Emo @ MindSay 
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I saw it... I saw it clearly.
That crimson liquid that trailed down the side of your face.
Now tell me am I asleep, am I dreaming?
I hope that could be the case
But it looks so real.
Your body's so cold...so cold that I freeze when I touch...
When I touch your once bright skin.
The one that would flush when I openly embarrased you.
The lips now pale, the ones that with a smile could brighten up my day.
So tell me...tell me it's not real.
I've run out of hope,
I let you hold my heart and now you took it without a word.
So tell me...tell me it's not real,
Those pale lips,
That cold touch.
Your wrists are slashed, and though you can no longer feel pain,
I feel it enough for the both of us.
So tell me, why did I do it?
Why take a life that I owned,
Why destroy the one thing that kept me alive?
What will happen now that her facade is dead?
That my one creation was thrown away?
Right now..I'm useless...I'm nothing without her.
Nothing without the her I created all those years ago.
Secondhand Serenade - Tested and True
Superstitions arent meant for lovers
Under covers, undiscovered is your skin
I am lonely, please let me in
Youre probably wondering what I was proving
Are you choosing?
Am I losing you tonight?
Is it over, over?
Are we fading?
I never wanted anything the way that I want you
But my words dont seem to matter
My words dont seem to matter
And you look at me and I can see
The lies youre running to
But my words dont seem to matter
Id rather have you tested and true
Now youve had your chance
So lets try my way, its my day
To show you what youre missing, turn around
And feel the winds of change upon your face again
The warm breath of your closest friend
Im waiting, Im waiting
Are we fading?
I never wanted anything the way that I want you
But my words dont seem to matter
My words dont seem to matter
And you look at me and I can see
The lies youre running to
But my words dont seem to matter
Id rather have you tested and true
Im scared well fall apart tonight
Under the moonlight
Under the moonlight
Im scared well never make it right
Under the moonlight
Under the moonlight
Take my hand and hold it tight
Hold it tight
I never wanted anything the way that I want you
But my words dont seem to matter
My words dont seem to matter
And you look at me and I can see
The lies youre running to
But my words dont seem to matter
Id rather have you tested and true
- Not everything needs to be analyzed and picked apart.
- It's okay to do stuff without reason.
- Sometimes it's okay to forget everything for awhile.
- Acting silly and childish will keep you young.
- Indulge in your every pleasure.
- Nothing is immortal, not even Vampires.
- Live like you're going to die any second.
- Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment.
My mind is drawing a blank. All I can think of are pictures. I'm thinking IN pictures. Pictures. Images. Thoughts. Reality. Mind.
I write things down to remember. I write things down so I won't forget. I write things down so I won't forget to remember. It's possible.
It's easier not to care. Sometimes I wish I was still depressed. It was easier. Reminds me of...
DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY
"So. this is how it feels to die? But it's okay. Yeah, everything's okay."
I can't paint anything anymore. I can't draw anymore. I mean - it's there, I have the ability, but nothing comes to my head anymore. I can't even listen to music and just paint or draw what I feel anymore. What medium do I use now? Photography is too easy. Am I destined to make shitty blog entries for the rest of my life? Everything has been done before. Maybe I'll try writing again. Or am I destined to continue writing fuckass haiku poems on my cell phone to pass time? Abusing the body is a boring art form. My scars will tell you that. All I can do is trace over my scars and hope for some artistic inspiration.
I still don't have a nickname. I thought about using Grave, you know, because I want to be a Mortician, but I'm sure I'll be called emo and shit. Hurr durr - fascination with death = emo now, or so the "in-crowd" claims.
I'm good at psychoanalyzing myself. I used to pick myself apart when I was bored. I've figured myself out for the most part now, so I'm bored with my emotions. I want to experience a new emotion or one that I haven't felt in a long time. I want to play with my mind. But what is there to do with it? I mean - the shrinks had such a fun time drugging me up and digging around in my memories, why the fuck shouldn't I have that chance?
If I didn't feel physical pain, I'd jump at the chance to rip myself apart and look inside. I'd probably bleed to death, but what better way to die than by your own, murderous hands?
"Mountains. Heavy are the mountains. But that changes with the passage of time.
Sky, blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
The sun. One, only one.
Water. It is a grey pool. Commander Ikari.
Flowers. So many the same, so many without purpose.
Sky. Sky of red. Red the colour, the colour I hate.
The liquid flows. It drips, ripples, and pours. Blood. Scent of blood, woman who does not bleed.
On the red soil the humans come. Humans made by man and woman.
City. A human creation. EVA. A human creation as well.
What are humans? Are they creations of God? Humans, and that which is created by humans.
This is that which is mine. My life; my heart. I am a vessel for my thoughts.
The entry plug; the throne of the soul. Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I...
I am I.
This object that is myself, that which forms what is me. This is the self that can be seen and yet it is not like that which is myself.
A strange feeling. My body feels as if it is melting. I can no longer see myself, my form, my shape...It fades from view.
Awareness dawns of someone who is not mel; who was here, there, beyond me here.
Shinji? This person I know, Major Katsuragi. Doctor Akagi. People. My classmates. The pilot of Unit 02. Commander Ikari?
Who are you? Who are you? Who are you..."
"I wonder when it started... the drifting... It's like my mind and body have come apart, little by little...
Whenever something sad... or painful... happens
It's like there's another me who watches it... like it's happening to someone else, thinking... "that's not me." It's okay. I can live like that. I'll lock my heart deeper away. I won't have to feel pain outside or inside... or fear...
I WON'T HAVE TO FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL!"
*NOTE: I do not EXPECT anyone to reply to any of my bullshit entries or even read them. It's nice when I get advice, but I don't expect people to respond. When I signed up for Mindsay, I did it so I could just get my thoughts down. I doubted anyone would reply. So please, don't feel that you HAVE TO reply or give me advice.*
i love the feeling of razors slitting my wrists.
the metal sliding on my pale skin.
blood dripping drown my arms.
like tears running down my face.
this pain is what lets me escape this cruel dark world.
hope you like my poem =P
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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Yesterday, whilst Adam was round here again - he told me he can tell when I'm depressed.
His main reasoning was, whenever I'm with him, I'm prone to laughing spontaneously for long periods of time. I'll laugh a lot at most seemingly normal things he says.
But his reasoning was that when I'm depressed, I don't laugh, I'll only smile minorly.
So I thought, and I applied it - and I found that he was right.
So I'm wondering, am I really that obvious?
When I'm alone in the house and depressed, I'll wander up and down the passage, staring at the floor.
If I'm laid on the sofa in the living room, I'll stare at my reflection in the fireplace for ages.
If I'm in my room, I usually sit differently in my chair - I'll slouch more, whilst I normally sit really straight.
I've also noticed I get less enjoyment from things, and when I think to myself, I swear less, and when I talk, my voice is a lot more emotionless.
When I'm around others, I'll isolate myself.
In school, I'd sit down my aisle, or I'd sit at a table alone.
If I were on a table with others, I'd remain silent, and work quicker, with my head down.
Yeah, I'm starting to realise.
I actually am that obvious.
I must've been really sad yesterday, because Adam actually hugged me.
And that never happens.
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