Its funny how people think of men. Being a self proclaimed lesbian with little interest in either sex, (It kept the riffraff down) I'm now starting to focus on what sexuality i might have. While its just a label that doesnt matter, I've realized this is something thats going to come up, and in my head, that makes it something worth contemplating.
The kind of man I want to be with is warm, and huggable, filled with smiles. Someone kinda like me, but minus the Manic Depression. Or else one of us will be dead. Messily.
For no apparent reason, I'm engaged to someone in World of Warcraft, and he's a honey. I'm kinda wondering, what would he really be like. This fascination with a unique example of the sex caused me to have a vivid dream, and the emotions i felt during it have haunted me all through working hours and further sleeping. My existence has become polluted with thoughts about my ideal partner.
Now, I must admit... I have a fondness for women, but i havent met one i could stand in a relationship. Most of the lesbians I've met and flirted with werent very forward. A relationship with them would make me the leader. Unfortunately I dont want that kind of relationship. I want equal partnership. These women... Just. Were.... Well. They werent going to take control and i like control, but i hate being stuck with someone with no decisions. Besides, there was great sexual chemistry, but being the women they were, the novelty of the chemistry would have worn off enough for us to realize that there was nothing there but sex.
Yes, i understand, the kind of relationship i have in my head is near impossible... But. I'm trying to make senseof it.
The worst part is that this person is taking up my thoughts, because of a dream i had. I've asked the fates of the universe for help, and Now i'm treating my Bipolar. Now i've asked them for clarity because i needed love and support (companionship) and they are giving me dreams, they are giving me good, solid loving people. Only I fear them. The people they are giving for they strike my heart close. But i want to get to know this man that has so beguiled me and infected my dreams, polluting my thoughts.
He may live several hours away... but we'll see where this goes....
