Discipline @ MindSay

There is, to me, something enormously satisfying about putting a new chapter into a folder for a novel. 

I begin with a folder with one chapter in it.  Example:  Garrison's Girl the folder would begin with GG1.cwk or whatever.  Soon (!!??) There would be ggoutline.cwk and GG2.cwk and Gg3.cwk.  Slowly, the list of GG# would grow in the folder until the number reaches that last number on the outline.  15, 20, 25, 30...  Usually 15 or 20 for the average "formula romance."

So today, when I put in the latest file Name10.cwk, I felt as if I'd taken another big step toward reaching that ending number (22? 24? 25?) of this novel.  Just a small stepping stone in a larger garden of prose, perhaps (a wintery garden just now, in my novel) but every step forward is progress.

Today, I began chapter ten.  I am not holding myself to the 500 words for today (since I finished chapter nine yesterday, I do not feel compelled to stick to that schedule again 'til Monday), but I have written 123 thus far, filing it away in The Folder.

Now...if I could get Really Organized and find my 3-hole punch... Then, I could get this stuff all printed out and put in the binder which has chapters prologue - seven already there, waiting for them. 

Sorry! Rambling! I think I need that second cup of coffee... :D 

Since we put the Weyr on hiatus for this month, I've been dedicating myself to my novel.  Well, you know, mostly. <smile>  Allowing for other things to run through my brain.

Before I had friends I actually touched base with, I was able to pull out 3,000 words a day. Once, I did 10,000 words in 24  hours. (I was pushing myself for that one day to see if I could do it. I was afterward very tired.)

Now that I have something approximating a life that is not entirely contained in my imagination, I am shooting for a chapter a week in the historical novel.  The Children's Book is still active, and the artist and I have discussed things. <smile> It's all good. 

My goal is 500 words a day six days a week or 'til the chapter is done.  So far, I have done 600+ and 800+ this week.  My hope is to be able to be consistent with this through the  month of February and beyond.  Then it should be done by Spring Break and I'll take a break too. 

Before I start the first rewrite. :)  One of my first posts here, over four years ago, was about my delight in rewrites.  I still like them.

It's ten 'til six in the House O'Quill. The next order of business is to get The Spousal Unit's lunch made for the day and then to rouse the boys and move 'em out.  All the while, thinking of Christmas traditions in the early 19th Century.

It's a cool way to spend one's time. :)

I've been at the new job for a month, now.  I have to confess ... this is perhaps my least favorite job of the gazillion I have had in my lifetime.  WHY? 

 

When a teenager misbehaves, they have made a cognitive choice to do so (influenced by others, sure, but it's still their personal choice for the most part) and can be introduced to the concept of consequences. 

 

When a 2 yr old misbehaves, chances are it's because of something they see/ hear at home.  These kids ... my God ... they've only been alive for 2 years and already they have faced more than many people face in a lifetime ... the bad stuff.  Parents in jail for any number of offenses; physical, sexual & mental abuse; and occasionally, a simple, but well-hidden developmental issue.  Sometimes, I just want to scream! 

 

Today, I had my usual 6 - 2 yr olds.  The oldest one just turned 3 and will be "graduating" to regular headstart on Monday.  I told him (for the third time) to stop running, and he looked at me and said NO.  I arose from my "story chair", and as I approached him, he began to back away, head down, "please dont hurt me ... please don't hurt me!"  My heart broke.  I just wanted to hold him and make the pain (and the memories) go away ... but he wouldn't let me, at least not for another few minutes.  He has a sweet & kind heart, but occasionally, he "snaps" and simply pounds another kid for no reason.  It's what he knows. 

 

Then there is another boy who will be 3 Dec 6th.  He picked up the "rebellious" ball, and ran with it.  Every time I asked him to do something, he said NO.  (Yes ... the first word many kids learn!)  I have very ... very few means of discipline available to me.  I picked him up and put him on my lap.  I explained that I was the adult, and he was the child. It was his "job" to listen to me, and mine to keep him safe.  I explained that it is hard to play games and have fun when kids don't listen.  He looked at me like I was the man in the moon!  What a novel thought ... kids doing what grownups say!  :)  I wish I could say, he was a NEW kid!  hahaha  NOT!  But he is trying, I think.  I just hope my patience holds out!

