Crush @ MindSay

i got to be with the guy of my dreams.

be with, as in i was his and he was mine and we were eachothers

beautifulbeautiful

i could love that guy

the best parts were when we weren't that physically intimate

he would just squeeze me tight, like he never wanted to let go

he would push my hair out of my eyes, kiss me on the forehead

he'd hold my hand and play with my fingers

he'd tell me how he likes holding me close, how he it when i smile

(and i'd smile anytime we'd make eye contact)

i still have butterflies!

so this morning i woke up

and in my half-sleep a thought hit me

"i'm about to lose my virginity"

well, i didn't

idk if i'm happy to be able to say that or not

because, now, if i could have anyone

wanna guess who it is i'd want?

and as close as we got, physically

(and we did get pretty damn close)

he never once tried to pressure me into it

he didn't act like he cared, either way

he just wanted to kiss me and be with me

and he is a fantastic kisser

i don't think i've ever had so much outright fun kissing

i mean, i (almost) always enjoyed it before,

but he'd make me laugh out loud!

he's fun and sweet and sexy and amazing

and i think i'm doing exactly what jason warned me not to

as in falling for him

but you know what? so what.

i can fall for someone who lives across the country

at least i'm happy

i mean, i got the guy! the guy!

when he leaves, i'll probably be sad

but i'm a very out of sight, out of mine kind of person

i'll have the memory still

at least i'm almost positive jason was wrong

about the whole he was only looking for an easy lay

because we didn't, we were just, together

i'd give almost anything for him to stay, though.

it was the kind of together i've always wanted

wow. my heart is still racing.

but maybe it's better this way, though

i can't get hurt hurt

we both knew it'd be like this

it's not like we're attached

 

i'm so insanely glad he didn't pass up the chance though

highlight of my summer.

 

 

hehehe ahh i'm super woo and stuff!

okokok, so back in first semester there was a guy i super duper liked in my biology class

he was funny and waaay cute, and better yet, smart! like actually competitively smart

he'd flirt a little, but that's how he is with most girls and anyway he had been dating this girl since like 8th grade

so he was out of my league and stuff, but omg did a have the hugest crush on him

and then he moved, and bio wasn't half as fun

but then a few days ago i saw him at my youth group! and the butterflies hit me.

his hair was longer, which didn't look as good, but he was still the same guy

i didn't talk to him much, he was hanging with people i'm not good friends with, and my worst ex was there too

probably spreading shit about me, oh well.

but he said hey and that he missed me in his bio class and stuff

then this morning i get a text saying hey

and i'm like hey? and he says it trevor. and i think it's my cousin so i get super confused then i'm like ooh!

and i ask and he says he got my number from smallwood and that he wanted to talk to me

so we talk for a bit and he asked if i liked him, and i figured it'd be stupid to lie so i said yes

and he said he likes me too!!!

ahh!!!

major butterflies!!!

but the downside is he's only here for a week. we're totally gonna hang out though!

idk what we're gonna do, i mean i know what i want to do, lol, but i'm sure we'll have fun

haven't decided how much of what kind of fun, but i know i sure can't wait to see him

Living on my own this last week has been quite an adventure. I know, I know. It’s only a week. But it’s amazing the difference a week can make. My mom and I are getting along like civil human beings for the first time in ages. I’m finding that yeah, I can do it myself. My kitchen is spotless, my clothes are clean. My animals get fed, my bed might not get made, but it’s still sleep-inable. I can’t believe it’s only been a week. It feels like ages. I’ve spent a good part of almost every day so far with Nick. In fact, the only day I didn’t see him at all was the day we left for San Francisco. But I talked to him for most of the day. And I might not see him today, but seeing as he knows when I work and that I had no plans, I don’t think it’s likely. It’s just really nice. Doesn’t everyone say so? But it is. Not that this is particularly important on a surface level, but my friends (my roommate, no less) love him and totally 100% approve. And on that note, he doesn’t mind hanging out with my friends or me hanging out with his friends. Of course, it’s not any more or less awkward when it’s just us. It’s really nice. And he’s absolutely adorable. He finds excuses to touch me at work, but not in a sleazy way at all. It’s stuff like ruffling my hair when I take off my visor or letting his hand linger a little bit when we both work the pour station. And saying goodbye takes hours. He’s such a sweetheart. I’m so glad I (god, I sicken myself) found him.
I promise, I’ll find something more cynical to talk about next post. I hate how mushy I sound. Is this how happy people sound when they think? Ugh, shoot me! I sound like a teenage romance novel. However, I still am a teenager. I suppose I get leave to be a little childish.
The ironic part is while I sound so incredibly sappy in these posts, it’s not sappy at all. A lot of our time is spent engrossed in really deep conversation or really random talks about what we do and don’t like about a particular subject. Or stargazing. In the most cliché sense, we stargaze. We find constellations, make up our own, and point them out to each other. But I love it.
Anyway, now that I’ve gushed for too long, Happy Independence Day! Just remember, this is the celebration of the day we declared independence from Britain and tyranny, not the day we achieved it. Not sure if we have yet, come to think of it. Anyway, food for thought.

