Drummer @ MindSay

Have you ever heard something, and just gone, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?"

I mean, in public and everything.

Why does no one ever tell me anything!? They all just assumed I already knew...

I know the drummer in Bob Seger's band.

Seriously.

I was best friends with his DAUGHTER.

I've been to his HOUSE.

Inside!

I slept over there, and got creeped out because it was so fuckin huge!

My friend got her toe crushed by their fancy marble chairs!

And I thought they were just rich because they owned the Campbell soup company, or something.

I have embarked on my first lengthy fairy tale. And I must say, it's going quite well. But that's what I say about all of my stories until I realize they're complete crap and I leave them unfinished.

I am a great beginner of novels. Maybe there's something to this childrens book thing. I'll be finished writing it before I ever get a chance to quit.

This is all The Drummers fault. He sat me down and was like "Brandy, I want to help you find something you love to do. Something you want to do for the rest of your life."

And I know I don't want to be a barista forever, but I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Not everyone gets hit in the ass with their career choice. But try explaining that to him.

Plus I asked my mom about it, and do you know what she said to me? She said "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up."

May I point of now that my mother is retired?

I have to go to work. Apparently people need their coffee.

Oh, yay for me! I'm FREE! A free woman I say! Yay! Hey, that rhymed! Haha! Muh-haha! So, I'm so...relieved...almost 11 months. He was totally suffocating me. I couldn't take it. But, there's this guy I like. Well, 2 guys. Dylan and Max. They are both FREAKIN' hot as hell. And Dylan is a drummer for a local band. He's amazing. Max records them. On a video camera...lol...but, they are so sweet to me. haha! I want a penguin. A baby penguin...lol...well, I'm'll go and take a shower...I smell! lol!

You know you love me

I was watching King of the Hill today, and one of the cartoon alcoholics said something that hit too close to home.

"Fake it till you make it"

Is that what we do? Is that what I'm doing? I can't even tell anymore. The line between being okay and just pretending has been so badly blurred.

There are some days I look in the mirror and I can't see the person I used to be.

I pretend that the person who did all of those things was someone else entirely. I pretend that I am the type of person who would never do any of the horrible things that my memory insists that I did.

But am I pretending? Or was it truly someone completely different who did everything that is burned into my memory?

When did I stop pretending? When did I become someone who sees something wrong with lying and cheating and getting high?

Laying in bed with The Drummer last night, I drifted in and out of consciousness, like I do every time I stay over there. He stayed up and held me. He doesn't sleep when I'm there. He says he just can't bring himself to fall asleep, that I'm too beautiful and it distracts him.

It started as me wanting to be the person he sees me as. I want the life that he wants to give me. He tells me as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters to him.

This is the life that I want. But it isn't just the lifestyle that lures me in. It's him.