Divorce @ MindSay

Man things have been going so bad lately.
Life sucks so goddamn much.

First there was my mom dying.
That sent me into a depression spiral for at least four months.
Honestly I would've killed myself if i hadn't found the inspirational stories of endearment on this site.

And then i ran away from home.
Gosh that was a good idea. Nobody in my house understood me. Why the hell should I stick around anyway?!

Things were rough out there for a while.
I spent a couple of months out in the rain and came down with pneumonia.
They had to do emergency testicular surgery on me because some sort of infection spread to them.
The right ones ok though.
I don't even feel like a man anymore.
Was I ever a man?
After I got out of the hospital my aunt finally decided let me stay with her.
But shes a bitch.

They think that I'm gay just because they caught me in bed with another guy in our boxers before.
But we had just had a water fight and fell asleep on the bed.
We didn't want to soak through my covers so we had to take off our clothes.
And when i sleep i have to hug something and he was just there.
I didnt MEAN to do it, but yea....that makes me gay....god.

Then they started making up shit about how i have gay porn on my computer.
I DONT look at gay porn anymore,
That was just a phase,
My bastard uncle probably was jacking off to it and saved it in my settings or some shit,
Because he hates me,
I know because the other day when he walked in, and I said hi,
He didnt even say anything to me.
I mean, when I say hi to someone, they usually respond,
Unless they HATE YOU!!!!

And my cousin is such a bitch too.
She's always lording her boyfriend with the beautiful eyes over me.
Like yea, i can't get with anything.
She would be pretty hot too.
She would make an awesome girlfriend.
Does that make me awful?
Shes like a second cousin I think.....so that makes it ok right?

My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me too with a restraining order.
She said no more hiding outside her house, or in her room,
And no more sending her vials of my own blood,
I can't send pictures of my penis anymore,
Or call her house and just breathe.
Her name was Sammy, but people call him Sam.

But its ok, im just glad to be alive.
Its so awesome, I just glory in the fact that I'm allowed to spend another moment on god's beautiful earth.

PS...my balls still hurt.
PPS...to any good looking guys out there my email is sfano345@aim.com
PPPS...my dad used to molest me in a spiderman costume and claimed that he got his powers from me and if he didnt do it then he would lose his powers and would never be able to save the day again.

I know this is rather unbelievable, but honestly, could I make this all up?

Today on our afternoon break, one of Sacramento's mounted police was in the area and was sauntering on past.  Seeing that some of us (okay, I was one of them) were captivated by the beautiful beastie, he stopped to chat with us.  A couple of us got up and stroked the horse.  He liked the attention and licked my hand and butted his snout against me.

Shortly after the pair moved on, I received a text message from Lorelei, in which she stated that our divorce was now official and that she'd be sending me my copies of the paperwork soon.  My reply was, "A horse just licked me!"

Followed a minute later by, "Or was that an inappropriate response?"

Apparently not, because she wrote back and said she literally burst out laughing when she read that.

I'm weird... but in a good way.

Divorce sucks, I still wish I wasn't going through it, of course.  But it's brought about some positive changes in me, or rather my lifestyle and outlook on life.  In the past five months, I've met people I probably wouldn't have met if I wasn't going through this.  I've gotten out and done a few things I probably wouldn't have done before either.  I'm busy, I'm having fun, I'm actually loving life, as difficult as that sounds considering the circumstances. 

There's something I don't understand.  I'm getting out and doing things I love to do, things I've loved for a long time, things I liked doing with her, but I feel like I'm looking forward to them and enjoying them so much more now.  Why is that?  Was she bringing me down without me realizing it?  Am I just enjoying things more now because I try to keep myself busy as much as I can?  Was I just in some rut that this all pulled me away from?

It's still hard to see her, which doesn't surprise me, but I'm missing her less and less.  And, I'm discovering that maybe I'm better off without her, especially considering the way she handled all this.  Of course, I still question whether I really believe that or if I'm just convincing myself of it.  Whatever the case, there's no doubt I can keep going. 

I was told recently that I'm more fun now.  I don't notice any difference that way, but if that's the truth, then that's one more positive I can take away from this.  I never thought I'd be here, and to say I'm glad it happened would be insane, but maybe in the long run I'll discover it was exactly what I needed.

Well the schmuck did it. Broke yet another promise in the doing [that being that he would do me the courtesy of telling me when he'd filed], not that I'm surprised. He officially served me on Friday with Divorce papers. He is suing for full legal and physical custody of my cutie pie [who has only ever been in my care with the exception of my Sister in law watching her for a couple of months] and has offered absolutely nothing in the way of supporting evidence.

Anyway, I'm posting this out here because I could really use a lawyer's assistance. I could really use any contact info you guys have for family law attorneys in either MD or CA. Preferably people willing to work on a somewhat complicated case and who give a damn about more than just money. *End pipe dream here*

Bro, when you tell the schmuck, be sure to let him know that his little mushroom filled dreams are about to come to naught.

I had two very strange dreams.  I think the first one was an omen. The second one may have been that barbeque brisket and sausage mocking me.  I don't feel like blogging about the dreams right now. They were just too weird and disturbing to rehash.

 

Yesterday we celebrated my Dad's 60th with a barbeque dinner at my mom's house.  Yes, my mother's house. Why?  I don't know. He wanted to have it there. Mom even bought the cake. My sister wanted the three of us --her, my brother and me, to pitch in 20 bucks for the meal.  As usual, my trifling assed brother didn't have twenty dollars to contribute and expected us to make up for it. My sister put her foot down and said, "no money, no food for you." I really couldn't blame her for that.  He quits or gets fired from every damn job he has.  He even got fired from working for a business a friend of ours owns.  *rolls eyes*.

 

The party was nice, but it was uncomfortable for two reasons: 1) My brother and his girlfriend were there and not eating. 2) I knew after it was over, Dad would be going back to his house.  I didn't realize how much it affected me until I realized I looked horrible in every picture I took! 

 

When I got home, I realized I felt very empty.  I don't know why, but I did.  I just took some Benedryl (because my allergies were killing me) and went to bed.