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Dad @ MindSay


reminiscing about dad
We are coming up on one full year since my dad passed away. It's been a heck of a year...well two years really...since we began on this rollercoaster ride that includes my husband getting in the car accident and my daughter being conceived and born. Looking back is always a comfort and a curse. 

My dad was such a big smoker so many years of his life. I can remember him being pretty funny making impressions of Famous Smokers such as Sammy Davis, Jr. and Redd Foxx. He was so great at sounding and acting like his faves. He was great at drawing them, as well. We had his drawings on display at his funeral. None of us girls ever could quite draw as well as he did. I recall being a child watching him work. When he would finish, he would spray the drawing with Aqua Net and put it over a lamp to dry. It set the lead for life, he said. To this day, all of his drawings are as pristine as the day he drew them.




Sometimes I wish for an ice cream cone

In the middle of a sad day.

You see, nobody cries while eating an ice cream

And I wish to be comforted.

The cold creamy concoction is a balm

Soothing my sorrow.

The icy feeling numbs my melancholy.

And the gooey sweetness

Makes my blues fly away.

Like a child, I would lick and run

After each icy drop –

I am most carefree

And happy

Being such.

And so, on a night like this,

I wish for an ice cream cone

To soothe what I feel

And cloak this undefined sorrow

Threatening to make me cry.

I wish for an ice cream cone,

A sundae perhaps,

Or a shake,

To dispel the unnamed sadness in my heart.




am missing dad :'(


Dear Dad

Dear Dad


Dear Dad,

Alam mo naman na hindi ako mahilig mag-share

Ng mga kwentong Mira –

Kalokohan lang at mga kwento ng iba

Ang nasasabi ko sa yo.

Hindi kasi ako ganon.

Kahit naman noong bata pa ko,

Hindi ako mahilig magsabi ng nararamdaman,

Yun bang kahit may masakit na sa kin,

Hindi pa ako aaray

Not unless na hindi ko na kaya.

Di rin ako mahilig magsumbong

Kung meron man akong problema –

Nalalaman nyo na lang yun pag tapos na

At nagawan ko na ng paraan.

Di rin ako yung uuwing luhaat

Kasi na-broken hearted ako –

Dad, kahit ulit-ulitin man yung parte ng buhay ko

Na nasaktan ako at umiyak

At isa ka sa dahilan kung bakit,

Ganon pa rin ang gagawin ko

Kahit ako ang paulit-ulit na luluha dahil don.

Iisang pagkakataon mo lang ako nakitang umiyak ng wagas

Noong minsang nag-away tayo.

Minsan lang.

Pero sapat nay un para mas makilala ko

Kung ano’ng klaseng tao ka.

Sapat nay un para malaman ko yung puso mo.

Sapat nay un para malaman ko kung gaano kita kamahal.

Nami-miss kita, dad.

Nami-miss kong magkwento.

Nami-miss kong tumawa.




To dad

missing dad so much :'(


Tonight I got a call from my dad telling me he proposed to his sweetheart, as he calls her.  My daddy is getting married!  I'm excited for them.  I really like his fiance, Cathey, and she makes him so happy.  I haven't seen him as happy as he's been dating her in years.  My little sister, who is 15, is not entire thrilled with the situation.  This worries me a little, I hope she's handling everything okay.  She lives with my dad, so I'm not really sure what will happen since my dad lives in Carlsbad and Cathey lives and is a practicing psychologist in Texas. I didn't ask my dad a lot of questions though, I didn't want to ruin his happy moment.  I'm sure things will be worked out and I will be filled in on them in time.  I think my dad getting married has given my mom the itch to start dating again.  I just hope she meets someone genuine.  She's had some bad luck dating since her divorce with my dad.

I've always known my parents weren't going to get back together.  I never held any movie-style hope that they'd some how fix their relationship.  But it's still kind of weird that my dad is getting married. I had a really hard time accepting the first couple of people each of my parents dated, but  I feel much better about it now.  I'm glad neither of them rushed into re-marriage- they've been divorced for almost 5 years now.  I just want all the various parts of my family to be happy.  I hope everything works out so that my dad and Cathey can get married soon so they won't have to be apart anymore, and both can work out whatever needs to be worked out with thier respective jobs.  And I hope my mom can meet a good  man who will love her for who she is, if that's what she wants and is what is meant to be.  Otherwise, I hope she can be happy being single for now.  And I hope my sister can find a way to deal with it all and not become distant from either of my parents, becaue they are both wonderful people that just want the best for their children.  

The One About Not Getting the Jeep
So, I'm back from my monthly hair appointment in Aiken.  My mom picked me up from campus after my only Friday class.  On the way my mom was talking back and forth with my dad and the insurance company (to get the insurance on the Jeep that they are giving me).  The we got home and my dad called to give her the last bit of information she needed for insurance and then told me I had to come there and ask my step-mother for the Jeep.

::Ask?  I have to ask for a raggedy piece of shit that could conk out on me at any minute that you're only giving me because the  oldest "in wedlock" child does't want it?  Ask, when you already promised that I could have a  brand new car when I got a job, but when I got it, deny that you even said that?::

I'm desparate, I suppose,  so I said that I would the next day, because my mom was going to be gone (with the car I'd use to get there) by the time my step-mom got home from drill (her rank is 2nd Lieutenant in the Navy).  So, I went when he told me to 6-7 that night.  As usual, I went to my grandmother's house first...because it has a looped driveway so I won't have to back out into the road, and because, well, to but it blatantly, I love her more and I know she loves me more.  So, I'm not there for a good five minutes when my cousin comes over and says that my dad just left (with his family) to get something to eat.  I decide I'll wait, thinking that they're just going to get something and come back.  Then, while waiting I get a text from my youngest sister telling me that they are at O'Charleys and she invited me to come.  I kindly declined and then went home.  Haven't talked to my dad, who not only left in the time frame that he told me to be there, but left when I got there (he lives right next door to my grandmother and I seriously doubt he missed a big-ass red Explorer). 

So, anyway, I went home.  My brother had my wild little cousin from Williston (ugh, Williston) there so I went into my mom's room to tell her what happened.  My mom, as usual when I tell her something, first supports the other person, then supports me a little, and finally supports me wholly.  I'll elaborate...I walk in and she asks what happened and I tell her.  She then asks first and foremost where I went first.  So I tell her that I went to my grandma's and she goes on to say that I should have went to my Dad's house first because he told me to be there and so on. (supporting the other person) So, I tell her that I didn't do anything wrong and that she wasn't going to make me feel like I did, and walked into my room.  My brother and cousin were playing hide and seek so I gave a little warning before I turned on my bedroom light.  Soon after my mom alerts my cousin that his mom is outside, after that she comes into my room.  "They just want you to beg for that piece of shit.  I know you didn't do anything wrong, I was just letting you know what they were gonna say." (supporting me a little)  A little after that, we all went out to get Chinese food.  On the way back, she said "They just want you to bed for that raggedy shit, they know they're doing you wrong.  He was supposed to have already bought you a new car. I don't know why outside children always get treated wrong...(goes onto talking about her husband not wanting to buy his other son a car, etc)...Don't worry about it...(goes onto saying how she can get a car for me, which is debatable)." (supporting me wholly)

I guess the whole children getting treated bad really gave my mom an itch because she had a little discussion with my great-grandmother about how she treats her uncle (my great-grandmother's son).  I don't have time to tell the whole thing (I've tried typing it twice, it just doesn't relay).

Anyway, I'm home now.  No Jeep, but, oh well, who's to say that's a bad thing.  I missed you all.  Couldn't get online there because my brother broke the broadband!


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