Crazy Love @ MindSay

I've been watching really sappy chick flicks recently and idk what provoked me to do this but i decided to watch brokeback mountain. (i think it had something to do with the fact that my grandma thought it was "squirmy" and i didn't get what she was talking about completely) And it is a pretty great film. I know it's an oldish movie and that people were hating on it and if you've seen it you'll probably get why but i think it takes an extremely strong person to be gay and to accept that you're falling for a member of the same sex must be crazy scary. i mean in our society that's "against human nature" (pshh err). Imagine yourself in the position that those guys from brokeback mountain were in... (i don't care if the storys not real or whatever)... that's 2 straight men "falling in love" and acknowledging that there's no way out of it and that they'll always be in love. Think of how much they would have to love each other. I'm a straight 14 year old female and i have yet to meet that special someone so I've never been in love. (I've loved plenty of people but I've never been in love) But i cannot imagine loving someone that much and then going against all you've ever learned to be with that person i think it's crazy. I hope someday i can meet someone that loves me as much as those guys love each other (i think I'd like a guy though... no girls for me.) This is written really badly i just went back and read it and it really has no point but my heart literally hurts from that movie. It's better then the titanic for me because when you see titanic they were on that boat for 2 days and then boom they were in love. These brokeback mountain guys were out in the middle of nowhere for 2 to 5 months or however long it was maybe I'm completely wrong but then they didn't see each other for 4 years and after 4 years they still love each other... i don't know it's just crazy. Also i love love love the casting in that movie i love all the wispering that only real nerds like me can catch... (when ennis sighs into jacks shirt near the end and when ennis goes into the tents (their first kiss) if you're a big brokeback mountain nerd and haven't caught that go watch it turn it up real loud i think it's real cute!) i don't know there's no point to this i just wanted to talk aboutthis to some..thing... so anyway i'm going to bed.

that's what he is

well...

maybe not his past

but this is the present

and he's going to be even better in the future

 

he calls me his baby girl

and all is right in the world

 

his sense of humor is hysterical

we laugh together constantly

i love his laughter

 

you know what i want to do?

i know it's absolutely crazy to even think this far

but i want to go to UNLV,

with him

he said he'd wait for me

and i believe him

and i don't want him to wait, interrupt his life

but i think he would, for me

 

maybe i'm thinking too deep

he could move back to vegas

in a month or two

and fall in love with megan

and realize that he can do so much better than me

 

ok... here's a secret

i am an insanely jealous girlfriend

but i'm a good actress

 

i can't stop thinking about him

i want to be with him

when i'm not talking to him,

i miss him so much

 

it scares me.

 

now this is an even bigger secret:

if something were to happen right now

like if he broke up with me,

i think i'd probably be heartbroken

 

do you know how crazy that is?

i haven't cared about a guy this much

since, well, hmm... let me see

probably buttke.

and i fell for him over a course of about 4-5 years

i've been with jon 10 days

and i love him more

 

i've never been so afraid of losing a guy

he means the world to me

 

he's seriously got my 'dream guy' beat

i thought it was a lot, hoping for a sweet, funny, flirty, deep guy

but athletic and generous?

great with animals and little kids?

a family oriented guy?

...not to mention how well-built and good looking he is.

 

and i can't be sure yet

but i think he might really love me

...not in the obsessive way

but in the real way

 

i love the way his voice changes

he tells me he loves me

and it goes all warm

soft, and sincere

 

out of everything he says

every compliment, every secret

these 5 words are what get me

they melt my heart and just everything gets swimmy

my face heats up and i just can't stop smiling

those 5 words, they make me love him more every time

every single time

 

"baby girl... i love you'

talking to you till midnight

butterflies all the while

and every time i talk to you

i can't drop my smile

 

rollercoaster rushing

i just can't stop blusing

 

my heart speeds up

the world slows down

you always turn

my day around

 

...fuck this shit!

i'll just write what i feel

 

i'm crazy about him

crazy, like stay up past curfew

call him in vegas

think about him constantly crazy

yeah. that kind.

 

"i miss you"

he says those words with such sincerety, such sadness

and my heart melts

over and over again

i don't know when it finds time to unmelt

 

but its not just that kinda stuff!

like gushy and stuff

we laugh sooo much

i've never smiled as much as i do on the phone with him

he makes me blush so much, too

 

its the little compliments that get me

when he says i have pretty eyes

or talks about how i make him nervous

about how i give him butterflies

about how this is how he thinks love should feel

about how no one else has made him feel this way

 

there i go... warming up and spacing off again

lol

ah well

i just hope he calls me soon!

i miss him.

loads.

 

Crazy, I'm crazy for feelin' so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feelin' so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday, you'd leave me for somebody new

 

Worry, why do I let myself worry
Wonderin', what in the world did I do.

 

Oh crazy, for thinkin that my love could hold you,
I'm crazy for tryin and crazy for cryin,
And I'm crazy for lovin you

Crazy, for thinkin that my love could hold you,
I'm crazy for tryin and crazy for cryin,
And I'm crazy for lovin you.

 

***ok, so we all know who this is geared towards (well at least out of my regular readers).  It seems only fitting that my 100th blog be a blog letting go of something that has been the focal point of many of these.  Here I am turning over a new leaf, or tearing right through it :-).  I am done feeling crazy, done wondering, and done loving that specific someone.  Well, we all know love doesn't fly away that quickly but this is an active step in letting go and not allowing myself to ruminate over things that happened in the past. 

 

Geoff: since you have successfully avoided any face to face communication, when all I wanted to do was ask you why we stopped talking in the first place (because if I remember correctly you were the one accusing me of things you heard from Katy-cause she’s a reliable source *sketchy face*).  I want to wish you happiness in your new relationship.  I have strong memories of you wanting to date her for a really long time.  I’m glad it finally worked out for you. 

 

Becca: if you ever read this, know that even though we have not always seen eye to eye, or for that matter had opposing positions in certain things that happened in high school, I was never mad at you for any of it even though people claimed I was.  I was madder at my own decisions.  (ok, so that doesn’t really matter at all because I’m sure you are doing just fine without my two sense worth, I just want to get this off my chest)  I hope you and Geoff are happy together and let this be a record that I am not going to be a crazy ex-girlfriend trying to get him back.  He is all yours, so be good to one another.

 

This concludes blog number 100.  I am slowly falling out of love, even though I was "in" love with this person what seems to be forever ago.  I am also learning to love again, and am exceedingly happy with where life is leading!  Isn’t life glorious?  It is amazing how wonderful one can feel when you simply walk around with a smile on your face!  I hope you all find the love in your life, whether it is from family, friends, pets, or that special someone.  And "May God bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you and be gracious, may He always be with you and grant you PEACE!"  (And all God's people said, "Ameeeen" and the devil said, "Bummer, dude" and the holy spirit said, *heavy breathing noise*) ****

 

Oh, I like him so much.....he is so hot.....I am crazy in love with him.....my babe Rodriguez!!!!!