Dad @ MindSay 
mom
Sharing something that means so much to me is something I have always loved. Especially this place that holds so many memories for me. Last night my mom brought out a VCR tape that my dad had converted his old 8mm's onto. After the bingo crap, I came home and watched. There I was ..... 1, 2, 3 ...... 4, 5 6 years old ..... and beyond ..... swimming, fishing, holding my dad's hand walking the road, my grandparents, old Ed, the cabin ...... my cousins, Tommy now no longer with us ..... fresh bread, blackberry pies ..... yes, this is my world. My place of peace. When I die ..... I want my ashes spread there. I never want to leave.
Wow ...... off subject ...... ok ..... I'll need to come back to this later ..... I just sent myself into a tailspin ...... my mind won't focus ...... sorry ..... I'll be back .... and mom is probably hungry.
Peace. J.
Well, here it is 2 weeks ago at this time I was with my family crying, praying and saying good bye to my Dad as he lay dying. It's been a long 2 weeks, and the grieving is not yet complete, but I have a memory that I will carry with me that only my Mom, Dad, a certain doctor and I were part of just a few short weeks before Dad passed away.
Mom and I were visiting Dad, and as is typical, Mom immediately went to Dad's side and held his hand. Dad was having an exceptionally great day, very lucid, talkative, wide awake, and in a fairly good mood as well. One of his doctors (his attending MD) happened to be in with Dad, so he stepped aside for Mom to take Dad's hand, and came and stood next to me at the foot of Dad's bed.
We talked about how it was a good day, that there was not much pain, lab work was all coming back clean, etc, and my Dad all of a sudden asks Dr L "can I ask you a question Doc?". Doctor L says "sure, what is it?"
Well, I can't swear I saw the twinkle in my Dad's eyes as he asked this, but I know it was there. He asked Dr L "you don't happen to be single do you?". How red was I??? I could feel the blush/warmth creeping up my neck to my cheeks and my Mom just started to giggle a little. Dad's eyes were wide, and he knew quite well what he was asking.........there was no confusion there. Dr L smiled a little, took one look at me, and then said to Dad "as a matter of fact, I am single." My Dad's eyes got even wider, he got a smile on his face as he looked from Dr L to me, to Dr L to me, and back again. There was no mistaking Dad's intentions in that moment, all of us knew! We had a chuckle and Dad said to me (in front of Mom and Dr L) "he's a nice guy, I like him!" I then told Dad that I liked Dr L too, that he was indeed a very nice guy, and we all laughed some more.
Dr L then was going to excuse himself to leave and I actually had some real medical questions I wanted to ask him. Since my Dad is somewhat leary of people talking with the doctors outside of his room, I quickly reassured him that Dr L and I were just going to plan where to go on our 1st Date. We all laughed at that, Dr L and I left the room and I talked with him about the medical questions I had about Dad. I did warn him then that my Dad was not likely going to give up, that he would want to see us dating and would do whatever he could to help it along and Dr L smiled and said "I love your Dad, he's a great guy...go ahead and tell him that we'll go out on a date." Now whether or not he really meant it or not, I may never know, but it was comical to see my Dad in the days following tell me on a regular basis that Dr L came in to Dad's room looking for me. It was hard convincing Dad that Dr L was there to see him, not me.
This was the absolute BEST day I had with my Dad over the course of his 6 week hospitalization. Dr L is actually the one who told us that Dad was going to die and that there was nothing that could be done to help him. He gave us a whole lot of privacy and didn't actually come into Dad's room much, and I have not seen him since. He is the doctor who signed the death certificate, and his name will be burned in my memory forever.....whether or not he would have asked me out or not is really beside the point. But what does matter is that he will forever be part of one of the best memories I have of my Dad's last days. He is a good doctor and gave my Dad much respect and attention. I hope that he is that loving and attentive to all of his patients.
My Dad thought you were a nice guy......that's an awesome stamp of approval to have been given!
As I think back over the past 12 days, I have so much crammed into my mind that I would need a virtual file cabinet to keep things straight. From my distraught phone message left for bbmyls2go to the email I sent to close friends telling them I would be off the "internet" radar for a while......I just have more in my head than it's able to hold.
My Father's death has had a profound impact on me and on my entire family. This is my immediate family's very first major tragic event, and while we all can say we were blessed and lucky all these years...well, as we gathered around my Father's hospital bed to pray in his final hours, there was not a one of us who felt blessed or lucky.
He is in a better place now, with no pain, reunited with family he has not been with in a very, very long time, and I am sure there is much rejoicing in his arrival into the kingdom on the other side. For those of you who don't believe, I respect your right to feel that way, however this is what I believe and will hold on to, and it is the way I choose to think of my Father now...with his Mother and Father, his brother who died as a young adult in a car accident, his sisters, and he can smile down on us and watch over us all. The grieving will take time, this we all know, and there will be days of immense sadness! This much I am certain of. But we will also look back at the cherished memories, and even the unpleasant ones and know that all happens the way it does for a reason, and we are not to question why, but to accept God's will and when the time comes we will know the reasons and answers to all of our questions.
