Decisions @ MindSay 
love
Backstabbing Isn't Just For Rogues 
By the way, if you are reading this... lurk more, asshole.
I just got out of a 4 year relationship. Does it bother me to still talk to him? No. Does it bother him? Yes. He's decided that it's too hard on him, so he is "deleting me from his life." I lost another friend. He is deleting me from his life because he isn't man enough to face his problems and deal with them straight on. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Well, good riddance! I just hope that he is satisfied with his decisions, because there will be no turning back. I hope he has fun hanging out with his fucking parents and spending countless hours playing WoW. Have fun being a fucking loser. You can't just push people out of your life because of a fucking uncomfortable situation. How cowardly. Yiff in Hell, asshole.
By the way, if you are reading this... lurk more, asshole.
Is it too much to ask?
Lately, I find myself pondering the meaning of life, death, and everything. But my true question to the universe is:
WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A FRIGGIN DIRECTION MANUAL???
I mean I realize that nothing is ever explained enough, but a little guidance would not be completely out of line. Take for instance any thing you buy at the store. It comes with as much direction material as packaging. Now given, some items like highly complicated childrens' toys come with diametrically opposite amounts, but on the whole this seems to be the case.
Now God, whomever that may or may not be, has seen fit to create one of the most complicated flat packs you will ever come across. It has no warranty. No refund options and for the life of me, I can't figure out where the assembly manual is.
Oh I know about the Life for Dummies Handbooks that have been handed out thru the years. And we all know that they proport to speak for the Almighty, even though they can't even get their own thoughts straight. But I'm talking a true direction guide.
Say for example that you have a life situation that screws you either way. I mean if your toaster burned things unplugged as well as plugged you'd take that bad boy back, am I right? But not so in life. No here you have to just friggin hope that some sucker comes along and that you can trade it off before he finds out what a lemon he just got handed. And that only works in certain situations. The bright side of this type of transaction is the ability to sit back and say "Well that's life." I mean if he had had a direction manual he'd not have run into you right? Case in point.
Now God, whomever that may or may not be, has seen fit to create one of the most complicated flat packs you will ever come across. It has no warranty. No refund options and for the life of me, I can't figure out where the assembly manual is.
Oh I know about the Life for Dummies Handbooks that have been handed out thru the years. And we all know that they proport to speak for the Almighty, even though they can't even get their own thoughts straight. But I'm talking a true direction guide.
Say for example that you have a life situation that screws you either way. I mean if your toaster burned things unplugged as well as plugged you'd take that bad boy back, am I right? But not so in life. No here you have to just friggin hope that some sucker comes along and that you can trade it off before he finds out what a lemon he just got handed. And that only works in certain situations. The bright side of this type of transaction is the ability to sit back and say "Well that's life." I mean if he had had a direction manual he'd not have run into you right? Case in point.
I'm Such a Headache
One thing I love about Georgia is that most of the population drives 15 miles above the speed limit (whether they drive well, or not). But, like any other state, I'm sure, there's that group (you know, that group) who drive 15 miles under the speed limit. In the fast lane. Patrick, the part-time pharmacist at work, says he does it on purpose to "slow the speeders down." If you are one of those slow drivers (I'm not talking about th safe drivers who drive the speed limit or just under, but the individuals who driver 15 miles under the speed limit or less) I'd like to get a little message across to you: If you are driving slow because you're old, disabled and/or blind then you have no business driving at all. Call a son, daughter, cab, your neighbor, dentist, preacher anyone to drive you to your destination. I assure you if they are a kindred spirit they will make time for you. If you are old, disabled, blind, stubborn and/or just plain stupid and you have the absolute need to leave the safety of your house, apartment, or old folks home then drive in the slow lane, take the back roads... or just don't drive!! And for those of you assholes out there who purposely drive 40 in a 55 to "slow the speeders down" you are doing more harm than good. It is seriously dangerous. The people who drive 30 mph more than you (you know, at the normal speed) have to slam on their breaks to keep from rear ending you in your cute little Toyotas (nothing against Toyotas)! You clog up traffic making people late for work, school, church and Georgia football games (uh oh!!)... and it makes them want to speed even more. It pisses us off and then you have road rage on your bumper and no one gives shit if you're ran in the ditch or not as long as you get the hell out of the way.
I understand how some people get the overwhelming urge to choke the life out of some of the idiots that abound. Grr...
