Dumped @ MindSay

well, i was dumped yesterday. after 3 months of going out (by far my longest relationship) and giving this guy all i could bear to give, he ended it. we went to the river and he said we make better friends than lovers. whatever, he's just been ignoring me and avoiding me. this is a terrible feeling, i've never gone through this before. i'm not so depressed that i'll kill myself or something cuz, hey it's just a guy, but i need this to stop. when i try to sleep, i think of falling asleep in his arms. i feel too vulnerable. it was terrible enough having him be busy all the time and me never getting to see him, but now when i see him i don't know how it's gunna be.
throughout our relationship, he'd told me that he loved me every time i saw him. i could never say it back. i really felt it, but it's too scary to say. now i just want to call him and tell him how much i love him but i'd hate to be "one of those girls" and try to fix everything after it's too late.
he's just a guy, i keep telling myself.
this always fucking happens. i can never have a happy, healthy, normal relationship.
he's just a fucking guy. there's millions more...
and that's why i hate myself for crying over this one.

So, I got dumped today... AGAIN. That's the second time I've been dumped in two weeks by the same girl. I feel pretty worthless right about now, I'm not going to lie. It really sucks being in the position that I'm in, just because she basically told me I was forcing her to stay in our relationship, even though I never did anything to do that. She's being pretty ridiculous, and now I feel like I don't deserve anyone, ever. It kind of messes with your mind when someone does that to you, even after you forgave them for doing it the first time. She still didn't give me a good reason as to why she broke up with me, and everyone probably thinks I'm the jerk who dumped her, because she refuses to ever tell anyone the full truth.

I feel like crap right about now, and I'll never trust anyone the same way again. Life sucks right now. Now because of doing this twice, I really can't focus on my work.... I'm so screwed for school and everything. Screw you Jordan, you dump me without telling me a clear reason twice, and then do it on Facebook the second time. She didn't even want to see me over the weekend to do it, so that shows how much respect she has for me. Selfish brat. I'm pretty much hating my life, and I hope things pick up.

Now for my music stuff:

 

I'm waiting for my moment to come
I'm waiting for the movie to begin
I'm waiting for a revelation
I'm waiting for someone to count me in

'Cause now I only see my dreams, in everything I touch
Feel their cold hands on, everything that I love
Cold like some, magnificent skyline
Out of my reach, but always in my eyeline now

We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling

I fashioned you from jewels and stone
I made you in the image of myself
I gave you everything you wanted
So you would never know anything else

But everytime I reach for you, you slip through my fingers
Into cold sunlight, laughing at the things that
I had planned, the map of my world gets
Smaller as I sit here, pulling at the loose threads now

We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling
When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling

Did you wanna be a winner?
Did you wanna be an icon?
Did you wanna be famous?
Did you wanna be the president?
Did you wanna start a war?
Did you wanna have a family?
Did you wanna be in love?
Did you wanna be in love?

I never saw the light
I never saw the light
I waited up all night
But I never saw the light

When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling
We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling

Spiralling - Keane

So I've basically become obsessed with this song, and the video is awesome. Enjoy.

Hey

 

Have no idea why I'm creating a blog who probably no one will read or coment or whatever. But it's nice because i've nothing better to do.

 

 

 

So, about me:

-My mother says I'm weird

-My father... I don't even care

-My sister says I'm a nightmare

-My friends say I'm EMO

-EVERYONE says I'm weird

 

 

Whatever^^

 

 

 

    So this weekend I was suppose to go out dancing. I was informed by message on myspace that we would definitely be going, but we might be leaving a little later than we did last time. Unfortunately the girl who was suppose to call me to go out with her and her friends chose not too. So I was dressed, straightened my hair, did my makeup, and then sat around for hours waiting to be dumped on. I tried to call her, no answer. So then I tried calling other friends, no luck. My life is practically a joke. Where are all the people that care? Why is it so hard to find friends that are actually that?






Now on a totally different, less Blah note. Here is a Haiku in dedication to a great Adult Swim show. Enjoy.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

 

 

 

 

 

The meat, fries, the shake.

New trouble every Sunday.

Delicious combo.

Lisa Gallo

Well last night i found out that it was true that i was dumped for one of my friends that is trying to help me through this thing. I talked to her on the phone but she told me that she wouldnt go out with him right now cause of that. I thank her for that, cause i havent really told anyone this but ive been depressed for the last 3 weeks or so and this just put the icing on the cake. People are telling me i deserve better and stuff, but obv. i dont..like come on. What have i done to deserve anyone? Id rather other people be happy than me. If i could i would take everyones pain and force it on myself cause i feel i dont deserve happiness. Thats what i beilive right now, thats how i feel...and i hate feeling this way. I dont think ive felt this bad since westmount..and god westmount was the worst, but thats another story. Anyways just thought id blog. Ill blog in a few days 2 tell u guys any progress good or bad. bye...

-:(Kristal:(