Desire @ MindSay

My heart is aching right now. It wants to be held.

 

I need someone to talk to but everyone is too close. Everyone.  I just want to express my love and desires.

I should be telling my boyfriend, but I dont know if he wants to hear that right now. Even tho he does.

 

I just miss him, and need him in my arms. If i think that i will go through this life without ever holding him, kissing him, loving him, I cry. I cry cry cry cry. I could cry all day if I couldnt stop those thoughts.

 

I just went for a healing, and my kundalini is rising, my sexual self is REALLY waking up, REALLY coming out. and it got stuck and im trying to make it go up and i just feel the energy brewing insiide of me.

 

 

Healing Notes

 

man in a shell, afraid to be a man, hides as a boy
wont come out to me, cant express feelings, wants to be in control but hes not when i voice
my desire. strangled.unable to speak.  spins the world on his finger....

fish man - hubby. will fill my belly, zones out while eating, wont hear me if i speak. Just as ravenous with my body and he is with food.

give me my son and my daughter, exact replicas of their parents.

 

Boyfriend

we will always be distant with intervals of physical closeness. we heal each other sexually and emotionally, and some how are sexually together when we're so far apart.

Kundalini rising, stuck in my solar plexus affecting my sexuality.

Fullfill our relationship to the fullest, because we need it, and we will leave healed, and fullfilled.

 

 

 

 

Even now i can feel my body asking, craving for sexual pleasure, sexual relief. Oh i want it.

I just want him to touch me, be within me, i just want to feel him entirely.

 

I love him so much. its painful to be parted. my mind torments me with pictures and scenarios.

 

Frig, i admit it. im horny and i want him and only him

After several days of searching for the unknown, i find myself lying on the bed thingking of what will happen to my life when i get old. Im 18 years old now, and my life sucked not the average teen life of what people used to have. I am in the depths of commitng self exile, behaving like im the only who didn't have any memories that are best to be remembered. Until now  i still dont get anything from my self not knowing what to do with  my life. But after i watched i late night movie, i asked my self if my world  would be like that. Were you have to be somebody to be in the social acceptance on the society. Always wanted to be a somebody, like i said im not the average guy. Loneliness has kept me frozen in time and i want to stay like that, to conjure the pain the happines and memories.

 

The true purpose in life is finding the road to ones self, begin by knowing your inner self. Look at yourself in the mirror and say that " Im here because i want my family to be proud of me, and I wont let them down". Or you can say that " Im here because i want to be doctor someday, so i could help my mother from her sickness and i dont want to leave her". Its starts with "What I want to do with my life", and ends with "I am proud that i have than this and that and I lived my life with no regrets whatsoever and im willing to help people who is in need". Friends are the common things in life that you get in life, some are free some are friends that will be with you just for money. Well life is like that, life is unfair i know but, hear me this " always believe in god and in your self " because god is the only one you have that, even if he is not in your presence " Just pray and he will come to you". Im not saying this because im a christian, Im saying this because he helped me a lot when i needed him the most. He never leaves by your side, you got to talk to him by your heart. And Believe is the one you have in your life, because people started living in this world because we believe that we have a purpose and that one of the most motivational keys in finding yourself. " I believe in my self, and Im willing to take the test and the obstacles that i may tackles through out my life. My suggestion is learn to respect yourself and know your limits, humans are bound to have limits but one thing is out of the line, there is also human instinct that drives you.

 

 

I'll end for now, im tired and didn't get enough sleep all week.. Next time I'll talk about love and courtship.

