Cuts @ MindSay 
Dixie currently feels:
Suicidal
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Currently playing:
- Pokémon Diamond
Currently listening to:
- My Immortal - Evanescence
- Vermillion Part 2 - Slipknot
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Times cried: Three times
Wounds inflicted: Left arm - 154, Right arm - 61.
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I don't know what the point in blogging today is.
I don't mean anything to anybody anymore.
It's been a week now.
And look what it's done to me.
- 27th May-3rd June -
Dixie currently feels:
Dead
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Blog Poem #2
"Scabs"
Whenever I was hyper active,
Enjoying the way I'm supposed to live,
I'd often remark on pointless things,
And smile on the joy that my randomness brings.
I once often remarked, my brain was gooey,
The sky was bluey, glue sticks were gluey,
My brain was so screwy, my Converse were shoey.
The best thing I ever said though:
"My scabs are chewy."
And that's not a lie.
I'd picked one from my knee and gave it a try.
It was crunchy at first, then soft inside,
The surface was squishy, all the blood had dried.
Scabs are only a barrier, a mask, if you will,
They cover the wounds and they will be clean, until...
Until I rip them off again,
I want to see what's under them.
The wound hasn't fully healed.
It's bleeding now, just like when I:
Drove the cold blades into myself,
Sliced off my flesh and cut out some trenches,
I start the war, I fight the war,
I make my own barracks, eat my own stew.
I raise my own weapon, but not to my enemy.
I raise it to myself, and bring it down fast.
Ah... Relief at last.
I've made this once happy poem into something I shouldn't.
Keeping myself happy, content, I knew that I couldn't.
My scabs are all gone now.
I've scraped them away, pow.
All that's there now are the remains of the mark,
The small red indents where my silver blades park.
Where they dance upon me,
Take their fill of my skin, see?
There's one there, one here, one just near my elbow,
One down in the middle, and this one here... Oh...
...Maybe I shouldn't show that one to you.
Dixie currently feels:
Annoyed
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Alright, according to suggested MindSay tags, "Sundays suck arse".
It's not even Sunday yet, for a start. It's still Saturday - the 24th, exactly four months until I turn 17, and it's also the night of the Eurovision Song Contest.
I was counting the weeks down from well about like, early February. I was more excited than I should have been - because I knew that no Eurovision could top that of 2007 with Verka Serduckha and Hanna Parkiren.
Last year, Ukraine were the best act, and they only finished in 2nd place.
The story was the same this year, Ukraine, best act, 2nd place. - Only barely though, they kept swapping places with Greece.
Shitty block voting.
Not that I'm majorly patriotic, but it's so frustrating to see the United Kingdom finishing in less than 20th position every single year.
Why?
Because we're a lone island, with only Ireland next to us to provide us with points.
Each little "block", shall we say, of countries, will always vote for one another.
Example: Iceland and Denmark - gave each other 12 points.
Not that the UK are ever decent - but they were far better than sodding Israel and Sweden.
Last year, Adam and I were a bit annoyed at seeing the dyke from Serbia take the victory, because their song was the worst ever - but they got to open it this year, and it was just awesome.
So typical, the opening act that wouldn't be counted for voting was one of the best performances of the programme.
Latvia were awesome this year - every time I've seen them before, they've not been great.
Either way, for a few brief little moments, I started on my 15 minutes of laughter at a phrase.
"Oh I hate ugly trannies!"
"I can't stand frizz!"
"What the fuck's he doing!?"
And by the end, I was asking what the fuck the ugly trannies with frizz were doing. :)
Regardless, I feel my night's been a bit of a waste.
Because I've been feeling so fucking depressed and worried, things are playing on my mind.
Isn't that typical.
Dixie currently feels:
Vomitous
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So, once again I've been straying away from my blog. Miraan told me today "Every time you don't blog, it's like destroying your life."
And it's true, blogging makes me feel better.
Adam once told me that people who blog feel better about themselves - according to some study he read.
Even so, I think it applies to me too.
So, over the last week and a bit, I've been having my first few GCSEs.
So far, I've done my Science unit 4 today, Maths unit 4, non-calculator and my English Literature.
They were all alright - but the Science one today was quite difficult.
Maths was a piece of piss, which was PROPER unexpected.
English Literature, well, I think I did alright on that, but I felt rushed. You only get like an hour and forty-five minutes to write two essays.
Now it's Whit Week - so we've got a week's break, then we go back to three weeks of exams.
I still have my Geography to go, and my 2 and a half hour Media Studies exam.
I've wrote myself somewhat of a mini-timetable of all these things I'm going attempt to do to keep myself occupied.
Though, I feel I've given up on writing.
Thus, I ended up in a really downward spiral last night, and I did a lot of lashing at myself.
And they were quite bad - I was slightly worried, because I'm not a fan of blood.
But regardless.
Today we had an unnofficial 'last day', though it's not actually our last day because we don't get study leave.
So we just spent the day signing shirts, leaver's books and taking photos.
The last lesson, we had like a gathering thing.
The whole of year 11 was in there, and we got our tutor group photos taken and our Record of Achievement files given out.
Then I got Mrs Mac, the librarian to sign my book, and a ton of random friends to sign my shirt.
Then my old English teacher, who went off on maternity leave when I was in year 10 - she came back, and she seemed really pleased to see me.
Adam randomly turned up last night.
He was coming tomorrow anyway, so we could watch Eurovision 2008.
So he's stopping over two nights in a row.
We've got nothing to do.
He's just turned on Resident Evil 3: Nemesis.
Our token scary game. :)
I voted Nemesis himself as the 2nd best video game villian.
He's also so sexy. :)
Despite being male, I like him. :)
I just want to hug him, and get all covered in rotting flesh and mucous and stuff. Tee hee.
But then, I'm weird like that, aren't I. :)
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