Unfortunately, another hoard of nightmares visited me again last night and the lack of sleep has left me in a topsy-turvey mood. I feel calm and silly one minute and the next a single thought sends me into an uproar. CNN and MSN especially have me perturbed. Can anyone tell me what's happening in the world!? And no, I'm not talking about the governor of New York's sex life, what Obama said about Hilary and vice-versa. I could seriously give a shit less who Tori Spelling cheated on her husband with! Seriously!!
I need a coffee break.
Alright. I'm back and refreshed.
I just realized that I look like such a high-maintenance prep sitting here in the library with my Nano and my Macbook. (I've not forgot the picture, Sifa) Hmm.... Maybe I should put one away.
I'm currently very distracted at the moment. There is a guy sitting several tables away and I couldn't help but to notice this guy's mullet. I grew up in an area inhabited with rednecks still lodged in the 1980's with their cut up t-shirts and big hair bands and usually a mullet is not a huge shock to me. However, this guy's hair is like a smack in the face. It's the mullets of ALL mullets. But... he doesn't look like the redneck type at all. Hmm... It's obvious he's taken great care into styling his mass of hair. It's spiked at least 2 1/2 on top and reaches down his back... I wish I could aim my trusty cellphone at him and sneak a picture. Only then could one realize the extent of that thing. And if his mullet wasn't enough he's eating an omelet and hash browns on a ceramic plate obviously brought from home. In the library. I expect him to break out the jelly at any moment. It seems as though he made his breakfast in a rush and brought it to school...? That's more distracting and amusing than anything. Weird.
I've been thinking a lot about... stuff here lately. I confuse myself, but hey! What's new? I'll try my best to be more specific...
I sometimes worry about the choices that I make and how they will affect my life. After all, the decisions are a great part of what makes people -well- individuals. I know that's all natural. And how are we supposed to deal with the one's we've already made. No, I've not regretting anything I've done, I'm speaking in genera terms. I'm stubborn (stubborn but wishy-washy) and usually when I set my mind for or against something (something being ideas and beliefs) it takes a lot of prying to sway my thinking. Well... I think I'm that way. Or... I thought I was but now I'm not so sure. I don't understand how I can so easily go against what I thought I believed. It seems as though I'm -well- a bit weaker than I used to be. It doesn't take much for someone to alter my opinions anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting older and I try my best to look at all sides of a situation and take into account everyone's ideas and opinions. I know that my knowledge and understanding of the government is a bit shabby but when it comes to most things but, regardless, I have a good idea about how this country is run. Then why, with a simple conversation, can my ideas about free trade or social change? It's not unintelligence, I know that. And I know that we're supposed to weigh everything we hear or see and try our best to learn from it. I do that, or try to. I'm not stupid enough to believe every single thing I hear and see. But then... why is it that people, not people that I know very well and regard but the everyday Joe Blow, can cause me throw all of my thoughts and opinions into one bit mass until they're so mixed and unorganized that I can't decipher one from another?
It shocks me that at least part of me used to believe that Jesus was the son of God and now... I seriously doubt it. No... I more than doubt it. I've gone from being something of a Christian (I can't say I was ever a full believer) to... something else. In church I was told that the Bible was "the Word" and that it had everything anyone needed to know about how to lead their life. The problem now is that I'm in school. I've learned enough to doubt it. I know enough about history to be certain that the Bible was shaped a lot by Romans and it was all political. (For you visitors, I'm not in the mood for an argument so please don't start one.) But I'm definitely NOT an atheist. I do believe in something. I don't have it in me NOT to believe in something. I'm too spiritual of a person. I just don't have any religion in me. I can see myself going to church every now and then, and I know I will, I'm just VERY dead set against any form of organized religion. I've read some of the teaching of Buddha and Confucius. I've read the Book of Mormon, the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the Egyptian Book of the Dead... parts of the Qua'ran. I've read a few books on Native American religions... tons of mythology... I'd really like to read the Torah and perhaps some pagan or Wiccan books. (Laine, if you read this perhaps you can recommend a few books) I can take something from nearly every religion and apply it to my life... Ugh.