 

But the highlight of my day was a bonefide temper explosion!  Where are the nice, well-behaved little girls???? That's what I want to know!  I have a roomful of boys and I'll go round and round with anyone who believes boys and girls are the SAME!  NO WAY HOSE A!!!!  Anyway ... boy #3 is on his cot for nap.  He is fighting sleep, whining, crying, fussing, but ... slowly he is sinking into sleep.  His gramma does the food ... opens the door and walks in.  YOu guessed it!  He exploded!!!  Screamed, cried, kicked, punched ... anyone!!!  I tried to hold him securely, but not so as to bruise him or frighten him and his struggle only intensified.  He was wearing a sweatsuit with no T-shirt ... and he's was working up a real lather.  I was blank.  No idea what to do ... how to calm him.  I asked the other teacher ... no clue.  She had never seen him like this!  So ... I took him to his gramma who promtly took him upstairs which threw off the preschool ratio!  OY!!  So now this has become a "center" issue.  I'll speak with the Director in the morning! 

 

So ... I'm in trouble already!  Sheesh!  Didn't take me long, hmm?  I spoke with the Family Resources Director this afternoon and basically asked ... What SHOULD I have done???  No answer ... just handle it!  I haven't been there long enough to have had time to actually read the procedures manual ... but it seems it doesn't really matter.  There are no "procedures" for handling multiple kids who are doing the mobb thing ... "No, we don't want to walk.  We want to run and if we fall it's YOUR fault and we'll tell mommy!"  So ... I rearranged the room ... again!  :)

 

I'm frustrated, though!  I cannot discipline the kids to teach them to behave.  It's obvious that most of them get their way completely, with only a few exceptions, and that angers me.  As if these kids don't have enough going against them ... and there's an entire generation like this!!!  God help us!  I'll survive this day and grow from it (I hope), but will they survive???  Will they make it to adulthood and learn "right" from "wrong"?  We can only hope ...

 

~ B

Tell me what you think about this article from the OpinionJournal, by Tony Woodlief.  Here’s the link:

http://www.opinionjournal.com/taste/?id=110010571

 

“Another school year has sprung itself upon us, which is always an occasion for my wife, a former Detroit public-school teacher, and me to remind ourselves why we home-school. Part of the reason, in addition to my wife's expertise in this area, can be found in Thomas Sowell's ‘A Conflict of Visions,’ published 20 years ago. Mr. Sowell contrasted the ‘unconstrained vision’ of utopians, who want to radically improve humankind, with the ‘constrained vision’ of realists, who begin with the proposition that man is inherently self-interested, and not moldable into whatever form the high-minded types have in store for us once they get their itchy fingers on the levers of power. Mr. Sowell's book has been influential among conservatives for its compelling explanation of the divide between people who want to reshape us--often via large intrusions on liberty--and those who believe that the purpose of government is to protect institutions (like markets and families) that channel our inherent selfishness into productive behavior. It is also a handy guide for parenting.

 

While some mothers and fathers stubbornly cling to the utopian beliefs of their childless years, the vision of humans as inherently sinful and selfish resonates with many of us who are parents. Nobody who's stood between a toddler and the last cookie should still harbor a belief in the inherent virtue of mankind. An afternoon at the playground is apt to make one toss out the idealist Rousseau (‘man is a compassionate and sensible being’) in favor of the more realistic Hobbes (‘all mankind [is in] a perpetual and restless desire for power’). As a father of four sons, I've signed on to Mr. Sowell's summation of a parent's duty: ‘Each new generation born is in effect an invasion of civilization by little barbarians, who must be civilized before it is too late.’

 

The constrained vision indicates that world harmony and universal satisfaction are mirages. People are innately selfish, and they'll always desire more goodies. This means that tradeoffs between competing wants are inevitable. My wife and I therefore forbid our children to use the word ‘fair.’ Parents still in the thrall of the unconstrained worldview are prone to manipulation by their kids, who like little human-rights lawyers insist on fairness as an imperative. And don't get me started on the damage that an exaggerated sense of fairness and entitlement has done to public schools. In our house things are much simpler: That last piece of cake had to be divided somehow, and in this imperfect world your brother got the extra frosting. Deal with it.

