Doctor Visit @ MindSay 
doctor
We're back from Maria's 15 month check-up. She's looking good. Weighing in at 22lbs 13oz and she's 31 inches tall. She has gained 2lbs 3oz but hasn't gotten any taller since her 12 month visit. That was surprising to us, we all think she looks taller and thinner. Ah well, looks can be deceiving I guess. She's right on par developmentally, "coloring" with a crayon, walking, saying 3-5 words.
When he said 3-5 words I laughed and said "yeah, certainly" and asked "3-5 huh? That's what they need?" "3-5 is all they need" came the reply. I laughed and told Maria that since she doesn't need so many word quite yet that I thought she should take "no, no way, and mine" out of her repitoire. Her doc giggled over that one, too.
3 shots today...chicken pox, the last of a 3 part series, and the last of a 4 part series. I declined the flu shot, we'll take our chances. Not one single tear, no yelling, no crying, no screaming, no nothing. She did make a face like "what the hell is wrong with you people?" after the 3rd shot, but not a peep. What a big girl! She was more interested in the band-aids on her chubby thighs than anything. Silly little peanut!
Some background info:
In May of 2005 I had to have an emergency appendectomy. (This is a story for another time.) When I received the bill a few months later, there was a glitch with my insurance company and the hospital billed me for the full amount: $20,000. I nearly fainted before I realized it hadn't gone through my insurance company yet. Many phone calls and red tape later, my bill was reduced to $4,000. You do the math for the reduction percentage. Suffice to say it was a huge difference.
It got me thinking... If I had been unemployed or without insurance, what would I have done? What options would I have? What makes me more important than a person without insurance that I get a break in cost?
Back to present (sort of):
The doctor I see runs a clinic that does not take insurance. I choose to see him for several reasons:
1. He's an excellent physician. He's the one who sent me to the hospital when I presented subtle signs.
2. Cost. My deductible has risen considerably over the years and it isn't worth paying 150 dollars to see a physician that will likely tell me the same thing as the other doctor. The last time I visited I got the visit plus a filled prescription for 40 dollars.
3. I appreciate the convenience and attention to detail. It's a walk-in "urgent care" type facility. He's the only doctor, so there have been wait times when I've visited. However, when I do get to talk with him, he treats me like a patient should be treated. He takes his time to talk with me - makes me feel like a real person and not another person on his schedule of to-sees.
When he finished perusing my book, he wrote the title down and mentioned how he hadn't seen it before. We discussed it some, and I told him how I was taking a pro-stance for universal healthcare in this paper. (I wrote against it last term, so I'm playing devil's advocate.) He told me that he'd have to give me some info to support the other side then. He went into his library and returned with a couple books (complete with highlighted notes, I might add). I asked him why he hadn't written a book. (He's had a write-up in The Wall Street Journal.) He asked me when I thought he had time. Fair enough.
I told him I'd like to talk with him more about the topic. I have yet to email him to set up a time - this week has been a little hectic, but I sincerely do. I have a rough draft of my paper due next week, but I'll still have time to add more material.
As I was leaving he suggested that maybe I should write the book. Hmmmm, even if he said it just to say it, I have to say it made me feel damn good to hear the suggestion. I will probably blog more about this topic at another time as my thoughts become clearer and more concrete.
Currently listening to Jeff Buckley "Hallelujah"
This morning at about 1am we went out to an awesome spot to go drifting, the boys are practicing for the road course in Hastings, it'll be so fun :D
I also have come to love the bands Celldweller and INXS, an oldie but a goodie :D
I am also making myself comfort food, macaroni and cheese with sharp cheddar mixed in, mm
I went to the doctor, and had a fruitful visit :D
I got in and the doctor (whom I usually don't go to) palps around my stomach area to find out where the pain was, he said it was most painful right over my ovary, which could mean that I have a small ovarian cyst, (my friend Suzy has one, shes never had a big problem with it), or maybe preggers! :O They had blood drawn while I was there to make sure it wasn't appendicitis though, and Cal saw first hand my fear of needles, the second the nurse walked in, my teeth started to chatter, and I asked her directly, "Are you good at this."
