Crystal @ MindSay

I purchased a ring for myself yesterday.  I painted my nails ruby red.  I gave myself a bit of romance, sorely needed.  It may seem corny, but since no one's lining up to give me a ring any time soon, I did it for myself and secretly dreamed (well, not secretly anymore) of being in love.  So lately my romantic, hopeful, dreaming inner princess has been active.  I hope she sticks around for awhile.  I need to nurture that side of me in order to stay happy. 

I meant to wear it on my left pinkie finger, but it kept sliding off.  When I tried it on my other fingers, only the left ring finger worked best.  Originally I wore my black onyx ring on that finger.  I wore the onyx to ward off depression and to get rid of the bad residue of old relationships.  The new ring is a purple lead crystal off set with twin cubic zirconia cubes.  The metal is 14kt white gold.  I got the ring on sale for only $13.  Normally I wear jewelery that is natural or unique in some Bohemian way, but this little sparkler captured my heart, the price was right, and it makes me feel good about myself.  In the last picture above is my right hand now bejewelled with the onyx on the right fore finger.  You'll also notice I love snakes, especially snakes in silver, curving patterns.

I usually take off my jewelery when I go to sleep, but last night I wore the new ring and programmed my mind to fall asleep dreaming about being in love.  I didn't envision any one person, yet there's this feeling inside, just a little slight feeling, that maybe, just maybe a change in relationships is ahead of me.  It's that little hope I'm clinging to.  A little hope of togetherness keeping me from being lonely today while I am alone.  Perhaps there's a little magic in this lead crystal sparkling at me as I type these words.  I notice in the photos that the crystal looks more blue than purple on the screen.  If you could see it on me in person, you'd see just how richly purple it is. 

I think it's good to buy yourself a present every now and then.  I look at the purple crystal and I feel like someone loves me and I'm open to that love.  Normally I'm really sour inside, locked up inside and unable to always recieve or detect love.  Maybe sometimes all I need is a little sparkly thing to capture a "patch of sunshine" and hold onto it so I don't stay behind closed doors, weeping to myself. 

Instead, today I'm alone in this way:  ALL + ONE = ALONE.

It may seem silly, or strange, but this is why I like working with gem stones -- even the man made ones have a bit of energy to them I can use to better my outlook on life.  Adorning myself with costume jewelery also adds a bit of romance...  When I'm bejeweled, I feel like royalty, like a woman cherished, and even if I may end up an old maid decked with gaudy brooches and rings and things, at least I'll SPARKLE!

I am a recoverying meth addict.  And let me tell you recovery is not easy!!  Meth and it's nightmare are real!  It's sad but very true.  I remember tripping so hard that I would hide behind pillars in the yard with a BB gun ready to shot my sons father when he came around the corner.  Mind you it would be about two or three in the morning.  I would always think I had a flat tire or that some one was following me especially if at any time soon I was about to go buy stuff to make meth with. Or if I was about to go be the watch out for my boyfriend while he made meth.

It was a nightmare.  I still get paranoid to this day just not about me getting locked up "Praise God"!  There is freedom in recovery!! So much freedom.  I don't have to freak out when I see a cop or a unmarked car.  I don't have to fear being caught with pills (for making dope) on me.  Or that my boyfriend is gonna bet the crap out of me because of some stupid thought that got implanted into his head from staying up two or three nights in a row and smoking dope! 

Has anyone been there?  Does anyone appricate there sober time or being sober??

36 Days after recieving her new heart, Crystal gave up the fight.  Her body was just too sick and she couldn't get well.  She had a major stroke this morning and was declared brain dead.  Her parents made the decision to discontinue life support systems, and Crystal died shortly after noon.  She was held after she died by her mommy.  She hadn't been held is 27 days.  We are looking forward to the day when we shall see her in heaven, in her perfect, healthy body.

Hug your children and your babies.  You never know how long there are with you.

36 Days after recieving her new heart, Crystal gave up the fight.  Her body was just too sick and she couldn't get well.  She had a major stroke this morning and was declared brain dead.  Her parents made the decision to discontinue life support systems, and Crystal died shortly after noon.  She was held after she died by her mommy.  She hadn't been held is 27 days.  We are looking forward to the day when we shall see her in heaven, in her perfect, healthy body.

Hug your children and your babies.  You never know how long there are with you.

The latest update is very encouraging, after yesterdays downer.  you can kind of tell when the parents are feeling very discouraged.  I still can't imagine being in their shoes.  We are going tomorrow to see Crystal and family.  My Joey (born on the same day as Crystal and her twin Charity)  really wants to see her, so we will take him to look in the window at her.  My husband is going as well, because we know that it will be tramatic, but, it seems to be important to him.  We want to be ready for any reaction that he has.   I have to admit that I am curious about the Berlin heart, which is an external heart device. 

My mom is starting to crack under the stress of this situation.  34 years ago on Dec 18, my mom gave birth to a little boy with the same heart defect that Crystal was born with.  That long ago, it was undetected until he died at 1 week old. He died on Christmas day.  Its' starting to get too too close to Christmas for her, and she said tonight that she doesn't think she could take it if they manage to keep Crystal alive, only to have her die on Christmas too.