Daddy @ MindSay 
dad
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
...Very fucking depressed.
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Here is a numbered list of why Dixie is depressed today:
- - I had to watch my daddy holding someone else's baby again. I hate it.
- - I've been thinking about college and how terrible it will be.
- - Watching Big Brother has made me realise my social phobia even more.
- - I miss Emily so fucking much now. I'm crying at nighttimes when I can't sleep because I think about her.
- - June is patchy as fuck, I really don't have anything to blog about anymore.
- - I'm constantly bored now.
- - I still can't write anything.
I thank you for calling out my name in times that I have wondered a little too far and my sight became blurry, there were no other guidelines or indications to point me back to my destiny.
I am appreciative for the countless moments I was forced to stand still and listen to lectures and speeches never completely hearing what your heart was saying until now. I was still a child then and as a child I thought I knew everything.
There are no words to describe the feelings as you held me when everything appeared to be at its worse.
A simple rub on my back or a smile in my direction or the words I love you.
I thank you Father, both here and there.
I thank you for being the ultimate father that will love me more than anyone else can imagine so much so that you gave me my own father
I
After that week two weeks ago, I was ready to freaking snap on anyone and everyone! I even called Randy this past week and said your turn to plan date night and it is going to be after Father's Day!
We called our instructor at TKD and I gave him the low down on why I have been so stressed and he said no problem, we set up a couple private instruction times for this next week on top of our normal class times just so we can get caught up. I am okay with that.
DeLaney had a play date last week. Her lil friend's mom and I don't totally agree on a lot of things but we agree not to hold that against the girls. Randy and I have to sit down every time that DeLaney is with that lil girl and explain some things to her that they do and why we don't. But I had to have some words with her friend's mom about men and kids and how she will NOT be poisning MY Daughter's head against her dad or any other man because she is having issues with her current hubby and is going through a divorce. The girls have one major thing in common concerning their dads. They both work on the road. And that is where the similarity ends. Randy is very logical and is a non practicing Lutheran that is slowly starting to go through my various religious and spiritual books and is questioning both my moms and myself on things. Laney's lil friend's dad is a fluff ball wiccan wonder. Randy makes a point in calling his kids and myself EVERY NIGHT he is on the road, even if it is for only one night he is gone. Laney's lil friend's dad doesn't even bother calling his daughter when he is gone and he is gone for 6 months to a year at a time for a job! Might only come home for the weekend once a month! When he is home he buys Laney's lil friend off and makes it a competition between him and his soon to be ex wife. Randy doesn't buy his kids' affection. He spends time with them even when he is tired!
Anyway the reason why I am so ReEnergized, we got invited down to the RiverFront Day's Dance Friday night by some of our friends! My parents took the kids for the night and over night so Randy and I could go out. Well Randy and my friend's ol man had to work the next day so they maintained. My friend and I said screw it! Her in laws had her kids over night, my parents had our kids over night, other friends that showed up managed to talk their parents into keeping their kids over night and we had a blast! We left our friend's house about 9:30 pm and went to go get gas. Where we laughed our assess off! Some chicy babe at the gas station was already ripped by quarter till 10! She ended up leaning out of a duel diesel big ass truck to blow chunks in front of the county cop no less! My girl then got hit on by that same county cop while paying for the gas!:P We went over to the Bottle Shop and got beer and ice for the cooler and toook a cruse down by the dance to see if anyone was there, NOPE! So then we headed down to the marina so we could see who was there.
We decieded to walk in and have a beer down at the Marina Bar. Nothing but out of staters, ppl from Omaha and the Bluffs, and ol ppl coming in from the river. The guys each had one beer. My girl and I don't like beer and knew that is what we were pretty much stuck drinking Friday night so we guzzled two down at the marina to get that nasty ass taste out of our mouth. Then we drove back up to the main street and hit the bar! The bar was jumping! We didn't get very far from the door it was so packed. But that is okay we had a grand blast (us girls) talking to everyone coming and going from the bar. Saw one of our friends' from higschool brothers there! That was a trip! He is older then my cousin who is older then my sister! And here he is trying to hang with the young bucks! Then we turned around to help out a friend of my friend who was being hit on by some drunk young buck straight out of highschool and saw "The Smurf and Torpedo Tits" from highschool! Two girls that are 4 years older then us and thought their shit didn't stink. Smurf is married to a guy from my brother's class who stands 6'3 and that bitch only stands 5'2! Talk about your odd couples! They weren't to happy seeing us there laughing at them! Especially knowing the fact we know they are two elementry school teachers and ten to one some of their school kids' parents were at the bar drinking up also! They stopped to talk to us because they knew we know more ppl than they did down there and Smurf's hubby was drunk off his ass really trying to talk to me about my brother! Our hubby's were just sitting at the bar trying not to go to sleep on us and chatting with various guys they knew or worked with off and on. I got Randy to do a Jager Bomb with me. We decieded it was time to hit the dance and the beer garden when one of our other friends FINALLY showed up!