 

While the unconstrained worldview teaches that traditions and customs are to be distrusted as holdovers from benighted generations, those of us with the constrained view believe it's good to make our children address their elders properly, refrain from belching at the table and wear clothes that actually cover them. Mr. Sowell noted that some benefits from evolved societal rules can't be articulated, because they've developed through trial and error over centuries. This reveals the sublime wisdom in that time-honored parental rejoinder: ‘Because I said so.’

 

It's not surprising, then, to see Mr. Sowell approvingly cite Edmund Burke's observation that traditions provide ‘wisdom without reflection.’ This is lived out in our house by the dictum that parents are to be obeyed first, and politely questioned later. That seems oppressive to parents with the unconstrained worldview, who want to nurture Junior's sense of autonomy and broad-minded reasoning. It's awfully useful, however, when Junior is about to ride his bike into the path of an oncoming car. Obedience may be a dirty word in progressive schools and enlightened parenting circles, but it saves lives.

 

Mr. Sowell also notes that among those espousing the unconstrained view, intentions are pre-eminent; utopians are cooking up a better tomorrow, after all, and should be excused for breaking a few million eggs while making the human omelet. In our house, however, you are in big trouble if you push your brother into the pool, regardless of the sincerity behind your desire that he learn to swim without his floaties. Hiding an animal trap directly on the path Dad takes to get his morning paper is likewise unacceptable, no matter how badly you want to catch a critter. And while other parents cherish whatever art their little Monets create, we punish activities that incorporate Mom's jewelry and Superglue, no matter how glittery the final product.

 

Many parents in the unconstrained camp adhere to Rousseau's sentiment: ‘Man is born free, but everywhere is in chains.’ They not only fail to punish bad behavior but snarl at anyone who rebukes their precious darlings. In our house we have reversed Rousseau's theory: You are born in bondage and should be darn grateful for the free room and board. Besides, if you want to talk about restrictions on liberty you can take it up with your mother, who hasn't had an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom since 2001.

 

I sometimes speak to groups of high-school and college students, and I have taken to disabusing them of the feel-good notion that they can do anything they want so long as they are passionate about it. Intentions, as Mr. Sowell observes, mean very little in the constrained worldview--and, besides, individuals are neither equal nor perfectible. This means that some of us will dig ditches for a living, especially if those certain someones, who know full well who I'm talking about, don't stop shooting spitballs at their brothers and get back to their math workbooks. Firmly in the constrained camp, I'm less concerned that my children self-actualize at an early age than that they learn a trade and get out of the house.

 

As it turns out, this tension between realists and utopians has existed for at least as long as people have been making a buck dispensing wisdom about how other folks should raise their kids. Ann Hulbert's ‘Raising America: Experts, Parents, and a Century of Advice about America’ reveals successive generations of disciplinarians pitted against ‘gentler Rousseauian’ proponents of the inherent goodness of a child's nature. Ms. Hulbert quotes the president of the National Congress of Mothers proclaiming in 1897 that science-based parenting innovations would so change civilization that ‘those of us who live to see the year 1925 will behold a new world and a new people.’ Fast forward past two world wars and the global ravages of utopian totalitarianism to 2006, when education expert Stephanie Marshall writes exuberantly that ‘the fundamental purpose of schooling is to liberate the goodness and genius of children.’

 

Perhaps the fundamental purpose of schooling should be to liberate parents from the necessity of supporting our kids well past our retirement years. But regardless, this notion that humans are inherently angelic, and that it is society that corrupts them, is at the heart of much bad parenting, as well as inept schooling. Rather than help our children develop internal constraints that channel their energy and passion into productive enterprises, we end up teaching them that limits and discipline are for chumps. Ms. Hulbert notes that even Dr. Benjamin Spock, whose advice in his book ‘Baby and Child Care’ was so often blamed for parental permissiveness, had seen enough of the consequences: ‘I can hardly bear to be around rude children,’ he wrote. ‘I have the impulse to spank them, and to give a lecture to their parents.’”