Dream @ MindSay

The newlywed game is on and it is making me realize everything that is wrong with America, the most painful thought to Americans is the thought of never marrying. Love has very little to do with it, marriage is no longer a sign of everlasting love and compassion it is simply a RULE of life that after graduating high school, working your way through college, and getting a successful job it is time to get married. Instead of being in love all of the people on the show are very simple people that would clearly easy to live with, because there is nothing unique about them they are in love with an American and not an individual. It would mean so much more to see some one being single for a majority of there life until they can find a person that fits all the cliches you've ever heard, then to see someone 27 years old and already married with a kid and suburban house. All of the relationships on the newlywed game are between very young people who are striving for the American dream rather than people who took the time to experience the entire spectrum of emotions.

Finally in the 70's they would talk about everything, I just heard a lady feel awkward talking about eating strawberries in bed, if your life has always been simple and boring, how do you expect me to believe you can understand emotions.

It seems that there is no let-up to the fucking weird dreams I have.
It's odd that I've had two of them in such a short space of time, but alright - here goes:

I was making fairy cakes.

But for some reason, I had to mix butter and sugar in one bowl and eggs and flour in another bowl - then supposably mix the two bowls together. But I ended up forgetting to mix them - instead, spooned out the mixture of butter and sugar into the cases then just cooking it on its own.

It ended up proper burnt and bodged - so I started again.
This time it seemed to work, and I spooned it all out into muffin cases that I put into Yorkshire pudding tins.

When they were cooked, I started making icing.
I mixed together some icing sugar with red food colouring - and mam came in, suggesting I add vanilla essence - but when she handed me the bottle, it was a miniature of rum.
I told her to find the vanilla essence - and I ended up stood about for like 20 minutes while she looked for it.

Once I'd iced the cakes with this red icing I'd made, I decorated them with CHOCOLATE HOOPS CEREAL.

I then took my cakes to Ash's house - where they seemed to have like 20 people over for whatever reason - but I was holding about six cakes on my hand - my hand must've grown about three times in size. I was handing them out to Ash's family.

"One for DENHAM, one for JORDAN... And where's ASH?!"

Of all the things to dream about, I dream about FAIRY CAKES!

Well it snowed here this morning. It was almost surreal. The flakes were huge and falling straight down. The sky was bright although there was no trace of the sun, hidden by the thin cloud cover.

 

I just got to work and no one else was there yet, and I looked behind the building into the woods/forest, and it was like a dream. It was the perfect backdrop to a love scene or some magical event.

 

Nothing happened, of course…

 

It was mostly melted within a couple hours.

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Normally, having a dream like the one I just had wouldn't affect me the way it has done - but with the events of the week that have occured, and with all these events from previous times dwelling on my mind - I've woke up wondering what the fuck the dream was about. It seemed so real - and the fact it was full of people I knew, in a place I was familiar with - it's scared me.

It took place in the computer room we use for Photography lessons - only it had a slightly different layout. Perhaps it was the angle that the dream took place from - I could recognise the room, it just looked slightly different. Shelly wasn't there - but Michelle was, and I wanted to sit with her.

Now normally, there's a ton of empty computers in that room - but for some reason, there was only three empty ones. Two were together and one was out on its own on the end. I wanted to sit with Michelle, but this lass - who bore this horrible resemblence to Conway - only more chavvy, with blonder hair and an orange foundation was talking to her - and she pushed me aside and sat where I was about to - so I had to sit on the end computer by myself.
For some reason, I was more angry about this than I should have been, and I refused to do any work, I just sat and stared at my YouTube channel (which is weird, because YouTube is blocked on the college servers).

Paul set us off doing a task - then he wandered out as usual.
This chavvy lass stood up and walked over to me - she stood behind me and started hitting the back of my head. Then she was poking through my hair, prodding my excema scabs and making comments about them. I don't know WHAT her actual words were, but I could always tell what the subject was, because she'd touch or point at the subject in hand. She must've done it for 5-10 minutes solid, and I didn't actually retaliate until I stood up and said things back to her.

