many terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
Well, look at me now. I feel alive again, and I've never been happier in my life. I feel like after so much confusion, I found a place where I belong. Just thinking about my life before AU makes me twitch with revulsion and throw up a little bit inside my mouth. But that's not my point. Oh, goodness, I'm getting off track.
After third grade, my life began to swing downward into a pool of suckiness. Yes, life can suck even when you're nine years old. My Aunt Linda was like another mother to my sister and me, but she died when I was eleven. I hated life, the world, everything. I haven't even been able to talk about her until now, seven years later. I still cry a little when I do.
In junior high, all my friends and I were brutally bullied every day. In high school, I was ignored by almost everyone around me to the point of isolation.
Here's the point I'm trying to make. Conditions were perfect for me to sulk in my room, write bad poetry and just feel sorry for myself. No, I wasn't always happy. But you know what? I always tried to be. Sometimes, I even was. See for example: junior year of high school...aside from chem, was actually not bad. =p
I still throw myself pity parties from time to time, there are still times I refuse to smile, but I'm working on it.
The key word of the above sentance: refuse.
Things have become clearer now. I'm finally realizing things that I have always known.
Happiness is a choice. Even when things look their worst, you can still choose. It's all right to cry, it's all right to be sad or angry or hurting. It's part of being human. Another part of it is choosing your actions. It's not always easy, it's sometimes impossible, but you have to try. You are the only one responsible for your happiness. Laugh or cry, it's your choice.