 

 

If  you want to find out more about me, just PM me and I'll accept any questions about me.. thanks for reading and be what you are always. =3

 

 

The tails fell softly against my now bare ass.  He withdrew, and again the tails were kind.  I breathed faster, anticipating what was to come.
I lay in wait for the next stroke, holding my breath.  The cat o' nine was taken away, and then I felt the hard leather slap my tingling skin.  I yelped, but not even before I could yelp did another hit come.
I screamed, clutching the sheets.  The angled tips set my ass on fire, and stroke after stroke came.  His gentle nature had given way to his sadistic side, loving to hear me scream.
My mind reeled in pleasure-pain while he swtiched to massaging my red thighs and cheeks.  He drew back his hand, and brought it against my slightly less tortured cheek.  His cupped hand had actually hurt more than the leather.
I could feel heat rising as I begged him not to spank me again.  Satisfied, he brought the nine tails back into play, working me over for a few more minutes.
I couldn't take it anymore.  "Fuck me Master!"  I pleaded.
He cast the nine tails aside, I could hear it drop onto the wood floor.  He grabbed my long, loose hair, and took me from behind.  My body was almost feverish with desire, the endorphins working overtime, giving way to new pleasure.
When we both were spent, we sprawled out on the bed next to eachother, breathing heavily.  My body was tingling deliciously all over, and I couldn't help but smile.

There are approximately 46 million abortions worldwide each year, which is about a billion, say, in just the last twenty-five years.

 

By comparison, each year about 50 million people die. 

 

About 78% of all abortions are obtained in developing countries, and 22% occur in developed countries.

 

Of the 46 million abortions each year, about 26 million are legal; an additional 20 million are obtained in countries where abortion is restricted or prohibited by law.

 

Worldwide, the lifetime average is about one abortion per woman.

 

...he said...she said...(eavesdropping on the beginning of a love affair)

 

Where have you come from? From the ether

or from the mist that flows from the morning shore?

      (My heart has searched for you…how many worlds did I traverse to find you…I don’t presently have the capacity to know this).

I don’t even know what you were fishing with that day (as you stood on the bridge between reality and fantasy), whether your hook was baited with dreams or prayers… but as you cast your line into the ocean of our existence it fell upon my ear with a plop, echoing my name.  “Self”, you called, with a fervency not to be denied… and from that solitary act I felt the self of you, from deep within the cradle of your me, answering that mystical call (for the sake of our lives). So, yes, my beloved self, you found me (us) in the ether.

 

The prospect of being consumed

by you…a stranger without form,

entices the atoms in my flesh.

Like frenzied piranhas they begin to nip at each other.

I am flesh,

come here and consume me.

      Being this ravenous and insatiable animal that I am, my mouth waters at the thought of sinking my teeth into you, tearing into the provision of your soul, licking up your juices, sucking out your sustenance that I might be sustained.  You are the longed for delicacy and tonic that gives me life.  You excite me.

 

But I will reciprocate.

 

My cannibalism of you will come in the form of

lapping your intimate secretions into my mouth;

this tongue of mine…

 

will taste and penetrate you without reservations

or taboos…

this tongue of mine,

has more uses than just words…

      I lay, flayed before the exposed weapons of my separate demise, an undulating spread of wetness, grinding in ecstasy at the thought of your uncontrolled and ferocious protuberances poised to speak into effect our cooperative destiny…

 

will you flow into me with the texture of

brown syrup or have the viscosity of spring wine?

      I run thick with the sweetness of creation’s roux, thin as the relief of artesian waters to eradicate the cloying dregs of death prior to rebirth when dipped in those intoxicating wet streams…

 

I wonder if you can truly consume me…

I’m made of ash.

Burnt…

Only charcoal keeps me intact…

But, I can’t write off this possibility;

After all...the Tin Man had Dorothy who unwittingly

wandered into the forest.  His heart began to beat.

      My reasons for wanting to consume you are selfish…nevertheless, beneficial.  You see, it’s impossible for me to lay my mouth upon the terrain of your heart and suck, suck, suck, coveting the life it has for me, without, as I breathe to live, exhaling that same life, now consisting of me, back into you…this is true intimacy…and one heart lives because of the other…and my selfishness is that all I really want is to live…only I know I can’t live without you…(I will only be half alive). 

 

And just maybe, along the daydreams

of your body’s contours I might find reason to be consumed.

       And now, to live inside of me becomes your daily quest. The contours of my body excite such lengthy daydreams until to reach the end of me will take another lifetime and another.  (I wonder which lifetime this is).