Now I've gone off track... This isn't just a religious issue with me. It's an... everything issue. For the most part I know who I am. I've calmed down enough that I get along very well with my step-dad. He doesn't annoy me hardly at all now. My mom and I have been the point for a while where we can have a conversation on the phone without that tension. She laughs and tells me about what happens in Deputy and I keep here entertained with stories about Lizzy and Buster and what Josh and I sometimes do on the weekends... what movies we go to see and whatnot, about euchre games with Josh's family. I know I have made a bit of progress. Some of it has to do with my anti-anxiety pill but it's only part of the battle, in my opinion. I know what I want from life. To be honest, I have it with the exception of my Jeep (which WILL be remedied soon) my degree, and insurance. I'm so lucky that not even I know how lucky I am. I've seriously hit the jackpot with Josh. I know I aggravate the shit out of him with my ridiculous-ity but I simply adore him. It's unreal how much you can feel for a person.
And I'm off track again. Grr... It seems I'm rambling on without getting my point across at all!! Nothing to me is more frustrating that being misunderstood. Dang.
One of my problems is that I want answers for everything. I can drive myself crazy at times wondering why in the hell things are the way they are. Josh has tried his best to help me with this and I know not everything has an answer but... I have trouble believing it, I guess. The simple "shit happens, it is what it is" idea just doesn't stick with me. It doesn't quench that agonizing desire for answers. I can't help but to think that maybe everything is all tied into something bigger. I know things happen for a reason, to prepare us for every bump and pothole we run into in life... Anyway, what I mean to say is that all that crap I rambled about is tied into the fact that I'm persistently looking for answers. I know that and sometimes I can put it aside for a while but for some reason now it's bugging the life out of me.
This lack of intelligence and wishy-washyness makes me feel like I really don't know who I am. And the fact that I go totally against something I thought I believed (maybe even years ago) in makes me feels like I'm betraying myself. I guess what matters is what I believe now, right? I shouldn't think about what I did believe. It's just difficult not to because I know all the mess makes me Amanda...
Argh. I'm exhausting.
I understand how some people get the overwhelming urge to choke the life out of some of the idiots that abound. Grr...
Unfortunately, another hoard of nightmares visited me again last night and the lack of sleep has left me in a topsy-turvey mood. I feel calm and silly one minute and the next a single thought sends me into an uproar. CNN and MSN especially have me perturbed. Can anyone tell me what's happening in the world!? And no, I'm not talking about the governor of New York's sex life, what Obama said about Hilary and vice-versa. I could seriously give a shit less who Tori Spelling cheated on her husband with! Seriously!!
I need a coffee break.
Alright. I'm back and refreshed.
I just realized that I look like such a high-maintenance prep sitting here in the library with my Nano and my Macbook. (I've not forgot the picture, Sifa) Hmm.... Maybe I should put one away.
I'm currently very distracted at the moment. There is a guy sitting several tables away and I couldn't help but to notice this guy's mullet. I grew up in an area inhabited with rednecks still lodged in the 1980's with their cut up t-shirts and big hair bands and usually a mullet is not a huge shock to me. However, this guy's hair is like a smack in the face. It's the mullets of ALL mullets. But... he doesn't look like the redneck type at all. Hmm... It's obvious he's taken great care into styling his mass of hair. It's spiked at least 2 1/2 on top and reaches down his back... I wish I could aim my trusty cellphone at him and sneak a picture. Only then could one realize the extent of that thing. And if his mullet wasn't enough he's eating an omelet and hash browns on a ceramic plate obviously brought from home. In the library. I expect him to break out the jelly at any moment. It seems as though he made his breakfast in a rush and brought it to school...? That's more distracting and amusing than anything. Weird.
I've been thinking a lot about... stuff here lately. I confuse myself, but hey! What's new? I'll try my best to be more specific...
I sometimes worry about the choices that I make and how they will affect my life. After all, the decisions are a great part of what makes people -well- individuals. I know that's all natural. And how are we supposed to deal with the one's we've already made. No, I've not regretting anything I've done, I'm speaking in genera terms. I'm stubborn (stubborn but wishy-washy) and usually when I set my mind for or against something (something being ideas and beliefs) it takes a lot of prying to sway my thinking. Well... I think I'm that way. Or... I thought I was but now I'm not so sure. I don't understand how I can so easily go against what I thought I believed. It seems as though I'm -well- a bit weaker than I used to be. It doesn't take much for someone to alter my opinions anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting older and I try my best to look at all sides of a situation and take into account everyone's ideas and opinions. I know that my knowledge and understanding of the government is a bit shabby but when it comes to most things but, regardless, I have a good idea about how this country is run. Then why, with a simple conversation, can my ideas about free trade or social change? It's not unintelligence, I know that. And I know that we're supposed to weigh everything we hear or see and try our best to learn from it. I do that, or try to. I'm not stupid enough to believe every single thing I hear and see. But then... why is it that people, not people that I know very well and regard but the everyday Joe Blow, can cause me throw all of my thoughts and opinions into one bit mass until they're so mixed and unorganized that I can't decipher one from another?