So we get to the dance, and of course it is one of the local bands that ruines every fucking song they attempt to sing or play, so we went on out to the beer garden where we promptly ran back into our friend's brother. Laughed our asses off at our friends' ex sister in law who was getting rubbed up on by ol men and nasty looking men showing off her fake titties that she got in an attempt to keep his brother from divorcing her! Nobody would do a shot with me so I talked my friend's brother into doing one. Then I had some dude buy me another shot thinking I would go down with back to back shots with all that beer in me already, suprise. That fucker took two steps from the beer garden and went down hard! I laughed and went back to our group. My girls were laughign and said when are ppl going to realize that when you drink you drink! Randy was suprised at hell because he was trying to keep track of how much I was haivng because he has NEVER seen me drunk until Friday night!
All we did was talk, a couple of dances with our men, go to the bathroom,a nd drink! It was a blast! We walked out of the dance about 1 and straight into a line of county cops and town cops waiting for the drunks to stagger out. We lost my girl back in the dance cause she got to talking! Her ol man went back into get her and Randy and I sat outside and talked to the cops! I promptly took my shoes, my earings, and my necklace off. Oh by the way you should have seen me! I was looking HOT! I had short black figure hugging capries on, a pair of heeled black slip on sandles, a brand new yellow, orange, and balck halter type top that showed off the tat tats (which I promptly made sure to say loud enough to my girls ex sister in law were REAL and NOT fake when my girl said loud enough boy you sure have big tat tats to be holding that top up!-were bad and catty I know!) and I bought matching yellow big hooped earings and a black and yellow necklace to go with the outfit! We finally got going back to our friends' house when he found his wife and he chitted up the cops a lil bit. Thank GODS that the men were stone sober and just maintained their drinking while us girls got ripped!
We took back country roads home and that is where I fully admit to saying I lost my cookies! Mixing all thsoe shots with beer and then hitting back country roads so the guys could have a couple of beers on the way home. Up and down, curves up and down on bluff roads with two very drunk ppl in the car is not a mix to make! My girl was laughing her ass off at me and laughed even harder when I mangaded to say "Hell at least I am not blowing chunks! It is straight up booze and beer!" They guys were laughing just as hard because Randy still can't believe I was that drunk and I was still very coherant to remember everything! Well I got the last laugh Saturday at 8 am when my girl woke me up! She admitted to loosing her cookies after she went to bed at 2! I was flopped down on my bed at 1:30!
We felt bad and fully admit we own our men big time! They worked 12 hours Friday, came home and took us out to the dance and turned around and got up at 5am after going to bed at 2 am! My girl had to pick up her youngest at her inlaws by 9:30 and I had to go pick up my kids sometime in the morning from my parents. Well we did that and low and behold my parents took off with my kids! So we went to my house with her lil girl and while I was picking up they sat back and relaxed! I called my folks to find out when they were going to be home and after they got home, we grabbed my kids and headed back down to River Front Days!
We watched the parade and laughed our assess off at her brother in law's ex wife (the one with the fake tat tats!) because she thinks she is soooooooo cute and she cant' even wear decent clothes and her ass crack was showing all day. Me and my girl are big girls but we have some class and know how to show our curves off properally! And again we did. We kept getting hit on all day long! plus ppl were trying to steal my cowboy hat! Yes I was wearing a cowboy hat! A black straw one with a skull and cross bones on it! Our four kids know how to work parades, they all had huge bags of candy which we promptly put away after the parade in the van. Then we bought all 4 of them wrist bands to hit the street carnavale and let the 3 oldest go off by themselves while my girl took her lil girl around and I hit the store for bottles of water and motrin to work off our booze headaches!