Fuck it. I’m totally just going to smoke. There’s no point denying it, especially with the people I hang out with. Okay, really only Nick. But Nick is kind of a big part of my life right now. I only smoke once or twice when we hang out, and he kind of gets that I don’t smoke in front of Natalie, without me even saying anything. He just gets it. I don’t know. He’s just wonderful. Why does he have to be wonderful? I’ve always hated those dumb girls who say stuff like that, but I’m totally there. He’s not presumptuous or anything. He walked a good 3+ miles with me, and from what I could tell, he enjoyed just walking and talking with me. He’s been very conscious of my unspoken rule of no contact and is only pushing it a little, and that little is way less than I would let him get away with. I have a weird thing about being touched. Until I know you fairly well and thus trust you, you don’t get to touch me. You just don’t. I love hugs, I love being touched, but I have to trust you a lot. He’s only just now started asking for hugs. He holds me close for a little longer than necessary but not longer than propriety or my hackles dictate against, lets go, smiles, and thanks me for spending time with him. I play it cool, thank him for spending time with me, and walk him to the door.
The sad truth? I’m thanking him a million times over for even thinking about me. I’m a total head case. I analyze everything in minute detail, both as it happens and in my alone time. And while I would totally LOVE for things to jump right to the steamy romance thing, I love things the way they are. I know a lot of people say this, but if it just stayed this way forever, I wouldn’t feel any loss. I’d still long for more (I’ll be honest—he’s a MAJOR catch), but if that’s not what he wants, I won’t ask for more. And that’s all I’ll say on the matter. For now. :)
Wow. I definitely veered WAY off-topic. Smoking. Yeah, I know. It causes cancer. It rots your teeth. I know all the effects of smoking, I know. Most of my family is either in the medical field or suffering because of their nasty habit. I get it. It’s bad for you. Ugh! And I hate it. I hate smoking with a passion. But I hate it in the sense that I obsess over it. I deny myself until I get pushed just a little too hard. And I’ve discovered that giving in to the craving makes the craving much less potent. I know, that’s called appeasing the nicotine fiend. But my cravings right now are MUCH less strong than they were last week when I flat-out refused to smoke. Last week, just the smell of someone who had smoked in the last few hours was enough to set off my cravings. Right now, I’m surrounded by smokers, and I’m wearing clothes that smell like cigarettes, but I’m not craving even in the least bit. So I’ve decided that smoking is my vice. I don’t smoke enough that it interferes with my life. I don’t even smoke every day. But self-denial feels way more destructive than allowing myself a dirty little habit every now and again.

Meet people!!

So have you checked out Crush or Flush?
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Crush or Flush is a fun, safe, and easy way to meet people, chat, and stay in contact with friends using your cell phone or your computer. Getting started is a no-brainer. First, upload your face pic, add a description, and create some tags that describe who you are (ex. computer freak, being awesome, or kung fu master). Get creative, express yourself. Second, tell if you are looking for a woman, a man. That’s it, you’re profile is done and you can start Crushin’ and Flushin’ people.

You browse people by gender, age, location, and interests (tags). If you find someone you like ‘crush’ them. If not, ‘flush’ them. Don’t worry… they’ll never know you flushed them so no hard feelings. If you Crush someone and they Crush you back… that’s called a Mutual Crush. You’ll both get a text message letting you know that you both like each other. You can then text chat without giving up any of your personal info. Later on, if you want to exchange digits on your own, that’s your deal. Ball’s always in your court.

Best of all its free................well that is if you have a lot of text messages left.
Your privacy is in your control.
Go on Meet People!