Emily @ MindSay 
chitownfreak25
Fortunately, there is only one of her.
Fortunately.
I just got off the phone with her (thus the back-to-back blogs) and once again, she managed to destroy what should have been a lovely conversation. SHE called ME to ask for my help. My brother-in-law is going to a hockey game tomorrow night with his brother. They are going to have dinner at a bar I used to work at (Great Waters) and wanted to get directions. She explained all of this to me and then I was to give her the directions. I asked to talk to Chad so that I could give HIM the directions so that I knew he would understand. He's the one going, after all, not her. So brother-in-law and I chatted, I gave him the needed directions and then, like a fool, I asked him to put my sister back on the line.
I don't know if she went and took a for-pregnant-women-doctor-authorized "pissy pill" in the 45 seconds I was talking to her husband, but she was a different person when I got her back on the phone. I was trying to nail down plans for Halloween because we have my nephew for the very first time. We don't usually see him on holidays and we're excited. My mom and I are making him a costume (pictures to come!) and we're trying to figure out what to do. We want him to trick-or-treat with kids his own age and as a result we've set up dates with the kids of two of my friends. We also would like to run him to a couple places so people can see him (i.e. my sister and brother-in-law, my brother, etc). Yeah, this will probably be a fairly hectic evening but whatthehell, might as well make the most of it. This could be the only Halloween we ever get him for.
At any rate, I was just trying to find out if they had anything specific planned so we could work them into our schedule. I was even thinking of inviting them for dinner...but before I could get to any of that she blew up at me. She told me that I had too much planned and that I was ruining Simon's Halloween. Apparently he doesn't want to do all the running around and just wants to do a little trick-or-treating. At least according to Emily. She yelled a couple other things at me too.
Is it a mark of age or more of routine that I didn't even get upset? Granted, I am at work and can't get upset, but I very calmly asked her why she was getting so upset. And then she gave me the "whatever" brush off and said that we weren't to bring him to her house, they didn't need to see him. I, again calmly, said that wasn't the point and tried, futilely, to explain myself. She didn't listen to me, she just talked right over me. So I said that I just needed to know their plans. And she finally conceded and said "we'll be home all night". And we got off the phone.
What worries me is that I have become so used to the way she speaks to me that I barely react to it anymore. I used to get upset and we'd fight...which certainly wasn't productive, but at least I was standing up for myself and hoping that maybe something I said got through. Now, I don't even try. I just let her steamroll right over me and usually just cross my fingers that Storm Emily passes quickly. It has become a trademark that when I see my sister or talk to her, the first thing I do is try to judge her mood, because I know how quickly (like this phone call) she can go from 0-to-60.
I try to be understanding of the fact that she is her own person and that she is very different from me. But, really, most of the time I am so frustrated by her lack of respect for others that I don't want to even be around her. Which is sad, because I truly do love my sister and when she isn't being this way, she is a pretty cool person. Or at least she used to be. I haven't seen that Emily for a very long time. Once in a while I get glimpses of who she used to be and I hope that Old Emily is still inside of her, just waiting for her chance to come out to stay. But lately, this Emily is the only one I see and for some reason, it seems to be me with whom she acts this way the most.
I guess I just wish that I had the kind of sister that I could be friends with. I would really love that. Maybe someday...
Congratulations Emmy and Chad-o!
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feelings Haywire... LOL, HAYWIRE.
If I'd just judged today on everything that happened BEFORE 9PM, I'd have marked today as neutral - even bordering on being content.
But no - it says CURRENTLY feels, be that as I write the blog, or as I post a blank one to update later.
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I actually thought today would be semi-decent.
Fair enough, I wasn't looking forward to having English first thing, but I was looking forward to my Photography lesson.
But no - all lessons had been cancelled, in favour of bastard Key Skills.
So I went on a wander, eventually found Adam - I gave him a birthday hug. I didn't have his card yet, as I actually hadn't been given much of a chance to get into town. I was planning to get one for him later in the day.
I saw Paul mooching around - so I asked him to show me where the new Key Skills room decided to be.
So I ended up in some random corridor that doesn't ever seem to be mentioned. Wah, it was TEH FORBIDDENZ CORRIDORZ OF TEH COLLEGE.
Even so, when I got there, I was being ignored, pretty much.
The tutors seemed to be focusing on signing off those who'd finished, instead of focusing on the ones who DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE...
Thankfully, I had Michelle sat beside me - and I remembered some stuff Lewis had been rabbiting on about last week - so I managed to get a bit more done.
I couldn't be arsed staying for much longer though - so I sloped off downstairs at 10:30.
