Creativity @ MindSay

There is an old house.  The house belongs to a dying family.  Many houses out live their families.  The house doesn't want to be alone.  A strange young man (the last surviving member of an aristocratic French family) comes to inherit or abandon the house, he's not yet sure he wants it.  The man comes to the house with a girl.  The girl loves him and he doesn't know what to do about it because he can't love her back.  She calls herself his best friend.  He doesn't know what that's supposed to mean.  But no matter.  The house loves them both and won't let them leave. 

 

No matter where They go now, They are Home.

 

Lots of things go into houses.  A story is like a house.  Some houses have many stories.  And some stories never leave me alone, no matter how lazy I am at writing or no matter how many other things I end up drawing, I always come back to "the house in my head" and never leave.  As I've been going through all my artwork in storage, looking for pieces and characters to revive, I'm drawn to the following two illustrations.

 

Spring 1991:  I photocopied antique photographs of Old Milwaukee houses and collaged them with scribbly drawings.  It was an image originally done for a forgotten class assignment.  Whenever I see an old house, I automatically start thinking about the stories of the people who must've lived there -- I don't think this way whenever I see new houses because new places feel empty, generic, or unfinished to me.  They don't make houses like they used to, you know.  And so many, SO many are gone.  But what if an ancient house (not just an antique one) still exists somewhere tucked out in the woods on top of an equally ancient place (not just some old Indian burial ground).  I'm not just talking about a haunted house, either.  In fact, at the time I did the following collage, I wasn't exactly sure what was happening...  I let the images speak to me.  My hand in drawing scribbles on them was a way for me to "feel" out what was going on.  I was attempting to draw out, not draw in, what I was seeing...

 

I never quite forget anything I've written or drawn.  I say "never quite" because there are times when I do forget, but not all the way.  There's always something in the paper to remind me of where I've been that hints at where I am going.  I've got stories in the back of my mind all the time.  What I love most is to create characters.  Usually characters are created before I even actually finish a story.  Sometimes it's the places I create that come before the characters.  I'll get inspired by someplace I've visited or dreamt about and the story just starts to "people" itself.  I think this is why I spend so much time alone...  I need solitude to let these little worlds in me develop.

As I go through my old work, I begin to really see what genre I belong to.  I really believe my place in fiction is "horror fantasy" or Occult Horror -- what is the difference?  Does it really matter?  What I want to do is create something I wish was being produced by someone else, but isn't.  I would like to see more gothic horror, a return to the old world class and style, I want to see more monsters in capes, I want a bit of film noir back in scary movies...

 

This is Alexandre and Dorathea.

Winter 1992:  These were the very first drawings, in paint, that I've ever done of them.  I used to do a lot of painting on fabric.  I'd tye dye the canvas first, then select inks to paint with, then paint over the ink with big dollops of arcylic color.  With this painted character sketch, I also chose to use flakes of actual silver (sort of like gold flake, but silver, get it?) and crush them into the wet fabric to creat this sort of glitter-saturated look.  Click on the above image to see it full size.  The following two images are close ups of each character.  This should show you the amount of detail I really put in each face.

Alexandre is no longer a brunette, but every drawing I've done of him reveals to me that he has a long European nose, a flash of pale eyes hidden under shadow, and in every picture he stares out as if really looking deeply into those who see him.  In reality he just looks through other people, never really seeing them.  The white inked "rays" of light coming out of his right eye indicate that he has some kind of hidden insight into things but he doesn't always know how to "tap" into this consciously.  He's a moody bastard, too.  His lover, an older, more sophsicated man with a wife and children, has broken up with him to return to his family.  This makes Alexandre take a step back.  Will he ever have true love or will he just be a boy toy forever?  Not that he's a slut.  He's got a lot of heart, but he's so full of the "dark side" right now, he may just refuse to save himself from it.

 

Summer 2008:  This is how Alexandre has evolved over a 17 year period.  I'm now closer to knowing who he is now.  He's pale, almost an albino, his lips are passionate and full... but he's still not quite "there" yet.

 

Then there's Dorathea.  Alexandre's spontaneous, spunky, affectionate and very fashion-conscious straight girlfriend.  He knows she's totally in love with him and there's nothing he can do about it.  She may self destruct all over him, or she may find a kind of strange happiness in darkness like he has... 

Dorathea's hair is always changing.  When worn long, it's a mass of curls and confusion.  Usually she cuts it short or irons it completely straight.  In this painting, she is a cloud of shadow.  Her eyes are deep set, lips in a constant pout, and she paints her face gothic white.  This sometimes gives her the appearance of a clown.  Her skin is actually much more almond tan, revealing her Middle Eastern ethnicity.  She's not that confident, but puts on an air of authority. 

Dorathea is emerging nicely as well.  I don't know her as well as Alexandre, but she's getting "there" and I just keep re-drawing her until she looks completely right.

 

I'm happy to introduce you to my characters.  I'll update you as the story develops more.