It shocks me that at least part of me used to believe that Jesus was the son of God and now... I seriously doubt it. No... I more than doubt it. I've gone from being something of a Christian (I can't say I was ever a full believer) to... something else. In church I was told that the Bible was "the Word" and that it had everything anyone needed to know about how to lead their life. The problem now is that I'm in school. I've learned enough to doubt it. I know enough about history to be certain that the Bible was shaped a lot by Romans and it was all political. (For you visitors, I'm not in the mood for an argument so please don't start one.) But I'm definitely NOT an atheist. I do believe in something. I don't have it in me NOT to believe in something. I'm too spiritual of a person. I just don't have any religion in me. I can see myself going to church every now and then, and I know I will, I'm just VERY dead set against any form of organized religion. I've read some of the teaching of Buddha and Confucius. I've read the Book of Mormon, the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the Egyptian Book of the Dead... parts of the Qua'ran. I've read a few books on Native American religions... tons of mythology... I'd really like to read the Torah and perhaps some pagan or Wiccan books. (Laine, if you read this perhaps you can recommend a few books) I can take something from nearly every religion and apply it to my life... Ugh.
Now I've gone off track... This isn't just a religious issue with me. It's an... everything issue. For the most part I know who I am. I've calmed down enough that I get along very well with my step-dad. He doesn't annoy me hardly at all now. My mom and I have been the point for a while where we can have a conversation on the phone without that tension. She laughs and tells me about what happens in Deputy and I keep here entertained with stories about Lizzy and Buster and what Josh and I sometimes do on the weekends... what movies we go to see and whatnot, about euchre games with Josh's family. I know I have made a bit of progress. Some of it has to do with my anti-anxiety pill but it's only part of the battle, in my opinion. I know what I want from life. To be honest, I have it with the exception of my Jeep (which WILL be remedied soon) my degree, and insurance. I'm so lucky that not even I know how lucky I am. I've seriously hit the jackpot with Josh. I know I aggravate the shit out of him with my ridiculous-ity but I simply adore him. It's unreal how much you can feel for a person.
And I'm off track again. Grr... It seems I'm rambling on without getting my point across at all!! Nothing to me is more frustrating that being misunderstood. Dang.
One of my problems is that I want answers for everything. I can drive myself crazy at times wondering why in the hell things are the way they are. Josh has tried his best to help me with this and I know not everything has an answer but... I have trouble believing it, I guess. The simple "shit happens, it is what it is" idea just doesn't stick with me. It doesn't quench that agonizing desire for answers. I can't help but to think that maybe everything is all tied into something bigger. I know things happen for a reason, to prepare us for every bump and pothole we run into in life... Anyway, what I mean to say is that all that crap I rambled about is tied into the fact that I'm persistently looking for answers. I know that and sometimes I can put it aside for a while but for some reason now it's bugging the life out of me.
This lack of intelligence and wishy-washyness makes me feel like I really don't know who I am. And the fact that I go totally against something I thought I believed (maybe even years ago) in makes me feels like I'm betraying myself. I guess what matters is what I believe now, right? I shouldn't think about what I did believe. It's just difficult not to because I know all the mess makes me Amanda...
Argh. I'm exhausting.
Sorting Out My Options
Thumb Options
*(disclaimer...this is based on what I think I understood; the options I'm told I have available to me)
Cortisone Shot
effective 70 %
only one year of history to base effectiveness on
isn't cortisone a steroid?
aren't steroids linked to cancer?
not sure I want to inject it, topical wouldn't cut it so...
oh yeah, and I detest needles!
maybe not...
Surgery
effective 90 %
a relatively simple procedure and fairly quick recovery.
barring infection I might be okay 8 wks after.
* I do lean in this direction but have the concerns;
Once I'm back at my old work station how will my hand cope?