"Yes." She said. She me to lay down because I'm not a fan of needles much at all, and I squeezed Cal's hand with the other arm and was glad the nurse was so quick and less painful than usual. I was all shakey afterwards, and Cal felt really bad, he'll never make fun of my needle-o-phobia again :D
My pains haven't been as bad, but they switch sides now, but only very faint on the other ovary *shrugs* we shall see in a week :O
So today I went to the gynocologist. Now that you know what the bulk of this entry is about I am not responsible if you decide to read on and are therefore grossed out. I personally think this is pretty tame, but I know how some people are. Anyway, I had to see a different gyno than I usually do because my normal one because he fractured his leg. It was either see a different doctor or try to schedual something over thanksgiving/christmas break, and i don't know what the future holds for me. Besides, today was my day off. I was nervous about seeing a different male doctor, though. Not because some guy was gonna poke at my cunt, but because of the whole PTSD thing. Do women get raped by their gynocologists? probably. I'd like to think that it's rare, but I don't know how other places work. At Kaiser when the doctor examines you a nurse comes in to make sure they don't do anything other than examine you. I know that twisted things can still happen, but it does make me feel safter. Also, when I first went to the gynocologist I wasn't as fucked up. Yes I'd had fingers shoved in a couple different oraffices and a couple things shoved in my mouth that I didn't want there, but I was still a virgin so maybe that's why it wasn't as bad? Some other things hadn't happened at that point as far as I know, too, but they weren't related to any of the sexual violence. I remember during that first visit the only thing I was worried about was that I didn't shave and I was afraid that getting a pap smear would hurt. Like I said, I was a virgin. As it turns out they don't give pap smears to virgins if its their first visit, or at least they didn't when I was 16. Maybe things have changed and they do them for all women now, but that's how it was on my first visit. And it is kinda weird that my doctor has the same first name as my little brother, but i'm used to that now.
But other than that and a few other exceptions, going usually doesn't bother me. I just hate having my blood pressure taken cuz it hurts, and they do that before all doctor visits, I hate getting the pap smear done cuz it stings my cervix a little, and I hate when he has to reach into my uterus because it feels uncomfortable. I was more nervous this time because it was a different doctor than before and I also haven't had anything inside me for...*math* a month, a week, and a day now, so there was some tightness going on. No fingers, no dildo, nothing. In the past when I went I had a boyfriend of some sort, meaning i'd been fucked, fingered, eaten, or vibed shortly before. Even though Nam and I never had sex, we did do the last three of those four things. (As well as some others, but those are the only ones vagina related.) Anyway, the doctor was examining me and he says, "Has anyone ever said anything to you about tipped uterus?" "No." "Well its no big deal, but yours is tipped backwards." I thought this peice of information was so awesome that I told my mom afterwards (she gave me a ride), and she said the doctors told her the same thing and its never been a problem. Considering that she was able to have two (physically) healthy babies I guess not. I'm just excited that now I have another piece of trivial knowledge other than my spine being crooked. Figured I'd share with those daring enough to read through this. I don't see the bfd, but whatever. it's cool. :) I do have to admit i think he was feeling around in there longer than my normal doctor usually does, but then again it hurt because I hadn't had anything in there for so long that I was tensing up and having a hard time relaxing, so maybe it was harder for him to check me?
All I can say is I'm glad I'm so open with my body. The gowns at Kaiser used to close in the front and the doctor would just reach up it or pull it up to give you a breast exam. Well now they're basically like a vest and it doesn't close in the front at all. It's just open for your tits to hang out and the world to see. Once again the PTSD made me nervous about that. To me this is just a doctor visit and for the sake of my health the doctor needed to examine my reproductive organs and breasts. It's just the idea of being attacked and hurt that freaks me out. I also think its amazing how despite my shitty self esteem I'm so open with my body. I fucked Andy with the lights on, (and he did me up the ass the first time we saw each other and we left the lights on), Neal while it was light out, and Doug with the lights on/when it was light out. I guess my logic is if we're going to fuck anyway you're basically going to see it all so why should I be modest? Like if you're my doctor and you're trying to make sure i'm healthy then why should it matter? You're the one who was dumb enough to get a job that makes you look at everything from jailbait pussy to shrivled old dry cunt, let alone my huge fat ass naked.