Ever feel like making a blog entry, but have no ideas to write about?  I find I feel that way quite often.  I enjoy sitting down and putting my thoughts into words, I just never feel like I have any thoughts worth writing about.  Do I just not think about things deeply enough?  Do I  not realize when I'm thinking about something I want to write about?

 

This brings me to another point, something I've believed for a few years now.  First of all, don't get me wrong, I like my career field, I liked going to an engineering school.  But, I think technical schools and programs limit creativity.  I used to love creative writing.  At times, I have looked back at papers I wrote in high school, and I actually have a difficult time believing that the words on the page came from me.  I went to college for civil engineering - a world of variables and equations, where everything is looked at in terms of which formula to use to reach the desired outcome.

 

I have tried to write, just for the fun of it, a few times since college, and it seems my vocabulary and my ability to convey my thoughts eloquently has practically disappeared.  Maybe it's like anything else, a foreign language for example.  If you don't use it, you lose it.  But I also feel that the problem solving techniques used in such math-based fields can really have a stifling affect on creativity, and that saddens me.  I'd love to be able to write the way I used to.  I just don't have any ideas.

Ok so I haven't posted anything since January. What can I say, lots of things going on... but unfortunately not very much on the creative/artistic aspect of myself... which is the purpose of this blog... thought about deleting it because I haven't had much to report and... well... because no one really goes on this page but google... lol. But then I figured I might as well just keep it even if only for myself...

Anyways... I did some more knitting and crocheting.  Finally finished my friend's baby blanket...


and I made a new scarf for Meli (she lost the first one).


still working on Mari's bag... well actually, my mom's helping me put it together. All the crocheting is done, just need to assemble it and decorate it now.

Are you searching for something exciting and new?
Do you firmly believe it's there waiting for you?
When you sit and you ponder the "how" of it all,
Does it sometimes appear you're to answer a call?

 

>>A call?  Like a phone?  Are you nuts?  That's bizarre!
>>Yet it feels very much like it's not very far...
>>...like perhaps I'm just missing that one little piece,
>>That elusive detail, almost mocking, a tease.

 

You're creative; You know it.  Your life so attests.
But you cannot quite grasp that ultimate quest.
It's direction you seek, something firm, something true.
How will you know when you've clutched the right cue?

 

>>How will I know?  By the way that it feels.
>>When no longer is there a nag at my heels.
>>A calmness will come, bringing with it a rush,
>>A settling excitement, like a hug, then a push.

 

You know how to detect it.  You'll welcome the truth.
And you've known where to find it, e'er since your youth.
We're each one a creator, born with that gift.
The direction for none of us wanders adrift.

 

>>When I search from the inside, in quiet repose,
>>I learn secrets it seems that nobody else knows.
>>Why is it so easy to fall out of touch
>>With that innermost guidance that gives me so much?

 

And so you've recalled from whence it all comes --

Creative direction in all of its sums.

Nurture it, grow from it, bring from within

The wonderful wisdom...let vision begin!

I've been so busy building up my Facebook Page and creating Zazzle goodies I really haven't been here much.

 

Plus the healing of my thumb and dealing with the company I work for & the government has been a drawn out process! It's okay, I don't mind... spring's warmer temps are coming so it's much easier to be patient, it seems!

 

On this slow and steady track I've found some interesting consequences and I'm not sure but I think they may become real positive aspects in my experience. We still haven't crossed that threshold of whether the company will even keep me on, apparently they aren't oblligated because the injury occurred before I'd been employed for over a year! Technicality, yes, but I guess there have to be limitations! By the middle of the month I may know more regarding this issue, that's when the "Back to Work" Coordinator will come in to assess my current work and help the company design my work activities to avoid further injury.  How they comply and how they react to these strict limitations will speak volumes!

 

Surgery will follow sometime this spring and then we'll see what bridges we'll want to cross after that! Again the company may choose not to keep me on. It's been determined that I have a propensity toward this type of injury - and ultimately even typing for a living could cause a similar problem so it will be interesting to see where my company and or the government agency that helps injured workers thinks I should go in terms of a career for the next 15 years of my work life!

 

And the interesting aspect that has me curious - learning to be more left handed! This has some implications - I believe this can be an opportunity to expand my creativity. By playing with that whole right brain vs. left brain theory I'm normally right handed, and I already am a creative person so here I go into a situation where by being more left handed I can stimulate right brain activity and boost my creativity tenfold!

 

In LightWorker circles people are discussing the coming together of right and left brain energies. There is a current of belief suggesting humans are rewiring their circuits and reconnecting the brain halves, learning to work in a synergystic way with their higher selves, their spiritual selves. I get the impression this challenge I'm experiencing with my right hand/left hand issues is almost like a symbolic representation of something I'm already doing naturally anyway, if this synergy boost is true!

 

Time will tell the tale for now! And for now I still get to enjoy having a few snippets of time each day to update my blogs, play with my photos and artwork and revel in the fresh new energies spring is rushing forth! The longer I get to appreciate this aspect of my experience the happier I am!

 

Note: Our Enchanted Garden is currently down but will hopefully be up and running again before things start growing for another season! I'm looking to set up my own server to host the site and should get things in order fairly soon!