Will I end up with the same injury later on in time?
Will it then be unrepairable?
Observe and "Live with It"
non-intrusive
So long as I am not required to use my right hand I shouldn't get hurt more...
Maybe it could even heal itself with rest? (How long is a good question...)
Would require me making lifestyle adjustments.
Likely I'll never go mountain biking again unless I can modify my brakes.
Ditto for downhill skiing, cross country might be safe on gentle terrain.
Will need to modify my gardening and household tools etc to allow me to use them.
Change doorknobs/handles on all doors and screens (12)
Use the tools provided to me; key handle and nail clippers, look into others if needed
Use a gel pen - one of my own solutions that work!
Stick to digital artwork, most physical art work will be too challenging!
Learn to be more left handed, even though WSIB doesn't consider that important!
++++++ Other important points; ++++++
* It's up to my employer to accommodate the new work restrictions;
* If I quit, I think she said I won't be covered, regardless if a new job would be healthier for me!
My own feelings about this...
It seems I can't even leave this, I will take care; don't want to get depressed over this.
This is the aspect that frustrates and angers me most!
I really have to speak with my doctor and get the skinny on all this!
The impact is much more in depth than I'd originally thought!
*(disclaimer...this is based on what I think I understood; the options I'm told I have available to me)
Cortisone Shot
effective 70 %
only one year of history to base effectiveness on
isn't cortisone a steroid?
aren't steroids linked to cancer?
not sure I want to inject it, topical wouldn't cut it so...
oh yeah, and I detest needles!
maybe not...
Surgery
effective 90 %
a relatively simple procedure and fairly quick recovery.
barring infection I might be okay 8 wks after.
* I do lean in this direction but have the concerns;
Once I'm back at my old work station how will my hand cope?
Will I end up with the same injury later on in time?
Will it then be unrepairable?
Observe and "Live with It"
non-intrusive
So long as I am not required to use my right hand I shouldn't get hurt more...
Maybe it could even heal itself with rest? (How long is a good question...)
Would require me making lifestyle adjustments.
Likely I'll never go mountain biking again unless I can modify my brakes.
Ditto for downhill skiing, cross country might be safe on gentle terrain.
Will need to modify my gardening and household tools etc to allow me to use them.
Change doorknobs/handles on all doors and screens (12)
Use the tools provided to me; key handle and nail clippers, look into others if needed
Use a gel pen - one of my own solutions that work!
Stick to digital artwork, most physical art work will be too challenging!
Learn to be more left handed, even though WSIB doesn't consider that important!
++++++ Other important points; ++++++
* It's up to my employer to accommodate the new work restrictions;
* It's up to me to cooperate in the process(I can't recall if there were others, but I think it's been decided that I can do this for 8 hours a day)
- no repetitive work
- no gripping, no pinching, no grabbing
- work at a self-paced speed
* If I quit, I think she said I won't be covered, regardless if a new job would be healthier for me!
- I found this a frustrating issue! I want more details regarding this because it just doesn't sound right! It's truly counterproductive. Besides I was told earlier that this thumb "claim" would always be attributed to Value Village regardless of where I might end up working in the future. But the Occupational Therapist in Toronto emphasized that if I should quit I'm not covered... Gee Whiz!
- This goes without saying! However there should be support to help achieve it!
My own feelings about this...
It seems I can't even leave this, I will take care; don't want to get depressed over this.
This is the aspect that frustrates and angers me most!
I really have to speak with my doctor and get the skinny on all this!
The impact is much more in depth than I'd originally thought!
Decisions, Decisions
I have to be out of my house by the end of this month. So, I have 28 days left to find a place and move out. A bit daunting... I figured I'd get an apartment where I used to live before we bought the house I'm currently living in. I probably still will, but a new option presented itself today.
A friend of a friend just bought a place and she's looking for a roommate. Now, I've only met her once, and her place is a little further away than what I was planning, but I'm also thinking that this could be kinda fun. It could be a good way to meet some new people, but am I really ready to move in with someone I barely know? She seemed cool enough when I met her, but I don't know.
Oh, and just cuz I liked it, here's a little something, but it's not directed at anyone, so relax :)
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
Quick Links
Latest Comment
Re: various stuff - i just read last night an article by andrea mitchell from nbc. and she's fairly liberal...
| Terms of Service
| Privacy Policy