I'm not sure what the last thing she said was - but she made me snap.
I punched her in the face, grabbed her by the neck, digging both my thumbs into the pressure points that stop you breathing - and I pushed her across the room to the printer. When we were there, I smashed her head backwards four or five times onto it, then turned her around and punched her in the face a few more times and in the stomach whilst simultaneously kicking her in the legs.
She was trying to fight back, but all her punches seemed to hit my chin or my arms - and didn't hurt me very much.

After I'd kneed her inbewteen her legs, I pushed her to the ground, held her still with one of my arms and kicked her in the sides and in the side of her head a few times until she was bleeding down one side from her ear and her lip. I walked away from her and went to sit back at my computer.

She didn't move for quite a long time - but when Paul came back, he didn't seem to notice her until she stood up and went to blab to him. She was proper crying, but managed to maintain this sly smirk.
Paul moved a chair to the side of me and started talking to me - but not about what I'd just done, about my coursework.

This went on for a while until I turned around to Paul and said:  "Why haven't you even noticed what I've done?
She's proper blagged to you and she's got her crocodile tears, so why aren't you laying into me?"

Paul still seemed proper confused. So I said: "Won't I get kicked out of college?"
Then his mood changed and he proper started ranting about all the other options I have if I got kicked out of college. It was all very confusing.

But at no point during this dream did I ever feel remorse for what I did. I sat there with the same expression the entire time. I didn't ever once show anger. Even when I was kicking the shit out of this lass, my face was totally blank. And this is exactly how I feel when I get angry and hurt things. Hence the reason this dream bothered me so much...

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In today's "coursework research and planning" lesson for Media Studies - I'd announced to Sarah I'd just about finished off the script for the Spieluhr music video - so I said I'd be working on the script for my film sequence for Film Studies. She didn't seem to mind - so I got around 1/3 of it written.
Last night I'd had a dream about it, which had given me a fair few ideas - involving a young Abigail scene. I'd originally planned to have a young Abigail bit in our trailer last year - but we hadn't been able to pull it off. This time though, I sent a message to my aunty on Facebook, asking if I could borrow her kids - and mam had asked on my behalf too - so whenever we're ready to film it, I have my little cousin Lauren to help out as young Abigail (it helps that she looks a little bit like me) and Nelly to play the role of a bloody Brandon Henry - if he doesn't mind being dragged backwards down a path, spreading blood everywhere of course. :)

I actually don't hate English now anywhere near as much as I used to.
The start of the course was so tedious - but I'm actually starting to realise all the work I did last year at AS has rendered the A2 so much easier. A lot of it is simply applying your common sense and flinging in some theorist names. And of course, Angela gets us to draw baby heads and gingerbread men - and everything is colour coded. Being a visual style learner (or so they told me), this apparently helps. :D

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Shelly had promised me that when I went into college to get this HPV cervical cancer jab - she'd come in with me and hold my hand.
We had to go there before 2 - and I waited for her IN PLAIN VIEW on the tables by the clock tower entrance. I waited until 1:30 before I gave up - I went in to get the needle by myself.

I was reasonably composed up until I was about a metre away from the door.
I couldn't stop myself crying for long. Shelly wasn't there to comfort me or to hold my hand like she said she would have been. The only comfort I had was from these dozy AS students who asked me like the stupidest question ever: "Are you scared?"

And then the fucking nurse who gave me the needle was a cunt and a half. She saw the cuts and scars on my arms and asked: "Do you have a cat or a dog who scratches your arms?"
I lied, taking the chance and said simply: "Yeah."
She looked at them again and said: "They're not a cat or a dog, are they?"
I shook my head and answered: "Nope."
She gave me this proper weird look and said: "Is there something you want to tell me?"
I glared at her and said straight: "No."

So naturally when I went up to Photography - dozy Shelly was there, she said she'd been looking for me - well clearly she hadn't been looking fucking hard enough.
I was all set to punch her for lying to me - but the needle had scared me into crying - and because it's so difficult to let myself cry for all the other reasons, I sort of used it as an excuse to cry about other things - so she was sort of lumbered with me soaking her hoodie for a while.

And that's the first needle of THREE.
For fuck's sake!