Destruction @ MindSay 
death
Growing Up Old...
Does that mean anything anymore? When our grandmothers and great great fathers were getting married in their time age was irrelevant to thier situations. At that time you had to grow up immediatly to survive. Ethics, hard work and responsibility were given to the very young, therefore they were able to be a responsible married adult at 18 ... 16.... whatever!
Today life for many is much different. Crime is ravaging our home towns, drugs are infecting the minds of our future. How did the values of our ancestors get so lost so fast? More and more our society is becomhing home to children raising children. When you become a parent, your children are first in everything you do, their safety and happiness is on the fore front. However when you are just a child yourself, riasing one can be a daunting task. Now, I am not saying that all teenage parents and parents in their early 20's are terrible parents, but if you look at the statitics of our growing population and the stats of young parents then talk to a teacher you start to see a pattern.
I grew up in a small but quickly booming town. By the time I was a Junior in high school there were over 900 incoming freshmen. I think, for what ever reason, my classmates and I grew up a little too quickly. Some of us are mature enough to handle the effects of our changing lives, but others I fear will fall into the cracks of this age's stereo-typical society.
Granted I got married at 18 ( a month after high school) I am ticked, utterly peeved at the fact that everyone around me will soon be married parents at 21!!! My husband and I got to know eachother as friends for three years in high school, then as lovers for a year until we got married. Now we have been happily together ( and unhappily) for three years. We are childless and plan to stay that way for quite some time. Although we want nothing more than to hold our future children in our arms at this very moment. We have higher priorities so that we can provide for the family we are meant to have together with out fear.
I have counted over 20 women I graduated with just three short years ago that are on their way or are already mothers and wives. Most of whome are not with the father of their children, or were only married for less than six months, or even less than a week in one case, and most only knew their husband for a year, a year, before they got married. Is one year actually long enough to get to understand what someone is capable of?
Many of these past and present friends like to comment on the similarities between their marriage and mine.... News Flash.... THERE ARE NONE!!! I'm the smart one and ya
ll have ruined what is to be a very long, hard and tiring life.
Is it wrong to feel this way.
This is not to say that I do not think these beautiful women will not be good mothers, I am convinced they will be fabulous!!! However, what kind of life are they going to lead from now on? Their dreams are dead( I dont care how many times you say you are going to go back to school.... you aren't), their marriages are practically in shambles and their children are not going to be able to have all that they want to give them.
Back to a comment I mentioned earlier.... Your child comes before anything else in this world.... right?
So why is it that we consider this only once we have children... and not before?
If you know that one day you WILL be a parent no matter what, then why only put your child first after they are born?
If it is really all about the children, please, think of them before conception. There are too many unplanned pregnancies happening in the world today. Just wait.... You have all of your life, what difference does it make?
Please leave me some comments on your thoughts.... and give me some ideas for more topics!!!! (Can Be anything)
Here's to the grass that grows through the
cracks of the pavement on the street find the weakness
and defeat the concete
this is your'e mother calling, who you've abused and uprooted
chopped down, bruised, polluted, and used any way you've
suited
you know that book where that Tree
gives that spoiled little kid
damn near everything he needs
limbs, branches, and leaves
while i'm hear to decree now, that that Tree is me
but now I'm only just a stump!
this self fulfilling Profit Margin
got no way to stop enlarging
Monkeys will piss in the well
where they get there drinking water from
and not even notice the smell...
you say you wanna save the planet but you
know you're Mother's planned it so that
She's not the one who needs saving
so good luck with all of your paving
but you know that youi'll be sorry when I'm...
gone just like that little punk
who cut down my trunk and carved me up
and sailed away that day i admit i really wish he sunk
cuz don't forget in the end like destiny
he sat his ass on what was left of me
and sailed off int a strip mall sea
thinking, "Now where are my children gonna play?"
so here's to the grass tha's growing throught the cracks
and claim in the name of the Mother
the other side is fighting back
here's to the grass that's pushing up high
in that pace we used to call outside
you say you wanna save the planet but you
know you're Mother's planned it so that
She's not the one who needs saving
so good luck with all of your paving
but you know that youi'll be sorry when I'm...
