Dilemma @ MindSay 
Here's the deal. Previously, I was assured my current housemate wanted to go through with getting this new apartment. That fell to pieces because my housemate is bipolar, and I decided to move into it alone for now. However, I may get a new housemate sooner than I thought. And if it occurs, I'll be fine with it.
Cheers, MF.
I'm about to get into my new apartment.
Do I keep my current room mate or kick that person out for someone else?
explanation later.
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Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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Blog #40
Problem ALMOST Solved
I bloody hate Mondays.
There's really no fucking point in going into college for just one sodding lesson.
One sodding HOUR, practically.
But either way.
Ash watched the trailer first draft on Saturday.
Shelly made out that she proper hated it, but she just didn't like the order of the clips.
Sarah watched it today and identified what the problem was - the speed.
It's currently far too slow to be a slasher horror. It's also a bit TOO revealing.
So yes, in this case - less IS more.
I shall be sorting this problem later.
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I bought myself an XL bacon double sandwich from Burger King and a pack of Kinder snack bars from B&M - got the 64 home, then sat on the sofa and chilled out, eating my nosh and watching Spongebob.
I got the urge to play Donkey Konga 2.
I finished off the whole of Chimp duet mode - then finished all but one song on Chimp beat-mix.
There's only ONE song I can't get gold DK on. It's PISSING ME OFF.
I returned to Resident Evil shortly after.
I have a save point just outside the first battle with Tyrant. I can't be arsed with him at the moment, he can taste my magnum later.
In other news, I've decided not to waste my life away with Neopets.
I'm not going on it again - to ever accomplish anything on that game, you have to dedicate at least 4 hours a day for two years.
Can't be arsed, to be honest.
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Shelly rang me later on. We talked for a few hours, then she got a phone call on the house phone.
Her nana's died - I feel so bad for her. She cried on her phone for about 10 minutes and nearly gave herself a panic attack. I had to calm her down as best as I could, trying to help her relax enough to be able to breathe normally again.
I know how that is. It's not easy being a manic depressive asthmatic. When one cries, one cannot breathe.
So it looks like I'm spending the day with Ash tomorrow.
...Even though I feel really fucking weird towards her at the moment.
She's on MSN, I've let her know about Shelly, and also that there's things I need to talk to her about.
I don't want to upset her though... It's about time she knew the truth about how I feel about her and how her hostility makes me feel...
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And I'm also in a dilemma - do I go to Southend... Do I miss off a few Photography lessons, miss seeing Ash and comforting Shelly, having to lie to Aunty Betty about how my life is going and share a room with my nana... Having to see my nana upset after her sister's funeral and leave grandad here on his own...
Or do I go to Southend to see Aunty Betty and Uncle Roy?
...Jesus Christ, talk about outweighing reasons.
Choose to do something, act on the issue – this is far more rewarding and enriching, sometimes life-saving. It does not matter if you can only do so much, nonetheless do it just the same. But if you decide to do nothing because you think there isn’t much you can do, junk that thought right now because it is much better to take those small steps forward ---if that’s gong to take you closer to your goal each time. Try to see it from another perspective, not always yours, and see the problem for what it may or truly could be. There must be something in there you might have missed or didn’t notice. Try to see it with attentive detachment or objectivity. If you are viewing it from a small hill, then go up a mountain to get a better view.
first - yesterday evening, christmas eve gathering
we went to a local bar, there were many expats and that just made the atmosphere better, more christmassy i must admit. so my friend from finland, asked me if 'he's coming over'. i responded, truthfully, that i'm playing 'mind games' with him because i don't want to send a follow-up text message asking whether he's coming by or not.
he said, good, play the game! which of course i fully agree with. and guess what, he texted me and eventually dropped by later - calling me on the cell etc etc.
see, it's not about winning or losing - in this case, it's about knowing if he really wants to see me or not - or rather get worshipped by the local girls at the bar he was at earlier. seems like he decided to actually make the effort to come meet me. even if it was just for a short while. he didn't manage to meet my friend though - i didn't want him to anyway - cos we're just, lost.
this time, he didn't go for my lips when we greeted. i guess he got the hint from the first 2 dates? perhaps. very good. and for one moment... go to the next paragraph.
second
and so i thought, well, the fact that he was quite reserved meant that he's aware that this might not go pretty anywhere, cos we have 'document issues' whenever it comes to crossing our country's borders. so i decided to not pursue this any further. you know, just remain friends and hang-out buddies.
that was last night's thoughts before i fell asleep.
third
the hbo is still missing from my tv. so as usual, i'm online, doing my usual business. then suddenly i started missing him. yes, i'm just dying for companionship whenever I WANT it. talk about control issues. so i went to my bedroom to check on my cell.
he texted me! boy was i excited, butterflies roaming in my stomach and shit like that. he asked me how am i doing and blah blah blah, i said perhaps we can meet for dinner but he's working late (poor guy needs to work on christmas day). so maybe yes, maybe not.
you know what? i'm just a confused bitch. i know. it's like i'm playing war games with myself, driving me, him, and my friends crazy (and maybe you, my fellow blog reader).
this is unhealthy, and it's not good in the long-run because confusion will always lead to disaster when it's not cleared-up.
the thing is, i don't know how to deal with this. you think i wish i didn't know? i seriously wish i knew.
but 1 year without a real date and now this is taking place - you can't expect me to be a master and know what to do and what to expect.
i'm just, lost and i'm just trying to 'go with the flow' and try my best to follow my heart. which i'm sure i am because the fact that i asked him out for dinner - isn't a move that i'd pick if i'd used my head.
wish me luck, guys.
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