I was pissed off, so I bought a sausage sandwich.
They keep giving me sachets of ketchup - which I can't stand.
I want to set up squishes in the ground floor toilets.
(Hiding folded-over ketchup sachets under the nubs on the toilet seats, so that when a victim sits on it, the packets explode and squirt sauce all up their legs.)
Why yes, I am very immature. :)
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I met up with Shelly - a few seconds after I'd sat down and was about to eat my sandwich.
She goes: "...What ARE you doing?"
I just smiled and waved my sarnie at her.
She cuddled up to me for a while, waiting for her tutorial time.
When she actually went, she was gone for half a year - so I started sketching out the drawing I wouldn't actually get finished until 4:50 - thanks to defective fucking pencils... [But that's for later.]
When Shelly came back downstairs, the two of us wandered off into town.
I was still stressed out due to bastard Key Skills and my deprivation of wonderful Photography lessons - so I went into Home Bargains and bought crisps, Pepsi and a mini Toblerone.
This is the 2nd day in a row I've forgot to bring my bastard water-bottle.
When I start getting dependant on my water, I get really annoyed if I don't have any to-hand.
We sat on the black bricks outside Debenhams and nommed together.
They're bloody freezing in the winter, but they're quite comfortable in the summer.
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Shelly had another exam when we returned - so after we'd chilled out for a while on the 4th floor stairs, she went off to that, and I returned to Key Skills.
This time, there was less people in the room - so Paul actually paid me a bit of attention.
I got a little more done - he's told me that we'll finish it off tomorrow in Photography.
...Does that mean ONCE AGAIN, I'm losing my Photography lesson to Key Skills?!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
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I would have been officially finished after this - but Shelly, being a dozy cow that she is - she'd told her dad to pick her up at 5, instead of 3:30.
So I decided I'd hang about with her.
Adam joined us - and I gave him his card.
It was blue with a teddy bear on the front, holding a bottle of champagne.
The choice of cards in Card Factory were a bit shite, but I chose that one because it made me piss when I read it.
On the bottle, it said: "LOVELY BUBBLY" - and I was just like LMAO.
I followed our usual tradition of writing a ton of random shite on the blank spaces in the card inside too. :)
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Sitting around, we were soon joined by Kayley and some randomers.
I was informed that the "knob" sitting with us was Paul - he was eating BBQ rib crisps and daring his mate to shout "OW, SCRUFFY TITS!" at passer-bys.
Kayley then asked him, very calmly, in the greatest composure voice ever: "How can you have SCRUFFY TITS?"
Adam, Shelly and I absolutley pissed. :)
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During this time of muchos randomness, I finished off this drawing:
[DeviantArt link...]
Why yes, it IS #1263!
It's been such a long time since I've drawn her.
She doesn't look different, but I think she looks a little cuter than other times I've drawn her.
Oh, and about the background....
The colour on the end of the pencil looked BROWN - but when I actually drew with it, it came out FUCKING PINK.
I also didn't realise HOW pink it was until I'd finished.
I wanted it to be more of a red colour, but noooo... FUCKING PINK.
And the bastard pencil had a dodgy lead - so by the time I'd finished the whole background, I'd used the whole pencil, practically.
I lost count of the amount of times I had to sharpen the bastard thing.
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Adam got the 64 bus with me.
I was glad to sit with someone I knew and liked instead of sitting with some randomer.
(Like that woman who smelled like sausage rolls and gave me a craving for Greggs...)
When I got home, I ate spaghetti and meatballs.
Birds Eye meatballs are fucking lush like. I didn't burn the little cunts this time, either.
By now, it was like 6:30 - so Shelly rang me up.
She gave me the urge to play Guitar Hero, so I played through a few quick gigs while I had the phone on loudspeaker, resting on my leg.
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Ehhh, and this is when my day turned shitty.
I was in a fucking weird mood to begin with - my mood had been slowly getting worse from when I'd gotten home.
I was feeling really depressed, but managing to hide it really well.
When I was on the phone to Shelly, Ty rang her up - so that sparked off my paranoia as usual.
All I said to Shelly was - I didn't think she could love me as much as she used to love him, as we've only been together for a short time. Compared to those two - who were together longer.
Shelly took this the wrong way, of course, but as usual - she doesn't fucking say to me: "by the way, what you just said upset me" - to which I'd say: "oh sorry dear, I didn't mean to" - or something to that effect.
Instead, she holds my FEELINGS against me, starts being an ABSOLUTE bitch to me for the next 30 minutes - making me feel like shit.
