Daily Life @ MindSay

I figure that this is as good of a day as any to start a blog.

For now, I'm biding my time... trying to enjoy myself as much as possible while dealing with the stresses of living at home and being in high school. None of it's really that bad, I just am yearning for something different.

Anger has a tendency to hold me hostage, sometimes. Sadness too. I'm trying to uproot anger, trying to be more compassionate, trying to live simpler, trying to not hold my surroundings up to any unachievable ideals. I think it's going okay. When you're living your life in a place where you have so little control over what's going on around you, you find it so much harder to control what's going on inside your mind and body.

I'm sober; remarkably so.
I greatly miss my daily rituals of Cannabis consumption, as I haven't been partaking in the last two months or so. That's alright though, as I'm high on life.
I'm starting to see firsthand that life is a trip and I'm in for a great one.

I'm tired. Really tired.
This week has been ridiculous my Caffeine intake has been through the roof.
I just need to be alert, awake and paying attention to everything that's going on throughout my entire day... It's hard to NOT use Caffeine as much as I do.  Been trying to ween myself off of it over the last two days... Went from a consistent 500mg+ per day to a half a cup of coffee yesterday and nothing today. I've certainly had worse headaches, but this one is so persistent.

The world is beautiful.
I love our Earth, I love every season and I love spending time in the midst of it all.
We're all connected to each other and every speck of matter that makes up this world and this universe. The universe is everything that exists or has the potential to exist, the symbiotic relationship between space and time. Ideas are as real to me as anything I can hold.

Our environment is deprecating... fast.
As the cause of many of our environmental issues and supposedly the most rational beings inhabiting this planet, we Humans absolutely MUST conserve and be true stewards to this beautiful rock we were lucky enough to gain control of.

People amaze me.
Human nature never ceases to blow my mind. So predictable and yet... so spontaneous. I often zone out when watching people going about their lives, amazed at the complexity of our mind and body.

As much as I'm a fan of the winter, I'm about ready for it to get warmer.
The Sun is really, really nice.

Anyway... this was sort of a big ramble. I'll get more specific once I gather my thoughts.

Have you ever just made one small mistake in your morning routine only to have your whole day feel weird?

That's how my day went. I don't know what I did to mess it up, but the whole day just seemed off. A couple of people who I used to know came into my work and I had two separate awkward conversations with them. You know the conversation where you are obliged to ask "How are you? What's new? It's been so long" and then they both had to end it with "We should get together some time?" It's just one of those conversations you have to have. It was uncomfortable and I didn't want to stay there any longer than I had to, but wait....I work here I can't leave, I'm required to help you until you leave. Ugh. I have to work again tomorrow. That's six days this week. Yes I know it's only friday, the fifth day...but I haven't had a day off in a long while. I'm trying to save money for germany.

Tschuess!

Many people these days feel like their failing.  Feeling lost – we SHOULD know what to do and what we want.  Yet as I search I find more and more people not knowing where to go or what to do; daily, weekly and annually.  The more I search the more lost and confused I get.  The only ones that seem fulfilled these days or have purpose have started a family, but that isn’t a current reality choice for everyone!  What is the RIGHT choice, because it feels like there is no room for screwing up.  And if you make one wrong choice you feel like a failure.  These questions have been a daily on-going struggle for aiding or hindering my happiness.

 

-An analytical world where it is accepted to think, over think and figure out all things necessary to become perfect.  Oh your not happy…well you should see someone about that….things are working out….take some meds for that.

 

-Need to make decisions based on what works for you.  Do you want a family?  Do you want a career?  Do you want to be well traveled?  Do you want to be educated?  Because all these are not usually possible to be completed by one person if they have no financial assistance.  Ask yourself, what do you really see yourself doing in life and what type of life do you want.

 

-What the heck does happiness mean?  It seems to have different meanings depending on who you ask.

 

-This is an honest struggle that everyone should be aware of and it should be taken in for consideration when raise our children, talk with our family and analyze the current state of our society.

 

Eyelids broke the veil, which covered all things unseen

No longer would darkness house a soul looking for refuge

No longer would life pass by without living

 

Love, Life and Redemption whispered promises once denied.

All paths believed to be mistaken or punishments held a greater reason.

Lessons learned were preparation for awards set aside for her and her alone.

 

Joy within a spirit that had gone so long without created an illumination beckoning all to view.

 

Her eyelids cracked the veil today and her spirit answered a call.