I want to thank all who have been here, both online, in spirit, and via phone calls, cards, etc to comfort WS and I, as well as my family. It has once again given proof to me that there are many wonderful people in the world. And I am blessed to know each and every one of you.
For now, my heart has good days and bad, so I may be around, or I may not. But don't worry. Time heals much of the pain of grief, and I will be ok. Today for some reason I find myself feeling a more peaceful feeling than I have since my Father passed away. Perhaps it is the sun shining. Perhaps it is the pewter guardian angel I have in my SUV that he held as he died. Perhaps it is just knowing that I am loved and that things will unfold and be ok in time. I don't know. I'm just going to allow my feelings to come as they wish to and hope that they don't hurt me (or anyone else).
Thank you again all who prayed, all who sent love our way, and all who cared.
It matters...more than a mere Thank you will ever begin to cover.
Feeding this is the stereotype that dads are always "away, earning the bread" while moms play the all-important role of nurturing kids. Thankfully, with changing times, terms like 'stay-at-home-dad', 'gay dad', 'single dad' don't attract puzzled stares that would have been the case just a few decades back.
Why a Dad Site
Dads are as important as moms in the lives of their children. According to research, children with little or no contact with their fathers are more likely to drop out of school and become involved in drug, alcohol abuse, crime, and violence. Even many fathers who are around their children are not emotionally present.
Dads' parenting style is quite different from moms. One is not better than the other. In fact, research has revealed that kids develop more completely when the parenting styles of dads and moms complement each other. It is important to understand that fathers parent differently because dads don't always think like moms.
What most dads need is a single place to discuss parenting issues and experiences with each other and improve their parenting skills. That's where a good dad site comes in. A good parenting website built by and for men can help them become the dads their children desperately need.
Dad Site for the New Age Dad
Clearly, men are from Mars which is why most parenting issues are alien to them. The new age dad is now grappling with new terms like ectopic pregnancy and pregnancy calculator that his forbears would have been careful about discussing in public. Considering this shift in attitude, a dad site needs to cater to common but embarrassing questions such as "is sex during pregnancy bad?" and also provide fathers with information on how to deal with the overwhelming experience of being a father.
As Paul Banas, founder of GreatDad, points out, "Many dads today are more involved in parenting but have limited resources from a man's point of view from which to better understand the challenges of their changing role." It was this thought that led Paul to start the only online parenting resource with a dad's point of view. In fact, GreatDad.com is the only dad site to offer a pregnancy newsletter for fathers.
As a kid living in L.A. I looked forward to our time spent in the rustic rural mountain area of the gold claim. Usually my great aunt and uncle would head up to the claim as soon as the snow allowed entrance and see if the cabin survived the winter. Back in those days it was one of two things that you worried about ...... the Caper family or the Carpenter family that lived in there full time and the bears. The Caper's and the Carpenter's were mountain families for sure. The Carpenter's were related to us. Their survival was based on the gold they found and hunting and breaking in to others cabins. Although it was actually never proven ..... it was accepted as the truth. Not too many others back in them there woods. The bears always caused the most damage ..... you could leave nothing there food wise .... no spices, no canned goods ..... nothing or you would be asking for trouble. Sometimes something as simple as books would be taken ..... and unless the bears were really educated in those days .... well, you know .....
Then my grandparents would head up and spend time with what was my grandmothers sister and her husband. Then the latter would leave and we (my mom, dad and I) would head up for our stay. I was usually allowed to take a friend with me, and I usually did. The cabin was always a welcome sight after a 15 hour drive. No phones, no electricity, no running water, no bathroom. An outhouse down the hill and across the meadow from the cabin. That made for some interesting middle of the night runs for sure.
5:00 am wakeup ..... down to the river to catch a few trout with the sunrise. Back to the cabin for fresh fried trout and fried potatoes ...... fresh picked blackberry pie from the wood stove oven ..... you could smell it forever ..... trips to Cecilville for an ice cream treat. As a kid it took forever to get there ..... as an adult it is just about a 15-20 minute drive. Riding horses with the dudes from the dude ranch down the road as they took their groups into lakes for fishing trips. Always so happy to be able to ride along. Sometimes these trips were 6-7 hours and seeing country I would never have otherwise. Baths in the river ..... the water straight off a glacier and always cold. Baby trout nibbling at your legs. Water snakes swimming past. Washing clothes with a tub washboard and ringer and then hanging on the line. The stiffness of your pants when dry ..... checking shoes for scorpions and anything else left outside on the porch ..... fighting the yellow jackets for your soda pop.
Its not the same anymore but the memories abound. Cabin gone for as long as my dad. We finally took the outhouse down last year as it was barely standing anymore, unused for ages. The thumbtacks from my artwork as a kid (outhouse art) still remained stuck in the boards, the drawings long gone. Mom has not been there since my dad passed away. She said she may be ready to go up now, not to stay the night but just to visit during the day. It will be an emotional journey for her I know, but one she should take, at least I think she should. My dads brother won't go in either ..... he tried once and broke down leaving immediately never to look back.
For me it fills my soul .... no other way to explain it. I'm closest to my dad there, closest to what my spiritual needs are there. It is the one true place where I am at peace completely and totally.
Peace. J.
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