She has a rant on about my mam and moving out - which is talking about the future. This made me feel worried and scared, so I cried.
Shelly thought she'd upset me - or more to the point, I was crying to make her feel guilty.
No, I was crying because I was upset to begin with, and what she'd said triggered my tears off.
So she turns things around - saying I'm crying deliberatley and all this shite.
She makes really violent threats at me sometimes too - the way she was talking, it was as if she wanted to meet with me tomorrow in town to announce she was going to dump me.
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But anyway - after I laid on my bed in silence for a few minutes - listening to her screaming and panting on the other end of the line - she says to me that when we're in that mood, it's because our similarities clash.
I knew I was right, she thought she was right.
(I said this and she had another whinge - but it didn't seem as serious because she was calming down by now.)
Either way - we seem to be alright now.
It's weird though - what Shelly classes as an "argument" between us - it's what Emily and I would have done on a regular basis.
I've known Shelly for about 7 months - and we've only had about 3 or 4 major fights.
I spoke to cuntarse Emily for nearly 2 years - and I'd say we had over well over 150 arguments.
The proof is in my arms too.
Since meeting Shelly and Ashleigh, leaving slagface behind me - the amount I've cut myself has dropped considerably.
The amount I do it now - I'd do it about 4 times more when I spoke to Emily.
I do it monthly - if that - now. It was several times a week when stupid slag used to upset me.
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lonely Farmer
My mam is such a dozy fucking twat.
I asked her to cut my fringe this morning.
I told her NOT to cut it above my eyebrows. So what does she fucking do?
Shelly comforted me, saying that at the rate my fringe grows, it shouldn't take very long for it to go back to normal.
I'm glad I'm not in college for a few weeks - it's not the fact it's slightly crooked, I can cope with that - it's the fact there's my forehead exposed.
The whole reason I have a fringe is to hide my eyebrows and my forehead.
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I feel so shit today.
Today is the first Saturday in quite a while that I've been alone all day.
Why the fuck would it have bothered mam letting Ash and Shelly come today?
SHE WASN'T EVEN IN.
If she has such a vendetta against Shelly - then even just Ashleigh?
I hate being alone.
Well - I like being alone, if the choice is to be with arseholes or to be alone.
I like spending time with people I like - or if I can't spend time with people I like, only people who I dislike, or who are total arsewipes - then I'll gladly spend time alone.
If the choice was to spend an hour with Emily or spend three months alone without contacting a single person - there's no question, I'd become a recluse. :)
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I got the urge to start playing World Tour again today.
I haven't played Guitar Hero in 3 weeks - and SOMEHOW... I've improved!
NOT playing it has made me better!
LMFAO.
When I grew tired of racking up some sexy scores on my bass Quickplay, I decided to continue my save on Harvest Moon: Back To Nature.
I was saved halfway through Fall - with 35%.
I had 10 chickens and the first house upgrade.
I managed to raise about 50,000G for my Winter plans.
I played halfway through Winter - upgrading my barn, my house, three of my tools and buying my first cow and first sheep.
I named the cow Shelly and the sheep Ashleigh. :)
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Dixie currently feels:
Neutral
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Blog #79
OH, WHAT A FAFF.
All week I've been stressing out over this shitty English coursework. I originally thought that I had until Friday to finish both of my writing pieces with commentaries. I also thought I had to have my unit 2 sketchbook for Photography finished AND my entire body of coursework for Media Studies.
In effect, I was only right about one of them - Media Studies DOES need to be finished for Friday - but that's a pile of piss, all I have left to do is assembling research.
Mary blames herself for the fact we're all so behind on coursework. It's not ENTIRELY her fault, but the fact she's had to take days off due to her health problems and crashing into buses etc - means we've missed quite a few lessons.
Saying that, I never used the lessons properly for coursework anyway. If I still had my ability to write, then yes - I'd be well away with it. I'd probably have finished it.
But no, it doesn't work like that...
So anyway - Mary's extended our time so we have over the Easter holidays to finish it too.
But on top of that - ARGH, I have to go into fucking college DURING MY HOLIDAYS to talk to her about it.
But, if I haven't got ANYTHING done, then I'm definatley not bothering going in.
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I made an attempt at writing a commentary for my first piece, but it took me 45 minutes to write a single fucking sentence. Then from that sentence, I couldn't continue.
Worst piece of paper ever.
Well, almost as bad as the one that's just the date and a title.
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Once again, Ash's tutorial was cancelled - we're getting lucky in that aspect.
Extra hours with Ashleigh, yaaaay. :)
I took out my sketchbook and started working on it once more.
