Desperate @ MindSay

I AM almost ashamed to step into the video rental store near my home on a Saturday night alone. It is like an admission that I am single at 29 and a loser without a date.

 

But I am increasingly seeing other lone men browsing the shelves, too. Sure, Pete’s girlfriend could be having a girls’ night out and Siong’s wife might be busy making dinner, but I’d like to think that these men, in their 20s and 30s, are single and, like me, not doing too much about to change that.

 

While there have been a mountain of suggestions about how to get Singaporeans to make babies, the single’s problem — one that has been receiving national attention lately — concerns the precursor to procreation: We have trouble meeting new people.

 

Specifically, candidates who could turn out to be Ms Right or Mr Right. Singles here, apparently, want to get hitched but the majority bemoan the lack of chances (or skills) to socialise, according to survey findings unveiled last week by the National Population Secretariat.

 

I know people around my age group who have given up trying. While I’m not one of those – yet – my attitude is, “I am really keen, but I won’t try very hard” and I suspect many other busy working singles think that way too. Call it inertia, if you will.

 

So it would be interesting to see what measures the Government unveils next month to help the singles-networking process along, and how different these will be from its early attempts at playing Cupid. I refer, of course, to its Social Development Unit (SDU) which went into semi retirement in 2006 and passed its bow and quiver of arrows on to private matchmakers — which it now accredits — probably after realising it could no longer keep up with a more sophisticated and demanding market of single, young professionals.

 

There were, at last count, 30 of these dating agencies compared to 10 just two years ago, and the industry’s fecundity suggests more people are receptive to turning to one for help.

 

Still, too many younger men and women think the only place they can make new friends is at a noisy club or bar, and thus limit their chances. Or, their excuse is that that they are too busy with work to explore other avenues.

 

And while dating agencies may have glammed up their image, I daresay they, just like the SDU before them, still encounter resistance from those (like me) who feel only desperate people sign up and “I am not desperate, what”. So, here’s my idea.

 

Have the push could come from the workplace, where many singles of marriageable age spend a lot of their time. The National Family Council or another government agency could provide companies with incentives to pack their single employees off to dating agencies.

 

In the same way that they send staff for training courses, employers could stipulate a number of hours that its single employees have to clock per quarter attending events arranged by a dating agency, like lunches, cocktails, outings. (Don’t laugh — yes, the situation may have gotten that bad.)

 

Companies could also be allowed to dip into the Manpower Ministry’s $20-million Work-Life Works! Fund, to organise monthly drinks sessions or outings at which their single staff can meet people from other firms. They could be from the same industry or just share the same building.

 

Even if no romantic links are forged, hey, at least their business or professional circle is widened.

 

Take-up of the fund, set up in August 2004 to help companies promote work life harmony, has jumped from 160 in 2006 to 400 this year, so there is mounting interest among employers to ensure workers have a happy balance in life — by extension, one would expect better productivity and retention rates. Why not broaden that balance to include singles’ socialising needs?

 

But that’s for the future, hopefully.

 

Until my company helps to hook me up with other singles — say, from one of the legal or financial firms in our office building — would any one (female, preferably) care to join me for some tortilla chips, Chardonnay and Dr Zhivago this Saturday night?

 

- Ashley Ng - 

 

"Are you mad at me?"

 

"Maybe. Maybe not."

 

"It's OK. Just wondering what I did wrong this time..."

 

"Nothing..."

 

That's just a small extract of the conversation that I'm currently having. With Alex. Things are going to wrong in her life right now, and I feel so bad because there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. I believe her and Heather's relationship has just come to an end (again), an old..."enemy" of hers is getting out of jail in six months or so, her evil step-mother from hell is back in her life, she's just been used by some random dickhead, her psychiatrist thinks that she's on drugs (she is most definitely not) and there's more, but I can't say.

 

I'm so scared that I'm going to loose her. This is the second time in two weeks that she's sounded remotely suicidal, and it's scaring me. Because if she tries anything now, there's no one to turn to. Heather won't be able to do anything. I don't have Jake's cell number, and email...he hardly ever checks it, and he's never on MySpace. Her mother is a bitch and won't do anything about it. Her father probably wouldn't either, but I don't have his number so he wouldn't be able to help anyway.

 

She's just gone to bed...so hopefully that's a good sign. Maybe she'll be calmer come morning. I most certainly hope so, because dealing with a suicidal friend is really starting to take its toll on me. There's just too much going on. My entire world is falling apart at the seams on both ends.

 

Group at school - falling apart. Band - sounds like it's falling apart right about now, too. This could very well be the end of Paranoia, too. I guess I'll learn to deal, as long as everybody survives through this.