-sigh- i had to post this because i wittnessed another unnecessary chopping down of an innocent life, Tree. HOW many more untill your HAPPY! untill you cant breathe, untill ur children have no idea what a vegetable is or what the woods look like.. damn! cement. ugh.
There's a lot to say about the relationship between the Bush Administration and the US military.
We now know that all the 2004 election bluster about George Bush being "decisive" was an admission of insecurity:
Time and again, Bush has either not had the know-how to make the right decision (like breaking up the Iraqi military and foisting elections on a populace focused on religious-ethnic difference) or out-and-out denied the truth (lack of connection between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaida, lack of "weapons of mass destruction"). I'm also reminded of his self-description as a "gut player," which, like so many of his self-referential statements, which I would term supremely unpresidential, are peurile, infantile formulations.
Whether the President was told about Abu Ghraib in January (when e-mails informed the Pentagon of the seriousness of the abuses and of the existence of photographs) or in March (when Taguba filed his report), Bush made no known effort to forcefully address the treatment of prisoners before the scandal became public, or to reëvaluate the training of military police and interrogators, or the practices of the task forces that he had authorized. Instead, Bush acquiesced in the prosecution of a few lower-level soldiers. The President’s failure to act decisively resonated through the military chain of command: aggressive prosecution of crimes against detainees was not conducive to a successful career.
George W. Bush is a small man, in the terms of Joseph Conrad. But he's acted like he thinks himself a "great man," with enough integrity to not only bend the rules, but fully disregard them. His "dead or alive" utterance in 2001 applies here.
Bush has posed as if he's some kind of warrior outside the law, which is for "normal" people and the "bad guys." The examples here are his authorization of illegal wire-tapping, his politicization of well-nigh every department with political hacks ("heckuva job" Michael Brown).
But most negative might be how the Karl Rove "character assassination" has played out in the military. Has there been a civilian leadership ever to so weaken the national forces? Don Rumsfeld (Rumsfled?) loved to talk about his "military transformation," but I think the legacy of the Iraq War will be a combination of a loss of US diplomatic leadership with a military that will take decades to recover, just like after Vietnam. And the PTSD-sufferers and the limbless will be around for all of my lifetime.
In all seriousness, can we really doubt that we are in Iraq for any other reason than because of George W. Bush's vision for himself as a conquering "war president"?
Sorry folks, only a fool or a desperate person would volunteer to be in the US Army right now. This is George Bush's war.
I remember with some wistfulness how, in 2004, I overheard a recruit say, "Well, the way they're talking, we won't even be over in a few months" (emphasis added). How's that 18-month deployment working for you?
The term "Friedman unit" aptly describes the notion of "progress" in Iraq; it comes from how every six months, Tom Friedman of the NYTimes would write, "the next six months in Iraq are critical." The US General in Iraq, David Petraeus, has beautifully picked up on the "F.U." -- I just heard him on the radio say, "By September we'll know whether the surge is working."
Okay, the "surge" is no longer as surge if it's this old. And Petraeus is proving himself to be a Republican political hack lite by saying he'll speak the truth in his "assessment."
The issue is difficult. Of course, the first casualty of war is the truth. And you don't want your compatriots to have died in vain. But they did, and they still are, dying in vain. And so are the Iraqi civilians.
Let me hazard a basic assessment of our military operation in Iraq. With ~200,000 troops, we are in a country of 22 million, although the Iraqi exodus is in full swing. So, let's say there's 19 million left. 19m/200,000 = 95, or one soldier for every 95 Iraqis. In New York City, there is 8.2 million people, and 37,000 cops. So, a cop for every 221 people. So in the war zone, we've only got a ratio two and a third times bigger than your average peacetime American city.
Given this, there has to be motivation and political consensus on the part of the local population. No check on that. Add to that that our US Army is not trained as a "peacekeeping" force. And that the US has no "nation-building" or "colonial" tradition, where technocrats are sorely needed. The civilian leadership has made bungling decision after bungling decision in Washington, and their representatives are ensconced in the Green Zone. The military brass are not in the front lines, but instead in Central Command or the Green Zone.