It was great. Once I talked to a few ppl making my way back to my girla nd her lil girl, we found out the bar we were at last night was giving free BBQ Beef Sandwiches away from one of my girl's aunties. So we went in and loaded up for us and the kdis. Then her hubby showed up and let me know my ol man was home napping!:D We loaded her man up on a plate and made our way back through the carnaval! My kids and I finally made it home about 3:30, where Randy was sleeping on the couch! I set the kids up outside in their lil pool and the phone. Told them if they needed anything to come up to my room and wake me up and I promptly laid down on the bed for a tw hour nap!
Amazing what a weekend out will do for a person! Today after my Moms gets back with the rug rats from Mass, the kids and I are treating Pappo and Daddy out to a nice Brunch for Daddy's day.
Hope all the Dad's have a great Daddy's Day! Same with the single Mom's out there! Have a great Daddy's Day if you are also Daddy!:D
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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Currently playing:
- Guitar Hero III
- Sonic Adventure DX
Currently listening to:
- Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura... - Maximum The Hormone
- Morgenstern - Rammstein
- Johnny, I Hardly Knew Ya - Dropkick Murphys
Currently reading:
- Whispers In The Dark
- The Yellow Block
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GH3 songs played today:
Holiday In Cambodia (Ex), Slow Ride (Ex), Story Of My Life (Ex), Talk Dirty To Me (Ex), Avalancha (Ex), Closer (Ex)(x2), Knights Of Cydonia (Ex), Hier Kommt Alex (Ex), Reptilla (Ex), Sabotage (Ex), My Name Is Jonas (Ex), Miss Murder (Ex), Rock You Like A Hurricane (Ex), Welcome To The Jungle (H), Closer (H), Radio Song (H), Hier Kommt Alex (H)
- Groupies: 6079! -
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Times cried: Twice
Wounds inflicted: None
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Today's song lyrics:
Story Of My Life - Social Distortion
Good times come and good times go...
I only wish the good times would last a little longer....
I think about the good times we had, and why they had to end...
So I sit at the edge of my bed...
I strum my guitar, and I sing an outlaw love song...
Wonderin' bout what you're doin' now, and when you're comin' back...
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I just flicked through the pages of my blog.
I like the way all the colours and pictures and smileys look together.
Although some say I'm black and emo, I like colours.
So I use varying colours in my blog sometimes.
I don't have any pictures to put on here today, so I've just used a lot of smileys.
I've become a forum whore.
I'm addicted to my own forum now.
All yesterday, and all this morning, whenever someone posted, I responded straightaway.
There were about four of us on there last night for about five hours.
I stayed awake until 6am talking to them all.
I've been out for about an hour, and I've come home to 76 thread alerts.
I have plenty to say then. :)
I only learnt this morning that my forum is the most popular in the entire Pokémon genre on FFN - with now 26,000 posts.
I'm happy about that.
- But depressed about everything else.
Last night, I was laid on my bed crying.
Daddy was sat on the PC - he didn't say a word to me.
He left without speaking to me.
He knew I was crying - I was making a lot of snuffling sounds, it wasn't difficult to tell.
...Sigh, I want to be a baby again.
I've just been at my aunty's.
My cousin has two children, one who is two, and one who's about a month old.
...Just seeing daddy holding Millie made me so sad inside.
...Daddy never hugs me anymore.
...I'm too big for him to hold me...
...I'm not Daddy's little girl anymore.
...Just thinking about it is making my eyes leak.
I cried in the car on the way home, my head pressed to the back of mam's seat.
...She's being horrible to me and all. ...Saying if I don't do stuff aorund the house I'm gonna get hurt or kicked out or something...
...Sigh, and now I don't have anybody left.
I'm leaving school in three weeks.
I won't have Parry anymore.
I don't have Emily anymore.
Reiss is ignoring me.
Rathe's disappeared off the face of the Earth...
...Yeah, now I feel like hurting again.
...Meh, I'll go on my forums, see if I can take my mind off things...
.............Sigh.
Rose was born on the 2nd of May, she was 6 lbs 15 oz, I really don't remember much of my labor because the meds made me nearly delirious, but I started labor at about 3:00pm on the 1st, but I didn't begin hard labor until they started me on pitocin the next day. I was in too much pain to remember them telling me they might have to do a c-section if I didn't progress further, when I was stuck at 8cm for two hours, but luckily, I remember the nurse giving me another examination, and she was excited, "9 9/10 centimeters!" she said, calling my OB to the room, and soon after my doctor came, and after about 25 minutes of pushing, little Rose was born :):):)
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