oh yeah, and my insides felt really funny afterwards because, like I said, i hadn't had anything in me for over a month. Usually the pap smear is the only thing that hurts, but this time pretty much all of it did. :/ I gave out a little shout when he first stuck that thing in me, (I can't remember what its called), because I was surprised at how much it hurt. Guess I should have used my vibrator this morning after I showered, huh? haha. (yeah, i shaved, but I always shave when I shower so it wasn't special.) It was funny because after the doctor took the last swab he said, "Ok, now I'm going to take this awful thing out." lol. The nurse gave me a wet wipe to clean up that lube stuff that they use, but i just used paper towels like I always do instead. i hate how sticky and messy that stuff is. The doctor today didn't use a whole lot, but I still should have showered agian when I got home. and i forgot to ask about how my period likes to start on Tuesday now instead of Sunday like its supposed to and for about 3/4 of a year now my vagina gets really wet while I PMS, but then again he wasn't my normal doctor anyway, so I don't know. I figure he wouldn't know the history of my body as well I guess.
Funny thing, though. I happened to see this on atashi's blog before I showered this morning. Great timing!:P
and no, my vaginia was hardly big enough to fit that one thinga-ma-jig they stick in there, so this was not an issue for me, lol. hooray for vaginal health! :D the PTSD actually makes me kinda eh with this if I think about it too much, but I do think its awesome to have seen this on the day I was going. And i have a clean bill of health!
And while I'm stealing pictures from other mindsayers, I stole this from vampireblood cuz oh I feel the pain!
So yeah, that's pretty much it for now...Nam's replies....ug, more of the same old, same old. He only replies when I'm at my angriest and then he tells me its my fault and that I'm wrong. I'm wrong for being angry, I'm wrong for saying all these horrible things, me me me. Never has he admitted that he was. He'll say he's sorry, but he won't say, "I was wrong." He won't say, "I was wrong for staying at my sister's that extra day and not telling you, I was wrong for taking out my anger on you, I was wrong for yelling at you when all you wanted was idle chit chat. I was wrong for not calling you back when you went out to see guys to make sure you were safe, I was wrong for shoving things back in your face." There's a difference between saying "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong," and if I send him this he's probably just going to say he's wrong to shut me up. He always says things just to shut me up and it pisses me off. I replied and the one thing I really remember telling him is that I think he set me up to fail when he knew where my boundaries were and he broke them over and over again. I guess we'll just see how it goes from here. I just want to move on and let go and stop caring about this mess.
And I didn't get to call my therapist, and apparently the pictures Anna sent me of herself are in a different box that isn't accessable at the moment. The only place I know that I can use a scanner up at Humboldt is in the Library, but I don't know when that opens. I'm sorry sweety. I could throw shit around and open those boxes, but I'm only going to be here for another week so yeah. And speaking of which, that means I'm going to have to start the packing process, soon. majorly irritated. no me gusta. As i was digging through the boxes that I thought the letter and those pictures were in I started to realize more and more how much stuff I'm going to have to re-pack. and i'm going to call AMP tomorrow to see what's going on with the apartment. Kim is supposed to be going up there this weekend to look at/for places and it would be cool if she could check it out.
A fairly quick visit to the doctor today proved . . . drumroll please . . . absolutely nothing! But I do have to go to the clinic tomorrow morning at 7:10 and let the vampired there take my blood. (And Rotary just made my week a lot more complicated. But, c'est la vie.) So, upon a rather thorough examination, the doctor theorizes that a) I have mono, or b) I have a mono-like virus that's apparently been floating around. However, the blood test will also test for anaemia (which makes no sense because I eat a LOT of red meat), and diabetes (which also makes no sense because there is no way I have diabetes). All I know is that this ilness is getting ridiculous. I want my energy back, darn it!
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