After over four years of "hot" fighting, the troops are depleted, their replacements are young people that may have criminal records or who have not bothered to get a GED or graduate high school. I can only imagine how much animus and anger there is toward the local Iraqi population from a near-illiterate 18-year-old kid who just had his friend killed by an IED.
Sy Hersh's article shows how Bush is willing to sell both high-level and low-level people down the river. There's "slam dunk" George Tenet, formerly ethos-heavy Colin Powell, three US Generals (Shinseki, Batiste, Kashilisvili (sp.?) and Lt. Gen. Sanchez), and Lynndie England and Charles Graner, the Abu Ghraib "nobodies." Who else? Former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neill. Too many to remember.
Oh, what about Valerie Plame? Her outing as an undercover CIA agent to get back at Joe Wilson was an act of treason by Karl Rove and those above him in stature who approved the outing.
Anyway, we're FUBAR in Iraq. I can't imagine much morale being left. Heck, there's National Guardsmen there without the right equipment. Our military establishment doesn't know how to deal with both an occupation where we are the ones keeping order and a hot insurgency and a hot civil war.
Here's what Hersh says about Bush's reaction to Abu Ghraib:
When I think of Bush, and America, I think of the word "drift." Where are we going? I don't know, but it's the wrong direction.
The President’s failure to act decisively resonated through the military chain of command: aggressive prosecution of crimes against detainees was not conducive to a successful career.
As for getting out of Iraq, look at Sen. Joe Biden's five point plan for Iraq, the only serious thinking on this elephant-in-the-room issue I've seen.
I have to regain myself... i hate feeling this way so much, its a vicious cycle that i can't seem to break... Its got to end though... i have no help either, i'm all alone... Family supports my good actions, thats not enough... Maryellen talks to me again, thats not enough... Medicine doesn't work, that definatly doesn't help... i feel like a black hole... or how my toe felt when i woke up earlier... numb... as i said i want to change it, cause i don't like feeling like this, but every time i turn around the train speeds up and rams into a brick wall... fuck, a steel wall... the train survives to do it again, and i get back on, bloody and injured... it may seem like the only way to go is up, but i find a way to get lower...
its not that bad today... i drank too much last night and haven't touched it today... that doesn't mean i don't think about doing it... my thoughts betray me... how can i be honest to anyone when i lie to myself...? i need to take things slow... sleep is good, but its hard to do these days... friends would be nice, but my only peer is Maryellen, and she isn't always available... my family doesn't understand how hard it is to be me... i find it quite easy to fuck things up... since i betray myself, i can't rely on myself, but thats the only person that i have...
i'm going to keep a level head this time... mistakes happen... and if the past 3 months have been a mistake, then so be it... i'm still alive to correct it... if i give up, then there really is no hope... i really think about that sometimes, but i'm not, those thoughts are put there to destroy me, and i'm through being a puppet to self-destruction... i'm not saying that i won't mess up again, but i'm going to really put some effort into this... how can i be sure i'm not just lying to myself again...? Thats for me to figure out...
its always "one more time" "forgive me" "i'm sorry" "i'll never do it again" "i'm really going to try this time" I'm so pathetic... i always mess up, and its partially because i don't give a fuck about life right now... i need to wise up and realize that i have messed up perfectly good bonds between me, myself, and my fellows... all for naught... Simple pleasures, that lead to simple lies, to simple betrayals, to major losses... I have a serious problem right now, but it can be fixed...
At least i have the balls to admit it here to whoever, but thats not enough... i need to work myself into shape mentally... i need to feel good, i need to keep up with the good sides, and when negative thoughts enter my head, dismiss them... if i have hurt you, i'm sorry, i truly am... look upon me and despair, for i now know why you would never talk to me again... hell, i wouldn't if i were you... but if you give me support, i will accept it... just breath B...
i still hate feeling this way... but i can already feel it leaving... just don't let my guard down...
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