Died @ MindSay 
death
WHAT ABOUT FARRAH FAWCETT???!!
she died on the same day as MJ. she didnt die of an overdose...she died of cancer..FUCKING CANCER!!! she had been battling it for THREE FUCKIN YEARS, but does anyone give a shit...APPARENTLY NOT.
it really pisses me off that people care more about some CIRCUS FREAK than a woman who bravely fought cancer for 3 whole years and finally lost the battle. it literally sickens me. now dont get me wrong, im not distraught about her death either. i mean, i didnt know either of them, how can i really feel the need to mourn, but some people DESERVE to have all of the media whirlwind surrounding their death...and some people dont. as far as im concerned Michael Jackson finally got what was coming to him, and Farrah Fawcett got screwed over.
so this is to Farrah Fawcett. She was a beautiful, talented woman whose strong will allowed her to persevere through YEARS of cancer treatments. RIP Farrah! YOU ARE MISSED.
I don't understand it - it's not even logical, so there's no point letting it affect me! :) I'm almost friken' immune to it by now, or at least I was when I had more pressing concerns (college stress and fear of job loss back in the day)
Can't deny it's there sometimes or just make it go away but having a nap's good
And at least I never get it at work, and now I got accepted for this new thing (yay!) mebbe I'll be around more human activity
Also it's curious why it fires more strongly at night - maybe just less human activity at night? - or at least in part
Also I never used to be lonely when Jessie was around (my old cat) - we were so close :) - it's when she died I had to learn to live w/o, and I was living away at college at the time too - but tat's the past lol - And I'm a survivor! I've proven myself to myself :D
i don't really know how to put it exactly, but basically,
i'm sheltered.
just watch:
1.) i've never taken more than 5 drugs.
2.) i've never been in a real fight.
3.) i've never witnessed true sexism.
4.) i've never witnessed poverty.
5.) i've only been well off financially.
and most importantly:
6.) i've never had anyone close to me die.
my grandmother died last spring break.
wow. so she survived the Holocaust. that's cool? i hardly knew the woman. she only lived all the way across the Atlantic Ocean.
my grandfather on my mom's side died like two years ago or something.
i don't even remember when. and i didn't know him.
all of my grandparents are dead. did i really know any of them? no.
do i miss any of them? no.
this sounds bad, but do i honestly care? absolutely not.
and that's it.
no friends.
no family members actually close to me.
not even a friend of a friend that i know well.
a couple of weeks ago i was in a ginourmous game of fugitive one friday night.
it was great. :D
and i was with a group that was in a car.
and we drove through the cemetery.
C and A rolled down their windows and just started pointing out all these graves of people they all knew.
.....
what?
i've only been IN a cemetery like 4 times in my life. not even.
and...what?
that was the first time i really realized that i don't know anybody dead.
that was the first time i actually felt kind of left out of a conversation about dead people.
and then March 13th, 2008.
i know A had a friend that died that day. don't know how. don't need to know how.
i just know that somebody close died.
the funeral was march 17th, or st. patrick's day.
and, okay. that's great?
sucks for her. it's not like i killed him, right?
but that's not even the point.
like, no. i'm not sad about it. i didn't know the kid. i'm not sorry for her either.
i sound like a horrible person but it's just how i work. sorry.
and that isn't even the point.
i'm just...sheltered.
i've never known anybody that's died.
it's not like i'm wanting one of my friends to die now or anything.
but..i don't even know.
it's weird.
Woke up this morning at 1030 am. This is after going to bed ruffle around 3 am. What was the first thing I did. I went out the kitchen and asked my mother if she wanted to go to the Walden super flea. She said yes. So I returned my room, got changed out of my pj's and off to the super flea we went.
Upon arriving at the super flea, we looked around. Since it was a nice day out, weather wise, most of the vendor's where outside. No finding anything interesting out there, we went inside. Where in a case I saw it. It was a pirate cutlass (this one is identical to it). Sweet! I just had to have it. So I paid the 40 bucks for it and took it home.
Upon arriving back at home. I quickly returned to my room, and took down the sword that I had on my wall. Which really didn't have anything to do with anything. It was just a sword, that I bought years go. I put the new pirate cutlass up in its place. It's still so cool. Hehe. Then it was time for today's dinner. Which was Velveeta mac & cheese, and polish sausage. Yum. After that, I turned on the TV and waited though the pre-race show's for today's NASCAR race. The winner would be Denny Hamlin, car number 11.
Then while chatting with a couple people on here, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead man's chest. Yes, I've seen it many times now. I still like watching it. There's just something about pirates I've always liked.
Anyway that brings us to right now, and right now I am watching NHRA drag racing. This after refusing an invite to go out to a movie, with "Lady J". Sorry, just don't feel like going all the way out there, and plus I work in the morning. The movie started at 920.
So here I sit, at home, as usual. Right? With way to much on my mind. Mostly negative thoughts. For example, why do I still live here? Do I have to? What would I do if my father died, or my mother? Or worse yet, both at the same time? What will my life amount to? I mean the biggest fear a man should have, is finding out that his life has no purpose or meaning, and I think that's what my life has come to.
Alright, now that I've go that out , off my chest, so to speak. Not like it still wont be on my mind. Anyway, what else is on my mind? Nothing much else really. Do any of you valued readers have any comments, or questions ?
~ Reply please
The nice people at Grow-a-Frog gave me a new frog instead of tadpole. That would be cool. I'll name her Kelly.
When I'm done with my Grad Story I'll post it on here okay guys?
Rebekah
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