I'd told Shelly on the phone on Sunday night that I wouldn't be going into town with them because I wanted to stay and get some solid work done on my sketchbook. At the time she was fine with it...
But when I said it today, she went off on one with me.
Then she twisted it - making out that she was leaving me behind. Err, proper not true like - I didn't want to go in the first place. Basically she did what she normally does - but I didn't allow her to have her own way.
I bought my lunch from the refectory - another bag of greasy goodness.
Actually, this is the first time they gave me my lunch in a paper bag. They always give me it in a polystyrene carton.
I gave Shelly 40p and told her to get me some Pepsi. Well, she asked me if there was anything I wanted.
Instead of spending 60p for 300ml - I wanted 500ml for 40p.
Mwah ha ha... ECONOMICAL.
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While they were gone, I managed to get around 6 pages done.
I have all my photos stuck down, I just need to fill in the white gaps with notes and analysis.
I've got a new way to keep track of what's finished and what isn't too.
PAGE NUMBERS. :)
All the pages that are totally finished get a number in the corner, and I draw a little blood splash around it. It looks cute. :)
Blood splashes are indeed, very cute.
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When they got back - I proper downed half of my Pepsi in one.
I'd been working in thirst. Not an easy thing to do. :D
Shelly had decided to get me a Reisen and a marshmallow twist too. Oh, and some Tayto crisps.
Apparently they were to 'apologise'. She proper didn't have anything to apologise FOR.
She's always like this - likes to involve herself in things she's not involved in.
Like when Ash upset me - Shelly blamed herself.
And it was the fact she was getting involved and forcing blame on herself that makes me angry and upset.
It always is too. Especially on the Wednesday - best example.
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Photography was fine, up until a point, anyway.
Paul wasn't in, so everyone was taking advantage of that.
I actually did some work - I cropped down some photos I was going to use for my collage and adjusted the levels a bit.
I spent most of the lesson going up behind Ash, shaking her by the shoulders and telling her to do her work.
If she wasn't on Blogthings, she was on Cracked.com.
Really, I should stop introducing Ash to things - she proper ends up liking them. :P
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Right - so when we got to the point when Photography went bodged - Shelly was moaning on about the size of her breasts. Not the fact they're immensley huge - but the fact one is a whole cup size bigger than the other.
Well so what? You proper can't tell unless you PROPER stick your face in her cleavage - and in college, how often do people do that? :)
I've told her before it doesn't bother me. She was proper paranoid that it would freak me out.
It takes more than that to freak me out, mate. I'm the one who likes 'wacky shit', after all.
Either way - I started banter.
I do it to Ash, I do it to Adam, I do it to Miraan - I do it to EVERYONE.
It's what I do. It's my sense of humour - and the three I mentioned will find it amusing. They won't take it to heart, and often, they'll banter back.
Basically, I was taking the piss - saying how if she had a baby, it would have to choose between a pint glass and a half pint glass - depending on how thirsty it was. - And things to that effect.
Ash found all of these proper hilarious.
At one point, it went PROPER silent - then all we heard was Ash start pissing herself again.
The funniest one I said was:
"When you put weight on, it goes everywhere BUT THAT TIT!"
- Ash did her 'flop-sideways-in-chair' laugh at that one.
I knew Shelly wasn't overly pleased - but she didn't express how much it was upsetting her.
And it shouldn't have. I didn't mean it maliciously - and neither did Ash.
Shelly moved away from us and cried.
I gave up after a while. She had a mini-rant at us - attempting to make us feel PROPER shit.
Too dramatic, really. She was talking to us like we'd pulled her tit OFF, rather than just commented on it.
I like making Ash laugh - whether it be at someone else's expense, mine, her own - or just in general.
Sometimes I feel it's proper hard - then other times I think it's a pile of piss.
Before I went home, I reluctantly hugged Shelly - proper didn't really want to.
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And naturally - I went back to nana's to play Bully. :)
Shelly rang me at about 6 - but I told her I was too addicted.
It's one of those games where everyone talks to you - and you can't concentrate on two people talking at once.
Then she took it opon herself to send me shitty texts like: "OH YOU LIKE THE GAME MORE THAN ME. MURRR."
Really, she doesn't understand me at all. I DIDN'T say that, or even IMPLICATE it.
Even fucking Emily wasn't that bad. When we got new games, we knew we were both partial to getting addicted. We accepted it. We knew we still loved each other, even though we had something else we wanted to do at the time.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
I JUST SAID SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE WORST PERSON ALIVE.
HOW THE FUCK DID I DO THAT.
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