I want to be in love again.

 

I want to feel the euphoria, the joy, the dizziness, the anticipation and the completeness that I felt with Sarah and with Mick and with Greg.

 

I want to say "I love you" to someone.

 

I want someone to cuddle me and say "I love you".

 

I want to wake up in the morning with my hair in a mess, with my face wrinkled from sleep, and see my lover lying beside me with a smile on their face as they look at me and love what they see.

 

I want lazy Sundays when we get out of bed after midday because we have spent the morning making love.

 

I want my lover to come to me when I am sitting at my desk and kiss me in naughty places.

 

I want my lover to switch off the TV, take my hand, lead me to the bedroom and make love with me.

 

I want to stand on a beach or on a hill with my lover's arms around me, watch the sun rising (or setting) and feel the beauty of the world and of life swirling around us, passing through us and making us part of that beauty.

 

I want to be in love because I know that without love my life can never be complete, can never be whole and can never be totally fulfilled.

 

So lately I have a had a huge feeling of discontent with my spiritual life. I know it's not up to par but I can't find the willingness to change it, or the 'formula' to follow to get where I should be. (yes, I am aware that the isn't actually a formula: thus the quotes, I just couldn't think of a better word).

I went with a friend the other day to see an i-max movie called 'bugs' (I promise this is relevant to the previous subject!) and it wasn't a cute as the poster made it look. It was actually gross but I learned a really valuable spiritual lesson that I am clinging to. The movie followed this catapillar's journey in the amazon, and it talked about all the other bugs that could eat it and how it survived etc. Anyways, the catapillar survives and becomes a butterfly and that made me think about how christians are always said to have made the catapillar-butterfly trasition when they accept Jesus. But the butterfly had it hard. It still had predators to worry about and it actually only lived two weeks before being eaten by a mantus. And then it hit me, or rather re-hit me as I knw this when I was younger: no one said christianity was easy. As christians we are gonna have predadtors, people waiting for us to turn our backs for a second so they can devoure us. It's not the pic-nic we had maybe hoped for. But that's ok. It's ok that I am going through a rough time because the important thing is that I'm not giving up. I'm holding on and soon I'll get off my leaf and fly the way I was ment to, but for now there's something holding me back. Just because I don't know what it is isn't going to stop me from perservering. God is real, God is love and I am desperate for God, I'm just not perfect. And that's ok.

Psalm 73:26

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" 

(I wrote this short story-poem-thingy years ago when I was trying to find my way out of the darkness.)

I was beautiful once--long dark curls, smooth white skin, large deep eyes.

As a youth I had great passion and expectation. I was like a feral child running naked and aimless through the jungle. Wild greenery caressing my skin; chasing intense sensations; innocent to right or wrong.

As time drooned on a stark emptiness blossomed inside me. It was like a small laseration that grew insidiously within; attacking unexpectedly with sharp pains of paralyzing fear. It became apparent that in its fruition this void would slither up from the abyss and steal my breath.

Out of eyes that had been raped of fairytales, I search intensely for the outer limits; from a break in the heavy air and the groping branches that slapped my body. Running away from all prior fantasies, I finally happened upon a break in the thick foliage. There Truth shown down like a smoldering star. Powerful blinding light and blistering heat seemed to engulf and incinerate my being. It was a Holy Fire--pure, intense, awesome.

I had been truly lost before, but now I was loosing myself--my will, my desires, my imaginings. He was trying to burn all my beautiful skin and hair away. He was desperately trying to reach down into the darkness of my soul to possess my whole being.

I would not have Him burning through the surface I had created; stealing all my dreams away. I broke free, and against the strong current, I dove back into the deep cold abyss from which I had come.

And very slowly my heart began to harden to stone.

But He would not give up so easily. I was haunted for years. He would cry out desperately night after night to me. It did not matter how far I would run, His call was always loud and clear.

So I willed myself to go deaf.  And I was drawn deeper into the darkness until I had completely lost sight. But I was still beautiful. And I was not alone. There were many beautiful people who had never even heard of Him.  And they really could care less.

Finally, so much time passed that I figured He must have been nothing more than a childhood dream. I lived out the rest of my days lost in the dark, bumping into others from time to time who were trying to feel their way around.

Now I sit in this eternal hell. The evil from within stealing my breath. I die 1000 times a day forever. My skin is gray and shriveled. My eyes have been riped from their sockets; and I have pulled out all of my hair.

And over and over in my head the projector spins a vision of a time so long ago.

Sometimes I try to remember His name or the way He called out to me. If I were to call Him, even now, I know he would come. But I can't remember His name.

I just can't remember.....